You may be involved in a relationship with someone who is less sexually experienced than you are. If your partner is a virgin and you are not, know that it's important to understand boundaries as early as possible. Respect your partner's needs and wants, set firm boundaries, and find other ways to build intimacy outside of sex.
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Method 1 of 3: Showing Respect
Step 1. Find out what your partner's expectations are
If you're in a relationship with someone who's never had sex, you need to find out what their expectations are. Each individual has a different attitude towards sex and sexuality. You should understand what your partner expects from a romantic relationship, including physical contact.
- Couples may still be virgins because they abstain from sex. That means the partner refrains from sexual activity. This decision may be motivated by religious reasons. It's also possible that he's abstaining from sex because he's not ready to do it yet.
- If your partner makes the decision to abstain from sex, understand what their expectations are. People define abstinence differently. Some people abstain from sex only limited to intimate relationships, but are ready for other forms of intimacy. Others reject all forms of intimacy. Ask your partner what physical intimacy he expects in a romantic relationship.
- Partners may be asexual. This means that the partner does not feel sexual attraction and desire. Unlike abstaining from sex, asexuality is not a person's choice. It is an integral part of a person's personality and sexual orientation. Asexual people may experience attraction to other people, but have no need for sexual intercourse. Many asexual people get into romantic relationships because they feel the need for emotional intimacy. However, they may not want sexual intimacy in a romantic relationship. If your partner is asexual, he or she may have special expectations regarding sex from the relationship. Talk about these expectations before the relationship begins.
Step 2. Listen to what your partner has to say
When discussing issues of sex, virginity, and expectations from a relationship, listen carefully to your partner. You have to understand well what your partner wants and expects from the relationship. Therefore, try to listen actively to your partner while having a discussion.
- Active listening allows you to understand each other. When you are actively listening, give your partner your full attention. Use nonverbal cues, such as an occasional nod, to show your concern. Focus on your partner's words, don't be busy formulating your own response.
- Repeat what your partner says when he or she is done talking. You have to make sure that you really understand what he is saying. If you misinterpret something, your partner can correct it.
- If you're experienced, while your partner is still a virgin, it's important to listen to them. Your partner may feel intimidated by your sexual past and feel the relationship is out of balance. You should make it clear to your partner that you respect the fact that he or she is a virgin and want to make him or her feel as comfortable in the relationship as possible.
Step 3. Respect your partner's right to privacy
Talking about the past of sex is not easy. Maybe you want to know certain aspects of your partner's past, but he or she may refuse to tell you everything. Boundaries in relationships are personal and subjective
- It is possible that a partner refuses to answer certain questions about his or her virginity. On the other hand, if you have a sexual past, your partner may feel uncomfortable hearing it. Communication is important in a relationship, but if your partner doesn't want to talk about some topics, respect that wish.
- Don't force your partner to talk about something if he doesn't feel ready. Let the relationship develop at a pace that suits both of you.
Step 4. Don't push your partner out of their comfort zone
If your partner is a virgin, physical intimacy may appear slowly. It is very important that you respect your partner's wants and needs. Even if you really want sex, don't force your partner to make physical contact if he isn't ready. Always ask if he wants what you have to offer before engaging in any other form of physical intimacy. Respect his decision. If he refuses, don't force it.
Method 2 of 3: Setting Boundaries
Step 1. Show an open attitude towards your partner's expectations in terms of physical closeness
Not everyone is comfortable talking about physical contact and the need for sex, but it's better to discuss things from the start than accidentally doing or saying something that makes your partner uncomfortable. At the beginning of the relationship, try to be honest with each other. Discuss all expectations about sex and physical contact.
- Find out if your partner is ready to have sex. Your partner may not be ready for physical intercourse at this stage of life. He may want to wait until the wedding before engaging in a physical relationship. If you're dating a virgin, chances are that sex won't be a part of the relationship anytime soon. Understand this before you get into a relationship.
- Understand what types of physical contact are acceptable for your partner. People who abstain from sex may enjoy kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and other light physical contact. Couples may be ready to have other, more intimate sexual contacts, such as mutual masturbation or oral sex.
- You also have to understand well what your partner doesn't like. Things will get awkward if you stop halfway to discuss boundaries. If any physical contact is "forbidden," ask your partner to be upfront about it from the start. Say something like, “I know you're a virgin. So, I want to understand the limitations. What kind of physical contact makes you uncomfortable?” You need to make sure you don't accidentally make your partner feel uncomfortable during an intimate moment.
Step 2. Make a list
This may sound too formal, but many people use lists to help set healthy boundaries. On the internet, you can find lists of various sexual activities or sex games. You and your partner can mark what works for both of you. You can also ask your partner to make a list of physical contact or sexual activities that he feels comfortable with and what he doesn't want to do. This step can be an effective way to identify real boundaries and avoid misunderstandings.
Step 3. Don't rush
If your partner is a virgin, he may need some time to get used to physical intimacy with you. Be prepared to keep up with your partner's pace. Don't rush into physical intimacy just to feel happy and make the relationship romantic. If your partner is inexperienced in sex, let your partner decide when he or she is ready to move on to the next stage.
Step 4. Discuss this topic at all stages of the relationship
As relationships develop, physical boundaries and expectations may change. At some stage, your partner may feel comfortable engaging in more intimate activities. On the other hand, over time there may be physical contact that is less pleasing to both of you. Therefore, keep this topic open throughout the relationship.
- From time to time, review the limits that have been set. Go back to the list you made at the start of the relationship and see if you still enjoy the activity.
- You should talk to your partner during physical intimacy. Ask him if he likes what you're doing, for example, "Do you like this?" or “How does it feel?” You have to make sure your partner feels safe and comfortable with you.
- Talk to your partner about the need to communicate. Every now and then, say something like, "If you want to do something different, feel free to let me know." As mentioned above, sometimes people feel that they are not ready to have sex. It is possible that someday in the future, the couple will be more open about sex. He will feel more comfortable having sex the first time if he knows that the two of you can discuss topics like safe sex, sexually transmitted diseases, and contraception first.
Method 3 of 3: Establish Physical Closeness
Step 1. Look for alternative forms of physical contact
Physical intimacy plays an important role in romantic relationships. If your partner is a virgin, you may find it difficult to feel intimacy with them. In addition, it is important that the sexual desires of both parties are met. Talk to your partner about alternatives to sexual penetration.
- Kissing can be very exciting, especially if you kiss your partner on sensitive areas like your neck or ears. If your partner is not ready for sex, you can both get sexual satisfaction from kissing.
- You can also touch your partner in sensitive zones. The breasts, penis and clitoris are very sensitive body parts. If your partner feels ready, you can enjoy sexual touch without having sex. Oral sex can also bring pleasure to you and your partner. However, if a partner abstains from sex for moral or religious reasons, he or she may perceive oral sex as another form of sex.
- Mutual masturbation is also an alternative to sex. In this case, you and your partner masturbate together. This activity can be an exciting sex game without involving physical contact with a partner.
- There are various forms of sexual contact and sex play that can be carried out without involving penetration. The best way to find out what is most appropriate for you and your partner is to have discussions and explorations together.
Step 2. Talk to your partner about pornography and erotica
Many couples like to watch pornography or read erotic stories together. This activity allows you to understand what excites your partner. If you're planning on having sex later, knowing what makes your partner turn on will be helpful for you. Invite your partner to watch porn or read erotic stories together. You can feel intimacy with your partner when you both explore each other's sexual desires together.
Keep in mind that not everyone is comfortable watching porn or reading erotic stories. Respect your partner's decision if he or she refuses to participate in this activity
Step 3. Build emotional intimacy
Physical contact is not the only way to gain intimacy. In a good relationship, emotional intimacy is very important. Talking, listening, enjoying being together, and exchanging thoughts and feelings can all help build emotional intimacy.
- Talk to your partner. Do activities such as going for a walk, having long phone conversations, and late night conversations. Go have coffee in a cafe for a few hours and chat. Don't be afraid to show your vulnerable side and share it with your partner.
- Satisfy your partner's emotional needs. If your partner wants to talk after a hard day, try to give them your full attention. Provide comfort if necessary. Sometimes, it's hard to understand the best way to make someone feel comfortable. People respond differently to feedback and the convenience it offers. Try asking questions like, “What can I do to make you feel better?” to the couple.
- Emotional intimacy doesn't just happen. It takes time to build. The best way to build emotional intimacy with your partner is to spend time with them. Take time to talk to your partner every day.
