Being dumped by a lover is the worst emotional pain a human can experience. You two have spent every second together. The two of you were once best friends, you could tell him anything, and you might even think he was your soul mate. However, halfway through, he changed his mind. He ended it. It hurts, but you can rise above all of this. Learn how to deal with being dumped and effectively reorganize your life afterwards.
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Part 1 of 3: Through Emotional Upheaval
Step 1. Anticipate and overcome the desire for "false serenity."
Once it's decided, you may find yourself wanting that person more and more. You may beg your lover not to go or use embarrassing tactics to prevent him from breaking up. Research shows that emotional pain can often mimic physical pain. You will do almost anything to stop the pain. This is a common reaction after a sudden break in a relationship. Therefore, you should put in place some precautionary measures to counter dramatic actions on your behalf.
- Avoid your boyfriend as hard as you can until you've completely come to terms with the fact that you dumped him. Refrain from coming to his place of residence and asking about his motives.
- If you must, remove the phone number and email address from your contact list. Of course, you've probably already memorized it by heart, but the simple act of hitting that "delete" button can give you a solution. Plus, the shock that comes with checking your phone contact list and not finding his name listed there may be exactly what you need to remind him that you shouldn't call him.
Step 2. Allow yourself to grieve
When someone breaks your heart, and you don't expect it, you are bound to feel a series of emotions. You may intend to push these feelings away. You may be saying to yourself "He doesn't deserve my tears." Loving someone basically means you have to at least allow yourself to properly grieve about the relationship. There are seven stages you may go through when grieving.
- Questioning - you are consumed by the desire to understand what has happened or what went wrong. You may be trying to find your ex. You may argue with friends and family. You might even consult a complete stranger to find an explanation for what happened.
- Denial - You have a hard time accepting that your relationship is really over. You may continue to hope that your love can be saved. You may refuse to believe otherwise.
- Bargain - You offer any solution as long as the two of you can stay together. You promised to change. You will be the perfect girl. You seek to assume responsibility for the entire relationship.
- Relapse - You've managed to convince your ex to give the relationship another chance, only to go through the same ups and downs again and again. After that, you finally believe that the relationship cannot be saved.
- Anger - This stage occurs when you have let go of some of your fears of being single and can now realize that you deserve better things than what you have right now. The anger can be directed at oneself, at the ex or at the situation.
- Early acceptance - At this point, you "accept" the breakup because you have no choice. You start to see that you and he really aren't meant to be together. You finally stop trying to find a way out.
- Diverted expectations - As you begin to accept the circumstances, you begin to assess the possibility that you might be okay on the other side of the breakup. You begin to feel a glimmer of hope that your future--and whatever lies in it--will be brighter.
Step 3. Give yourself a time limit to dwell on grief
When a relationship ends, you often feel like giving up on moving on with life. You may be lying in a state of misery. Eating a lot of unhealthy foods. Rewatch your favorite television shows or movies. Yes, you do have to grieve, but be aware that you don't have to dwell on feelings of misery all the time.
Set an appropriate time limit for yourself -- it could be one week, two weeks or a month (depending on the seriousness of the relationship and the length of the relationship). Once the deadline is up, tell yourself that you will no longer just sit back and spend your days in misery. Make an active choice to start a meaningful life, alone for now
Step 4. Get rid of things that remind you personally
While you're trying to successfully grieve over your relationship, it's a very good idea to rid your life of anything that reminds you of the doomed relationship for a while. Keeping things private basically shows that you expect him to come back someday. Get rid of any personal items or gifts so you can forget about them and move on with your life.
Getting rid of these items does not have to be thrown away. Put photos, gifts, love letters and the like in a box to store in the barn or in the attic. Later, when you're done grieving and have come to terms with the breakup, you can decide what to do with these items
Part 2 of 3: Strengthening Your Self-Esteem
Step 1. Acknowledge all your positive qualities
There are some situations that damage our ego by being disconnected. From the moment your boyfriend told you that your relationship was over, you've been overanalyzing yourself looking for what went wrong. To neutralize it, it's time you realized all the amazing things you can do.
- Take a pen and paper and write down a list of some of your best qualities. If you have trouble thinking about these qualities, you can ask close friends or family to share some of them. You can also find a list of positive traits by searching the internet.
- Once you know your positive traits, start writing a journal that lists the details of situations in which you practiced those positive traits in your life. For example, if you list "attentiveness" as a positive trait, you could write in a journal about an incident when you spent a sunny holiday doing crafts at home because your best friend had a broken leg and couldn't get out of the house.
Step 2. "Date" yourself
Getting to know yourself more deeply can strengthen your self-esteem. This step also doubles up to help you realize what qualities you value in a partner. Treating yourself as well as you would a lover will help rebuild your confidence and even connect you to a better partner in the future.
- Make a reservation to a good restaurant. Dress nicely and have a sumptuous dinner alone.
- Reward yourself with a visit to the spa center. Get a facial, massage, pedicure or manicure.
- Buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers, just because you want to.
- Watch a movie you've been wanting to see in theaters for a long time.
- Take a new class like a cooking, dancing or sports class.
Step 3. Show your best appearance
A great way to maintain confidence after a breakup is to show the world your best side. Many people do this as a way to show their exes how much they have lost for breaking up with their partner. However, you should do this step for yourself. Do this to remind yourself that you are attractive and valuable, with or without a lover.
Plus, dressing up and looking your best will naturally make you feel happier
Step 4. Believe that there is a better partner for you
Jumping into a new relationship might not be a good idea. However, just casual dating may not be a problem. The most important thing is to believe in your heart that there are more beautiful days ahead--because they are!
Part 3 of 3: Be a Better Version of You
Step 1. Take care of yourself
During this transitional stage in your life, it is important that you take good care of yourself. Spend time with good friends who support you. Listen to soothing music while bathing in the foam. Spend a relaxing afternoon shopping at your favorite boutique. Rest at home accompanied by healthy snacks and a good book.
No matter what you do, just focus on activities and be around people who give you energy instead of sucking it up. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your favorite memories
Step 2. Eat well
You may think that a box of ice cream will relieve your suffering. It's okay to indulge once in a while, but too often can result in feelings of regret later. Make a commitment to avoid self-defeating behaviors and eat healthy instead.
Fill your body with real, nutrient-dense foods such as lean protein, vegetables, fruits and whole grains while avoiding processed foods, which are high in sugar or salt
Step 3. Stay active
In some ways, exercise can be one of the best forms of therapy. You start a workout feeling gloomy and sad, then 30 minutes later you're full of energy and enthusiasm. Take advantage of natural chemicals that cause feelings of happiness, namely endorphins, and schedule regular physical activity in your daily life.
Double the benefits by inviting a friend to join you when you work out, or join a fitness class. Being with other people who are in a good mood can also make you feel better
Step 4. Try to forgive
If you find that no matter how much effort you put into moving on and forgetting about it, you keep going back in time, you may need to forgive. Holding on to bitterness and hatred for the guy can prevent you from fully recovering after being dumped.
- You can forgive him by trying to understand his ex's reasons. Have you ever been in a bad situation and didn't really know how to get out of it? Have you ever handled a situation badly and ended up hurting someone? This doesn't mean that what happened to you was right, but allowing yourself to at least empathize with your ex can help you find an emotional solution.
- Another way is to write a letter. You can start by simply writing an outline of the breakup from your point of view. Then, you can move on to your thoughts, feelings, the way you reacted being disconnected. Please express all hatred and anger in the letter. Get your weight out of your chest. Finally, close the letter by telling your ex that you chose to forgive him and move on (this doesn't mean you forgot him!). After that, you can burn the letter or tear it up.
