Everyone can get angry when faced with certain situations. However, anger takes a toll on mental and physical health and damages relationships with other people. Uncontrolled anger is an indication of a problem that needs to be addressed, such as an inability to control emotions or a mental disorder. To prevent this, practice controlling your emotions and calming yourself down for the good of yourself and others.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Knowing the Cause of Anger
Step 1. Observe the physiological signs caused by anger
Anger is an emotion that appears as a psychological reaction, but physiologically, anger is triggered by reactions that occur in the brain. When you are angry, the amygdala, the emotional regulation center, sends distress signals (stress created by negative emotions due to uncontrollable events or environmental disturbances that cannot be handled) to the hypothalamus. Furthermore, the hypothalamus sends the hormone epinephrine through the sympathetic nervous system along the autonomic nervous system to the adrenal glands which will pump epinephrine (adrenaline) throughout the body. Adrenaline makes the body ready to face threats by speeding up the heart rate and increasing the work of the senses.
This physiological process takes place naturally because of a biological function, which is to prepare the body to be in a "fight or flight" condition. If you find it difficult to control your anger, this could be due to a lack of ability to deal with physiological response triggers, for example, you are angry with a coworker because he or she is playing music too loudly
Step 2. Recognize the emotions you are feeling
Anger is a way of hiding other emotions as a result of hurt, sadness, grief, depression, or fear. Oftentimes, anger emerges as a defense mechanism because for many people, anger is easier to deal with than other emotions. Decide whether you are allowing yourself to feel different emotions or suppressing emotions that you "shouldn't" be feeling.
If you're used to getting angry to substitute for other, more difficult emotions, consult a mental health professional who can help you accept and deal with those emotions
Step 3. Recognize that anger is a normal and beneficial emotion
Anger is not always a bad thing because it protects you from violence or unpleasant things. If you get angry when someone is mean to you, this can stop the intent and keep you out of harm's way.
Many people think that feeling or showing anger is rude. However, suppressing anger can have a negative impact on emotional health and relationships with others
Step 4. Watch for signals that indicate that you are unable to control your anger
Anger can be useful, or not. You may need to deal with anger that is causing you problems by practicing emotional control or consulting a professional therapist if you experience any of the following:
- You get angry for trivial reasons, such as when milk is spilled or an object is dropped.
- You behave aggressively when you are angry, for example: yelling, screaming, or hitting.
- You get angry so often that it becomes a chronic problem.
- You are addicted. When you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your attitude gets worse and your behavior becomes more violent.
Method 2 of 3: Controlling Chronic Anger
Step 1. Do regular physical activity
The endorphins produced by the body during exercise make you feel calm. Body movements can be used to channel anger. So, physical activity or exercise is beneficial to relieve anger. In addition, regular exercise helps you control your emotions. When exercising, focus your mind on your workout and your body, rather than on the issues you've been thinking about a lot lately. The following activities are helpful in controlling anger. Choose what you like.
- Running/jogging
- Practice lifting weights
- Bicycle
- Yoga
- Basketball
- Self-defense
- Swimming
- Dance
- Practice boxing
- meditate
Step 2. Get in the habit of getting a good night's sleep
Adults need 7-8 hours of sleep a night every day to maintain physical and mental health. Lack of sleep is a cause of health problems, such as the inability to control emotions. A good night's sleep can improve mood and reduce anger.
Talk to your doctor if you have chronic sleep disturbances. Maybe you need to make changes to your diet or lifestyle to get a good night's sleep. In order to sleep longer, consume herbal products or supplements
Step 3. Write a journal
Record in detail what you experienced when you were angry. If a situation or event occurs that makes your emotions out of control, immediately record it in a journal. Write down how you felt, why you were angry, where you were angry, who you were with at the time, how you reacted, and how you felt when you got angry. After keeping a journal for some time, start looking for similarities between events to determine who, where, or what made you angry.
- Example of a journal entry: Today, I was furious at a coworker who said I was selfish for not taking lunch with me. I met him in the dining room while I was eating a cheeseburger bought at the cafeteria while taking a break to relieve stress. I was very angry, shouted, even insulted him. I hit the table after arriving at the office. I felt guilty and ashamed so I hid in the study until I got home.
- After rereading, you can do an evaluation so that you can realize that you are angry because you feel offended when a friend says you are selfish.
Step 4. Make a plan to prevent anger
Once you know why you're angry, make a plan to deal with those triggers. Prepare a draft "if-then" response and use it while applying the anger control methods described in Step 1.
For example, you want to go to the house of your mother-in-law who always criticizes your parenting. A few days in advance, prepare a draft response, "if he discusses my parenting, I'll say calmly that I respect his opinion, but I decide how to parent because I'm the parent, no matter how he feels about hearing my opinion." If you start to get angry, decide whether you want to leave the room or pack up and head home
Step 5. Practice expressing anger assertively
People who are assertive when expressing anger recognize that both parties need to be involved when an argument breaks out. To be able to speak assertively, you must use facts (not negative emotions), communicate your wishes (not demands) politely, communicate with clear articulation, and express your feelings in an appropriate manner.
- This method is different from passive aggressive behavior which keeps anger without saying anything, but is aggressive so that it manifests in outbursts of anger or tantrums that seem excessive when compared to the problem.
- For example, a coworker may get angry because he plays loud music every day so you can't concentrate. Tell him, "I know you like to work while listening to music, but I can't concentrate. How about you wear headphones so that other coworkers are not disturbed. So we can work in a pleasant atmosphere."
Step 6. Look for anger control training in your city
This training teaches how to deal with anger and control emotions effectively. By practicing with other people, you will realize that you are not alone with this problem. Many people think that classmates can help with certain problems such as going through individual therapy.
- Search the internet for the most appropriate anger control training by typing "anger control training" and the name of the city, province, or country. Add information "for teens" or "for people with post-traumatic stress" to find the most appropriate group for your needs.
- Find out the training you need by asking your doctor or therapist. Consult a counselor at a community center who can help you develop yourself.
Step 7. Consult a mental health professional
Make an appointment to see a therapist if your anger gets so bad that it damages your relationship and interferes with your daily activities. The therapist is able to find the cause of the problem and determine the most effective therapy and/or treatment. He will teach you relaxation techniques to apply in situations that provoke anger. In addition, it can help you develop emotional control and communication skills.
Look online for a therapist who specializes in controlling anger or ask a doctor for a referral
Method 3 of 3: Controlling Anger When It Gets Triggered
Step 1. Try to calm yourself down once you realize that you are angry
Calm yourself down by stopping what you're doing, staying away from things that irritate you, and/or relaxing by taking deep breaths. Avoiding things that annoy you will make it easier for you to calm down.
- Remember that you don't have to react immediately when faced with an upsetting situation. Count from 1 to 10 or you can say, "I'll consider it. We'll talk about it later." so you can calm down.
- If you're angry at the office, go to a room where no one is around or stay away from a problematic situation for a while. If you park your car at the office, get in the car so you have some privacy.
- If you're angry when you're at home, go into an enclosed space to be alone (such as the bathroom) or take a leisurely walk with a loved one or a friend who is ready to help.
Step 2. Give yourself a chance to be angry
Feeling emotions, such as anger, is a natural experience. Allowing yourself to be angry helps you accept your anger and free yourself from problems. After that, you don't need to be angry for a long time and question the reasons that triggered the anger.
In order to feel anger, determine where the anger is in your body. Do you feel it in your stomach? In clenched palms? Find out where the anger is, accept it for what it is, then let it go
Step 3. Breathe deeply
If your heart is beating very fast, calm the rhythm by catching your breath. One of the most important aspects of meditating is taking deep, calm, regular breaths. This step is useful in controlling emotions. Even if you don't meditate deeply, deep breathing provides the same benefits.
- Count 1 to 3 while inhaling, hold your breath for 3 seconds, exhale while counting 1 to 3. only on the count while continuing to breathe.
- Make sure your lungs are filled with air with each breath so that your chest and stomach expand. Every time you exhale, exhale until you run out of air. Hold your breath after inhaling and after exhaling.
- Continue to breathe deeply until you are able to control yourself.
Step 4. Visualize a "comfortable place"
If you have tried various ways of calming yourself, but are not yet feeling calm, imagine that you are experiencing a relaxing atmosphere, for example in the yard of your childhood home, under a cool and beautiful tree, a private island, an imaginary place, or another location that makes you feel comfortable. feel calm and peaceful. Focus on imagining the things that are there in detail: the light, the sound, the temperature, the weather, and the smell. Enjoy the atmosphere in this place until you feel very comfortable while relaxing there or until you feel calm.
Step 5. Get in the habit of having positive mental dialogue
Changing the habit of thinking negatively into something positive (also known as cognitive restructuring), helps you control your anger in a healthy way. After giving yourself time to feel calm, "discuss" the problem with yourself using a positive, relief mindset.
For example, if you're so upset that you get mad while driving, instead of saying, "You idiot! I almost died! It's making people hard!", change it to, "That person almost grazed my car. Maybe he was in a hurry and I wasn't I'll see him again. I'm thankful that I'm safe, my car isn't scratched, and I can still continue my journey. I'll stay calm and concentrate on being safe on the road."
Step 6. Ask for support from people you trust
Sometimes, you can free yourself from anger by expressing your feelings to a close friend or loved one. Tell him what you expect from him. If you just want to share your feelings, make it clear from the start that you're not asking for help or advice because you just need sympathy. If you want to find a solution, ask him to suggest the best solution.
Set a time limit. Before revealing why you're angry, decide how long you want to talk about and then apply these limits. Stop complaining when time is up. This will allow you to focus more on the solution, instead of wallowing in the problem
Step 7. Try to find the humor in what makes you angry
When you're calm and don't mind what just happened, try to look on the bright side. Remembering bad experiences while being humorous is beneficial in changing the body's chemical reactions that trigger anger into a sense of humor.
For example, if someone overtakes your car, tell yourself how excited that person is who wants to get to their destination 15 seconds faster to have to race with you. Consider if he's in a hurry because of an emergency situation and focus on your goal
Tips
- Pay attention to the words you say when you are angry. Maybe you will say different words if you are calm and able to think clearly.
- When you're angry, listen to a relaxing song, read a book, or go to your favorite website to calm yourself down. Meditation is useful in relieving stress and/or anxiety which in turn triggers anger.
- If you're quick to anger and have trouble controlling your emotions, find a place to be alone. Scream while covering your mouth with a blanket, pillow, or other object that can muffle the sound. (If necessary, shout as loudly as possible when no one else is around.) This method will help you let go of your anger. Free yourself from anger by doing physical activity, such as hitting a pillow. This will help you to relieve your anger effectively without hurting the other person.
- Sometimes anger is necessary and needs to be expressed, but do it in the right way, instead of berating others. Don't say things that offend the other person or get defensive so he doesn't get angry.
- If you want to get angry, ask yourself if the person you're going to be scolding deserves it or if you're just using this person as a "boxing target" to take your anger out on the other person who made you angry.
- Free yourself from anger by being creative, such as writing articles, painting, or other activities that require energy. Doing activities according to hobbies is useful for improving your mood and channeling the energy you have been using to think about problems without looking for solutions. Imagine what you can do if the energy that has been used to be angry is channeled into something useful.
- Ask yourself if you want to continue experiencing stress. If not, do something to change it. Try to stay away from situations, places, or things that provoke anger.
- Avoid things that provoke anger until you calm down. Free yourself from problematic situations or people who are making you angry by being alone in a comfortable place and breathing deeply until you feel calm enough. Think of someone you love and tell yourself that you are better than the person who bullied you.
- If you want to get angry, take a deep breath and don't get angry right away. Express your feelings to a friend or family member at appropriate times calmly and try to understand their perspective.
- Write down everything you feel in detail on a piece of paper. Then, tear it as small as possible, throw it into the toilet, then flush with water.
Warning
- Get away as soon as you realize that the anger will turn into a tantrum or act of violence.
- If you're upset, listen to soothing music because being upset is a trigger for anger.
- Don't use anger as an excuse to hit or attack another person (physically or verbally).
- Get help right away if you want to do harm to yourself or others.
