Is there a pessimistic person in your life-someone who thinks more about the negative aspects of a situation than the positive? If you are an optimistic and cheerful person, it can be difficult to understand and deal with the views of pessimists. The strategy for not letting pessimistic people bring you down is to reduce the effects of your pessimism, communicate effectively with those with a less positive outlook on life and educate yourself about pessimism.
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Part 1 of 3: Reducing the Effects of Pessimism on You
Step 1. Focus on yourself
Sometimes we spend so much time worrying about other people and their feelings that we forget about ourselves. Take care of your own feelings and reactions to pessimism. By focusing on your own happiness and not putting others first, you have weakened negative thoughts.
- Remind yourself that you are in control. You have control over the extent to which you allow other people's feelings and thoughts to influence you.
- For example, even if pessimism is unpleasant to hear, understand that other people's pessimism is a reflection of yourself and you can only control your own feelings. You have the ability to determine what influences how you feel.
Step 2. Change your thinking
Using logic as a resource to deal with problems indicates higher mental strength. Stay positive. Research shows that optimism can increase mental strength. This means that your own optimistic outlook can help fight pessimism and the overflow of negative thoughts.
- Look for the good in everything. Remind yourself that anyone can find flaws in anything when they look closely enough; what is more difficult is to provide a way out and positive action. Instead of trying to verbally persuade a pessimist with upbeat comments, simply move on with your positive life and let your behavior and actions do the talking.
- If you feel down when you are around a pessimist, make a list in your mind (or write it down if you prefer) about five good things in your life. Think of the contents of this list in your head as a kind of "shield" against negative thoughts if you feel you are starting to react to pessimism.
- Actively develop positive friendships with other optimistic people. Spending more time around optimistic people will help lift your mood and reassure you that your mental state is the right one for you.
Step 3. Focus on the person's positive qualities
A pessimistic person's way of looking at things isn't the only trait he has-there are many other complex traits in a person so instead of fixating on the negatives, look for the good in him. Is he a smart person? Always support you? Is her personality so unique that she doesn't care what other people think of her? Is he a good fit to work with? Focus on the positive aspects of a person and try to balance the negatives.
- Just like when you made a list of five positive things in your life, try to make a list of at least three positive things about the pessimistic person and keep this list in mind as you find it increasingly difficult to deal with this person. You can also use this list to remind the pessimist of his strengths, in case he seems to have forgotten.
- Find sympathy for the pessimist in your life by remembering that their pessimism may stem from unhappiness or low self-esteem. When you hear negative thoughts from the person, remind yourself that he or she may be going through something very difficult that is contributing to their pessimism.
Step 4. Stop trying to control the person
Recognize that you have no control over other people's thoughts and behavior. Let the pessimist take responsibility for his own pessimism. He may have seen negative things, so let him have his own interpretation of events and life in general. Accept the fact that this person has a choice to choose his or her way of thinking.
Encourage the pessimistic thinker to make the choice that feels most comfortable for him. Don't give advice or pressure the person to do things your way
Step 5. No need to try to be a hero
Resist the innate urge to try to cheer up the pessimist. It's best not to amplify negative thoughts in a positive way by pretending to be rewarding pessimistic thoughts (attention, positive thoughts, etc.).
Don't try to convince the pessimist that everything will be okay. Remember that you can't control how that person interprets the situation
Step 6. Accept him
Don't be too quick to ignore other people because of their pessimistic nature. Learning to get along with people who are not the same as us is an important part of self-development and socialization.
Being pessimistic is not always bad. Some philosophers and researchers argue that pessimism can actually make people feel happier and closer to reality because they will be better prepared and less disappointed if they have considered the worst that could happen. Therefore, when bad things do happen, they can deal with them better
Part 2 of 3: Communicating Effectively About Pessimism
Step 1. Be assertive
Give advice and help the pessimistic friend understand the effect it has on others. Be mature when interacting with him.
- Be honest and polite. If the pessimist bothers you or affects you negatively, let him know. Say that you're sorry that he sees the situation from his point of view while you see it from a different perspective.
- Use "my statement". I feel _ when you _. Focus on your own feelings rather than the actions of the other person.
- Do not label or label the person. Telling someone who has pessimistic thoughts that he or she is a pessimist is likely to be unhelpful and can lead to conflict.
Step 2. Reframe negative thoughts
One thing you can do is try to provide an alternative way for him to look at the problem. But remember that you're not trying to "rescue" the friend from pessimism or cheer him up. You are simply expressing your opinion and disagreement with his views on the situation.
Step 3. Set boundaries
You may need to separate yourself for a while or stay away from this person. Setting boundaries about what topics you discuss with the person and how long you want to be under their influence can be a useful way of dealing with aversion to being around them.
- Don't just ignore it; such action can be considered as passive-aggressive communication.
- Limit interactions between the two of you if necessary. However, if he or she is a friend, colleague, or family member, you may not be able to or don't want to avoid him. In cases like these, minimizing the time you spend with them can benefit your mental well-being.
Step 4. Love him
Be sympathetic when dealing with other people who you think are different from you.
- If the pessimist doesn't want to do something you do, empathize with his or her worries or misfortune. This is a nice and subtle way to highlight what he sees as negative - by focusing on it directly and expressing sympathy for his worries and suffering.
- Be understanding and supportive without justifying the negative thoughts.
- For example, tell a reluctant pessimist to join you in an activity so he can go home/stay away while you keep going. Say something like "Too bad this has been hard on you. Please do whatever you have to do to feel better (go home/don't come/stay here/do an easier task, etc)."
Part 3 of 3: Recognize and Understand Pessimistic Thinking
Step 1. Know the signs of pessimism
Initially because of your own cheerful attitude, you may not be aware of the pessimistic thoughts of others. Understanding these patterns is helpful for detecting pessimism in yourself. Signs of negative thinking include:
- Thinking that things will not go smoothly. This is also known as catastrophizing or thinking the worst will happen.
- Believing that negative outcomes are permanent and we cannot escape their grip.
- Can blame yourself or others for things that didn't go well.
Step 2. Understand the possibility of other underlying problems
A possible reason for the emergence of pessimistic thoughts is depression. If this is indeed the case, the pessimist may need psychological or medical treatment.
- Read how to deal with depression for an explanation of the symptoms.
- If you are concerned that your friend or family member has mental health problems, you can raise these concerns with him and offer treatment as an option. Just say, "I've noticed you seem sad (or angry, or in a negative way) lately, have you considered talking to a professional about it? I think this walk can help you." Don't look too pushy because you can scare him off.
Step 3. Continue to improve your knowledge of pessimism
The more you know, the less likely you are to take it personally when you're around pessimistic people. With education comes understanding and increased ability to deal with it.
