Everyone keeps secrets at various moments in their lives. When a girl is hiding something, don't necessarily think it's bad; for example, he may withhold information about a surprise birthday party. However, there are also times when he hides more serious secrets. There are ways to tell when a girl is hiding something, most of which are backed up by psychological and scientific research.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Read Signs That He's Hiding Something
Step 1. Watch out for anything strange about him
If you spend a lot of time with this person, you may quickly notice that something looks different or odd. Take a mental note and try to remind yourself to keep an eye on him when he looks different than usual.
Step 2. Monitor when his behavior changes
Once you notice that he looks weird, start noticing when his behavior changes. Look for patterns that will give you an idea of what is causing her to act unusually.
- Does his attitude change when you mention a certain topic?
- Does change occur when certain people are around?
- Does he feel uncomfortable when he is in certain locations?
- Is there an upcoming event that he refuses to talk about?
Step 3. Make observations about changes in behavior
Again, if you know him well, detecting differences in his behavior should be fairly easy. As you narrow down the common causes behind his sudden secretive behavior, watch for habits or signs that suggest lies or secrets.
- Looks like someone in deep thought
- Eyes often blink towards the exit
- Often stops when giving an answer
- Change the subject suddenly
- Cross your arms in front of your chest or protect other vulnerable areas, such as your throat
- Giving too many details
- Leaning back, as if trying to create physical distance
- His arms and legs move
- Does not show empathy
- No longer using statements with "I" and referring to other people by their name instead of "he"
- Avoid answering questions
- Frequent coughing and swallowing hard
Step 4. Consider the seriousness of what he is trying to hide
As you observe his behavior and try to find the cause, think about what he may be hiding and how serious it is.
- If you're in a relationship with him, maybe he's hiding an affair or he's started a bad habit when he promised to leave, such as smoking. Or, if he's a friend, he could be hiding something that other people have said about you behind your back.
- There's always a chance he's hiding something positive, like a gift or a surprise party. It's important to be kind to him.
Step 5. Write down your suspicions in preparation for having to confront them
Listing your suspicions or detailing your single biggest suspicion will help you look and feel better prepared for a confrontation. It also gives you the opportunity to refer to his behavior, words, or actions that led you to this conclusion.
- Also note anything odd about his behavior, including the things he says, how he acts, and any odd behavior he exhibits.
- Write down your observations about the topic or person that seems to have caused a change in his or her attitude.
Step 6. Ask mutual friends about your suspicions
Pick someone who knows both of you and ask the friend if he or she notices the same odd behavior. This friend may know a different version of the story and can help you notice if anything has been missed that could explain his behavior or whether your observations are accurate.
Part 2 of 2: Conducting Direct Confrontation
Step 1. Take the time to talk to him
Depending on your relationship, you can plan to talk to him at home, if he is your partner, or you can make plans to meet him for lunch, for example.
Avoid telling him that you want to talk about his suspicious behavior. This can make him decline your invitation, making it even more difficult for you to talk to him and find out what's going on
Step 2. Bring up the topic calmly and rationally
There's a good chance he gets defensive when you bring up this topic. So try to relieve tension by remaining calm.
- However, this doesn't mean that you have to be evasive or vague about what you want to achieve. You should speak clearly and unambiguously about his suspicious behavior so that he fully understands the conversation.
- “Lately I feel like you're hiding something from me. To me, our relationship is important. So, I want to talk about it."
- “You show an unusual reaction when you hear my comments lately. I don't mean to offend you, but it looks like you're hiding something. Can we talk about this?”
- "I've noticed lately that you're often nervous when you're with me. Is there something you want to talk about?”
Step 3. Describe your thoughts and observations in a way that shows that you care about them
You're having this conversation because you're worried about what's going on and want to get it over with. So try to help him understand that with your words and your attitude.
- "I've noticed lately that you've always kept your distance and closed yourself off if Gilang was around. I wonder what happened to make your attitude change towards him? I just wanted to help."
- “Recently, you've become a little quiet when we talk about our plans with other people. I got worried and wanted to know if there was something you wanted to tell me.”
- “The last time we went to math class with Mrs. Ani, you looked very nervous and restless. I just want to help. So don't hesitate if you want to talk about what caused it."
- "Last night you said that you should stay home and read a book until you fall asleep, but Susi said you both went to the club. I feel offended that you lied to me and I want to know why you need to do it."
Step 4. Listen to the response carefully
Remember to stay calm and give him a chance to respond without interrupting him. If he continues to be suspicious, let him know that you notice certain behaviors that indicate he may be lying, such as an inability to maintain eye contact, pausing frequently to answer, or giving too many details. Then, again ask him to be honest with you.
- If he continues to hide what happened, you should consider the value of this friendship or relationship. What's the point of your relationship if he doesn't want to be honest?
- "I heard you say…"
- "I understand if you feel…"
- "I appreciate that you agreed to talk to me about this, but I feel like you haven't been completely honest. Can you tell me all the truth?"
- "I'm so glad we had the opportunity to talk about this. But, it looks like there's still something you haven't told me. Come on, don't hesitate, just say it."
Step 5. Give yourself time to process what he is saying
If he's willing to tell you what he's been hiding, give yourself time to process it, especially if it's something negative.
- Consider the reasons behind her hiding something from you and how valid those reasons are. Should he be honest with you from the start, or is the secrecy understandable?
- Evaluate the relationship between the two of you, whether he did the right thing by hiding certain information from you, and what you can do to fix the hurt he's caused.
Tips
- Always think well of him before drawing the worst conclusions.
- Be open to what he has to say because it may not be what you expect. Try to engage in the conversation with an open mind and with a desire to really listen to it.
