In fact, there are many ways that parents can discipline their children. However, before choosing any method, understand that disciplining a child must also be age-appropriate, especially since some methods can be more readily accepted by children of a certain mental age. Adapt well though, most of the methods in this article are useful for children of all ages.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Disciplining 1-2 Year Olds
Step 1. Praise your child for good behavior
Shaping children's behavior in a positive way is the best way to fight bad behavior. If your child appears to be helping a sibling to clean up toys, make sure you immediately praise the behavior.
For example, if your child is seen tidying up his toys, try saying, “Wow, your daughter is really smart in tidying up her toys. Thank you!"
Step 2. Take advantage of the “alone” strategy
Even though the true concept of being alone will be incomprehensible to toddlers, applying it can still be useful in separating your child from the things he or she is doing.
- If your child is constantly throwing food at a cat, stop him immediately by placing him in a high chair. Doing so will temporarily stop the activity and you'll have time to clean up the page or fix the situation.
- Don't ask him to be alone in his room! If you do, your children may form negative associations with their room. In other words, he could think of his room as a punishment room.
Step 3. Be consistent
Since your child is very young, he or she may not yet have the ability to understand many rules and demands. However, if you have already created a rule, make sure you always apply it consistently. Try to always consult the rules that will apply to your child with a partner.
For example, don't let your child enter your partner's study or play near the stairs if your partner isn't home
Step 4. Distract him if he wants to do something you don't want him to do
In fact, children aged 1-2 years have a very large curiosity about everything. Therefore, they are more likely to keep trying to do something you don't allow. Banning your child will only make him angry and cry, or even he will ignore your ban and keep doing it! That's why, all you need to do is drag it towards another object or activity.
If she's constantly wanting to open kitchen cabinets, try herding her to her favorite toy
Step 5. Explain your rules in simple language
Don't give too long an explanation! For example, if you tell him not to stand on the stairs, don't say, "If you play near the stairs, you'll fall and get hurt, you know." Instead, just say, "Don't play near the stairs, okay?" Trust me, the reason behind the rules you make will not be able to be digested properly by children under 3 years old. Do not worry; if he starts asking “why”, you'll know that he's ready for longer answers.
- Squat while talking to your child so that your head and his head are level.
- Stay calm. Don't yell or scold your child! Always remember that young children do not yet have the cognitive ability to differentiate between right and wrong, nor do they understand too many rules at the same time. Yelling at the child will not help him understand the situation. Instead, you'll just frighten him.
- Whenever you feel frustrated, try to inhale deeply for three to five seconds, then exhale for the same number of times.
Part 2 of 4: Disciplining 3-7 Year Olds
Step 1. Create clear rules
Since the age of 3 years, actually children have begun to understand and follow the rules. For example, set a rule that if your child wants to draw, he must first put on an old T-shirt and/or apron to keep his clothes from getting dirty. Make sure you explain the rules and remind him every time he draws.
For example, after explaining the rules to your child, try reminding them by saying, "What should you wear before you draw, come on?" After a few times, the activity will surely transform into a habit and routine for your child
Step 2. Apply the rules consistently
If you apply these rules to only a few situations, chances are your child will feel confused. Therefore, make sure you always apply the rules consistently even if the situation is different.
If you tell him not to watch television until dinner is finished but he does it anyway, discipline him by asking him to be alone. If he keeps repeating the same mistakes the next day, ask him to be alone again. Applying the same punishment every time can make your child aware that this behavior is not allowed
Step 3. Be patient when explaining a rule
Children aged 2 years and over are generally able to understand the reasoning behind a rule as long as you are able to explain it in simple language.
- If he asks the reason behind having to clean up his own toys after playing, try saying, “Because you have to take care of your own stuff. If not taken care of, your toys can be stepped on and damaged. You want your toy broken?”
- Explain your rules in simple language. After conveying the rules to the child, ask him to repeat the rules again in his own words. Try asking, "You understand?" If he claims to understand, ask again, "What did I ask you to do?" If he can re-explain your rules in his own words, it means that your rules are good enough and understandable.
- If your child can't repeat your rules, chances are that your rules are too complicated. Try to simplify the rules and let him grow up before giving more complex rules.
Step 4. Be firm with the child
Do not be easily influenced by whining or seduction. If you allow him to do whatever he wants, he'll find that whining can get him anything he wants! As a result, he will continue to use the same strategy in the future.
If your child is constantly whining, "I want to play outside," at dinnertime, emphasize that he is only allowed to play outside with your permission
Step 5. Do not discipline all atypical behavior
Sometimes, parents think of their children's innocence as their intention to act up or upset their parents. In fact, most young children are trying to explore their world through actions that are considered atypical.
- If your child draws with crayons on the walls of the house, chances are he doesn't know that this is not allowed. No matter how upset you are, try to empathize and see the situation from your child's perspective. If you've never made it a rule not to draw on the wall, isn't it natural for your child not to know that doing so is wrong?
- If your child performs an atypical act, simply emphasize that he or she must not repeat it. After that, offer a substitute activity like drawing on a piece of paper or a drawing book instead of a wall. If necessary, ask him to help you clean up the mess he created. Remember, never scold or punish him if he doesn't know what he did was wrong!
Step 6. Express love and empathy to your child
When disciplining a toddler, always emphasize that all your actions are rooted in your love for them. Show your care and affection by saying, "I know you want to go downstairs, but it's dangerous for you." After that, hug the child and show that the boundaries you give are really only to protect their safety and security.
- Understand that most of the problems your child causes are the result of his curiosity, not that he wants to behave badly. Understanding your child's mental development will likely help you to see the world from your child's perspective. As a result, you will be encouraged to treat your children with greater empathy.
- Don't be afraid to say "no". Remember, you are the parents. Thus, you have the right to regulate the behavior of your children.
Step 7. Create distractions for the child
By doing so, you can direct his energy in a more positive direction. Think about the situation you and your child are in and try to find creative alternative ways to distract him.
- If your child starts acting up at the supermarket because you don't want to buy her favorite cereal, try asking her to help you find some things on your shopping list. If your child is busy playing around a vase that breaks easily, try giving him a toy or a piece of paper and crayon to distract him from the vase for a while.
- This tactic is primarily intended for children aged 6-24 months, but it can also be useful until they reach 5 years of age.
Step 8. Implement a “alone” strategy
In this strategy, children will be asked to sit or remain in one place for a specified time (usually the number of minutes is adjusted to the child's age). If your child is five years old, ask him to be alone for five minutes each time he makes a mistake. Being alone is actually a form of disciplining children that is suitable for children from preschool to elementary school.
- Choose a location free of distractions such as television, books, toys, peers, or video games. Remember, the purpose of this method is to give children the opportunity to reflect on their actions without distraction. For children under 2 years old, try asking them to sit on a kitchen chair or at the bottom of the stairs for an age-appropriate amount of time.
- Being alone is also an appropriate disciplining strategy if your child breaks the rules or does something dangerous. For example, apply this method if your child continues to play in the middle of the street even though you have forbidden it.
- Don't talk to him when he's alone. If you want to send the right moral message to your child, be patient and wait until your child's time out is really over.
Step 9. Seize anything of value from the child
If your child is constantly breaking his toys, try confiscation of all his undamaged toys for a while. Explain to your child that if he wants his toys back, he must promise to take good care of them.
- For very young children, make sure you confiscate their valuables as soon as they misbehave. Thus, he will get used to associating this behavior with the loss of things he likes.
- Don't punish him for too long. Be careful, young children often have difficulty understanding the concept of time like teenagers and adults. While confiscation of a child's toys for a week may seem fair and long enough for you, the effect will wear off easily after a few days.
Step 10. Give a reward if the child behaves well
Regardless of the age of the child, you should still give gifts or rewards for good behavior. For toddlers and very young children, try giving gifts of verbal praise or unique and colorful stickers. Instead of punishment, giving rewards or rewards is more effective in shaping positive behavior in very young children.
- For example, praise your child for sharing snacks with their peers without being asked.
- If you want, you can also give your child a piece of candy or allow your child to watch television longer than usual. Choose a reward that relates to the child's form of positive behavior.
Step 11. Help the child understand the concept of natural consequences
In other words, teach that all his actions are bound to produce certain results. Understanding the concept of natural consequences can help children realize that all their actions must be accounted for. In addition, they will also be trained to sort out right and wrong actions.
- If the child does not return the bicycle to its place, the natural consequence is that the bicycle will rust or be stolen. If he leaves his bike outside, try to explain the natural consequences he might experience.
- The statement “if…then…” is appropriate to use to explain natural consequences to children. For example, you might say, "If you leave it outside, your bike could be stolen or rust."
- Do not use natural consequence strategies in situations that put your child's health or safety at risk. For example, if the weather is very cold, do not let the child out of the house without wearing a jacket. If he is seen playing with a match, take it immediately so that the child does not get burned or injured.
Step 12. Discipline the child in a reasonable way
Make sure you always respond to your child's behavior in a way that makes sense. In other words, don't overreact to your child's behavior or expect him to be able to do something he hasn't learned.
If your 3-year-old spills juice, don't ask him to clean it all up on his own. Instead, help your child and say, “Hey, the juice spilled! Let's learn to clean juice together." After that, give him a rag and ask him to help you clean up the spilled juice. Show him the right way to clean things and give him the tips he needs
Step 13. Make a schedule
Establish a routine for your child from the time he is six months old. For example, when your child is six months old, make sure he gets up at 8 a.m., has breakfast at 9 a.m., plays until 12 p.m., takes a nap at 1 p.m., and sleeps at 7 p.m. As he gets older, you can push back his nighttime sleep and give him the freedom to decide how he spends his time. A child who understands how to manage his time from an early age will actually benefit more when he starts school.
- If you don't have a schedule, try having a discussion with your child to determine the most appropriate bedtime, wake-up time, lunch time, and other activity times.
- If you have several children of varying ages, make sure they have different hours of sleep. Doing so will not only affect each child's natural sleep cycle and physiological state, but it will also give you the opportunity to have an intimate chat with each child before they go to sleep at night. If your children are close in age (less than four), consider giving them the same bedtime schedule to prevent sibling rivalry.
Part 3 of 4: Disciplining 8-12 Year Olds
Step 1. Forge a strong bond with your child
Disciplining children who have grown up is much more difficult than disciplining those who are still young. Instead of punishment or threats, what you really need to do to ensure good behavior is to build a strong bond with him and encourage your child to continue to behave in a positive way.
- Ask him what he's doing at school, and if he has a favorite subject at school. Show genuine interest in his life!
- Take the children to travel together or do activities with other family members such as taking a walk in the city park or just taking an afternoon walk around the complex.
- Making connections with children at this age is not easy, especially because their activities at school and outside of school are likely to pile up. However, still make time to have an intimate chat with your child, at least for a few minutes each day. Try talking to him when he's not busy doing anything, or right before he goes to bed at night.
- Give examples of behavior that you think is appropriate. If you promise to do something, keep that promise. Don't use harsh words when talking to your children. Remember, children will imitate the words and behavior of their parents! Therefore, make sure you are a positive role model for your child.
Step 2. Set reasonable rules
Understand that children aged 8-12 years are actually being transformed into more independent individuals. Even if he still needs you, he's more likely to feel trapped in too restrictive rules. Therefore, try to compare the rules you set with those set by other parents to find out a reasonable night's sleep, or a reasonable amount of television viewing.
- If your child has their own cell phone or computer, set limits on how often they use the phone and computer, but still allow them some measure of freedom. For example, forbid children from using cell phones while eating dinner or at certain times of the night.
- Continue to monitor the child's progress. If she really enjoys traveling with friends, emphasize that she is allowed to do so as long as an adult is accompanying or supervising them.
- Work with your child and listen to his opinion. If your child is frustrated with your rules, acknowledge your child's point of view and consider relaxing the rules if possible.
Step 3. Make sure the punishment you choose is correct
If you confiscate a book he rarely reads, will he take it as punishment? On the other hand, if you ban your child from traveling for a whole week just because he or she is late for dinner, the punishment is actually excessive and not commensurate with the fault. Discipline your child in a fair and proper manner. Also discuss the most appropriate pattern of child discipline with your partner.
Step 4. Stay calm
Either way, never yell at your child or say things that could embarrass, hurt, or provoke a negative response from your child. Discipline him in the right and proper way! If your child makes offensive comments in public, pull him away from the crowd and make it clear that his words can be heard by the person in question.
- In fact, children at that age have begun to feel social pressure from their surroundings, and begin to experience hormonal changes. These changes can trigger drastic emotional spikes and result in your child throwing tantrums more often. If your child is angry or crying out of frustration, don't respond in an equally emotional way. Instead, ask your child to leave the room to cool off. If you're in his room, ask if you need to leave his room for a while. Talk to your child only when his emotions have subsided. Try asking, "Do you think your tone and actions yesterday were acceptable?" Point out that your child should apologize after yelling or expressing emotions in a negative way.
- If your child gets angrier and says, "I hate you," don't take it personally. Understand that he is making you angry. Do not fulfill his wishes and remain calm and in control. When your child's emotions have subsided, let him know that you really felt hurt by his words. After that, ask if he needs to apologize to you. If she says "no," tell her that you forgive her even if she didn't ask for it. Show that you want him to always respect and treat others well, even when he's angry.
Step 5. Reward good behavior
If your child does something positive without being asked (for example, tidying up his own toys or doing schoolwork without being asked), giving a reward to reward his action is a response you deserve. For example, allow your child to watch more television or spend the night at a close friend's house.
- For middle or high school age kids, you can allow them to come home later than usual if they finish their schoolwork on time.
- Indeed, good behavior is very dependent on the relationship of children with their parents. If you think it's good behavior to be in bed before 9 p.m., make sure you share those expectations with your child. If your child manages to meet these expectations for a whole week, give your child an interesting gift.
Step 6. Don't protect your child from natural consequences
Natural consequences are effects that automatically follow an individual's actions. For example, a natural consequence for 8-12 year olds who leave their textbooks at a friend's house is that they cannot study and read the book.
- If your child likes to throw his phone when he's angry, don't punish him right away. Instead, tell him that the action damaged his cell phone and therefore, he can't contact his friends anymore.
- Always stress to your children that such natural consequences will come with their permission.
Step 7. Help your child discipline himself
Practice healthy and open communication patterns as your child ages. Instead of always punishing him as he was when he was a child, show that he has to change his behavior so that his life moves in a better direction.
- For example, your child is used to getting up late so the school bus is always left behind. As a result, he was always late for school. Instead of making threats like "If you're late for school again, I'll take your toys away"), try to get your child to understand the issue in a positive way.
- Try saying, “It seems like you've been missing the bus lately. If this continues, your grades may drop. How do you think you can stop doing that again?”
- Chances are, your child will come up with some ideas like setting an early alarm or getting his textbook and uniform the night before. After that, help your child to make sure all his ideas come true, but allow him to do everything alone to teach him discipline without anyone's help.
Step 8. Encourage your child to reflect on his mistakes
A good pattern of discipline is not only colored by punishment, it does not only show what consequences will be achieved by your child if he does the wrong thing. In fact, you also need to show what possibilities your child can do to correct his mistakes and not repeat them in the future. For example, if your child's academic grades are very low, try asking why. Chances are, your child will admit that he's been putting off work until he's done all his schoolwork.
- Invite your child to think about what changes can be made to get a more positive outcome. For example, you might ask, “Why do you always procrastinate on your homework?”, “What could you possibly do to motivate yourself better?”, “Do your grades make you happy? Why yes or why not?” Asking your child to think about the impact of a situation will make him realize that he is the only party responsible for his life.
- Always ask if there is anything you can do to help her fix a mistake. Show that you will always be there for him so that he feels loved no matter what.
Part 4 of 4: Disciplining 13-18 Year Olds
Step 1. Involve him in setting the rules
Make sure he feels included in the process of setting the rules and determining the most appropriate method of discipline for him. However, don't let your child control the negotiation process! Just show that he's mature enough in your eyes to deserve his own authority.
- For example, if you allow him to come home late on the weekends, don't say things with vague meanings like "Don't come home too late." Instead, emphasize your tolerance limits by saying, "You have to be home by 10, okay?" These techniques will generally work more effectively for those in their teens.
- Once he has obtained a driver's license (SIM), allow him to drive alone when traveling short distances. Let him know that he can drive further as he gains experience.
- Maintaining relationships with teenagers who are already teenagers is not easy, especially because most teenagers tend to be reluctant to get closer to their parents. However, you can actually strengthen your relationship with them if you are willing to respect their perspective and passion. Involving your child in the process of disciplining them shows that you value their independence. Trust me, he will definitely like it even if he doesn't admit it in front of you.
Step 2. Point out what things you absolutely will not tolerate
Although you have to go through the negotiation stage before disciplining your child, there are actually some things that no parent should tolerate. For example, make it clear that your child should not drink and do drugs, or invite friends over to your house when you or another adult is not home.
- If your child violates these rules, your response may vary. For example, you could first ask if he's aware that his behavior makes you uncomfortable. Make sure you always communicate calmly, straightforwardly, and clearly, especially when you're discussing the rules your child must follow.
- If your child is not allowed to drink alcohol but still does, always try to explain that drinking has the potential to make him or her be taken advantage of and/or humiliated by others, or to endanger himself and/or others while driving.
- If he's still reluctant to follow your rules, try disciplining him by confiscating valuables like his car keys, cell phone, or tablet. If the bad behavior persists, consider asking your child to live with a trusted relative, or confirming that she can find a place to live on her own if she doesn't follow your rules.
Step 3. Make a schedule for the child
Generally, teenage children will be very busy with academic activities, part-time jobs, and extracurricular activities at school and outside of school. Help your child manage their time by establishing a regular daily schedule, but don't let your child have complete control over the schedule. For example, don't allow your child to go to soccer practice if he hasn't finished his schoolwork or if his performance at school is declining. Show that you support his extracurricular activities, as long as he is able to maintain his academic performance and always comes home before your curfew. Don't let your child roam the night outside!
- In fact, a teenager's performance will improve if he goes to bed earlier and wakes up later. Therefore, make sure your child gets 8-10 hours of sleep every night! Unfortunately, most schools require students to get up very early every day. If that's the case for your child, allow him to sleep longer on the weekends. After that, invite the child to discuss the schedule you made and ask for constructive feedback from him.
- If he's having trouble keeping up with your schedule, try typing or writing the schedule and sticking it in an area your child can see easily (for example, on the refrigerator door). That way, your child can always consult the schedule with you if needed. Emphasize to him that breaking the schedule will lead to unpleasant consequences. Make sure you also always keep your word about the consequences that will be received by him!
Step 4. Remind your child of natural consequences
As a teenager, your child should already understand the concept of natural consequences. For example, allow your child to make rational and reasoned decisions about the clothes he wears. If he refuses to wear a jacket when it's cold, let him suffer the natural consequences, such as being cold, feeling uncomfortable, or being the center of attention on the street.
Step 5. Confiscate anything of value to her
If your child is acting up, try to temporarily confiscate something valuable to him or her. For example, prohibit him from watching television or do not allow him to travel with friends for a certain period of time.
To make this method work more effectively, try to confiscate something relevant to the error. For example, if he continues to watch television while doing his homework, even though you have banned him many times, confiscate his right to watch television for at least 24 hours. The decision is actually wise because you take rights that are directly related to the obligations
Step 6. Discuss various problems with the child
If your child breaks a rule or does something they shouldn't, make sure you have a discussion with them instead of directly scolding or punishing them. Trust me, powerful discussions open up space for you to get to know your children better. In addition, your rules and expectations can be more easily confirmed through the discussion process! Therefore, instead of directly scolding or punishing him, engage him in a discussion and emphasize that your expectations are clear enough. After that, try to think of an ideal way to meet those expectations while still providing the support your child needs.
- For example, if your child has been having his own tactics for shirking the dishes lately, try asking him to sit down and discuss the matter. Explain that everyone has their own responsibilities, and it is very important for each person to fulfill his or her responsibilities even when he or she doesn't want to. If necessary, give your child examples such as, "What do you think if Mom stops working and we don't have money to buy food or clothes?"
- Also explain why your child should wash the dishes after eating. For example, say to him, “We as a family have our own responsibilities at dinner. Your father cooks dinner, your sister sets the table, and Mother cleans the dining room after dinner. Washing the dishes is part of that responsibility and we need you to keep doing it.”
- If necessary, ask what needs to be done to make it easier for the child to carry out his responsibilities. For example, if he admits he feels disgusted when he has to touch old dishes, try buying him gloves to wear every time he washes the dishes. If she admits to being unfairly treated for having to wash the dishes after eating, try having your kids take turns setting the table, cleaning the kitchen, or even cooking dinner.
Tips
- Do not give physical punishment to children! Giving punishment or coercion that physically hurts the child will only reveal new problems in the child's life. Hitting children, for example, can actually hurt them and make their behavior more aggressive in the future. In addition, doing so will also make your child feel inferior, or grow up with the mindset that they are allowed to hurt the people they care about.
- Remember, giving gifts to well-behaved children is not the same as "bribing". Do not be influenced by these negative preconceptions! In fact, giving gifts is a logical and fair form of appreciation for children who manage to live their lives according to your expectations. Show that your appreciation is a natural result of their willingness to be disciplined.
- Make sure you always motivate your child to think and behave positively.
Warning
- Don't give blank options. Sometimes, giving choices is impossible in parenting.
- Remember, it takes solid cooperation to raise children. Therefore, always consult the discipline pattern that is most suitable for your child with your partner.
