So you've gotten to know a woman and dated her, and things are going really well. It looks very good, but is it good enough? Is she the woman you want to focus all your attention on, and maybe even forever? These questions are tricky, but by focusing on the things that matter most, you can begin to think about the situation at hand and find the right answer.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Looking for a Good Woman
Step 1. Find a good woman
One of the most important things when looking for a woman is to make sure that she is a good person. Being assertive is a good thing, but someone who doesn't care about other people's feelings won't be able to keep the relationship healthy for long.
- Find a woman who is also kind to other people. It is important that he is not only nice to you. He should also be kind to other people, especially to people who don't really have to be treated well (eg repairmen). It's easy enough for someone to pretend to be nice when they feel it's important to do so, but rude behavior shown to a person that the person doesn't care about should indicate that he or she may also be rude to you during a fight.
- It also means that it must be fair. Justice is very important in a relationship. Does he always offer to pay for things each time? Does he share duties and responsibilities in the relationship equally? It shows that he's thinking about your comfort, which is key in a relationship.
Step 2. Find a woman who works hard
It would be better if you are with someone who is willing to work hard to achieve what he wants in life. The woman of your choice should be willing to push herself, at least sometimes. When a person works hard, it means he will be in a stable position, and the chances of problems to occur will be less.
For example, if he wants to buy a bag, he should sell some of the old things he has. He shouldn't expect you or his parents to buy it. However, birthday gifts and holidays are exceptions
Step 3. Expect a woman who has good values and priorities
Choosing a woman with good values and priorities is very important in a relationship. His values and priorities don't have to match traditional good characteristics, but they should match yours. However, there are some possible exceptions. The woman of your choice must:
- Honest. Honesty is very important in a relationship, no matter what kind of person you are and what kind of relationship you are in. Relationships require trust, and if he's not being honest with you, maybe trouble is something he's sure to face in the future.
- Accept people as they are, including you. If the woman you choose judges other people, one day she will do the same to you. If he's judging you or is constantly trying to change who you are or how you look, you deserve a better person, and he's not the right person for you.
Step 4. Find women who can form an environment of trust, no judgment at all
When you're with him, you have to feel like you're in the right place to be honest. You should feel like you are yourself when you are around him. You have to feel like you can cry, be super dorky, and do things you wouldn't normally be able to do in front of other people.
For example, if you tell him something very personal (like you're feeling depressed or want to be an astronaut), his response shouldn't be to laugh at you or put you down. He should try to help you, or at least encourage you, even if he doesn't approve of it
Method 2 of 3: Finding a Good Partner
Step 1. Pay attention to how you feel about the woman
How you feel about him is an important factor in determining whether he is the right person or not. You have to feel better when you are with him, both in terms of yourself and in terms of life. You should feel more confident and happy. You should miss him when he's gone. It shouldn't make you feel weak or stupid. He shouldn't make you feel anxious or worried because he's always saying or doing the wrong thing. When you are with him, you should feel natural and comfortable.
Some people enjoy being with someone who makes them feel uncomfortable, angry, or excited in a bad way. Living with such non-positives is fine in the long run, but they are usually a major sign that someone isn't the "right" person for you. Relationships like that usually don't last long, and you're willing to put yourself through a lot of trouble, with the aim of considering whether this woman is the right person for you
Step 2. Find a woman who makes you better
When in a relationship, you have to be with someone who makes you better. If you're with someone who makes you worse off, what's the point? Think about whether the woman makes you any better. If so, that might be a big sign that he or she is the right person for you.
Does it support you to develop yourself and your life? Is he trying to find a way for you to reach your goals? Does it make you want better things for your future? Does it make you work hard? All of these things are good
Step 3. Find a woman who is trying just as hard as you in the relationship
When two people are in a relationship, they both need to be willing to put in a balanced effort to make the relationship work and feel as satisfying as possible. If he wants you to do everything and try to change things, but doesn't do anything, that's not a good sign. If he's willing to try just as hard as you are, it's a sign that the relationship might really work for both of you.
- For example, he should be planning a date for the two of you once in a while, not you always planning everything.
- However, that doesn't mean he has to be very active in the relationship. If you both don't mind the approach used in the relationship, that's fine too. What is more important is that you and your partner's behavior and needs must be the same.
Step 4. Notice how he shows appreciation
You are not advised to be with someone who does not value your existence. Notice if he thanks you or shows gratitude in other ways when you do something nice for him. You should also try to notice if he does nice things for you every once in a while, in order to show how much he cares for you.
Even if the thing done to you is minor, that's okay. Not everyone has the time or money to give big flattery. But doing small things, like making you a favorite meal or writing a love letter, shows that he thinks about you and wants to show how important you are to him
Step 5. Expect that he will take on various responsibilities
If you're both old enough to live independently, for example in an apartment or house, you'll need to find out if he wants to balance tasks and financial problems, or at least fairly. This shows that he is fair, hard working, and honest. If he doesn't want to contribute, he may feel like a burden to you over time.
Sometimes, sharing things fairly doesn't mean sharing equally. For example, if you live in the same apartment, you don't have to divide the costs equally. What should be done is for each person to spend about 30% of his income, which is considered the amount of financial responsibility. That is, if you have an income of 50 million rupiah per month and he has an income of 20 million per month, you have to set aside 15 million rupiah, while he set aside 6 million rupiah
Step 6. Consider finding someone who can balance you
Having something in common is important in a relationship. You are advised to find someone who is similar to you in many ways. However, it is also important for you to be with someone who is different from you in some ways. That way, you and your partner both have to contribute in a balanced way in living the relationship, not just being yourself.
For example, maybe you are an organized person, but shy, and your partner is a carefree but cheerful person. He can help you socialize better, and you can help him get his life in order
Step 7. Find someone who has a fair fight
Quarrels happen in relationships. This is normal and can be a sign of a healthy relationship. However, you need to be with someone who is willing to have a fair fight. He should not insult or attack you in an unfair way: this is a sign of serious disrespect. He also shouldn't think of you as someone who gets in his way. Instead, find a woman who is willing to talk until you both find a middle ground.
For example, he shouldn't be bringing up your dad's drinking problem every time you fight about coming home too late. It's unfair to you, and it also has little impact on your relationship
Method 3 of 3: Find Women Who Have Similar Interests
Step 1. Find women who are interested in the same things as you
It is recommended that you find someone you can work with, so that you can spend time together easily. You have to find a woman to chat with. Choosing women with similar interests is important in determining whether this will be a problem in the future.
Relationships can start with something they have in common from the start, or you can build a common attraction over time. Try to start building a new hobby together. One example of a hobby that you can try is learning a new language. You can look for free language classes online, or you can take courses at your local community center or school
Step 2. Find someone who shares your values and priorities
The person you choose should have things in common with you in terms of values and priorities. These two aspects will determine whether the woman is right for you. Your values and priorities don't have to be "normal," but they have to match your values and priorities. That way, you can prevent tension and internal conflict through the relationship.
- For example, if he or she is a very conservative person and you are a very liberal person, there will be a lot of philosophical differences to deal with, which will eventually lead to less respect between you and your partner.
- However, if there are similarities to be found in the differences in values and priorities between you and the woman, sometimes you can still try to adjust. One example that you can see is a couple of different religions. It is possible that one of them is a Jew, while the other is a Christian, but both are obedient and uphold their love for the God of their respective religions, and that is enough for both of them. Sometimes, the basis of the belief is more important than the details of the belief that is lived.
Step 3. Find women with similar goals to yours
You and the woman must have similar goals, if you want to have a long-term relationship with her. It's okay if you have specific goals that change over time, but overall your goals should match. It is because a purpose will put you on a path in life, and so will it. If you and your partner's paths are separated, the relationship will be difficult, or even impossible.
For example, it's okay if he doesn't plan on pursuing higher studies if that isn't important to you either. However, if education and ambition are important to you, relationships will be filled with challenges as you work through them
Step 4. Find a woman who understands your friends, and also has good friends
Relationships don't just involve you and your partner. The relationship that is lived will also involve other people, who often also play an important role in making the relationship run smoothly. You have to find a woman who can interact and value your friends. Likewise, these female friends have to get along with you too.
- For example, if her friends don't like you and are always trying to get her to spend less time with you, the relationship may be filled with challenges.
- You have to determine what to do in such a problem. If the problem is too much for your relationship and he doesn't want to find a solution to it, you may want to consider another woman. Of course, you should discuss this with him and see what solutions you both can come up with.
Step 5. Consider women with similar backgrounds or experiences
This is not a prerequisite for a happy relationship, but it can be a huge bonus in a relationship. People who grew up in the same environment or have done similar things in their lives usually understand each other better, think in similar ways, and have stronger bonds. If the woman's life is similar to yours, some things in the relationship will be easier.
For example, maybe you and the woman both grew up with a difficult family member or sibling. On the other hand, people who have never experienced it will have a hard time understanding why you don't want to come home on holidays, while people who have experienced it will be very happy to spend a fun holiday, that is, to be alone with you
Tips
- Try to learn to be yourself around everyone you know. In any social situation, it's important that you feel good about yourself. achieving self-understanding is the best aspect of demonstrating self-confidence, which is an attractive trait for almost all women. Even though this advice is just a suggestion, consider it not only a basic part of going through the steps to finding the right woman for you, but also to be successful in living life as a whole.
- Remember his birthdays, celebrations, and the things he loves in his life, and make them the most important things. Don't try so hard to remember the date of the celebration and his favorite things - but once in a while, surprise him with something that shows you know what he wants. Don't make surprises a habit, or you'll come across as too clingy or obsessive.
Warning
- Don't pretend to be someone else, just be yourself.
- Women feel that men show different personalities when around women who are attractive to them, so don't "act" differently around these women. Stay true to yourself around other people. Flirt and seduce the woman - and don't cover up any part of your personality. Most importantly, you should feel comfortable being yourself and being with him. A woman can tell that a man is being himself when he shows confidence, and there's nothing sexier than a man who knows who he is and knows what he wants.
- When you're trying to get to know a woman, especially someone you think is the "right" person, you have to actually chat with him, and that requires you to listen. Don't talk about yourself constantly. Ask questions based on the information he conveys in the chat. If you're not sure what to ask, simply ask how he felt at that point in the story or anecdote, and why he felt that way. He will appreciate it when you understand.
- Compliments are fine, but make sure that compliments don't always have to do with how sexy she is. Although many women like to be called sexy in the midst of the peak of their moments, constantly commenting on their bodies will make them feel like sexual objects, not boyfriends or future wives.
- Try to avoid women who want too much attention; such women are usually shallow and manipulative, and almost never feel safe.
- If you're young, don't be in a rush to move on to the intimate side.
- Never be mean to him, and never fight with him, because he will think you feel 'insecure'.
- Depending on your age, this woman might be your future wife, so choose wisely.
- Just smiling and nodding is not an option, unless you're in a serious conversation and it's rude to cut him off.
