Forgetting the person you're obsessed with is difficult, but there are ways you can control your obsessive thoughts and behaviors. When you feel stuck or tempted to look at their social media accounts, immediately take steps to control your thoughts. Try to distract yourself by doing things that you enjoy and are productive, or writing. Maybe your feelings will never end, but you don't have to worry. Everything will get better with time.
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Method 1 of 3: Controlling Obsessive Thoughts
Step 1. Recognize the obsessive thoughts and behaviors you exhibit
Remember or jot down every time you can't stop thinking about it. You may want to check out their social media profiles, or be prompted to call or text them. At times like this, scold yourself and tell yourself that you have the power to direct your thoughts.
- Say to yourself, "These are obsessive thoughts," or "I'm being obsessive." In addition, you can also say, “These thoughts can't control me. I'm the one who has to control it."
- Sometimes, obsessive thoughts and actions are shown subconsciously, or even feel “comfortable” to you. Trying to pretend that things like that didn't happen won't do you any good. Instead, identify the thought or behavior, recognize that you have better things to do, and remind yourself that you can still manage your thoughts or behavior.
Step 2. Determine if there are any underlying factors that give rise to your obsession
Like addictions, obsessions can sometimes be a symptom of a need or a bigger problem in life. Try to find out if there is something missing in your life, and you feel that this person can fill the void. Also think about whether there are other ways you can get what you need.
- Write down the feelings you experienced when you were with him. Think about how you feel when he's not around. Also pay attention to what might bring out these feelings in your life.
- For example, you may feel that you are afraid of feeling lonely. In this case, try joining a class or club to meet new people.
Step 3. Try to avoid the things that trigger your obsession
Pay attention to when and where you start exhibiting obsessive thoughts or actions. This may be difficult to do, especially at first, but try your best to resist the obsessive urge when you encounter the trigger. If you can't stay away from the things that trigger your obsessive thoughts/behaviors, focus on taking steps to control your response to those triggers.
- For example, if you keep checking their social media profiles and are tempted to text them, keeping your phone or computer away from you is not practical. Instead, you can use a feature that can remove the post from your feedback page or unfollow it.
- If you have an obsession with your ex-boyfriend, return his things and try to keep things that remind you of him out of your sight (and, of course, your mind).
- If you can't avoid it, try to keep your distance from it. If he sits next to you in class, try to avoid eye contact and imagine him as a different person. Focus on the task at hand (eg by taking notes on the material being taught).
Step 4. Focus on the details of the environment around you
When you start to feel glued to him, take a deep breath and close your eyes. Listen carefully to the sounds around you and think about all the other sensations you are feeling at that moment.
- Ask yourself, “What is the temperature like right now? Do I feel hot, cold, or comfortable? What sound do I hear and what smell do I smell right now? What's the weather like at the moment? What's the sky like today?"
- The obsessions often include thoughts like “What if I did this?” or “What is he doing now?” These thoughts are focused on other places or the past and the future. By concentrating on the environment around you, you can direct your mind to be "fixed" on what is in the moment.
Step 5. Imagine disturbing thoughts leaving your mind
Try to imagine your mind as a floor, and obsessive thoughts as dirt or dust littering the floor. Every time you start to fixate on him, imagine yourself sweeping away all that dust and dirt.
- You can also imagine these obsessive thoughts as a dog barking. Imagine that you are walking past a dog that is barking behind a fence. Say to yourself, “It's just a dog barking, and the dog itself can't hurt me. In a few minutes, I'll be somewhere else and the dog will be far behind me."
- Try to get rid of obsessive thoughts that exist. When you feel it, shake your head, arms, legs and body. Imagine you are getting rid of those thoughts and reorganizing your mind.
Step 6. Develop habits that remind you to stop obsessing over someone
When you think about him or feel compelled to contact him, imagine a huge stop sign. You can also wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you start thinking or acting obsessively.
Habits like imagining a stop sign or snapping a rubber band can be great ways to remind yourself that you need to redirect your thoughts. Do the “ritual”, then say to yourself, “Enough! I have to stop this mindset and do something else to distract myself.”
Method 2 of 3: Keeping Yourself and Mind occupied
Step 1. Divert your attention by doing fun activities
Think of some interesting and fun activities. Write down and remember some things you can do when you start to obsess. If you already know the activities that can be done, you can immediately divert your mind if needed.
Some examples of activities you can do include gardening, reading a quality novel, listening to music (which doesn't remind you of it), playing video games, playing musical instruments, drawing, painting, or exercising
Step 2. Do something that can give you some kind of “achievement”
Think of projects you've been working on recently. While it doesn't have to be related to the person you're obsessed with, this project or job may be something you've been putting off because of your obsessive thoughts or actions. Complete the project or work, and think that it represents your ability to rise above your obsession.
- For example, maybe you haven't practiced the piano in a long time or cleaned your room. Perhaps, you are also lagging behind or have not completed a project at your work or school.
- Completing tasks, especially tasks that have been pending, is a good way to build a positive state and mindset that can empower yourself.
Step 3. Try writing down the obsessive thoughts that haunt you
If you are having trouble changing your mindset, write down the thoughts that are on your mind. Describe your emotions, write letters to the person you're infatuated with, or jot down phrases and words that you can't get out of your head.
- Don't show your writing to someone you can't forget. Also, don't re-read and fixate on your writing.
- Instead, focus on getting rid of those thoughts while writing them down on a piece of paper. Tear and throw the paper away when you're done writing to symbolically let go of your obsessive thoughts.
Step 4. Meditate or try relaxation techniques
Wear loose clothing, play soothing music, and sit in a comfortable position. Inhale deeply while counting to a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, then exhale slowly to a count of eight. While controlling your breathing, imagine a calming environment or scene, such as a safe place from your childhood or your favorite vacation spot.
- You can also search for meditation videos with directions from the desired streaming service.
- Try meditating or doing breathing exercises when you feel like your thoughts are going wild, fixate on the person you're crazy about, or have the urge to call or text them.
Method 3 of 3: Seeking Support from Others
Step 1. Call a friend or relative when your mind starts to run wild
You don't need to tell him why you contacted him. You can contact a friend, relative, or someone you haven't talked to in a long time. If possible, talk to him for at least 10-15 minutes to distract yourself.
- Try saying, “Hi, how are you? I just wanted to call and ask how you're doing. Any news?" You can also try asking, “Do you have anything to do today? Would you like to have coffee or lunch together?”
- If you feel comfortable, don't hesitate to tell him why you contacted him. You can say, “Hi! I still can't stop thinking about Ray. Can we chat for a moment? Maybe by talking, I can clear my mind.”
Step 2. Share your emotions with people you care about and can trust
Holding on to feelings when you're obsessed with your ex, crush, or someone you're envious of will only make the situation worse. By pouring your heart out to someone, you can take some of the burden off your shoulders and clear your mind.
- Try telling a friend or relative, “I need to get the weight off my chest. I like someone, but he doesn't like me. I got annoyed. I'm heartbroken and can't stop thinking about it."
- While simply talking about how you feel can make you feel calmer, you can also ask your listeners for advice. Try asking, for example, “Have you experienced the same thing? What did you do to stop thinking about someone?”
- Apart from pouring your heart out, it's also important to take care of your relationship in general. Closing yourself off will only make it harder for you to forget or “kill” your obsession.
Step 3. Talk to a counselor if necessary
If you take steps to control your thoughts and distract yourself, your feelings can improve over time. However, if you can't change your focus or things don't improve, it's a good idea to seek professional help.
- The therapist will not judge you or tell others how you feel. His job is to help you so you need to be honest with him.
- A therapist can also help you treat mental health conditions that are behind your obsessions, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
- If you're still in school and don't want your parents to take you to a therapist, you can talk to a counselor or mentor.
