There are many reasons why you might want to flirt with your boss. Maybe you feel a genuine attraction to your boss and look forward to a relationship, or maybe you've read a study (which is hotly debated!) that suggests women who are seductive at work are more likely to thrive. (Sorry, pal, that seems useless to you.) Whatever your reasoning, it's important to know that flirting at work is a risky plan and should be handled with care. This article will teach you to assess risk and then provide tips to tease your boss as to whether you should choose to proceed.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Analyzing the Situation
Step 1. Think about your motivation
You spent time searching for articles on how to flirt with your boss, so obviously you've thought about this. Ask yourself why would you want to flirt with your boss? Are you bored? Are you attracted to your boss that you can develop into a genuine relationship? Are you trying to get his or her advantage at work? Knowing why you are interested in flirting will help you determine if the risk is worth it.
A little casual flirting with your boss "maybe" can garner enough extra attention to get you the main task you've been hoping for or help you secure a desired schedule. Of course, this will also be caught in advance depending on the culture in your workplace
Step 2. Think of your own limits
Do you just mean to flirt simple and let it go or do you expect to start a romantic relationship with your boss eventually? Find out where your limits are and don't offer more than you intend to offer. Cheating people is unlikely to get you “what” you want.
Step 3. Be aware of the possible consequences at work
Relationships in the workplace, especially between superiors and employees are prohibited in many companies. Engaging with your boss may put you or both at risk of losing your job. If your flirting is unwelcome or excessive, you also run the risk of going over the line from flirting to sexual harassment, which many offices will dismiss you immediately. Finally, you may risk losing your credibility or reputation for trusting yourself in the workplace.
- Although after-hours interactions with your boss can be used as a valid basis for you or both you to be laid off, so be careful!
- Check the relationship guidelines at work before starting. If it's not published, ask the HR person for help.
- If you are afraid to do these investigations because you are afraid that people will gossip, remember that they will gossip more if you involve your boss, so factor that into your decision.
Step 4. Consider possible social consequences
If your flirting isn't causing problems at work, it may still make you very unpopular. Other coworkers will look down on you because of your flirtation with the boss or become jealous if it seems like you're getting special treatment because of your flirting. You may also suffer considerable embarrassment if the flirtation doesn't work out or you end up in a relationship that doesn't end well.
Part 2 of 2: Flirt with Your Boss
Step 1. Run with care
You've decided that the risk is worth it and you want to go ahead and flirt with your boss. Now be careful! Because of the many possible risks, the best approach is to be very sensitive to any response you might receive for your efforts and subtle enough with your attitude that you can argue that the temptation wasn't your intention if it didn't go as planned. Try to flirt without appearing to be flirting.
Step 2. Make eye contact
Making and maintaining eye contact is the first lesson in Flirting 101 and is sometimes the only tool you need to convey your attraction to another person. Eye contact is an equally effective tool for men as well as women and can make someone feel more attracted to you.
- Try to get your boss's attention in a meeting and hold his gaze a little longer than usual.
- When your boss calls you, be sure to look him in the eye when he's talking to you.
- Create more opportunities to make eye contact by purposely skipping your boss's office more often or setting up face-to-face meetings instead of phone or email.
- Note that it takes more than a single passing glance to get the message across. It might take between 3 and 13 soulful looks for your boss to realize that you are trying to signal attraction.
- But too much eye contact can quickly become unnerving, so pay attention to how you are received. If your boss tries to avoid your gaze or seems sneaky or uncomfortable, be sure to back off.
Step 3. Smile
It's like a small piece of advice, but there are few things that are more appealing than a friendly and genuine smile. Simply pulling wrinkles is a sign of a happy smile, one that isn't forced, so don't worry about wrinkles you may or may not have. Give your boss a genuine smile now and repeat it to let him know that you enjoyed meeting him.
That said, it's quite difficult to practice a genuine smile, but if you want to see how your smile looks, try to think of something really funny and then look in the mirror
Step 4. Be mindful
Give your full attention when your boss is talking to you and try to act like he's interested, even if you're not really happy about the matter. Ask follow-up questions that show you're interested and make comments that show you're excited. (“Wow, I didn't know that!”)
- Don't overdo it on this one. Being sincere is more important than being careful.
- Imitating your boss's body language as you speak is a great non-verbal way to show you're paying attention.
Step 5. Do a prank touch
This may be the riskiest move you can make when flirting with your boss, but it's the most effective way to express your interest. Don't continue with this unless you've received definitive, positive feedback from the initial effort (your boss returns your eye contact and smile, and seems to really care about you).
- Offer a handshake and a smile at the end of the meeting.
- Try a gentle, quick touch on the forearm or shoulder when talking to your boss.
- If your boss makes a joke, laugh and put your hand on his forearm. Hold it for a few seconds before releasing it.
- Avoid overt affection or sexual touch in the workplace. This includes rubbing shoulders, hugging, or placing hands on someone's knees and so on. Even if the touch is desirable, it will still get you fired.
Step 6. Pay attention to the signs
Teasing your boss is a very dangerous area, so pay great attention to the feedback you're getting and go slow. If your eye contact and smile are reciprocated, then everything seems to be going well. However, if your boss seems sneaky or cold around you, or seems to be trying to avoid you, you're likely making him feel uncomfortable and should stop your flirting right away.
Step 7. Avoid actions you can't take back
You may be able to send a flirty message or email to someone you're interested in outside of work hours, but written communication is very hard to retract or avoid going awry and should be avoided for workplace flirtations or romance. You should also avoid obvious temptations in front of other people.
- Remember in most cases, your employer has the right to check and check any email you send or receive using the company computer or even messages or calls used on the company phone.
- If your temptations are reciprocated and continue to the stage of sending messages/emails, remember to carry out the interaction using a personal computer and/or telephone and personal email account.
Step 8. Be honest and direct
If things go well, someone will eventually have to make a move if this relationship is to continue. Because of the complexities involved in workplace relationships, it's better to talk about the situation ahead than to jump in with overt sexual advances. Be direct and honest about your intentions and give your boss a chance to respond. It might feel awkward, but it was important to make sure both sides were on the same footing before going any further.
- Ask your boss to join you for coffee or lunch and raise the issue there.
- Start talking about the issue gradually and give yourself room to evade if you misunderstand the situation.
- For example, you could start with a small work-related talk and move on to an investigation: “What do you think about office relationships?” Your boss's answer to this should provide a pretty clear clue as to whether you should continue or withdraw.
- Remember: if the result is that you get things wrong and your boss isn't interested, you'll get far less embarrassing feelings about frank talk than your attempt to kiss him or worse.
