Are you one of those guys who is afraid to talk to a woman because you think you might say the wrong thing or she might get the wrong impression of you? As long as you respect and read the situation properly (it's not hard!) you should have no problem being one of those guys who can talk to women. See step 1 to get started.
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Method 1 of 2: Taking the Right Approach
Step 1. Read her body language
Accurately reading a woman's body language can give you a good idea of whether or not your approach will work. Most women make it pretty clear that they don't want to be approached the way they sit, what they have, the way he reacts to you. Do not ignore these signs.
- Usually if a woman is reading a book, listening to music, or working earnestly in front of her computer, she will not welcome any conversational interruptions from you. Now, if he spends a lot of his time looking around instead of working or reading, he may be open to conversation.
- Someone whose arms are crossed in front of their chest and someone who tilts their head away from you (especially if they take that position after making eye contact with you) is someone who doesn't want to be approached.
- Remember, women are taught from a young age that they need to be nice to people, and so, while she may verbally accept your intrusion into her place, her body language may tell you differently.
Step 2. Make eye contact
Eye contact is a safe and fantastic way to gauge a person's interest and openness to a conversation. Try to catch the eye of the woman you want to talk to. Three times tend to work (so he says). After meeting eyes a third time, approach him.
- Smiling is also a good measure of attraction. If he smiles at you, that's a pretty good sign that he's not going to be hostile in a conversation, especially if he's doing it without your first smile.
- This can work anywhere. You can make eye contact in a busy bar, coffee shop, bookstore you like, on the bus, on the plane.
Step 3. Be confident in your approach
Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a person and a confident approach can take you further than one that doesn't. This doesn't mean that you expect the woman to be pleased with your presence, but it does mean that her disinterest will not threaten your self-esteem.
- You need to pay attention to your body language: don't slouch and don't cross your arms in front of your chest (defensive body language). Have open body language, lean into him and don't play with things or you'll look nervous.
- Faking confidence is one of the best ways to trick you into feeling really confident. So stand tall and walk with purpose.
- Remember the worst thing he can do is be disinterested during a conversation and that's absolutely no big deal. His disinterest means nothing to you. So remind yourself of that.
Step 4. Be yourself
This goes hand in hand with being confident. You need to remember that you are a cool person yourself and someone people are happy to chat with (as long as you are respectful). Don't be afraid of what he might think of you when you approach him.
- The woman will get an estimate of who you really are, even if it's just a smaller version of you. So, for example, if you don't like the outdoors, don't pretend to impress her. He'll figure out pretty quickly that you're fake and he won't be that interested.
- This doesn't mean that you should immediately release your Magic: Guild Card or stress him over and over again with the Most Valuable Player status on your college football team. This means that you believe in yourself and your hobbies.
- Remember, he may not share your hobbies and he may not be that interested during the conversation. Don't take his disinterest as a disregard for who you really are.
Step 5. Use a respectful opening sentence
Opening up a conversation with someone, especially a woman you want to get to know better, can be very difficult and make you nervous. Never be afraid! Here are some pretty good ways to keep the conversation going.
- Ask for assistance. This could be something as simple as asking him which coffee shop he feels is the best. If he doesn't seem like he's in a hurry, ask him to join you for coffee at a place he recommends.
- Use your surroundings. If you're in a bookstore, ask him if he knows where you might find a particular book. If you're both waiting for the bus, you can ask him for the time and then joke that the bus is always late, especially when the weather is really bad.
- If he's wearing something really cool, ask him about it. Say "Hey I noticed you're wearing a Seahawk sweater. Are you a big fan?" or "Have you ever been to any of the band's shows? I hear they're great." This gives you something to connect with and opens up possibilities for further conversation.
Method 2 of 2: Talk to Him
Step 1. Have a natural conversation
Once you lighten the mood, you can have a natural conversation with him. This can grow naturally from your mood-breaking comments. For example, if he says he's a huge Seahawk fan, you can talk about them winning the Superbowl and where you were when that happened.
- Compliments are also a good thing to slip into your conversation so he knows you're interested in him. It doesn't have to be something grandiose like "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen" (this is going to sound insincere). Instead, say something like "Your shirt fits your eyes perfectly. The color is great" or "The studs are awesome. Did you make your own?"
- For the bookstore example, when you ask him where a particular book is, ask him if he reads it. If he doesn't tell you it's one of your favorites and ask him what his favorite book is (or his favorite genre, because picking a favorite book can be difficult).
- If you offer to buy him a drink at the bar and he accepts, you can talk about some of the funniest things you've seen drunk people do. This will make him laugh and allow him to reply with his funny stories.
Step 2. Listen to him
A woman will notice if you spend the entire conversation looking into her chest and not listening to what she has to say. Likewise, he'll get bored if you spend all the time muttering about yourself. When he's talking, listen to him and ask questions that show you're interested.
- Ask her opinion on a subject, even if it's just something basic like whether bluegrass is better than country music, or if she thinks the education system is a mess.
- Don't mess with stuff, or check your phone, or start looking around the room while he's talking. He will quickly notice your disinterest and respond with his own disinterest.
- If you find your mind wandering while he's talking, or find that you're not interested in what he's saying, tell him it's nice to meet him and get out of the conversation.
Step 3. Charm her
You want your conversation to keep him interested and not the same boring "what's the weather like" routine. You have to show him what makes you unique and why he wants to continue the conversation.
- If you're on your way home from something cool (sort of like you just came from a concert) mention it. If you're learning Japanese on your own, work that into the conversation (you can even throw in some humor by mentioning how hard it was and some hilarious failures you've had).
- Find something in common. A great way to organize some mutual charms is to find common things to talk about (like that Seahawk). If there seems to be a bond between the two of you, he will likely be more willing to meet again and continue the conversation. If you're in a bookstore, find some books that you both enjoy; if you're at a concert, talk about different kinds of music. Even things like laughing at a late bus can set the tone between the two of you.
- Tell him something interesting. Show him that you are the type of person who is interested in the world. If something has happened in your town or village recently, discuss it.
Step 4. Demonstrate your sense of humor
Humor can create relationships faster than anything. Of course, you have to remember that not everyone has the same sense of humor. Luckily, there are certain types of humor and things you can say that have a good guarantee of making a woman laugh.
- Make fun of yourself gently. This will show that you don't take yourself too seriously. However, you have to make sure you don't underestimate yourself. Tell him about the time you got on the wrong bus and made it halfway across town or when you gave your friend a big hug, it wasn't even your friend.
- You can also mention something really funny you saw. Maybe you noticed a very short person getting tangled up when he was walking his dogs, or you happened to witness a bunch of clowns coming out of a bar. Real events tend to be funnier than just saying funny things and can lead to reciprocal conversations when he remembers funny things he's seen.
Step 5. Know when to back off
Sometimes it doesn't matter how funny or interesting or good you are. Not all women will want to have a conversation with you. Remember, no one owes you time or energy and if he or she doesn't seem interested in the conversation, back off nicely.
- If he only answers in one syllable, or he keeps checking his phone, or doesn't make eye contact, he's probably looking for a way to get out of the conversation.
- If he's with someone who rolls his eyes at the things you say or tries to ignore you, again it's time to end the conversation.
- Show that you are classy. Don't sarcastically say "Well, I can tell you're not interested in talking to me," or "Sorry to bother you." Instead, say happily "Well, nice to chat with you. See you later."
