Are you in a romantic relationship with someone and often doubt their seriousness? Don't worry, this doubt is even felt by couples who have been dating for years. Understand that love can be expressed in many ways. Therefore, before making negative assumptions, make sure you try to identify the signs of a long-term commitment, and observe what your partner has been saying and doing during this time. I'm sure you'll find the answer!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Recognizing Signs of Long-Term Commitment
Step 1. Know the difference between falling in love and staying in love
Despite the million feelings, actually falling in love is a very passive and emotional experience. On the other hand, staying in love requires a more active and complex approach from all parties involved in the relationship.
- View "love" as a verb or action that must be done continuously in order to strengthen an aging relationship. Think about your partner's contribution to cultivating their relationship with you; Also think about whether your relationship can develop in a positive direction over time.
- Through his actions and words every day (no matter how simple it is), your partner should be able to strengthen his commitment to your relationship.
Step 2. Think about how you and your partner deal with conflict
Couples who are not good at dealing with conflict will definitely continue to fight or silence each other. After an argument, they will usually hold grudges against each other for months or even years. Alternatively, they may also silence each other emotionally, minimize the frequency of communication, or be unwilling to discuss issues that occur.
- Couples who are willing to commit to a long-term relationship should be willing to find solutions to any problems that arise, instead of harboring resentment and not solving them. Therefore, you and your partner should focus on resolving any issues that arise, not on attacking or silencing each other.
- In a healthy and positive relationship, each party involved should be willing and able to always forgive and forget, especially since any unresolved problems will only lead to conflicts that can destroy the relationship.
Step 3. See if your priorities and life goals are in line
This is an important step before both parties decide to enter a more serious stage in the relationship.
To deepen and perpetuate a relationship with a partner, it is necessary to match preferences, life values, priorities, life goals, and a view of the future
Step 4. Observe whether you and your partner share the four dimensions of intimacy
Renowned authors Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II describe four ways that you and your partner can feel connected to each other: physically, emotionally, intellectually, and shared activities. Complete the exercise below to see if you and your partner share these four dimensions of intimacy:
- Create a table consisting of three columns and five rows. Fill in the first row of the first column with the words "Dimensions," then fill in the fourth row below with the four dimensions of intimacy. Fill in the first row of the second column with the words "Couple A", and the first row of the third column with the words "Couple B".
- Write down the scale of importance for each dimension; Fill in the blank lines under "Couple A" with the phrases "Must have", "Should have", or "May/no" (in your relationship).
- Give the table to the partner and ask him to make his judgment; You can also write down how your partner's priorities are.
- The more combinations of "must-have" and "must-have-must have", the greater the percentage of intimacy and lasting relationship between you and your partner. Remember, no relationship is static; that's why the value of each dimension in every relationship (especially a healthy and positive relationship) will ideally be more compatible over time.
- Understanding each other's priorities (especially in the four dimensions already mentioned) can help you and your partner succeed in your long-term relationship.
Step 5. Ask your closest friends and relatives about your partner
If the people closest to you encourage you to end the relationship with your partner, chances are he is not the right person for you.
Trusting your instincts and feelings is important; but generally, relationships that are supported by close relatives and friends are far more likely to be successful and lasting
Method 2 of 3: Observing Your Partner's Words and Behavior
Step 1. Listen to the tone of his voice when he talks to you
Try to compare the way he talks to you and the way he talks to other people. If his voice sounds gentle and considerate when he talks to you, it means he really thinks you're a special person and he really cares about you.
Step 2. See if he is willing to spend most of his time with you
Also see if he is willing to contact you regularly. His willingness to invest time and energy in the relationship is a key indicator of long-term commitment, especially if your partner is willing to balance other commitments such as work, education, and family. Someone who truly cares about you should always make time for you.
Love triggers the release of the hormone serotonin in your brain; High levels of serotonin are believed to make you constantly think about your partner. In other words, the more often your partner calls or talks to you, the more he will think about you (which is actually a chemical indicator of his love for you)
Step 3. Observe if he asks how you were that day
Although fairly simple, this action is actually a sign of real concern. By asking how you are, it means that he is indeed interested in the small details in your life. In addition, this action will also maintain open communication as well as strengthen internal relations between the two of you.
Step 4. Observe how he accepts your opinions and ideas
You two are two different persons; therefore, it's natural to have things that you both don't agree on (for example, you both have different political views or your favorite restaurant). Despite the differences, he (and you) should still be willing to listen and respect each other's perspectives.
- If your partner truly loves and cares about you, he or she should always be willing to listen to your opinions and ideas, and be willing to engage in mature and civilized discussions about things you don't agree on.
- He should involve you in every decision-making process, from simple decisions like 'where to have dinner' to more complex decisions like 'should I accept job offer A or not'. While the final decision is still in his hands, he should at least be willing to listen and consider your opinion.
Step 5. Realize that he's always trying not to keep checking on you
A truly caring partner generally won't keep checking your phone or credit card bill just to make sure you're there. If he cares and loves you, he should trust you and not constantly obsess over your whereabouts or who you're with.
This kind of trust is a sign of genuine caring and long-term commitment in the relationship
Step 6. Think about whether your partner can make you feel better and confident
If he's always trying to boost your self-esteem and confidence, and make you feel positive and loved, congratulations! It means he really loves you.
This doesn't mean your relationship has to be sweet and flowery; but at least, you should be able to feel the positive support provided by your partner. If your partner is able to make you feel better (instead of constantly thinking negative thoughts or feeling low self-esteem), you'll always appreciate the time spent (and not spent) with them
Method 3 of 3: Discussing Each Other's Feelings
Step 1. Invite your partner to talk in an intimate and private place
Trust me, you and/or your partner will have a hard time having a serious conversation in a crowded place, so make sure you invite him or her to dine at home or chat in a corner of the garden that is private enough to talk about each other's feelings.
In an intimate and private place, the two of you will also be able to talk more comfortably and openly
Step 2. Speak honestly and directly
If you are willing to do it, surely he will also do the same; as a result, you can really get to know his true feelings.
Step 3. Don't be afraid to show your emotions
By boldly showing your emotions, you have indirectly encouraged your partner to be more courageous in expressing their feelings.
