When your parents are angry, you may feel scared, depressed, or just annoyed. Regardless of whether you did something that made you deserve to be scolded or not, it's important to listen to what your parents have to say, stay calm so you don't yell back at them, and respond in an appropriate way so you don't get angry again. The steps described in this article can help you find the right way to respond to parental anger.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Keep Calm While Listening Carefully
Step 1. Understand that your parents' anger won't last forever
You may feel that your parents have been scolding you for two to three hours, but on second thought, very few parents have the energy or stamina to scold their child for that long. If you respond appropriately to their anger, it won't last forever.
Try this to strengthen yourself mentally: tell yourself that you are strong enough to withstand the anger or yelling of your parents
Step 2. Don't talk, cry, or whine while being scolded
Stay still and calm. If you speak, even in polite words and tone of voice, your parents will perceive it as a form of resistance, disrespect or disloyalty.
Step 3. Breathe calmly
Try to pay attention to how your body feels when you are scolded. You will most likely feel tense and congested. If you experience this, try to breathe deeply at a regular rhythm so that you feel more calm and relieved.
Inhale for a count of four and exhale as long as possible. Make sure you do belly breathing (air goes into your stomach) and your stomach lifts up as you inhale
Step 4. Try not to focus too much on how you felt when you were scolded
Sometimes, not feeling emotional when you are being treated rudely is a great way to ensure that you don't take the treatment too seriously. It's important that you don't take your parents' anger to heart because when your parents face other problems in life, they often get angry easily over trivial things. It's certainly not your fault.
- The best way to not focus on your anger is to watch your parent's face while listening to what they have to say. Pay attention to the wrinkles or other physical features that appear on their faces when they are angry.
- Instead of trying to understand his angry speech, imagine the frustration and frustration your parents are facing.
- This way, you'll remember that even though you were scolded, your parents were actually having a hard time. Again, it's possible that the anger is triggered by stress that you may not directly trigger.
Step 5. Do a good deed for your parents
For example, get them a glass of water when they're scolding you and try saying, "Drink first so your voice isn't hoarse," without sounding sarcastic, rude or disrespectful. This way, your parents will be sorry and feel that they did something wrong for scolding you, especially if you are proven innocent.
Step 6. Keep listening to what they have to say
Make sure you don't completely lose focus so you can stay aware of the reasons for your parent's anger. If your parent's anger lasts long enough to subside, try explaining or rephrasing what your parent said to show them that you listened to what they were saying. In addition, your parents can hear back the anger they directed at you.
- Show signs that you are listening to what he is saying, such as by nodding your head, raising an eyebrow, and saying "I understand what you are saying".
- Try picking up 'key' words that give you clues about what triggered your parent's annoyance or disappointment. If your parents scold you for one incident, try to pay attention to the details they are concerned about. If they are angry because of a fairly long series of events, understand the theme behind the anger.
Step 7. Think before you respond
You also need to refrain from yelling back at your parents, throwing things, or slamming doors. Be aware that your violent reaction can escalate tension and lead to your parent's continuing to scold you (in fact, getting angry even more). Keep in mind that your parents are angry for one reason or another (although it might not be appropriate to scold you), and the anger shown is actually a sign of your annoyance and a desire to be heard by you. Aggressive responses may actually make them feel misunderstood by you, making them more likely to rebuke you in the future.
- Sometimes parents perceive minor signs of disagreement as aggressive (eg winking, sarcasm, and slightly scornful facial expressions). This means, you need to be careful in showing such expressions.
- Think about the reactions your parents didn't like, based on what you've experienced in the past. Even if you are tempted or compelled to retaliate against your parent's anger for making you feel uncomfortable and discouraged, don't engage in behavior that could trigger more anger.
Step 8. Leave the room politely if you feel that the anger directed at you is excessive
If your parents continue to scold you until you feel that you can no longer respond calmly, try leaving the room. Ask if you can talk about the problem later, and briefly explain that their anger is making it difficult for you to think clearly about the problem at hand. Try not to sound 'blame' (e.g. by saying “Mom's yelling is so annoying and it's driving me crazy”).
- Instead, try saying, “I want this to be over, but right now I'm too dizzy for discussion. Looks like I'm going to my room first to think for a bit."
- It can be difficult to leave the room as some parents find it disrespectful. Do your best to explain to them that you are still willing to discuss the issue at hand.
- Do not advise parents to calm down as this can be considered rude.
Part 2 of 2: Giving Feedback That Can Prevent Later Anger
Step 1. Don't apologize if you're innocent
If you are innocent, stick to your stand. If you know you're innocent but still feel sorry for upsetting your parents, in most situations you can say something like, "Mom/Dad, I'm sorry that you're angry and I hope you feel better soon."
It's a good idea to make a plan to let go of the aggression that's still holding you back by engaging in activities after you've had time to do them. For example, you can release suppressed aggression by cleaning your room or jogging around the house
Step 2. Show feedback
Keep your responses short, polite, and in a controlled tone of voice. Don't let sarcasm or anger reflect in your delivery, as parents may think you're fighting them or being passive-aggressive. Also, don't try to give your opinion or opinion on the issue at hand when you're being scolded. You can do this later when the situation calms down.
- Instead of giving an opinion, try using simple affirmative statements, such as "I understand" or "I know."
- It doesn't matter if you disagree or really don't understand what the parent is saying. Sometimes things like this are more appropriate to talk about after each party has calmed down enough to explain things in a better way.
Step 3. Accept the parent's feelings
Be sure to show that you know they're angry about one thing you did. Even if you don't feel guilty, don't deny the fact that your parents are angry. Whatever the reason, accepting your parents' feelings doesn't mean you're admitting they're right or wrong.
Apologize if you are at fault. Do it sincerely. If you are indeed at fault, the right thing to do is to show your remorse for what you have done
Step 4. Try to compromise
Ask your parents what you can do to make things better. However, remember to stick to your stand if you are innocent. You can fix things right away to make sure your parents don't stay upset so they don't scold you for something else.
The more you can do to solve the problem at hand, the better. If you still have things to say that you think are more complicated than your parents might understand, write them down. It's important that you don't hold back your anger so you don't yell or scold your parents out of the blue
Step 5. Talk about how you feel
Once you and your parents have calmed down, try to rethink the problem from your point of view. In a clear and polite tone, tell your parents why you did the thing that made them angry. The better you explain the thoughts and feelings that arise when you are scolded, the more motivated parents will be to understand and forgive immediately.
- Make sure you don't convince your parents that you're right, as doing so can only re-ignite their anger. Show the difference in your understanding of the problem before (when you were scolded) and after (at this time, after you have calmed down), especially if your actions have no apparent reason.
- You can also use this opportunity to let them know that their anger at you is making you feel depressed. Explain how you feel when you're scolded and the fact that it actually deprives you of the opportunity to communicate in a better way. Afterward, if you feel deeply hurt by being scolded, firmly (but still politely) ask your parents to apologize sincerely.
Step 6. Seek help if your parent's anger is expressed in a dangerous way
Were your parents unable to calm themselves or ease their anger? Did your parents previously have a history of problems related to anger and domestic violence? If you feel that your expressed anger is turning into physical violence, don't hesitate to call emergency services. If it appears you are in danger, you can call 112.
In Indonesia, you can contact the National Commission for Child Protection at the hotline 021-87791818. You can also contact the Indonesian Child Protection Commission at 021-31901556 (or e-mail complaints to [email protected]) or the emergency services telephone number at 112. By calling these telephone numbers, you can request assistance from these parties. in dealing with the problem of violence that may occur
Tips
- Try talking about your situation with a counselor if your parents often get angry. Anger can be a dangerous thing if it is received or listened to too often. It can even lead to depression in children.
- Try to see the situation at hand from the right angle. Think of other factors in your parents' lives that might trigger them to vent and scold you. Let them release the pressure and understand that you are (of course) not the only cause of their anger.
- Focus on forgiveness. Of course, it will be easy to make up and apologize to each other with your parents if you and your parents are willing to immediately resolve the problem.
- Do not be too easy or resigned to follow the wishes of your parents. However, it's sometimes better to do this than try to negotiate because, it's possible that the parent's anger will escalate if you try to negotiate.
