Knowing if someone is avoiding you is a difficult thing to do. It's possible that you haven't met him yet. There are a few traits you can see: you see him, but he doesn't want to look at you at all. You sent a message on Facebook two weeks ago, but he hasn't replied yet. Imagine yourself in his shoes, and try to understand why he's avoiding you.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Recognizing Avoidance
Step 1. Recognize the communication that stops suddenly
Be aware when someone stops contacting you, even if it happens every now and then. The person doesn't even want to chat with you in person: maybe they just contacted you via email, text, and social media. If you think of yourself as friendly and romantic with someone, but he stops talking to you, he may be avoiding you.
Consider that your friend may just be busy, and that they really want to see you. He might leave a message like: “Sorry I can't call you back. I'm busy with my school right now. Let's meet next week when I have time." But if you keep getting messages like this for weeks-or don't get any messages at all-you can assume that he's trying to stay away from you
Step 2. Recognize when someone makes excuses not to spend time with you
Maybe he keeps blaming his busy work schedule, or his busy social life, or maybe there's always something he has to do. If the person is constantly looking for excuses to cancel plans, there's a good chance he or she is avoiding you.
Don't be too harsh. There may indeed be sudden things that come up, and the person may feel overwhelmed by his busy schedule. Excuses are characteristic of avoidance, but that doesn't mean the person doesn't want to spend time with you
Step 3. Try to make eye contact
If you meet this person in person, try to look him in the eye. If he's avoiding you, there's a good chance he won't make eye contact with you. Even if he did, his gaze would only last a moment-or he would roll his eyes.
Step 4. Send some messages to the person, and see how they respond
If you send a simple message like “Hi! How are you?”, and he hasn't replied in a few days, he probably doesn't want to talk to you. Try again, if you don't get a reply yet, but don't immediately accuse him; make an effort to have the conversation you are used to. If he doesn't reply to your second message, don't keep pressing him. Appreciate his reasons for avoiding you, and give no more reasons to make him avoid you.
- Some messaging services signal when the recipient has read your message. Use this to gauge whether you are being ignored. If he reads all of your messages but never replies, this indicates that at least he's not interested in chatting with you. If your message hasn't been marked as “read” or “seen”, you can prove that it's online from the chat bar or chat bar, or by measuring the time when it uploaded something.
- Use your knowledge of the person's technology habits. If you know that your friend doesn't log into their Facebook account often, it's possible that your messages often go unnoticed. However, if he logs into his Facebook account frequently, there's a good chance he's avoiding you.
Step 5. Listen to short, disinterested answers
If you can chat with the person, see if he or she only gives monotonous short answers. He may be trying to divert your question so he can leave.
For example: When you say, “Hey, we haven't talked in a while. How are you?" he replied, “Okay” and left. This could indicate that your friend is avoiding you
Step 6. Be aware of how the person you suspect is avoiding you treats you in the group
If he has something to talk to everyone but you, he's probably staying away from you. Avoidance doesn't just mean that someone doesn't want to spend time with you-they may not even be aware of your existence. Try saying something directly to the person and see how they respond. If he responds quickly and curtly and then looks away-or doesn't respond at all-there's a good chance he's avoiding you.
- Compare this treatment to the way he treats you directly. Maybe he's just "avoiding" you when you're in a group chat, or maybe he just walks away when he's alone with you. Try to find out if he did it to someone else, or just to you.
- Be aware of whether the person is leaving when you arrive. If this happens repeatedly, it could indicate that he doesn't want to hang out with you.
Step 7. Consider whether the person values your opinion
If this person doesn't ask for your input in a meeting or discussion with a friend, he or she may be trying to stay away from you. Maybe he doesn't ask how you feel about his decision; he may not even react at all when you weigh the decision from your point of view.
Step 8. Don't put up with someone dragging you down
Consider whether you are a priority in that person's life. Someone may stay away from you if they don't make time to spend with you. Maybe the person isn't comfortable with commitment and wants you to be willing to "go with the flow." Look for traits that show you're not his priority:
- Relationships don't thrive: they just dwell on uncertainty, or your relationship stagnates, or it regresses.
- This person is only there when he needs something from you, including money, attention, intimacy, or a listener. Consider whether you constantly feel taken advantage of.
- He just made a sudden plan. He may knock on your door or text you at night without trying to plan ahead.
Method 2 of 3: Understanding Avoidance Behavior
Step 1. Ask yourself why this person is avoiding you
Maybe you just had a fight with him; maybe you said something that hurt the other person's feelings without realizing it; or maybe you make him feel uncomfortable. Think carefully about your attitude, and try to figure out why.
Step 2. Look for patterns
Examine the circumstances in which you felt “ignored”, and see if there are any similarities between each situation. Maybe the person avoids you at certain times, or with certain people; it may have something to do with you or him. Put the parts together and try to understand what they mean.
- Does the person seem to avoid you at certain times, or only when you do certain things? For example, maybe you're new to drugs, and your friends don't like seeing your changing personality.
- Does the person avoid you when you are around certain people? Maybe you're not the only one he's avoiding-or maybe he just doesn't like the way you behave around certain groups. Maybe your friend is shy or introverted: he or she is always excited to have a one-on-one conversation, but quickly dissipates when you come with a larger group.
- Does the person avoid you while trying to work or study? Maybe your friend likes to spend time with you in a relaxed manner, but he's having a hard time getting things done when you're around him.
Step 3. Think about how you might try to contact the person
If your friend or lover is an attentive and interested person, but doesn't text back, he or she may not like texting. This is likely to happen if your friend has a very busy and disciplined life-it can be very difficult to have a serious chat on SMS when you are constantly working, studying, or practicing.
Step 4. Consider that people are going to separate
Measure whether the person has changed when he or she starts avoiding you-and if so, measure how noticeable the change is. Maybe he started hanging out with a new group of friends; maybe he has a new girlfriend; maybe he's busy with sports or hobbies that aren't your thing. It's a beautiful thing to be close to someone, but everyone changes, and your relationship will crack. If you can tell when he has moved on with his life, you should move on too.
- Also, consider your changes. Maybe this person is behaving the same as usual, but you are starting to behave differently. Maybe you're starting to hang out with new friends, or you have a habit that annoys you, or you're always busy.
- Getting apart as you grow up doesn't mean you can't get back together. If you can feel yourself drifting away from someone, letting it go or trying to rekindle the relationship is your choice. However, remember that this process must be done together.
Method 3 of 3: Confronting Avoidance
Step 1. Face the person
If you believe that someone is avoiding you, consider raising the issue tactfully. Maybe you want to justify what you did wrong; you may suspect that your friend is avoiding you because he or she is in a bad situation. Appreciate him and be honest, and explain what's bothering you.
- If you're not sure why someone is avoiding you, say, “I wanted to talk about this from back then-I feel like you've been avoiding me lately. Have I made you angry?”
- If you know why someone is avoiding you, don't try to avoid trouble. Apologize for everything you did, and try to improve the situation. For example, say, “I feel like we've been awkward since we had a fight last week. I really value this friendship, and I want to talk about this matter so we can make things better. We can't fight to the point of destroying our friendship."
- You can deal with the person by talking to them one-on-one, or you can ask a counseling counselor to help mediate the conversation. Consider your comfort level, and choose a situation that you feel would best solve this problem.
Step 2. Ask your friends for advice, but don't talk bad about other people behind their backs
If you have several friends who also know your friend who is avoiding you, ask a trusted person to weigh the situation. Say, "Do you know why X is mad at me? I feel like he's avoiding me right now."
Do not spread rumors or gossip about the person. If you value your relationship with him, be careful what you say. If you say negative things behind someone's back, there's a good chance that your words will reach their ears-which will only make the situation hotter
Step 3. Give the person time
Sometimes, a person has to go through his personal journey before he is ready to reconnect with others. In many cases, forcing this relationship will only encourage the person who is avoiding you to stay away. Be patient, be open, and move on with your life. If he decides that he wants to be a part of your life, you will know it.
- Explain your wish. Say, "I think you need some time alone to develop yourself now, so I'll leave you alone first. If you want to talk, my door is always open for you.
- Open your heart. It will be very difficult to move on and still let that person into your life again. Rewind the story of your relationship, remember the best times with him, and let go of all the anger.
Step 4. Relax
It can be very difficult to let someone go, especially if you spend a lot of time and energy with them. However, there are times when you have to accept that things won't go back to how they used to be. This has to do with your self-development and your emotions: if you spend a lot of time reminiscing about the past, unable to escape fantasies of what happened and could happen, it will be more difficult for you to learn and live in the present. Let it go.
Letting go of someone doesn't mean forever. It's not that you can't repair your relationship with the person. This means that you are not sacrificing your precious emotional energy to someone who won't accept it right now
Tips
- If the person has been avoiding you for a long time, it may be time to let it go. If he doesn't bother spending time with you, he may have lost interest in you.
- If he seems uncomfortable around you, this may indicate that he is not open to your presence.
- If you are distressed by the fact that the person is avoiding you, ask your close friend to find out why you are angry with you.
