When you wake up in the morning, you are a new person. What completed you yesterday may no longer complete you today. As hard as it is to believe, letting someone go is what's best for you right now. Whether your loved one dies, is heartbroken, wants to get over the person you love, or simply has nothing in common with a friend, letting go is a step forward to your happiness, happiness that is the most important thing. Let's continue the process.
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Method 1 of 4: Letting Go of Ex-Girlfriend
Step 1. Feel
One of the most important things, sad is good. Emotions are good. Crying is good. Anger is good. Whatever you're feeling, it's probably normal and needs to be removed. When the burying phase ends, the process of letting go will begin. There are certain stages of letting go, and the burying phase (also known as the crying-while-eating-a-bowl-of-ice-cream phase or the weird-color-hair-dyeing phase) is natural to experience. Let it be.
The first thing you may feel is denial, followed by anger. It doesn't feel real and when you realize it, the words you exchanged and the incident created frustration and pain. Instead of torturing yourself not only with the reality of your heartbreak but also trying to overcome it, realize that the process has to be that way. The emotions you feel are a part of who you are. You're not crazy or meaningless. It's because you're only human
Step 2. Don't glorify the past
You may often find yourself reminiscing about happy times when you were together. In bed you'll picture it again in your head like a broken record. But when you go back to him, 10 minutes later you'll think, "That's right. That's why this relationship didn't work." But it's hard to remember all that ugliness when you're caught up in such strong emotions. Realize that if you only remember happy memories, you won't be able to see them realistically.
If you need a scientific explanation to convince yourself, you should know that emotions have been shown to affect memory. So when you desperately need good things, your mind will form a new thread to fulfill your expectations. Basically, your memory is just doing what your mind at the moment wants you to do
Step 3. Create as much distance as possible
"Letting go" is basically a subtle language for forgetting. To no longer care. This may sound a bit harsh, which is why we give it a more refined term. This means that moving away from your ex is the only way to get over them quickly. Know how it feels when you find an old shirt in the back of the closet and you say, "Oh my God, I used to love this shirt so much! How could I not notice it was missing?" Yes. Lost from sight. Out of mind.
Of course, for some, this is much, much, much easier said than done. But you can try to limit the time you spend around your ex. Use it to dive into a new hobby, find a new place to hang out, or occasionally go out with new people. Don't change your life just to stay away from your ex, but think what's best for yourself
Step 4. Put yourself first
After being angry, sad, and vowing never to be this stupid again, you may spend days/weeks/as if forever wondering what went wrong, as if you were walking in the dark. It's tempting to stop doing anything, but you can't. You can't. For yourself. For the good of your world, you must move on.
This is the time to do whatever you want. "You" is all that matters now. Do whatever makes you happy (as long as it's harmless, of course). So go have fun and party. You have time to be selfish. Repeat the words "me, me, me," to motivate yourself. Why? Because you are amazing
Step 5. Don't blame all the women or men
You'll soon forget all this (by the time "me, me, me" changes to "me, you, me, you"), and the last thing you want is to hold a grudge against everyone. Being discouraged and cynical is not "learning from experience" -- it's more like giving up. Try to see the best in other people. They have it, only hidden sometimes.
Not all men are brash and not all women are cunning. You may have a tendency to be attracted to a sneaky brat, but the problem isn't with you. Pay close attention to the people out there -- how much diversity do you find? There must be thousands. That's why it's called variety
Step 6. Stay away from negative thoughts
The beauty of the mind is that it is a part of you and you can control it. If you start to think negatively, you also have the ability to stop it. Train your mind to immediately jump to something better. Sometimes it takes a few tricks, but it can be done.
- Voice your negative thoughts in the voice of a cartoon character. For example the voice of Donald Duck. Try saying, "I hate being so stupid" in his voice. Hard to take seriously, right?
- Raise your head on purpose. A raised head signals your body that you exist and are full of pride. Lowering your head shakes shame and can make you feel worse. This little move is crucial.
Step 7. Lean on friends
Your current source of strength is the support of those closest to you. They keep your mind off distracting things and keep you going. Don't be afraid to ask them for help -- maybe they've seen it all this time!
Ask them to help you not sink into grief. You need a friend to talk about your feelings with, of course, but within a certain time limit. Ask if they can give you 15 minutes to talk but after that, you are no longer interested in useless analysis and regret. They make sure you don't drown in grief
Step 8. Discover who you are and love
The fact is that you are actually special and this is just a small setback. You've probably experienced something similar and made it through, so why not now? If you get up once, you can get up twice. You are a tough person, you just forget that you are tough. Go on with your life, and you will be able to let go.
When you stop moving on, that's when you can't let go. As you move on with life (seeking opportunities, enjoying life, surrounding yourself with the people and things you love), you will be able to let that person go on their own without you even realizing it. Think about how you were before this problem occurred. What did you love? What makes you who you are? How extraordinary are you?
Method 2 of 4: Letting Go of Unrequited Love
Step 1. Define your standards
From the start this person clearly has no respect for you and all your greatness -- so they don't deserve your time. Not "Are they worth you?" or "Maybe they don't deserve you," but 100% no ifs and no buts don't deserve you. You deserve someone who sees who you are, sees how valuable you are, and wants to be an active part of your life. Those who do not, may leave.
Take the time to review everything. Look at yourself as objectively as possible. Is the relationship safe because it's not real? Is there a guarantee that you won't be hurt because there is no commitment? If only a few of these are true, then the problem is with you and not with this other person. They are just a symbol of your troubles
Step 2. Determine your happiness
Whether you're his partner or you just feel like he really likes him, are you as happy as you should be with this person? Chances are you're unhappy and yearn for the relationship to work out the way you imagined it would. Which things are real and which are just wishes, hopes, and fantasies?
It's obvious that this relationship isn't going the way you want it, otherwise you won't feel the urge to let it go. Realize. Let the reality sink in. This one won't work for you, but others will. The problem is, to find that other one, you have to let go of this one. That's what you're here for! Step one? Finished
Step 3. Don't wait
Life is too short not to enjoy it now. This guy has moved on with his life, so why don't you do the same? This is fair. It doesn't mean you jump into a new relationship right away -- it means stick around and really try to enjoy life.
- Don't wait in the hope that things will change. You will be waiting for a very, very long time. As is well known, the best way to predict future behavior is to look at past behavior. If past behavior causes heartbreak, how can future behavior be any different? That's right; will not be different.
- Chances are there is a part of you that already knows all this. Knowing that this relationship isn't the best for you and knowing that it's logical that you should forget about it (that's what you're here for). No matter how small that part of you is, let it dominate you for at least a few hours a day. Let him protect you who are hurting. That part of you knows that you need to feel better -- whether it's drinking wine with your girlfriends, a long, fun jog, or the vacation you've been wanting for a long time. Whatever it is, do it.
Step 4. Get away physically
Now that you've decided to stay away mentally, it's also important to stay away physically. The only way to stop self-torture is when the person is no longer around you. If this is controllable (he's not a co-worker, for example), do it. The process will run more, faster.
This is no excuse to stay home rather than risk running into him in class/gym/out with friends. However, this is a reason to change your habits. Always go to the same cafe? Find a new one. Certain gyms? Go at a different time. Find a different new hobby
Step 5. Be firm
If that person is in your life, they will ask. There's no point in making up flimsy excuses to explain why you're avoiding -- you're bound to get caught eventually. The best option is to tell the truth wrapped in diplomatic words.
No one can write it but you. However, something like, "I need some time alone to see what works best for me," are words that no one can refute. If they don't like him, that means more reason to run away from him
Step 6. Don't beat yourself up
This is not a failure for you. This is life. This happens to everyone and you know what? You will learn from this incident. You learn from your previous heartbreak and have forgotten it, and this one will be no different. You didn't do anything wrong. What you did at that time was something you felt was right. That's what you can do.
Hoping that time you did something different, acted differently, said different things to no avail. You are you and when things don't go the way they should -- something else will. Changing yourself is a tiring process that only leads to resentment and exhaustion. Blaming yourself for being yourself is ridiculous! Who are you supposed to be?
Step 7. Focus on yourself
This is a great time for "me". Not only for yourself, but also for all your future relationships. Without approaching and discovering who you are, no one and no one will ever succeed. This doesn't mean being selfish; this means to be logical.
What things do you enjoy? Find out at least 5 things and do them all in the next two weeks. Eventually, there will be times when you've managed to let go, but you don't even know it. You will become too busy thinking about life that makes you more important. When you realize it, months have passed, it feels so, so good
Method 3 of 4: Letting Go of the One Who Is Gone
Step 1. Practice letting go of regrets
When someone we love dies, we are suddenly attacked by things we should have done or said, or have done and said but wished they hadn't. Regret cannot be driven away, and thinking about it will only add to the suffering. Doesn't he want you to be happy?
Regret often involves things like forgiving yourself. Unfortunately, there is no guide to self-forgiveness, and all you can do is remember that you are human. You are human and you have loved him to the best of your ability. Now is the time to focus on the present moment
Step 2. Grieving
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In that exact order. However, know that no two people grieve the same way. You need to grieve, whether it's curling up in the corner of your room cuddling a teddy bear or running until your shin hurts, do it. You will feel better later.
Other people's assumptions about grieving can be pushed in the direction you are aware of. How it's being forced on you to deal with it is the way you should be. As long as you treat yourself and others with care (read: don't turn to drugs, alcohol, and the like) that's okay
Step 3. Don't grieve alone
Right now, you and the people who also love him must come together. Sometimes, when you grieve with someone else, the grief doesn't feel that deep. The combined efforts of everyone can make time go by faster.
If you feel like the only one who feels this grief and no one is sad, just being accompanied is enough to help. Having someone hold your hand can let you know that you are not alone. That everything will be all right. Seek support from the people around you, whoever they are
Step 4. Find your old self
At some point in the past, there was another you out there, unattached to this relationship. And still so. It's just a matter of finding your old self once again. With a little polish, it will be as good as new again.
Reconnect with people and things from the past. What used to fill you with passion? What keeps you alive? What would you like to do when you had the energy and opportunity? And finally, the most important question: When if not now?
Step 5. Look to the future
The only reason your life is bleak is because you are in the shadows. The future offers as many opportunities as it did six weeks, six months, or six years ago. It's just a matter of what you get from this incident. Instead of mourning the past, think about tomorrow. What's up there?
When you hold on to the past, you have no chance of holding onto the future. You can become lost from the cycle of the world. Does your lover want that? To find love, you have to give and receive it. You can't do anything if your hands are full of things that have happened
Step 6. Write a farewell letter to conclude
Everything you never said, put it in a letter. Write a positive letter, emphasizing his life and the happiness he brings to your life.
It is up to you what you will do with the letter. You can place it close to your heart, send it in the waves of the ocean, or set it on fire and watch the smoke rise high into the sky
Step 7. Know that "letting go" will happen
Will. Not possible, should, could, or could be. Will. The only word that applies in this situation is "will." For some this may take longer than others, but it will happen. Until then… relax. Let time do its work. Time can heal all wounds.
When letting go is starting to happen, you won't even notice it. You will change and develop so much that your eyes will no longer look back at who you used to be. It might have started now. Maybe the release process has already started but you are standing too close to see clearly. Can that happen? Stupid question. Yes. Yes, can
Method 4 of 4: Letting Go of Unhealthy Friends
Step 1. Be as positive as possible
"Nothing is good or bad, but the mind makes it that way." This friendship that you will leave is not a bad thing. But a symbol of development and maturity. It shows the world that you have found your way and it is not something to be shared. Just that. It's not that you ignore other souls or be uncompromising -- you're just doing what you're supposed to do.
All experiences and all relationships have value. However, some people should be a memory, not a part of our destiny. And it doesn't matter! We are all different. Be grateful for those experiences because they help you grow. They molded you into the extraordinary you are today
Step 2. Surround yourself with other people
This friendship has turned you into the person you don't want to be (and yes, friendship has the power to do so). These toxic friendships can drain and seep into other parts of your life. The only way to avoid it is to belong to a different group. A group that makes you feel better.
If you don't have a backup plan, you will. You may have to look for it. It might seem scary, but if it's easy, it won't be worth it. Join a club, take lessons, find a new hobby. Give yourself a chance to be part of a wider world. The wider your world, the less influence this person will have on you
Step 3. Be nice
When you befriend a parasite, the parasite usually doesn't know that he or she has harmed someone else. The last thing you want is to attack with anger -- after all, you were friends for a reason. Part of you cares about him. When they ask what happened, be honest, but still be nice.
If you don't know what to say, tell them what you told yourself. "We've found different directions and that's okay. I still respect you, but our friendship was formed with who I used to be, not who I am now. Your behavior disappointed me and I don't want to experience it again." They'll have lots of questions, and may be angry, but then, you'll feel better no matter how they react
Step 4. Move away
Sometimes when something is taken from someone, they want it more. This one friend may start calling more often than before. Even if they swear they realized their mistake, don't believe it right away. You need time to analyze, to step back and see the situation as it really is.
And so do they. If they want to talk about it, say so. You both need some time apart to know what it's like without the other. To view an image, you need to take a few steps back. If a few weeks have passed and you feel like meeting them and they feel the same way, take it slow. Sometimes, people can take lessons
Step 5. Know what you are looking for from your future friends
It would be terrible to leave one friend behind only to replace it with an equally bad one. So when you want to find an amazing group of opposites, what do you want them to look like? What do you value in other people?
Might have to do a bit of analysis too. What did you like about your old friend that made you a good match? What do you need from them that they can't provide? What are three qualities your friend should have?
Step 6. Focus only on the things you can change
Friends who used to be human too. You can't change them, even if you try. And it doesn't matter. They are them and you are you. Nothing is wrong. But since it is immutable, then there is no point in spending energy on it. Focus on what can change to make you happier.
Your environment, for example, can change. Your views can change. Your needs may change. Focus on one of these aspects as you begin to grow. Having something that suits you will make the right path clearer
Tips
- You also have to believe in and love yourself no matter the circumstances. Know that everything happens for a reason, and people come and go in our lives all the time, so don't feel miserable for the rest of your life. You should know that right there behind the corner there is someone waiting for you
- Letting go doesn't always mean letting them leave you. Letting go can also mean staying with them, caring for them, but not allowing them to drain your energy, hurt you or not give you the ability to live life.
- Revisiting old memories is always painful, but there are times when cupboards need to be cleaned, photos removed, and new doors opened.
- Give yourself time to mourn the loss of a loved one for good, then take a new step on a path you never shared before. Make new friends, and do new things that you might be interested in. Starting your new life alone may be hard at first, but this new path may bring you happiness and well-being.
- Remember that there is no fixed time limit for mourning. Don't feel guilty if you want to have dinner with someone 4 months after your partner's departure, or 6 months. Everyone has their own path in life, and their own time, when they feel comfortable starting a new life. You owe it to your deceased spouse to carry on with your life, and when and how that life is is up to you and how you feel about it.
