A parasite attaches itself to a host and takes valuable resources from that host in order to survive. If you suspect that you are in a parasitic relationship, then you need to worry that the person you are dating is parasitic, sucking you in, stealing your emotional power, money, time, and everything else that is precious to you. If you want to find out if you are in a parasitic relationship, then you need to see if the following signs apply to you. If so, then you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Watching What You Do Together
Step 1. Ask yourself if your partner should do “anything” with you
It's possible to almost always have something in common with your partner, but a relationship will stay healthy if you do things separately and sometimes by yourself.
- If every time you want to leave the house, even just to get a prescription from the pharmacy or buy coffee, you hear your partner say, "I'm coming, too!" then he might be a parasite.
- If you suddenly notice that your partner is always doing the things you used to love to do alone, from yoga in the morning to taking walks after dinner, then he or she may be a parasite.
- If your partner can't do anything on their own, even if it's just meeting new acquaintances at a coffee shop or changing their car's oil, and always asking you to follow suit, then you're probably in a parasitic relationship.
Step 2. Assume that you and your partner have different friends
Did you suddenly realize that all your friends have become your partner's friends? To some extent, this is normal, but if it gets serious and all of your partner's personal friends suddenly disappear and are replaced by your friends, then this is a red flag.
- This may be your partner's way of making sure you stay with him "forever." After all, no one wants to deal with post-breakup awkwardness when you have mutual friends.
- If your partner doesn't have friends from the start, this should also be another cause for you to pay attention to. This is a sign that your partner is unable to form a bond with another person he or she is not dating.
Step 3. Be careful about paying for everything
Of course, everyone will run out of money from time to time, but if you are the one who always pays for dinner, movies, vacations, gas, and the big stuff, like your spouse's tuition, child support, rent housing and other bills, so you need to check if this is an agreement you're comfortable with, and how your spouse will respond if, for example, you lose your income. If your partner thinks you'll take care of it, then sit down and talk about it right away.
- Your partner might say, "I really wanted to go out to dinner, but did you know I'm really broke this month." This may be a way to trick you into paying and make it look like the dinner was your plan.
- Even if you have a lot of money to spare, this should still be a warning. If the person you're dating is desperate to take advantage of your money, he or she may also be taking advantage of your feelings.
Step 4. See if you are giving your partner too much help
In a healthy relationship, partners take turns providing assistance whenever one needs a little help. In a parasitic relationship, one partner always lends a helping hand to the other and gets nothing in return. If you feel like you're always giving your partner a ride everywhere, cooking or buying all the food, doing all the chores he's supposed to do, and basically taking care of all the little things he's too lazy to do, then you've been infected by a parasite.
As painful as it may be, write down two lists: one, a list of all the things you have done for your partner, and two, all the things your partner has done for you. Doesn't fit, right?
Step 5. See if your partner is really asocial
This is another big problem. If at one time, you and your partner go out in public together, and he refuses to talk to other people, demands your attention constantly, and doesn't show concern for others, then you need to rethink your priorities. It doesn't matter if your partner is a shy person, but it would be different if he or she is someone who is rude to other people or just flat out with other people as if they weren't around. This is a sign that your partner doesn't see life outside of "you."
If you find that when you and your partner are out, you spend all your time by your partner's side or that he or she gets hurt or jealous easily, then you have a problem
Step 6. See if your partner feels disappointed every time you do something yourself
In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable doing things on their own. This means hanging out with his own friends, spending quality time with family, or just reading, running, or doing hobbies on his own time. If your partner truly loves you and cares for you, then he or she will be happy when you pursue your interests and grow into a better person yourself.
- If your partner feels hurt, angry, jealous, or unfriendly whenever you leave the house alone, even just to go to the coffee shop with your cousin, then he hates your individuality.
- If your partner calls you every 5 minutes and asks when you'll be home, then he or she is a parasite.
Step 7. See if anyone else has voiced concerns about your relationship
When other people raise concerns about your relationship, it's natural to stand up for your relationship and feel more determined to prove everyone wrong by trying your best to make your relationship work. However, if your friends, family members, and just about everyone in your circle are worried that your partner is taking advantage of you, then there may be honesty in what they say.
If you tell these people that they are wrong, then you end up “evicting” them. Then, your partner gets what he really wants – more time and attention from you
Part 2 of 3: Paying attention to what you talk about together
Step 1. See if your partner is always talking about the problem
If you can't remember the last time you shared your deepest fears or doubts with your partner, then you are in danger. If you feel that your partner is always talking, disappointed, finding comfort, and then seeking and getting love and attention from you, then you have a problem. It's okay if your partner has had a bad month, but if you feel that there are "always" problems in his life, then chances are you are being used as emotional support.
- In a healthy relationship, both partners talk about their problems and worries equally.
- If you feel that it's your partner who is 80% talking and you're not particularly shy, then you have a problem.
- If every time you talk about your problems, your partner tries to make your problems seem trivial by saying he has bigger problems, then you have a problem.
Step 2. Find out if you never share your feelings
If you're afraid to share your feelings because you think your partner will be angry or misunderstood you, or if you're not sharing your thoughts and feelings because you know that your partner won't listen to you, then you have a problem. You should feel comfortable when you share your thoughts, fears, and hopes, just like your partner.
Both partners need to be able to talk to each other in a relationship, and if every time you want to try to talk about your problems, then your partner says he's busy or tired, interrupts you and tries to talk about his personal problems, or just puts on a sad face explaining that he is not listening, then you are being used
Step 3. Recognize that there is no compromise in your relationship
You're in a parasitic relationship if you feel, no matter what, your partner always gets what he or she wants. You may give in more often because it's easier than fighting, because your partner will be upset if he doesn't get what he wants, or you may convince yourself that your partner's wants are greater than your own. In a healthy relationship, partners work together to find a decision that will make both happy, and take turns to "give in."
Of course it's no big deal to give in to the little things, like deciding where to have dinner or what to watch on television. But habits like these can make it easier for you to give in to big things, like deciding where to live with
Step 4. Find out if you've never heard a compliment
When was the last time you heard your partner say how much you mean to them? If you can't remember, then maybe you are being used and being wasted. Your partner may think that you already know how much he loves you and how special you are to him, but if your partner really cares about you, then he will tell you, not just assuming that you already know.
- If your partner is not grateful for your help, then you are definitely being used.
- If your partner never compliments you or tells you how handsome you are when you're out on a date, then chances are you're being used.
Step 5. Know that you have to constantly tell your partner how much you love him or her
That's right. Your partner hardly ever says how great you are, but you feel compelled to say “I love you” twenty times a day so that your partner doesn't feel like you're not ignoring them or not giving them enough love and attention. If you feel like you have to tell your partner how much you love him, how great he is, and how much you appreciate him up to 50 times a day just to keep him from getting mad, then you have a problem.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should compliment each other and say "I love you" in equal amounts – and only when they mean it
Part 3 of 3: Knowing the Feelings Your Partner Gives You
Step 1. See if you feel guilty every time you don't budge
This is an important thing. Do you feel that every time you refuse your partner's request, your partner becomes very disappointed. You shouldn't succumb to your partner just because he or she is upset that his request wasn't granted, any more than you should give in to a child who gets angry in public. You shouldn't feel guilty if you don't comply with your partner's silly request.
- Guilt should not be a driving force in a healthy relationship. Do you often do things for your partner and sacrifice your happiness just to make your partner happy? If you don't grant his request, does your partner pull away from you until you give in?
- Are you made to feel that your partner is nothing without you or can't live without you? This is a sign that you are in a parasitic relationship.
Step 2. See if you run out of steam after spending time with your partner
Do you often run out of steam after you spend time with your partner?
- A parasite can not only drain your wallet and your free time, it can drain your energy, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
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A parasite can take your life away from you alone. You always give your emotional, financial support, reassure your partner that everything will be fine, and pull you into your partner's problems and then make you feel equally responsible for whatever suffering your partner is going through.
Know if You Are in a Parasitic Relationship Step 14 - In a healthy relationship, partners strengthen each other and make each other feel that anything can be done. In a parasitic relationship, one exhausts the other, leaving him feeling unable to do anything.
Step 3. See if you feel that you are losing your personality
If you're in a parasitic relationship, then your partner may try to make you feel like you're losing your mind; your partner will want this common sense of yourself to be turned into common sense about yourself as part of the couple, as part of the relationship. If you're forgetting who you really are and you feel like you're losing track of the things that make you feel special and happy, then you're probably in a parasitic relationship where you lose your personality.
In a healthy relationship, two people increase their respective minds to become stronger, as they bond as a couple; In a parasitic relationship, one person tries to take away the qualities of the other and doesn't give him a chance to find his true self
Step 4. See if you are starting to feel used
If you suspect that you are being used, then chances are that you are. If you feel that your partner wants to be with you just because of your flat, your car, your money, or your ability to please them every night, then you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. If you feel that you've given so much support, but you're not getting any support from your partner at all, even in the simplest of things, like getting a "good luck!" before the big test, then chances are you are being used by your partner.
Ask yourself, would your partner still want to be with you if it weren't for the flat/new car/a lot of savings/your attractive appearance? If you hesitate before answering the question, then you are being used
Step 5. See if you feel that your goals or desires have no effect on you
This is another way that a parasite has sucked in your personality. If you sacrificed everything so that your partner could achieve his dream, complete his education, move closer to his family, or pursue his favorite hobby many hours a day, then chances are you are in a parasitic relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners have personal goals and work together to achieve them; in a parasitic relationship, the dream of one person becomes the goal of the relationship.
- You may not realize that you stopped pursuing your dream of being a nurse or chef because you were too busy trying to help your partner achieve his or her dream.
- If your partner never asks what you want for your future or how you see your career five years from now, it may be because your partner is only interested in himself.
Tips
- If you are a host in a parasitic relationship, dare yourself to find a way out; on the other hand, if you are the parasite, repent and learn to give more than receive from your partner.
- Ask yourself every morning before you get out of bed: “Am I happy here? What am I doing here? What do I want from this relationship that I don't get now? Why am I here?”
- Seek counselling.
- Understand that it is better to give than to receive.
- Learn to forgive.
- Respect your partner, regardless of whether he or she ever hurt you.
- Be someone with an open mind. Sometimes we pass things that other people can see up close. Ask for opinions from friends you trust and know you well to determine if you are in a parasitic relationship.
