In fact, if you want to cut ties with your boyfriend, you can do it amicably. Admittedly, ending a relationship with someone is not easy, and there is no considered best way to do it. Someone who is decided will feel hurt. However, there are ways to make him feel better when you communicate the decision to break up. Plus, you'll feel better too. Why be cruel? After all, he was once a part of your life.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Finding a Better Way
Step 1. Say it directly
He will feel more hurt if you cut him off indirectly. Never break up with your boyfriend through text messages, unless you really want to hurt him a lot. Sending a text message containing a breakup ultimatum is the worst way to end a relationship.
- Breaking up with your boyfriend over the phone, Skype, Facebook, or social media, or via email is also considered unsympathetic and should not be used. You definitely wouldn't like it if someone did that to you. So don't do it to other people.
- By breaking up with your boyfriend directly, you can show compassion and concern. Breaking up with your boyfriend through electronic media creates distance and shows disrespect. Also, reading emails or texts can lead to misinterpretations. So, he may draw the wrong conclusions from your words.
- If you really can't tell him in person, or that's just not possible, try to write a sincere and detailed letter. Don't type the letter and print it. You have to show compassion. If you make him feel that he was once an important part of your life, even if the relationship can't continue, he probably won't hurt too much.
Step 2. Don't end the relationship by suddenly disappearing and disconnecting (ghosting)
This term has recently become popular after several cases of celebrity couples breaking up. If someone suddenly disappears to end the relationship, without giving any explanation, it is called “ghosting”. They just disappeared like ghosts.
- Ghosting is very cruel. It makes people feel unappreciated and confused. Breaking up in such a way would surely cause him to feel very hurt. Therefore, even though it is difficult, face your fear and face it with courage.
- He can't immediately come up with a reason why the relationship should end if you suddenly disappear. That way, he'll still be around and try to contact you to find out what's going on. So if you really want to break up with him, ghosting won't be able to get him out of your life fast enough.
Step 3. Don't give him false hope
Sometimes people try to let other people down so easily that they lead them astray. This action is inappropriate because it will confuse him and give him false hope.
- Don't contact him after you've ended the relationship, and don't let him plunge you into endless discussions about it. Completely finished.
- Don't beat around the bush and be assertive. Don't say something like "I just need space" as that will give rise to false hopes. If it's not possible to continue the relationship, you need to be firm and not confuse him.
- Don't say you love him or shower him with compliments or touch him in any way. You can show that you care and hope that he will be okay. Showing any emotion overtly or touching (even if it's just a hug) can make him think there is hope. It could be considered cruel.
- Clearly explain the boundaries of any possible relationship in the future. If it's not possible to get there, say it outright.
Step 4. Keep it to yourself
Gossip is not something fun. He will be in a situation that makes him sad, why are you hurting his ego even more by spreading the news everywhere?
- Let him tell others, including your circle of friends. However, keep the reason behind the breakup to yourself. If the other person asks, just say that you can't say it out of respect for your ex.
- If he spreads the news to others, don't show excessive anger. He probably just needs someone to share his story with, unless he's lying about you or being really mean.
Part 2 of 3: Saying the Right Thing
Step 1. Don't use clichés
It's easy to say clichés, for example something like, "It's not you, it's me" or "We should just be friends." No guy likes being told they can only be friends. That's something that sucks. So don't say it.
- If you use clichés, which are spoken all over the place, it can be hard to believe them. He'll get angry or defensive if he thinks you're being dishonest. Sentences like “I need time to understand myself”, or “I need space” will immediately offend him. Not that the sentence is not true, but there should be another explanation beyond that. He deserves a more specific answer.
- It would be better if you express how you feel and be honest. Speak very clearly, but try to be brief and direct. Just tell me what really happened.
- Maybe someday you'll be able to make friends with him, but if you do it right away, things can get confusing. However, it would be better to separate romance and friendship. So, there's no need to use the cliché "we're just friends".
Step 2. Admit that you are guilty too
If you really feel like you haven't done anything wrong, it's a good idea to do some introspection. If the relationship doesn't work out as it should, both parties involved are usually partly responsible. Or maybe the two sides just don't get along and no one is to blame.
- It would be very bad if you act annoying just to make him break up with YOU. If you want to get out of the relationship, break up with him, but accept that he's not the only one to blame.
- If he's really at fault, for example, or he's being mean or having an affair, you should prioritize safety and don't feel like you have to share the blame. No one deserves to be cruelly treated or lied to. So, respect yourself and leave him.
- But if you're no longer interested in continuing the relationship or the wrong he did was not fatal, why not take the responsibility yourself? This action will lessen the burden of his heartache because it will allow him to maintain his pride. If you put all the blame on him, it will turn the conversation into an argument.
- You've cut ties, why give him a long list of all his faults? Avoid blaming words, and make sure you use a gentle and careful tone of voice, not anger and accusations.
Step 3. Give him a reason
Everyone deserves to know why they were dumped. You shouldn't say hurtful things all the time, but give him reasons.
- Don't stay too long. Give reasons why you want to end the relationship. Say what you mean well, clearly, and quickly, and show empathy for him. At the same time, once you've made your wish, don't expect to get an answer right away. If he really loves you, the decision might break his heart. So, respect the circumstances and let him. Don't shower him with questions. It took him a moment to accept that fact. Give him the time he needs, and let him have his say, then reiterate your point, and go.
- Summarize your reasons into 3-5 sentences. This helps you stay focused.
Step 4. Say nice things
A little kindness can make a huge impact. Most likely he won't see you as an enemy, and he won't be defensive. If he starts to get angry, don't respond with anger. Don't argue or shout.
- Tell him you're sorry. You're sorry that the relationship didn't go the way he hoped, and you're sorry you hurt him. Give him a chance to respond. If she cries or begs, let her express how she feels, but don't respond. You have to stick to the decisions you make, but do it in a good way.
- Express your gratitude to him. Be grateful for the good times you've had together, but emphasize the fact that the relationship isn't going to work out. Say thank you for everything he does or gives for you.
- Explain to him that you believe he will be fine and will find another woman because she is a good person and has many good qualities, but the two of you are not compatible and your relationship cannot continue.
Step 5. Don't lie
Lying is not the right thing to do, and even worse, he may eventually find out that you are lying. If that happened, the situation would be much worse.
- Not that you have to bombard him with all the details about your new crush (if he ever has one). It would be better if you didn't say anything that wasn't true.
- What if you wait some time before starting a new relationship? Give him time to heal before he has to see you with someone else (or hear about it).
Part 3 of 3: Choosing the Right Settings
Step 1. Choose the right time
It feels so cruel to dump someone at a time when he or she is going through a crisis in their life. So you have to choose the best time for him, not for you. Why hurry?
- Do it during the day. It's best not to dump someone at night and never after they drink or after you drink. You want to keep the conversation short, while in the evening discussions tend to be lengthy and intense. Long discussions have the potential to leave deep wounds.
- Early morning or lunch time would be better. It's best to choose the weekend. You certainly don't want to dump him while he has to go to work after that. It seemed unfair to throw her into an emotional mess at a time when she had to show her best side professionally.
- Don't break up on special occasions, such as before the holidays start, on her birthday, or right before or on your anniversary. It would make him feel worse.
Step 2. Talk to yourself alone
It would be better if you expressed the desire to break up privately. That way, he wouldn't feel humiliated, and if he showed emotion, no one would notice. You can talk heart to heart in this situation.
- Never cut ties when he is with his friends. Give him the opportunity to spread the word about the breakup in his own way. It would be nice if you give him a chance to maintain his pride.
- Do this in his place, not yours. That way, once you've expressed your desire to end the relationship, you can leave at any time. If this is done in your home, he may prolong the moment or even seduce you because he wants to save the relationship. You will feel awkward if you have to throw him out.
- However, there are exceptions if you have reason to worry about safety. If he has trouble controlling his anger, DO NOT dump him in private. Meet him in a public place like a cafe. Bring a friend for support. If he's violent, don't meet him at all. Ask someone to deliver the news or do it in writing.
Step 3. Choose a neutral place
Do not choose a place that has a romantic connotation. This will make it even more difficult, and can convey conflicting messages.
- Bars are not a good place to be, as alcohol will ignite your emotions and make things more dramatic.
- The fancy restaurant you've been on a date with? That place would make it worse. Instead, choose a neutral place, like a cafe or go for a walk so you can get some privacy.
Tips
- Don't cheat on her. If you are attracted to another man, break up with him first. That's a better course of action. A breakup is NEVER going well if one of the parties is having an affair.
- Breaking up is never fun. So just do it and get it done. However, you may need to practice what you are going to say ahead of time, rather than coming unprepared.
- Take time to recover from the breakup.
- Don't befriend him if you feel like you can't handle him.
- Never brag or be mean to him after you break up. Don't go back to him, look for another man as your luck.
- Get rid of photos or gifts you got from him, get rid of anything that will remind you of him. It's best not to return the items because it's cruel. You have to get rid of it.
- Remove him from Facebook, Myspace, or other social networks if you decide you're no longer friends with him. He may be angry to see a picture or status about your happiness or your new boyfriend.
Warning
- Tell friends where you went and what you did.
- Again, if you smell a sign he's about to be rude or violent, prioritize your safety over his feelings and DO NOT meet him in private and don't cut ties with him without seeking help first. Seek help from professionals, such as counselors, parents, or the police.
