Parenting a child with Attention Concentration Disorder and Hyperactivity (GPPH) is not easy because it requires special discipline techniques that are not the same as other children. If parenting techniques are not differentiated, you may excuse your child's behavior or punish him or her severely. You have the difficult task of balancing these two extremes. Experts in the education of children with ADHD have confirmed that disciplining children who have this problem is a challenging task. However, parents, caregivers, teachers, and related parties can discipline children with ADHD through patience and consistency.
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Method 1 of 4: Setting Routines and Settings
Step 1. Determine the most important needs in your family schedule and arrangement
Children with ADHD have great difficulty making plans, thinking in procedures, managing time, and other daily tasks. Strongly structured regulatory system is needed in the daily life of the family. In other words, establishing a routine can avoid the need to discipline a child from the start because he or she is less likely to misbehave.
- Many of a child's actions may stem from a lack of organization, leading to total chaos. For example, some of the biggest problems between parents and children with ADHD relate to household chores, cleaning the bedroom, and doing homework. The war can be avoided if the child is in an environment with strong structures and arrangements that build good habits as the foundation of his ability to achieve success.
- Typically, daily tasks include morning routines, time to do homework, bedtime, and use of gadgets such as video games.
- Make sure you make your wishes explicit. “Clean up your room” is a vague command and a child with ADHD may be confused about where to start and how to work without losing focus. It's a good idea to break down your child's tasks into short, clear sections, such as “clean up your toys”, “vacuum the carpet”, “clean the hamster cage”, “arrange the clothes in the closet”.
Step 2. Establish clear routines and rules
Make sure you have clear rules and expectations for the whole family. Children with ADHD may not understand vague clues. Make it clear exactly what you expect and what he should do each day.
- After the daily routine for the week is created, post the schedule in the child's room. You can use a whiteboard and add colors, stickers, and other decorative aspects. Explain and show everything on the schedule so the child can understand it differently.
- Establish a routine for all daily tasks, including doing homework, which tends to be a big problem for most children with ADHD. Make sure your child includes homework assignments in the schedule and that there is a fixed time and place to do them. Make sure you check your child's homework before doing it and check it again when you're done.
Step 3. Break large tasks into smaller parts
Parents should understand that the irregularity that often accompanies a child with ADHD is usually because he is visually tired. Therefore, large projects such as cleaning the room and folding and arranging clothes in the closet should be broken down into smaller tasks, only one task at a time.
- An example of tidying clothes, ask the child to start looking for all his socks and then arrange them in the closet. You can make a game by playing a CD and challenge the child to complete the task of finding all the socks and putting them in the correct drawer when the first song ends. After the task is complete and you praise him appropriately, you can ask the child to pick up and arrange his other clothes, such as underwear, pajamas, and so on, until the task is complete.
- Breaking down projects into smaller tasks over time will not only avoid bad behavior due to frustration, it will also provide parents with plenty of opportunities for positive feedback and offer the child a chance to experience success.
- Maybe you still need to guide your child's routine. ADHD makes it difficult for children to focus, not be distracted, and continue to do boring tasks. That does not mean children can be relieved of duties. However, expecting children to be able to do it on their own is also unrealistic, although the possibility exists. It really depends on the child. It is best to work on the task together and make it a positive experience, rather than expecting too much and turning the experience into a source of frustration and argument.
Step 4. Arrange everything in its place
Routines will develop habits that last a lifetime, but there is also a need for a regulatory system to support these routines. Help the child organize his room. Remember that a child with ADHD feels overwhelmed because he is paying attention to everything at once, so if the child can categorize his items, he will easily cope with the excessive stimulus.
- Children with ADHD can use storage boxes, shelves, wall hangers and the like to help organize items into categories and minimize clutter in the room.
- The use of color coding, images, and shelf labels also helps minimize visual stress. Remember that because a child with ADHD is overwhelmed by seeing many things at once, he or she will be able to deal with the overstimulation with regulation.
- Get rid of unnecessary items. In addition to the overall arrangement of things, getting rid of distracting items will help make the atmosphere calmer. This does not mean that the children's room should be vacated. However, getting rid of toys that he has forgotten, unused clothes, clearing shelves of knick-knacks that are not very interesting will go a long way in making the room more comfortable.
Step 5. Get the child's attention
As an adult, you need to make sure that your child is paying attention before you give directions, orders, or requests. If he didn't pay attention, there was nothing he would have done. Once he starts working on a task, don't distract him by giving extra orders or talking about something that distracts.
- Make sure the child looks at you and you make eye contact. While this doesn't guarantee your child's full attention, your message will most likely get across.
- Anger, frustration, or negative words will soon be realized. This is a self-defense mechanism. A child with ADHD tends to frustrate people and is afraid of being criticized for not really being able to control things. For example, shouting will not be able to make the child pay attention.
- Children with ADHD respond well to something exciting, unexpected, and fickle. You can get his attention by throwing in the bait, especially if you get pulled over before continuing on with the request. Jokes will work too. Patterns of calling and responding or clapping will also attract his attention. These are all ways that usually work to keep children interested.
- Children with ADHD have a hard time focusing, so when your child shows focus, let him maintain that focus by not distracting or distracting him from the task at hand.
Step 6. Involve the child in physical activity
Children with ADHD will respond much better when using their body physically with activities that provide the stimulation their brain needs.
- Children with ADHD should do a variety of physical activities at least 3-4 days a week. The best choices are martial arts, swimming, dancing, gymnastics, and other sports with a variety of body movements.
- You can also ask your child to do physical activities on days without an exercise schedule, such as riding a swing, cycling, playing in the park, etc.
Method 2 of 4: Taking a Positive Approach
Step 1. Give positive feedback
You can start with a physical reward (stickers, popsicles, small toys) for each child's success. Over time, you can gradually reduce the reward and offer occasional praise (“Great!” or a hug), but continue to provide positive feedback once your child has developed good habits that continue to lead to success.
Keeping your child happy with what he is doing is a key strategy for avoiding having to discipline him in the first place
Step 2. Show a rational attitude
Use a firm and low tone of voice when it comes to disciplining your child. Say as few words as possible when giving instructions in a firm, emotionless voice. The more you say, the less your child will remember.
- There is one expert who warns parents to “act, don't babble!” Teaching a child with ADHD is pointless, while strong consequences are very influential.
- Don't respond to your child's behavior with emotion. If you get angry or yell, your child will be more and more agitated, and he will be increasingly convinced that he is a bad boy who can never do anything right. In addition, the child may also think he has control because you lose your cool.
Step 3. Act directly on the behavior
Children with ADHD need greater discipline than other children, not less. While it may be tempting to leave your child alone without disciplining the behavior, you are actually only increasing the likelihood that the behavior will continue.
- As with all things in life, problems will only get bigger and worse if they are ignored. So your best bet is to deal with problematic behaviors when they first appear and then and there. Enforce discipline as soon as your child misbehaves so he can link the behavior to your discipline and response. In this way, he will learn that every behavior has consequences, in the hope that he will stop the bad behavior.
- Children with ADHD are very impulsive and usually do not consider the consequences of their actions. He often does not realize that what he is doing is wrong. If there are no consequences, the problem will only get worse, and the cycle will continue. Therefore, the child needs an adult to help him see this and know what is wrong with his behavior and the potential consequences if he continues the behavior.
- Accept that a child with ADHD just needs more patience, guidance, and practice. If you compare an ADHD child to a "regular" child, you will only get more frustrated. You should devote more time, energy, and thought to dealing with a child with this kind of problem. Stop comparing him to other kids who are "easier" to manage. This is critical to achieving positive and more productive interactions and outcomes.
Step 4. Give positive encouragement
Parents of children with ADHD are more successful in applying discipline by rewarding good behavior than punishing bad behavior. Instead of punishing your child when he does something wrong, praise him when he does something right.
- Many parents have had success changing bad behaviors, such as the way they eat at the dinner table, by focusing on positive reinforcement and rewarding their children when they do something right. Instead of criticizing the way he sits at the table or chews his food, try to compliment him when he uses his spoon and fork properly and when he listens well. This will help the child to pay more attention to what he is doing in order to receive praise.
- Pay attention to the ratio. Make sure your child gets more positive feedback than negative feedback. You may have to put in more effort to notice each good behavior, but the benefits of praising will be worth more than punishing.
Step 5. Develop a positive encouragement system
There are lots of tricks to inspire better behavior, because the sweetness of candies tastes better than the spiciness of chili peppers. For example, if the child has dressed and is sitting at the dining table for breakfast at the appointed time, he may choose the breakfast he wants. Offering choices is a positive way to encourage good behavior.
- Consider setting up a positive behavior system that allows your child to earn rewards, such as an allowance bonus, a trip, or something similar. With the same settings, bad behavior results in the loss of points, but those points can be regained with extra tasks or similar activities.
- A point system can help give children the motivation they need to obey. If your child doesn't have the urge to tidy up toys before bed, he may be motivated to do so if he knows that there are points to earn rewards. The best part about a plan like this is that parents don't sound mean if their kids don't get gifts. In other words, the child holds his own destiny and he must be responsible for the choices made.
- Note that the points system is more successful when it is clearly defined with checklists, schedules, and deadlines.
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Be aware that checklists and schedules have limitations. GPPH makes it difficult for children to do assignments, even for motivated children. If your expectations are too high or do not match, the child may not be successful and the system will be useless.
- For example, a child who has difficulty with essay homework and spends so much time working on it that he misses the violin practice schedule may find it very difficult to earn points.
- Another example, a child who has great difficulty with a behavior checklist may never earn enough gold stars to qualify for a reward. Without positive encouragement, he will act instead of trusting the system.
Step 6. Try to frame everything in positive, not negative terms
Instead of telling your child to stop misbehaving, tell him what to do. In general, children with ADHD can't immediately think of good behavior to replace bad behavior, so it will be more difficult for him to stop. Your job as a mentor is to remind you what good behavior is expected to look like. Also, your child with ADHD doesn't fully hear "don't" in your sentences, so his brain may not process what you're saying properly. For example:
- Instead of saying, "Don't jump on the couch," say, "Come on, sit on the couch."
- "Castle the cat gently," not, "Don't pull the cat's tail."
- “Sit down sweet!” not "Don't run."
- Focusing on the positive is also very important when setting family rules. Instead of making a "no ball playing indoors" rule, try "playing ball outside the house". You may have more success with the “walk slowly in the living room” rule, rather than “don't run!”
Step 7. Avoid paying too much attention to bad behavior
Attention-good or bad-is a gift for a child with ADHD. Therefore, you should pay more attention to when he behaves well, but limit your attention to bad behavior because it can also be seen by the child as a gift.
- For example, if your child is still playing at bedtime, put him in bed quietly but firmly without cuddling and attention. You can confiscate the toys, but don't talk about them right away because they'll feel "rewarded" by the attention or that the rules are debatable. If you make a habit of not giving "gifts" when your child behaves badly, over time the false impression of a gift will fade.
- If your child is cutting out their coloring book, just take the scissors and the book. If you have to say something, simply say, "We're cutting papers, not books."
Method 3 of 4: Enforcing Consequences and Consistency
Step 1. Be the adult in control of the child
The parent should be in control, but usually, the persistence of the child's demands can break the parent's resolve.
- For example, your child may ask for soda five or six times in three minutes, while you are on the phone or taking care of a baby sibling, or cooking. Sometimes you're tempted (and it's easier) to give in, "Yeah, okay, but shut up and don't bother mom." However, the message conveyed is that persistence will win and he, the child, is in control, not the parent.
- Children with ADHD do not understand permissive discipline. He needs firm and loving guidance and boundaries. Long discussions about the rules and the reasons behind them will not work. Some parents are comfortable with this approach for the first step. However, applying the rules firmly, consistently, and lovingly is not rude or cruel.
Step 2. Make sure there are consequences for bad behavior
The basic rule is that discipline must be consistent, immediate, and strong. The punishment given must reflect the bad behavior of the child.
- Don't lock your child in his room as punishment. Most children with ADHD can easily shift their attention to the toys and items in their room, and they will feel happy. Finally, "punishment" becomes a reward. In addition, confining a child in a separate room has nothing to do with any particular offence, and he or she will find it difficult to attribute unrepeatable behavior to the punishment.
- Consequences must also be immediate. For example, if your child is told to put down his bicycle and come into the house but continues to ride, don't say that he can't ride tomorrow. Delayed consequences have little or no meaning for a child with ADHD because he or she tends to live in the “here and now”, and what happened yesterday has no real meaning for today. As a result, this approach is meaningless the next day when the consequences are applied and the child is unable to relate them to any behavior. Instead, confiscate the child's bike right away and explain that you will discuss the terms of getting it back later.
Step 3. Be a consistent parent
Parents will get better results if they always respond consistently. For example, if you use a points system, give and withdraw points quickly and consistently. Avoid acting at will, especially if you are angry or upset. Children will learn to behave properly over time and through continuous learning and encouragement.
- Always live up to your words or threats. Don't give too many warnings or empty threats. If you give multiple opportunities or warnings, give consequences at the last, second, or third warning, accompanied by the promised punishment or discipline. Otherwise, your child will keep testing you to see how many opportunities he can get.
- Make sure both parents have the same understanding of the discipline plan. For behavior to be changed, the child must receive the same response from both parents.
- Consistency also means that children know the risks of bad behavior, no matter where they are. Sometimes parents are afraid to punish their child in public for worrying about what other people think, but it's important to show children that certain behaviors have consequences wherever they occur.
- Make sure you coordinate with your school, tutor or daycare provider to ensure all caregivers and mentors implement consistent, immediate, and strong consequences. Do not let the child receive a different message.
Step 4. Avoid arguing with the child
Try not to argue with your child or be wishy-washy. Children should know that you are in charge, period.
- When you have an argument with your child or seem indecisive, the message is that you treat your child as a peer who has a chance to win an argument. In the child's mind, that is an excuse to keep pushing and arguing and fighting you.
- Be specific about instructions and explain clearly that they must be followed.
Step 5. Apply the trap system
Setrap can provide opportunities for children to win themselves. Instead of continuing the argument and seeing who is more upset, assign a place for the child to sit or stand until he is calm and ready to discuss the problem. Don't nag your child when he's being taken in, give him time and space so he can control himself. Emphasize that being caught is not a punishment, but rather an opportunity to start over.
Setrap is an effective punishment for children with ADHD. Setraps can be applied right away to help children see how they relate to behavior. Children with ADHD don't like to sit still, so it's a very effective response to bad behavior
Step 6. Learn to anticipate problems and plan ahead
Discuss your concerns with your child and come up with a plan so he can be disciplined. This is especially useful for handling children in public places. Discuss what rewards and punishments will be applied, then ask the child to repeat the plan aloud.
For example, if you are going out to dinner as a family, the reward for good behavior is the freedom to choose dessert, while the consequence for bad behavior is going to bed as soon as you get home. If your child starts acting up at a restaurant, a gentle reminder (“What's the reward for good behavior tonight?”) followed by a second harsh comment if necessary (“You want to go to bed early tonight?”) should help bring the child back into compliance
Step 7. Forgive quickly
Always remind your child that you love him no matter what and that he is a good kid, but there are consequences for every action.
Method 4 of 4: Understanding and Handling GPPH
Step 1. Understand that children with ADHD are different from other children
Children with ADHD can be challenging, aggressive, undisciplined, dislike rules, very emotional, passionate, and don't like being restricted. In the past, doctors assumed that children with such behavior were victims of poor upbringing, but in the early 20th century, researchers began to see that the cause of ADHD is in the brain.
- Scientists studying the brain structure of children with ADHD report that some parts of their brains are smaller than normal. One of them is the basal ganglia which regulates muscle movement and tells muscles when their function is needed for certain activities and when to rest. For most of us, when sitting, the hands and feet don't need to move, but the less effective basal ganglia in a child with ADHD can't prevent overactivity, so sitting still is very difficult for him.
- In other words, children with ADHD lack stimulation in the brain and have inadequate impulse control so they work harder or "act" to get the simulation they need.
- Once parents realize that their child is not naughty or stubborn, and that their brain just processes things differently because of ADHD, they can deal with the behavior more easily. This new, compassionate understanding gives parents more patience and will to rethink the way they handle their child.
Step 2. Understand other reasons why children with ADHD behave badly
There are several other problems that may add to the problems faced by parents of children diagnosed with ADHD, namely other accompanying disorders.
- For example, about 20% of children with ADHD also have bipolar or depressive disorder, while more than 33% have a behavior disorder or are prone to rebelliousness. Many children with ADHD also have learning disabilities or anxiety problems.
- Disorders or problems other than ADHD can complicate the task of disciplining a child. This is coupled with a variety of medications with potential side effects that should be considered when trying to regulate a child's behavior.
Step 3. Don't get frustrated if your child isn't acting "normal."
Normality cannot be measured in real terms, and the concept of "normal behavior" itself is relative and subjective. ADHD is a disorder and children need extra reminders and various types of accommodation. However, children with ADHD are no different from visually impaired people who need glasses and hearing impaired people who need hearing aids.
Your child's ADHD is "normal" in its version. ADHD is a disorder that can be treated effectively, and the child can lead a healthy and happy life
What Can You Realistically Expect?
- If you try some of these strategies, you should see improvements in your child's behavior, such as less tantrums or being able to complete a small task that you asked for.
- Note that this strategy will not eliminate behaviors related to the child's diagnosis, such as not being able to focus or having a lot of energy.
- You may have to experiment to see what discipline strategies work best for your child. For example, some children will respond well to absorbance while others will not.
