Having a Zen nature means finding full awareness of the moment that is happening. This will help you release stress, anxiety, frustration and anger. It's better to focus on positive thoughts and actions that will help you relax and respond in a balanced way each day. Letting go of what you can't control, understanding your feelings, and taking time for yourself will help you maintain a more positive outlook on life.
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Method 1 of 3: Finding Peace in Your Life
Step 1. Let go of what you can't control
You are the only entity that you have complete control over. You can change your thoughts, actions and feelings on your own. On the other hand, the actions and thoughts of others are something you really have no control over, even if you try your best. Learn to let go of what other people think and do, and refocus on yourself.
- Have a good attitude. If you think you have been blamed or mistreated, evaluate the situation from a third person perspective. Assume that the person who offended you may not be aware of what they have done. Don't be prejudiced and assume they just don't realize what they're doing.
- Another way is if someone has let you down, think about your expectations. Is it realistic? Have your expectations been discussed with the person? Perhaps talking to the person will help, for example, by clarifying how the miscommunication might have occurred.
Step 2. Look at things in a different way
Putting things in a certain perspective will help balance the way you live. This goes hand in hand with letting go of things you can't control. Ask yourself what else is going on that might lead to a negative situation.
- When thinking about a problem that you have no control over, make a list of the factors beyond your control that are causing the problem. For example, if you are having trouble finding a job, think about the economic downturn or the lack of jobs that match your abilities
- Reduce worry by asking yourself if something will be a problem an hour or a day from now.
Step 3. Control or change the aspects you can control
When you push yourself to take complete control of something, you can become more adept at maintaining a calm demeanor.
For example, when you're stuck in traffic in the morning, consider controlling your interaction with traffic by changing the hours you leave in the morning, or using public transportation. Don't overwhelm your mind with stress, anger, and frustration. Instead, reduce those things so you can put your mind at ease
Step 4. Focus on what is right
Remind yourself of the positives in your life and the things that are happening that are helping you to keep moving forward.
Make a list of everything that is going well for you. Review this list periodically or stick it on the refrigerator as a reminder
Step 5. Visualize positive results
When you can't control how something will happen, you can still guess at the positive scenario. This will also eliminate negative thoughts by refocusing your thoughts on the positive.
- Use pictures to visualize what you want. If you need a new car or one that is better than the one you have now, take a photo of your ideal car at a car dealer. Stick it on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror so you can see it every day.
- Use affirmations to help you visualize your positive results. This statement will help you achieve the vision you want to achieve. You might say, “I run my own successful business and have many satisfied clients.” Repeat this message daily to maintain focus and a positive attitude to get positive results.
Step 6. Value your journey
When you don't get the results you want, it can be discouraging or frustrating. Look at the common thread of the incident. For example, when you are fired from your job, you may become frustrated or angry. But consider how this might open up other opportunities for you, or how it will give you more time with your family during an important time.
- Try to revel in things that are full of spontaneity and uncertainty. This you may not like, but when you are open to all possibilities, you can begin to see where positive developments can occur.
- Keep a "gratitude journal" (Gratitude Journal). Write down a few things each day that you can appreciate about your current circumstances or situation. Reread what you write each week to see how much you have to be grateful for.
Method 2 of 3: Know Your Feelings
Step 1. Research and identify your anger
Take 15-30 minutes to research anger. Sit comfortably in a quiet room where you can't be disturbed. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Think about your anger. Where do you hold it in your body? Does your head hurt? Are you grinding your teeth? Are you stretching your shoulder muscles? Do you associate your anger with a certain color or shape?
- Now open your eyes. Inhale through your nose, then exhale through your mouth.
- Write a list of things that make you angry. Your anger can be about big or small things; nothing unimportant or ridiculous. Remember, this is your time to research and understand your anger, not hide from it.
- Pick the top 3 things that make you angry, and make a short list of 3 strategies that can help you improve the situation. This will help you take control of your own feelings and make you feel encouraged to change what you can change.
Step 2. Pay attention to your stress
Sit in a quiet room for 15 minutes. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Think about where stress is centered in your body. Is it on the shoulder? Neck? Foot? Do you clench your fists?
Recognize your stress, say, "I notice the tension in my back."
Step 3. Check your response to negative situations
When something negative happens, recognize your feelings. You may feel angry or depressed or sad, and that's okay. However, don't let those feelings control you. Choose to see the positive side of a negative situation. For example, if you miss your bus you have to wait for another bus, take the extra time to buy coffee.
Step 4. Try not to take things personally
People may say rude things to you or about you. Remember that it is their business, not yours. Their unhappiness should not affect your happiness.
Step 5. Smile when you are sad
When you have negative feelings, it's hard to stop yourself from sinking into them. But having a Zen nature means not getting bogged down in bad feelings. Take your first step to cheer yourself up again by smiling. A big smile will trick your mind into thinking more positively, helping to pull you out of your bad habits.
Step 6. Fight negative thoughts
When you get into negative thoughts, your thoughts tend to run wild, like connecting one thought to another. To help connect your positive thoughts, practice these exercises:
Take 30 minutes to listen to your thoughts. As you daydream, you will begin to hear negative thoughts speak, such as, “I am a bad person. I forgot Mother's birthday." Immediately counter the thought with, “This thought is not worthy of me. Goodbye bad thoughts!” Give yourself positive thoughts that are coated with compassion, convince yourself that you are valuable and worthy. "I have a lot of things to do now. I will make a list so I can monitor the details.”
Method 3 of 3: Give Yourself Space
Step 1. Start the day off right
Having a positive routine in the morning can help set the mood for a full day. Set your alarm 15 faster than usual. Spend a few minutes in bed, take a deep breath, and reassure yourself that today is going to be a good day. Tell yourself that this is a fresh start that will keep you focused until the end of the day.
Step 2. Take the time of day for yourself
Taking a little time each day can help clear up a problem, consider a remedy or solution, or treat yourself with cultivating a Zen nature.
Step 3. Slow down your activity pace
Keeping yourself busy will add to your stress and make it harder to maintain calm. Use the time to enjoy activities such as cooking, traveling or writing. They will also help you feel more in control of everything in your life.
Step 4. Meditate every day
Meditation will give your mind more space to process the stresses of everyday life. Choose the same meditation time every day so that it becomes your daily routine. The best time is in the morning, when you are preparing for your day. Meditation doesn't take long, set a time that suits you. Start with 5 minutes minimum and work your way up to 10 minutes, then 25 minutes.
- Take at least 5 minutes to sit quietly and comfortably. Focus on your breath, take a deep breath, breathe in through your nose and into your lungs and stomach. Take it out slowly without haste. Count to 4 when you inhale, and count to 4 when you exhale.
- Keep your eyes open with a little focus. You can close your eyes if you feel more comfortable.
- When you start to daydream, refocus on your breathing and get back to counting.
Step 5. Get plenty of rest
Sleep is the most natural healing technique that will help you stay calm and ready to go through the day. Plan to go to bed at the same time each day and try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep a day.
Step 6. Turn off your advanced tools
Turning off things that can interfere with your activities such as cell phones or computers will clear your mind. Social media and email encourage you to respond to people's needs instantly and continuously. Spending time without electronics will help free your mind.
Tips
- Learn more about Zen practice by practicing Zen meditation (Zazen).
- Look for a Zen Buddhist temple near you to participate in group meditation.
