The love of a family is like a bird's nest. When the right time to fly comes, the little bird will fly high, so will our lives. Parents must overcome the loss of family members, friends, and love when their children have left their "nest" to build their own nests. However, for some people, especially biological parents, this can be a time of so much loss and sadness that it can easily turn into depression if left untreated. This article will discuss methods that can help your child to leave home safely and let them know that there is always a home to go to, as well as ways for parents to deal with the grief of separation.
Step
Step 1. Prepare for the loss of a child
If you already know that your child is leaving next year, take this time to see if he knows how to meet his basic needs to take care of himself. Make sure he knows how to do laundry, cook, handle disputes with neighbors, balance finances, negotiate low prices when buying things, and know how to value money. While some of these things will develop with practice, it's very important to talk about them and show them how to do the basics so that her life doesn't hang around. Using a site like wikiHow to read explanations about household chores and lifestyle issues can be helpful if needed.
If you don't know your child is leaving until the last second, don't panic. Accept that this is indeed the case and be supportive of your child. Offer support whenever needed. It's best if your child can see that you support and love him, and are willing to help him rather than see you worry
Step 2. Get rid of scary thoughts
Both you and your child will feel better if you consider this a great adventure. He will feel a variety of emotions from fear to feeling excited to start a new experience. For children who are afraid to leave the house, it's very important to reassure them that the things we don't know will be scarier than they really are. Help them understand that once they get through their new routine, they will feel more familiar, happy, and successful.
- Let your child know that your home is his permanent home that he can turn to at any time. This will make you and your child feel safe.
- If your child is feeling down during his first few days in a new place, don't be secretly happy about this. He will have to deal with these emotions while getting used to the new setting, and he needs your active support now, not hope to get him back home. This means you can't keep asking him back home as an option and not deciding things for him--let him learn how to work things out on his own, including handling administrative matters and negotiating. He will make mistakes, but he will learn from them.
Step 3. Find out the ways you want to keep in touch with your children
You will feel lonely and empty when your child is gone because you can't tell him things like you always do. Keeping in constant communication is very important to keep the family together and to keep up to date. Some methods you can consider include:
- Make sure your child has a good cell phone and can easily connect to a network that lasts for a year. If he already has a cell phone, you may need to replace the phone or battery. Buy a prepaid phone in minutes so he won't have to worry about the cost of calling you.
- Schedule weekly call times. While it may be tempting to call her more often, it can become a burden unless she decides to do so, so try not to get your hopes up. Be sensitive to their need to develop and mature.
- Use email or text messages for small things you want to share. Emails and text messages are good mediums because you can say something without getting too emotional. Be aware that over time, your child will not reply as often as he usually does. This is part of making him feel at home and developing a new group of relationships, etc.--not that he doesn't care anymore.
Step 4. Understand what “empty nest syndrome” is, so you can identify the symptoms in your own situation
“Empty nest syndrome”, or in Indonesian means “empty nest syndrome”, is a psychological condition that mostly affects women and causes sadness when one or more of their children leave the house. This syndrome usually occurs when children go to school, college, or university (usually in late summer and fall if you live in an area with four seasons), or when they marry and leave home to live with their partner. This syndrome is often associated with major life events, such as menopause, illness, or retirement. This syndrome affects women mostly because motherhood is considered the main role for working women or housewives, and this role has been dedicated by women as the main responsibility for about 20 years. The loss of a child can lead to feelings of worthlessness, along with feelings of loss, worthlessness, and uncertainty about the future. Feeling sad and crying a little is normal, reactions that every parent should have; Needless to say, this is a big change. This will be a problem when you feel something that prevents you from living a normal life, such as thinking that your life is no longer valuable, can't stop crying, and can't continue living a normal life like meeting friends, going for a walk, or resume activities that bring you back to normal.
Psychologists consider that the transition from a mother who is actively involved in her child's life to that of an independent woman takes about 18 months to two years. This means that it is very important that you allow time to grieve, get through the loss, and rebuild your life. Be gentle with yourself and the expectations you have
Step 5. Receive support
If you think that you can't cope with feelings of emptiness, sadness, or inability to return to a normal life after your child is gone, it's very important that you get help. You may be suffering from depression or some other psychological illness that prevents you from enjoying the good life. Talk to an expert. Cognitive therapy or a similar type of therapy where you can talk about your problems may be helpful. Or, you just need someone who can listen to you and confirm that what you're going through is real, important, and will eventually end.
- Know your sadness. It doesn't matter what other people think or say about dealing with grief. Unconscious sadness will eat away at you and if you don't face it and allow yourself to grieve for a while. Let your body system deal with the sadness.
- Pamper yourself. When going through deep sadness, don't neglect yourself. Go to the massage parlor regularly or to the movies every now and then. Buy a box of your favorite expensive chocolates, etc. All the sadness and the unhappy moments are a recipe for continuous blueness.
- Consider having a "commitment" ritual. Having a ritual in which you "let go" your child into an adult, and give up an active parental role, can be an important and cathartic way to help you move on in life. Some suggestions that you can follow include: throwing a lantern with a candle in it into the river, planting a tree, making something special for your child, having a celebration that shows your faith, and so on.
- Talk to your partner about your feelings. He probably feels the same way and would enjoy the opportunity to talk about it. Or, he will listen and understand what you are going through, and that is an important source of acceptance for you.
- Consider keeping a journal to document your travels. Prayer or meditation can also help.
Step 6. Start paying attention to your own needs
Once you are satisfied that you are pointing your child in the right direction, the busyness will start to lessen and you will begin to see a big change in your life. The way you interpret this change will give color to your feelings and approach to life--if you see it as a deep emptiness, you'll feel sadder than seeing it as an opportunity to rekindle your interests and goals.
- Don't turn your child's room into a "temple". If he doesn't clean his room before he leaves, throw your sad feelings out with the trash in his room! Clean the room, but be careful to put your child's belongings in the storage area.
- Write down all the things you promised yourself you would do one day. Now is the time to do that. Paste the list in an obvious place and get started.
- Build new friendships or revive dead ones. Friends are an important part of your transition from parenthood to childless. Go outside and meet new people. There will be many parents who have abandoned their children like you who are looking for new friends too. In addition, friends can provide information about hobbies, activities, and job vacancies.
- Take up a new hobby or interest, or rekindle an old hobby you didn't do while raising children. Take up any hobby, from painting, photography, carpentry, skydiving and traveling!
- Go back to school or college. Choose a subject that is appropriate for you at this time. Decide whether you choose a new path or renew your existing qualification. Anything you can do.
- Restart a career--either continue where you left off or start a new career. Realize that even if you're not young anymore, you do have an experiential advantage, so after relearning a job, you can get started faster than when you were out of school or college.
- Consider volunteering. If you're not ready to return to work, volunteering at a potential workplace can be a good way to re-enter the workforce at a pace that suits you. Volunteering also gives you the opportunity to try a few things to see if you like them or not.
- Try participating in charity events. Taking advantage of free time by doing positive things can make you satisfied.
Step 7. Rediscover your true love
Unless you are a single parent, you will probably be alone with your partner. This time can be a difficult time if you find that there are problems with your relationship that you have not resolved because the presence of children can help cement the relationship between husband and wife. Or, after being a parent for a long time, you forgot how to be intimate with your partner. This is the time to talk honestly and openly about the direction your relationship is going and to determine what will happen next.
- If your children are the only glue in your marriage, you and your partner should try to mend your relationship that you both have neglected, especially if you feel that your relationship is already boring. Seek couples counseling if it can help with the transition back to being a couple.
- Accepting that these are difficult times in the transition process can allow you both to forgive the uncertainty and differences that grew as a childless couple.
- Developing the mindset that you expect your partner to change a little might help. After all, you're both older when you first met and have gone through a lot of raising children-experiences that you both probably didn't think about when you first fell in love. Over time, more and more people have come to understand what they like and don't like, what they believe in and don't believe in, and this discovery may be more evident when you're married or in a couple. Trying to see this as an opportunity to discover each other's “new” identities can be a great way to revive a loose relationship.
- Spend more time with your partner and get to know him more. Take vacations together to help rekindle closeness and trust in each other as a form of emotional support.
- Make time for your relationship to blossom again. This can be an exciting time to rejuvenate both of you.
- Sometimes, the steps above will not cover the fact that the two of you are different. If you find that your relationship is beyond repair, talk to it or seek support, to help reach a decision that will make both of you happier in the future.
Step 8. Focus on a few positive points when your child leaves the house
Focusing on the positive changes that come from your child's departure can ease the loss when you weigh what you gained. While this step won't underestimate the importance of the grief and major transition you and your child are going through, it certainly helps you see the positive side of your future. Some of the positive points include:
- You may notice that your refrigerator doesn't need to be filled that often. This means you don't have to go to the market so often and cook!
- The romance between you and your partner will increase. The two of you will have time to get back together as a couple; enjoy.
- If you usually wash children's clothes, now you don't have to wash and iron a lot of clothes. Try not to do it again when your child comes home for the holidays. Assuming he's old enough to do it himself is an important step in letting him grow up.
- You have a private bathroom again.
- A reduced water, phone, and electricity bill will help save money, and the money can be spent on vacations with your partner or friends!
- You will feel very proud of yourself for raising a child who can face the world and live alone. Give yourself a round of applause.
Tips
- Parents who are more prone to suffer from empty nest syndrome are parents who find it difficult to leave the house, parents who have unhappy or unstable marriages, parents who consider themselves to be mothers (or fathers), parents who are always stressed in their lives. facing change, parents who stay at home with no outside work, and parents who are always excessively worried that their child is not ready to face the responsibilities of living on their own.
- Know that your relationship with your child will change when he becomes an adult living on his own.
- This process of moving can be traumatic for the sibling your child has left behind – he or she no longer has a playmate. He may feel insecure now and then, spend some time with him and discuss what happened with him. Show that he and his brother will meet again.
- It's a good idea to start planning and preparing for this transition period before your child leaves the house. This will make the transition easier, and will show your child that you can move on with life and hope that he can too.
- If you like it and where you live allows it, keep an animal. If you have a pet to care for, the desire to pamper your child will decrease.
- Make new friends, such as pets. Start with a small pet, such as a fish and work your way up to caring for a cat or dog.
Warning
- Don't make big choices until you've been through the grief of empty nest syndrome. You may regret selling your house or moving house if you did it when you were sad. Wait until you feel happy again to make big changes.
- In some cases, it may not be your relationship that's the problem. When a child moves and the mother always interferes in the child's daily life, he will experience separation anxiety. Some cases can be considered severe, depending on how close the mother is to her child. Sure, your child will have some problems to deal with and deal with, but you can get through it together. Gradually, the problem will get better, maybe it will feel less painful to go through. Mother knows that her baby will fly away and letting her go is difficult. The mother may be afraid that she will never see her child again.
- For children, it is very important to try to understand that for a mother, your departure is like a knife stab in her heart. Be patient with your mother's attitude. It will be fine. For mothers, you will see your child again. Yes, it hurts, but you have to let it grow up. He wants to enjoy life. All you can do is be by his side, listen to him, and love him.
- Make another plan in case he can't come home on vacation. Don't be disappointed if he chooses to spend the holidays with his friends.
- Don't try to get your child to visit you by making him feel guilty. Don't ask if he's coming for Christmas in July.
- If you work outside, don't let this syndrome affect your work. Your co-workers won't like it when you have to be careful to keep your feelings in check at all times.
- Know that you won't get too much sympathy because leaving your child out of the house is seen as a common occurrence. Consult a mental health specialist as empty nest syndrome requires attention and care.
