Anger is a natural mechanism for dealing with stress. However, excessive anger or difficulty controlling anger can be caused by a mental disorder that has a negative impact on social or professional life. Being able to control anger well and constructively will improve relationships with friends, family, and coworkers. In addition, this method is also able to reduce stress so that you avoid physical health problems.
Method 1 of 4: Identifying the Cause of Anger
Step 1. Realize that you are angry
People who get angry easily or show unnecessary anger are usually unaware of their habits. Therefore, it's easier to ask others for feedback when you're angry than it is to be aware of your anger yourself. The first step to dealing with anger is to realize that you get angry easily.
In addition to learning to recognize when you are getting angry, learn to recognize when your anger is growing. You may feel your anger progressing through the stages of irritation to frustration to anger and rage
Step 2. Recognize the physical symptoms of anger
Anger usually manifests itself in a variety of ways, but you may experience some physical symptoms that indicate that you are angry, such as:
- Blood pressure rises and the rhythm of the heart beats faster.
- The face is flushed or a warm feeling appears in the neck/face.
- The jaw tightens or the teeth rub against each other.
- Headache or stomach pain that appears suddenly.
- Excessive sweating, especially on the palms.
- Body shaking.
Step 3. Recognize the symptoms of emotional anger
Everyone will show different emotional symptoms when they are angry. An angry person can be identified by the following signs:
- Feel the need to immediately free yourself from the situation that is happening.
- Feeling upset, sad, or depressed.
- Feeling guilty, disappointed, or anxious.
- Feeling like throwing a tantrum through words and physical actions.
Step 4. Recognize changes in behavior patterns
Anger is usually followed by a variety of behavioral changes to watch out for, for example:
- Scratching his head hard.
- Cover the palm of the hand that is clenching with the palm of the other hand.
- Feeling impatient.
- Want to say harsh words.
- Loss of sense of humor.
- Behaving rudely or hurting others.
- Want to drink, smoke, or take sedatives.
- The tone of the voice gets higher, tantrums, screams, or cries.
Step 5. Ask yourself about your anger
For people who have trouble controlling anger, the first reaction when they encounter a stressful situation is anger. If you experience this, ask yourself, "Why am I angry?" Often, after reacting impulsively by showing anger, you eventually realize that you really don't need to be angry. What's more, once you get a good grasp of the situation, you'll realize that anger isn't a helpful method and doesn't provide any solution.
Step 6. Consider possible self-control problems
People who have trouble controlling their anger are not really angry, they just lack self-control. Facing a situation that we are less or unable to control will certainly cause stress. However, you won't affect the situation by being angry and what's more, this will only increase the stress triggered by the situation that makes you angrier.
Step 7. Consider the possibility of a mental health disorder
Excessive anger in inappropriate situations is often a sign of a psychological or psychiatric disorder. Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and dissociative identity are examples of psychological conditions that tend to trigger anger. To treat this condition, consult a doctor or therapist so you can get medical or professional help.
- Be aware that the disorder is relatively rare because only 43 million Americans experience it or about 18% of the total population. Since mental disorders may have something to do with anger control, it's more likely that you're just having trouble controlling your anger, rather than having a mental breakdown.
- Also keep in mind that dissociative identity disorder and schizophrenia tend to present with much more severe symptoms than regular angry outbursts.
Step 8. Recognize that your environment influences your behavior
Feelings of anger can be triggered by the environment. However, in order to free yourself from an anger-provoking situation, you need to be aware of the environmental factors that make you quick to anger. Also, be aware that your anger level can be heightened by how other people react to your anger.
Step 9. Improve your view of anger
If you're having trouble controlling your anger, think about what situations in which you usually deal with stress with anger. Do you feel stress free after getting angry? Does anger overcome the trigger or correct the situation that made you angry? People who are able to think positively and wisely will usually answer "no". Taking a break to improve your perspective will foster the realization that anger is not the solution. Anger does not relieve you of the stress and problems that initially made you angry. Therefore, try to change the habit of anger and replace it with other positive behaviors.
Method 2 of 4: Developing Problem-solving Skills to Cope with Anger
Step 1. Don't react right away
As explained above, people who are quick to anger usually rely on anger as their first reaction to stressors or frustrations. One way to control or deal with anger is to try to delay your reaction to the situation you are in. This procrastination gives you a chance to control yourself so you don't show anger to other people.
Another way to respond to stressful situations is to count to ten. That way, you have time to process the information that other people provide and provide an appropriate or thoughtful response
Step 2. Temporarily deal with the source of the anger
If you are short-tempered or angry frequently, it is likely that you are not an angry person, but are simply dealing with a situation that triggers anger. To relieve stress, go on vacation or make time for yourself. This can improve your outlook and increase your self-control when you come back to the situation that has provoked your anger. As a result, you are able to eliminate the habit of anger.
Step 3. Identify and avoid anger triggers
Sometimes, a person's anger is a reaction to social or professional interactions that constantly frustrate him. For example, you often get angry because you work in a stressful environment or are around people whose views, opinions, and actions always make you want to be angry. If this happens to you, make sure that you are not an angry person, but simply because you are willing to put yourself in an anger-inducing situation. Everyone is different and has their own tolerance limits in different situations. If your job is so stressful that you often get angry, you might want to find a new job. If you always feel disappointed or angry because of the behavior of a friend or family member or because of the way they express their opinion, it's a good idea to distance yourself and spend more time with people who behave or think in a way that is more appropriate or more appropriate for you.
Step 4. Think positively.
One of the methods of dealing with anger that you should know about is realizing that there is a better way to enjoy life than expressing dissatisfaction all the time because of a problem that frustrates you. Live life with the goal of achieving happiness. When you start to feel disappointed, entertain yourself with happy things.
Step 5. See yourself through the eyes of others
Another way of dealing with anger is to reflect on how you deal with your own reactions as if you were someone else by putting yourself in the shoes of the one who has to deal with your own anger. This can build awareness that your reaction was not appropriate so that next time you will face the same situation in a more positive way.
Step 6. Get used to exercising or practice yoga.
Doing physical activity, such as running, playing tennis, or practicing yoga can reduce the frequency or level of anger when you are in social or professional situations. Channeling energy in various ways on a regular basis will reduce the tendency to get angry or throw a tantrum.
Step 7. Improve communication
Anger sometimes arises because of difficulty communicating with other people. By mastering good communication techniques, everyday interactions with other people will be more enjoyable so you don't get angry easily.
Step 8. Do meditation
Based on research, meditation has a short-term positive effect on emotional control. In addition to being beneficial for physical relaxation and providing calm, studies conducted by Harvard scientists show that mindfulness meditation increases the density of gray particles in the brain that play an important role in learning, remembering, building self-awareness, compassion, and introspection.
Step 9. Use humor to dilute the tension
If you notice that you are upset, try to improve your mood with humor. Joking or joking is a way to relieve the tension that you and the other person are feeling. This can prevent the tension from building up that has been triggering anger when you interact with other people.
Method 3 of 4: Take Anger Control Training
Step 1. Recognize that there are people who need help controlling anger
If simple anger management doesn't work and you're still showing anger, you probably can't handle this problem on your own. There are many books and websites that explain how to control anger, but to solve your problem, try to seek help by consulting a therapist directly.
Step 2. Find a support group
Many people have trouble controlling anger. Find a support group that can help you control your anger. Gather information and determine the most appropriate group for you. This group may be made up of people who share anger control or are led by a licensed professional. There are groups that provide free services to the public and there are also communities that charge a fee and only serve their members. Choose the most appropriate way to get the help you need, for example: consulting a doctor or talking to a friend or colleague who is experiencing a similar problem.
Step 3. Attend anger control training
One very helpful way is to invite a friend who is experiencing a similar problem to take anger control training. This group will also be a great environment to express anger in a constructive and understanding way. Ultimately, a support group can help you get up and running with an anger control routine or program. This training teaches certain techniques or ways of thinking that can help you reduce or control your anger. Books and websites usually provide general solutions, but this training can help you establish an anger control routine that fits your needs.
Step 4. Take regular support group training
Even if you've made progress in dealing with anger, negative behavior or thought patterns may resurface. Therefore, try to follow the training regularly, even if you have successfully applied anger control techniques.
Anger control training cannot be determined when it will end. Even if you feel like you don't need training anymore, let a professional coach decide when to end the training
Step 5. Practice what you have learned
An anger control course, group, or training session helps you develop a plan for dealing with the stresses of everyday life. You can use the theory taught by putting it into practice. Apply the techniques you have acquired through training in real life and measure the end result once you have used them. By determining whether or not the technique you are learning is useful, you can look for alternative solutions or stick with the right technique. Therefore, try to use what you have learned to get the best results.
Step 6. Help the other person solve the problem
Anger control training isn't just for you. After you've been in training or in groups for a while, you'll find that you can help others who are having similar problems. In addition to helping others in the group, this method also helps yourself in dealing with anger control issues.
Method 4 of 4: Taking Therapy to Address the Cause of the Problem
Step 1. Know when you need therapy
If you're looking to get into therapy with a licensed professional, you've probably explored different ways to deal with anger. Before asking a therapist for help, make sure that simple anger management or support groups aren't working for you.
Step 2. Find therapists in your city
Just like other health professionals, therapists focus on certain areas according to their specialization. While you can consult a general therapist, try to find a therapist with experience dealing with anger control issues. In addition, you should find out the certifications and customer satisfaction levels achieved by each therapist in order to choose the most appropriate therapist.
Step 3. Provide funds and time for therapy
The process of therapy with a professional therapist can last for several years or even a lifetime. Make sure you have prepared the funds and time needed for this purpose. Just like dealing with a problem that requires a therapist, your problem may never be resolved, but you can control it.
In certain countries, the cost of therapy is provided by the government for people who need it, but are less well off. Look for information about these services at the puskesmas to get support for therapy costs
Step 4. Listen to various explanations of why you are angry
When choosing a licensed therapist, be prepared to experience another unpleasant life journey and listen to the therapist's explanation of your problem. Perhaps as a child, you learned how to deal with inappropriate anger and developed a mental disorder that made you irritable easily. When you see a therapist, you must be open and receptive to the explanations given so that your time and money are not wasted because you want to be involved or tell the truth.
Step 5. Follow the instructions and follow the treatment suggested by the therapist
After seeing the therapist for a while, he or she may ask you to practice certain exercises or ways to control anger. Make sure you follow the therapist's advice for optimal results. Also, you may need to get medication if your anger is caused by a mental disorder. In this case, take all prescribed drugs and do not deviate from the prescribed dose.
- Again, keep in mind that this problem is relatively rare.
- One of the biggest problems that people with mental disorders face is the feeling of “being cured” or “better” after they take their prescribed medication. As a result, they believe that they don't need the medicine anymore and stop taking the medicine they are given. In the end, the symptoms of mental disorders get worse, but the person concerned is not aware of this.
- You certainly have the right to seek a second opinion or to stop taking a drug that you think is inappropriate or ineffective. This is your own decision, but be aware of the consequences.