Being open to others, being willing to appear vulnerable, and validating yourself rather than seeking validation from others are key components in attracting affection from others. This won't happen overnight, but the more you practice accepting and loving yourself and others, the more people will likely love you!
Step
Part 1 of 3: Learn to Love Yourself
Step 1. Understand that you determine how others perceive you
If you view yourself as unlovable, it will affect the minds of others and make them think you are unlovable. The important thing you should do first is to see yourself as someone who is easy to love because that's the way it is.
- Expecting others to think you're an easy person to love if you don't think so yourself is just putting too much weight on others. It also takes control out of your hands and puts it in someone else's hands, which may not be good enough for that.
- Because you determine how you see yourself, if you act confidently that you're an easy person to love, other people will see it and respond to it, even if they're only doing it subconsciously.
Step 2. Sympathize with your feelings
The more you tell yourself that you are wrong to have those feelings and the more you try to suppress your feelings or change them, the more you will make yourself feel rejected and abandoned. That's not a good way to treat yourself.
- Pay attention to your feelings. If you're feeling down about something, ask yourself why do you feel that way? What caused it? Is it related to something bigger than just a specific incident?
- Emotions alert you that something is not right. For example, if you are upset about something, your emotions react the same way as physical pain. It tells you that something is not right (an unhealthy situation for you, someone who is not healthy for you, an unhealthy way you treat yourself, and so on).
Step 3. Learn to recognize the negative things you say to yourself
Everyone has their inner critic who tells them all the bad things they do. You can't completely get rid of the critic, but you can lighten these negative thoughts a little so that they have less control over you.
- Think about why you think you don't deserve to be loved. Is it because someone just broke up with you? Is it because you tell yourself you're ugly, or is your personality too weird?
- Pay attention to this thought process. When you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, accept the fact that you are thinking negatively, then replace those thoughts with positive or neutral thoughts.
Step 4. Validate yourself instead of seeking validation from others
Putting the burden on others to validate you and make yourself feel good about yourself puts you in a powerless situation. Instead of seeking validation from others, try to practice validating yourself.
- Keep a gratitude journal that focuses on the things you appreciate about yourself. Every day write down at least three things about yourself that you are grateful for.
- Before approaching someone to tell a sad story that needs validation, give yourself the validation you need. It doesn't mean you stop looking for other people and making contact with them, it just means you're the first to be there for yourself.
- Ask yourself what kind of validation is needed now. Ask yourself what would make you feel better, more balanced, healthier, and then give yourself that validation.
Step 5. Don't take yourself too seriously
It's hard to deal with life when everything that happens makes you feel overwhelmed. If you have a tendency to talk too much with your crush, don't be sad. Instead you can make a joke out of it.
Things like being a little reckless, doing something really embarrassing can be an opportunity to laugh at yourself (well of course)
Step 6. Allow yourself to be imperfect
There is no point in life where you have to be perfect. It's okay to be imperfect! Nobody is perfect. If you feel you have to be perfect in order to be loved, stop that thought right now.
- You deserve love no matter how imperfect you are, no matter if your hair tends to curl when the air is slightly damp, or if you laugh awkwardly, or you wear braces. These things don't deprive you of the opportunity to be loved.
- Also, when you create expectations of perfection from yourself, you tend to start applying those expectations to other people, to your relationships. It's hard to love someone who always makes you feel like you're not good enough (and that includes yourself when you don't feel good enough).
Step 7. Enjoy your life
People tend to be attracted to those who are happier and have more fun in their lives. Instead of trying to make yourself or your life "perfect," try to start enjoying everything that's already in it.
- Being loved requires an open attitude and when you are open to the twists and turns you will be happier than shutting yourself down or just focusing on trying to make the situation better.
- Try to find ways to enjoy your work. If you don't enjoy your job that much, try your best to incorporate fun things into your workday so you can enjoy them. Prepare a delicious lunch that you can't wait to taste, take a walk in the sun when it's break time.
- Spend time with your friends. You don't have to do a certain fun activity, just spending time and drinking tea together can refresh you and make you feel happier with yourself and your life.
Step 8. Learn for yourself
No one is guaranteed to be in a relationship and that's okay, because you don't need a relationship to be happy. Being loved means accepting being alone, loving yourself so you don't rely on other people to love you.
Date yourself. Take yourself on a picnic with a fun book, or buy yourself a sumptuous dinner
Part 2 of 3: Getting a Chance to Be Loved
Step 1. Don't put up walls to get in the way of love
It's easy to shut yourself off from loving others, especially if you've been hurt in a relationship or friendship before. Being open can attract people to you.
The more love you have for others, the more affection you will attract to yourself. That doesn't mean you have to love everyone you meet, but it does mean that you don't shut down even after a difficult relationship or friendship
Step 2. Choose who you want to love carefully
Even if you don't want to close yourself off from your affection, you should be careful about loving someone. You are loved by others not only because you make yourself a person who deserves to be loved, but also because you choose someone who can love you well.
- Look for people who can be intimate with you, people who can open up and show a fragile side of themselves. People who can share themselves intimately (not sexually) are people who can love you with all their heart.
- Take care of the people who make you feel like the best version of yourself. If someone continues to look down on you, or ignores you, or suggests unhealthy things, it's best if you don't have anything to do with them anymore. If someone listens to you, supports you when you're feeling down, and encourages the best of you, you should keep them in your life.
Step 3. Create boundaries
It may seem odd to create boundaries when it comes to affection, but it's very important. You have to be clear about what you want from a relationship with someone and you have to be clear about your own desires.
- Put your needs first the same as putting the needs of others first. Your needs are not more important than the needs of others but you should not feel your needs are not as important as the needs of those around you.
- If someone can't give you the emotional support and affection you need, you have every right not to make them your best friend or lover. Not everyone will give you affection and you have the right to ask for that love in a relationship.
Step 4. Try to learn to express your need for affection in a positive way
Everyone needs love. Some people may pretend they don't need it, but they certainly do. So you have to learn to express your need for affection in a way that isn't pushy, or whiny, or overly demanding, or overly controlling.
- Do your best to make the life of your loved one a little easier. Offer to help or give a small gift without expecting anything in return.
- Let people know that you love them and don't expect anything from them (if they don't say anything they're just wasting your time).
Step 5. Practice kindness toward others
You shouldn't just practice kindness with people you hope will love you. Make kindness your primary way of dealing with other people, including those who are difficult to deal with. Being kind doesn't mean removing other people's strange attitudes, but it means that you view other people as human beings who deserve kindness and empathy.
Practice the meditation "Loving Kindness." Sit with your eyes closed and imagine what you want out of life. Choose three or four sentences to express your wish (May I be healthy and strong. May I be a worthy person to be loved. May I be happy.). You will repeat these wishes, addressing them to different people. Start with yourself, then move to someone who has helped you, move back to someone you have neutral feelings for (like or dislike), then move to someone you don't like or have a problem with, and end by focusing on everyone. person
Step 6. Take action that loves everyone
Being someone who deserves to be loved means being kind and one aspect of kindness is helping others. You can help someone by holding the door open for them, offering to pick up groceries, taking your grandmother to see the doctor.
This includes speaking out against things that are not good. When you see someone being bullied, or belittled, or mistreated, take action. Approach and explain to the perpetrator why his behavior is inappropriate
Step 7. Cultivate gratitude
Being appreciative of the world can open you up in a more positive way than closing yourself off. This is especially relevant when you are unhappy with the world or with yourself. People are more attracted to people who are accustomed to being more positive.
- Focus on the little things in life. Be grateful for the little things like getting a parking space, and having moments with yourself in the morning over tea. This will help you feel more positive about yourself and appreciate the world around you more.
- Challenge yourself to think of three things you are grateful for each day. If the sun is shining, write it down, if you just had a delicious meal with a friend of yours, it could be something to be grateful for!
Part 3 of 3: Acquiring the Traits of a Beloved Person
Step 1. Make eye contact with the other person
Making eye contact with other people shows that you see them and acknowledge their existence as a person. Don't just do it with the very attractive person at the end of the bar. Acknowledge the presence of the cashier at the store, the person standing behind you in line for the bus, and so on.
People respond to the acknowledgment of their existence and they feel happy. The more you make others feel loved and appreciated, the more love and appreciation you will receive
Step 2. Smile
It feels great to have a bad day and then get a smile from someone you don't know, or from a good friend. Like eye contact, a smile is a gesture of acknowledgment and kindness.
You're also easier to approach when you smile. People often equate an approachable person with a person who is easy to like
Step 3. Be social
You don't have to be the center of every party, but honing some good social skills will help you meet people successfully. Eye contact and a smile really help with this.
- Talk to people at the party. Introduce yourself if you don't know anyone and ask them questions. People like to talk about themselves and they will view you positively if you seem attracted to them.
- Keep in mind that even if you feel clumsy, most people will likely feel clumsy too and don't realize that you look clumsy.
Step 4. Listen to the other person
Listening carefully is a skill that will always be needed. Often people don't feel heard by the people in their lives and often people want to be heard.
When someone talks to you, make eye contact with them. Ask questions to show that you're listening, or if you've been daydreaming a bit or have been distracted, try asking him to repeat
Step 5. Become the friend or partner you want
The Golden Rule is very important, whether you are a devout religious believer or not. Treating someone the way you want to be treated is a surefire way to live your life.
- So a friend who can help when needed. Offer to help them when they move, take them to see the doctor or to a job interview, and so on.
- Invite a friend or partner to do something fun. Make dinner for them, take them to see a movie at the cinema, and so on.
Step 6. Allow yourself to be fragile
You don't have to show all your feelings to everyone you meet. Instead, you need to be open to allowing the people you care about into your heart and emotions.
This is especially important if you have been hurt before. Your natural reaction is to withdraw from the fragile situation of being hurt before, but closing yourself off won't make you a person worthy of love, because you can't afford to let other people love you
Tips
- All of these steps take time and effort to practice. Don't be so hard on yourself because you won't get instant results in getting affection from others.
- Be a good listener.
