Whether you or your loved one wants to separate, this experience is always painful. Rising from adversity is not easy for people who have just broken up. Although the process is quite lengthy, you can forget about the bitter experience and get rid of your sadness faster by applying the following instructions.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Present a clear decision
Step 1. Don't interact with him again
The lack of clarity when disconnecting makes both parties feel anxious and confused. So make it clear that you don't want to see him again.
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If you are the one who wants to separate, make a firm decision so that there is no confusion about the status of the two of you.
- Don't use ambiguous sentences, for example, "I don't think we're compatible." or "I doubt that my decision was wrong."
- Present the decision clearly. If he's still confused, you don't need to explain if you say, "We broke up."
Step 2. Try not to run into him
Shared friends, common interests, the same workplace or study can cause the two of you to bump into each other. Avoid this by rescheduling your daily routine, asking friends for support, and doing status updates on social media.
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Provide up-to-date information about you through your Facebook account. Change relationship status and unfriend ex-lover. In addition, delete the photo of the two of you uploaded or unmark the photo shared by friends who tagged you.
- If your friends support the breakup, ask them to unfriend your ex on Facebook.
- If they want to continue their friendship with them, don't open their social media accounts so you don't see posts or photos of their ex.
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Change daily routine. You will still see him because you have to go to work or attend college. You want to go to your favorite coffee shop, but don't want to meet him. So, use creativity to put together a schedule.
- Wait until class is about to start, then go to class 1-2 minutes earlier so you don't have time to chat with him.
- If you're both coworkers, bring coffee from home and have a snack at your desk so you don't see each other in the kitchen or in the dining room. If you have to walk in front of his desk when you need to go to the toilet, find out where the restroom is somewhere else. If you don't want to see him at the photocopying shop, save the paperwork until he gets home or ask a supportive coworker to help you.
- If you often come together to the laundry, cafe, library, or other location, choose a different day or time than usual so you don't see him.
Step 3. Do fun activities to maintain mental health
The success of avoiding your ex-boyfriend will be in vain if you continue to remember the fights and good memories with him. Try to divert your mind by doing new activities so that you don't regret what has passed.
- Develop a new hobby. If you've always had a desire to learn belly dance or photography, this is the perfect time to start a new activity that keeps your mind active while having fun and developing new skills.
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Be a volunteer. Look for information about opportunities to volunteer through the website. Join a religious community or campus to help victims of natural disasters, the homeless, or orphans.
In addition to helping others, this step makes you selfless and activates brain functions that make you feel valuable. Research shows that people who behave altruistically (willing to help others without expecting anything in return or without regard for their own interests) are more attractive and are more likely to find love. So, this activity is beneficial for both parties
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Throw away any souvenirs and gifts that were kept while you two were in a relationship. If you still want to keep them, put souvenirs and gifts in boxes, then place them in the warehouse. Delete photos and messages that are still on your phone and laptop or move them to a flash drive.
- If he ever emails you, delete them all. If you want to keep some emails as documentation, create a new folder, then move the emails into a folder for later reading.
- If there's a piece of jewelry that might be of great value to her, ask her if she'd like to keep it. If the answer is no, decide for yourself which is best.
Method 2 of 3: Deal with sadness
Step 1. Understand the theory of stages of grief
Regardless of how long the two of you have been in a relationship, separation causes loss and loss triggers grief. Everyone copes with grief in different ways, but the process involves some of the same aspects.
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The "5 Stages of Grief" theory, created by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969, is a universal guide to explaining the stages through which a person experiences sadness or grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
- While you are recovering, you may not necessarily go through all of these stages and the order may be different. After all, you understand that the feelings you are experiencing right now are normal and you already know what might happen.
- Depending on the reason behind the breakup, you may feel sad, lonely, disappointed, anxious, guilty, worried, or experiencing other negative emotions.
- In addition, you may experience some of the common symptoms that occur as a physical response to the grief of a broken heart, such as headaches, nausea, insomnia, loss of appetite, weight gain, aches or pains, and fatigue.
Step 2. Unload feelings
Suffering will be prolonged if emotions are allowed to accumulate. Share how you feel with a supportive friend or family member. If you don't like to talk, express your sadness by writing a journal or blog.
- Take time to chat with those closest to you, such as your parents, grandmother, aunt, cousin, or best friend. Sharing your feelings and knowing that the other person understands what you're going through can lighten the load. If the situation does not allow for activities outside the home, for example due to the Covid-19 pandemic, use the internet to communicate with other people.
- Imagine you are having a conversation with an ex-lover. One study that researched grief showed that people who visualized conversations and said goodbye to their loved ones felt more relieved than people who didn't.
- Write a letter to your ex, but don't send it. Instead of thinking about what you should say when you broke up or what you'd want to say if you met him, write down everything you're thinking and feeling on a piece of paper. You don't need to string beautiful words with the right sentences because grammar and spelling can be ignored. This step aims to help you channel your anger, sadness, disappointment, and other negative emotions from your heart and mind onto paper in written form.
Step 3. Swear out if you want
Swearing by saying bad things can reduce sadness. Research published by NeuroReport shows a correlation between swearing and less suffering.
Step 4. Develop a spiritual life
Either way, activities that involve a spiritual aspect can bring a sense of calm when experiencing grief after a broken heart.
- Based on a study published in the British Medical Journal, researchers revealed that strong spiritual beliefs enable people who practice them to be able to free themselves from sadness more quickly than people who do not develop a spiritual life.
- Do meditation regularly. In every major world religion, there are meditative methods of contemplation, such as yoga, taici, prayer, qikung, transcendental meditation, and others. Choose the method that works best for you.
Step 5. Ask a mental health professional for help if you're still having an emotional breakdown
Women who have not been able to overcome sadness within 16 weeks after a breakup experienced decreased brain activity in areas related to emotion, motivation, and concentration. This causes the brain to undergo physical changes so that they cannot concentrate and motivate themselves. So don't put off seeking help within 16 weeks.
Method 3 of 3: Rise from adversity
Step 1. Spend time with friends
No matter what your relationship status is, a good friend is always there to support you. Use this opportunity to express appreciation and restore friendship. Take them to lunch, work out at the gym, or ride a bike while having fun.
Step 2. Create a playlist of uplifting songs
Listening to your favorite song makes the brain produce the hormone dopamine, a chemical that triggers feelings of happiness. Prepare a playlist containing a collection of songs that will make you inspired and smile so you want to stand up and dance.
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Choose a song with an inspiring message that keeps you motivated. Cosmopolitan Magazine recommends adding the following songs to your playlist to get rid of the sadness.
- "Since U Been Gone" (Kelly Clarkson)
- "Forget You" (Cee Lo Green)
- "Single Ladies" (Beyonce)
- "So What" (Pink)
- "Stronger" (Britney Spears)
- Sing the song loud and confident. Play a song, then sing along to give you more energy and feel better. If your ex has told you that you can't sing, sing louder! Don't sing love songs.
Step 3. Adopt a pet
The benefits of owning a pet have been proven, for example, improving physical and mental health. In addition to dealing with depression, caring for a pet makes you feel calm, valuable, less lonely, and less sad.
- Taking your beloved dog to play in the park is a great opportunity to get some exercise and meet new friends. Getting to know fellow dog owners can be a means of socializing and making friends.
- Pets do not demand anything from their owners. You don't have to worry about finding a man who loves you with all his heart if you feel loved unconditionally by taking care of your pet cat.
Step 4. Set aside time to take care of your health
If you've been reluctant to work out at the gym or put off training to join a marathon, why not start now? Similarly, when you listen to a song, the brain will produce compounds that trigger feelings of happiness during exercise. In addition to looking more attractive, you will also feel better.
- If you exercise regularly, you can sleep soundly, have more energy, and feel confident. This aspect of life is often problematic due to heartbreak.
- If you indulge yourself by following the urge to eat your favorite food, you may gain 3-4 kg of weight. You can lose weight by exercising regularly.
Step 5. Take time to improve your appearance
You don't have to drastically change your appearance (you can if you want to), but you will feel more confident and look more attractive if you always look your best.
- Look for photos in fashion magazines or websites that can be a source of inspiration when designing a new look. Many celebrities take before and after photos to document the new look after parting with their lover or partner.
- You can make minor changes, such as changing your hair color or applying a lighter shade of lipstick. A new look makes you more ready to adopt a new way of living your daily life. If your relationship ended because your ex turned you down, show that he's not the perfect match for you with a new look.
Step 6. Prepare to open your heart
Maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship yet, but don't close yourself off to guys. Take time to socialize and make friends with the opposite sex.
- If you meet an attractive guy, make eye contact with a smile. Remember, getting to know each other over coffee or chatting doesn't mean making a commitment.
- When you meet a man you like, don't give a bad impression by telling him about a bitter experience and a series of bad things from your ex-lover. The target man may not want to hear stories like this, especially the negative ones. Badmouthing your ex-girlfriend makes other people stay away from you.
Tips
- You can cry when you feel sad and try to accept the fact that everything happens for a purpose. You've taken the right steps to find the man you're looking for.
- Put on new clothes! This suggestion may sound trivial, but you'll feel happier and more confident when you put on a new outfit.
- Do things you like so you don't think about your ex. Without realizing it, you can forget about it while having fun!
- Head to the spa to enjoy a massage therapy or skin treatment while relaxing.
- Once you think of him, distract yourself by calling a friend.
- Even if you're still feeling sad, keep smiling even if it's just pretending. Studies have shown that this method actually makes you smile. So you can make yourself happy when you're not!
- You can stay at home crying and regretting what happened, but in the end, you have to accept reality and live life as normal.
- Determine the criteria for the ideal man according to you, then find a lover who meets these criteria and makes you feel comfortable.
Warning
- Try to control your anger and sadness so as not to confuse your emotions and feelings. Don't let this make you lose friends.
- Do not share bitter experiences with everyone at work or at school. You don't have to write "feeling sad" on WhatsApp or Facebook, but don't pretend to be happy or excited. Maybe your ex-boyfriend thinks you don't care about him. Remember that men have feelings too. Make sure you don't upload anything related to it.
