Are you interested in someone, but want to make sure they are not married? Or have you fallen for someone who may be married? Of course, the easiest way to find out is to ask, but there are other ways to find out with your ability to investigate.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Watch For Signs When You First Meet
Step 1. Notice the wedding ring marks on her finger
Examine the ring finger of his left hand for any traces of the wedding ring. If this sign is present, chances are he has just taken off his wedding ring. Some married people use this method to appear single so that they can date other people when they are away from their partner. However, a line of wedding ring marks can also mean that he has recently divorced or separated from his partner.
Step 2. Watch for signs if he is single
Check the car he drives. Is it a family car, a sedan, or an SUV? This is a sign that he has a family. Watch out for other behavioral signs that indicate he's single:
For example, most single men cook for themselves or eat out. Ask him what he's cooking for dinner and the recipe, or ask the restaurant where he thinks the food is the best
Step 3. Listen carefully to what he has to say
Clues to a person's marital status can also be found from what he tells. How much is told about his life? Does he often talk about someone who might be his partner? One of the main things you should listen to is how he spends his free time. A person who is single has a very different life compared to those who are married or have a family. Ask him what he did last weekend. Does he go out with friends, to a bar, to a concert, or to travel around town? Or is he just sitting at home, having dinner with a married friend, or going to the zoo? The details of how a person spends their free time can give you valuable clues.
Who is the person he spends time with? Is it always the parents, siblings, or cousins? Does he spend every weekend with his friends? This may indicate that he is single
Step 4. Pay attention to his socializing habits
A single person has the freedom to suddenly leave, have a drink at a cafe after work, or have dinner together on the weekends. Meanwhile, people who are married and have families do not have the same freedom. They may still see their friends occasionally, but most of their time will be spent at home with their families, or out with their partners.
Step 5. Check social media sites
Social media is one way that can help you determine whether or not someone is married. Take a look at his Facebook, Twitter or Instagram accounts. Sites like Facebook list his personal relationship statuses, and most social media allow photo viewing. Look for a photo of him with someone who seems romantic. How recently was this photo taken? Sometimes someone leaves photos of their ex-girlfriends on their social media profiles, but if this photo is new, then chances are they are still in touch.
- Does the profile appear empty? Does he have a profile photo? Can you find a photo of him with someone who might be his partner buried in another photo of him? Does he have social media accounts? An empty social media profile, or the absence of a social media account at all, could indicate something else is going on.
- Do a name search online (online). See if he has any social media accounts if you don't connect with him there. See if his name appears on certain sites, such as company sites.
Part 2 of 3: Using Dating Habits to Detect Marital Status
Step 1. Notice if he pays all bills in cash while on a date
If your crush "always" pays for everything you do with cash, it could be because he doesn't want his partner to see his credit card bill or debit card statement. Today, most people pay their bills, especially when eating at restaurants with a credit card. If every bill during your date was paid in cash, this could be an important marker.
Some people do carry cash to pay for cheap transactions, such as movie tickets, and meals at fast food restaurants. People who are well off may even carry millions of rupiah in cash. However, most people generally use credit cards, debit cards, and cash interchangeably
Step 2. See if he has to come home before 10pm
Another important sign that he is married is a time limit to see you, especially at night. People who are serious about dating, or are serious about building a personal relationship with you will want to extend the date beyond 10pm. Although sometimes he did have to go home early, like on weekday evenings. But on the weekends, it shouldn't matter if he spends more time with you.
Can he only see you between 6pm and 9:45pm? If so, this is likely because he has to return to his family home within a reasonable time limit. It's okay if this happens every now and then, but if he "always" says he has to go home for an important meeting, or has to catch an early flight the next day, then he's probably just making excuses
Step 3. Think about this if you've ever visited his house
Have you been to his house? If you've been dating for a few months, and haven't been to his house, this can also be an important sign. Consider the reasons: the house is too messy, or your house is too tidy. If you keep coming back to your house and don't know where he lives, then you should be suspicious.
Find an excuse to visit his house. If he keeps refusing to let you see where he lives, then he's probably married
Step 4. Determine if the behavior is abnormal
People who are having an affair are usually very careful about their phone calls. Determine if this behavior is normal or suspicious.
- Does he get a lot of phone calls he doesn't answer when you're together? Does he seem anxious or is he deliberately hiding the phone screen from you? Are these phone calls repeated? This secretive and always evasive behavior can indicate that he is married. Be sure to distinguish this behavior from polite behavior. Some people just don't want to answer their phone calls when they're on a date. But the longer you're together, the more comfortable you'll become with each other. So in the end, he should be able to answer his phone calls, especially over and over again.
- Does he have two cell phones? Sometimes, this is necessary for business matters. However, the cheating person can also have multiple cell phones. Does he refuse to give another cell phone number? Does it receive calls from phones you've never seen before? This can be an important marker.
- Does he only call you when you're out of the house, in the car, at the office, or at the park? Can you contact him when he's home? If he calls you while you're at home, he's probably calling you secretly.
- Your calls go unanswered every time he calls, and he calls you in the afternoon long after he's in the office. If you call him at any given time, does he answer normally, does he sound like he's on the phone about work, or does he talk a lot less than usual? Changing ways of answering phone calls can be a sign of infidelity.
- He didn't want to give his home phone number. Many people have cell phones these days, but if he refuses to give his home phone number, and shows other signs, this could be a sign that he is married.
Step 5. Pay attention to whether you have met anyone important in his life
If you've been dating for several months, and haven't seen any of their friends or family, then you should be wary. Is he talking about his friends and family? Do you know the person who accompanies him when he is away from you? Sometimes a person is reluctant to introduce his new lover to his friends and family. However, if the relationship is getting serious, and you've introduced him to your friends and he hasn't done the same, then he may not be serious or married.
Step 6. Check for odd patterns when planning
You never date on the weekends. He always refuses dating offers that you spontaneously make. You never travel far together on weekends, and even if you do, it always coincides with work trips. This strange way of making plans could signal that he has another life that he cannot leave.
Part 3 of 3: Investigate it
Step 1. Ask him
If you are in doubt, then be brave, and ask him. This can be the simplest and most effective way to quickly find out what you need to know. There are several possible ways you can try:
- Ask directly "Are you married?" Try to refrain from asking accusingly, ask because you're curious.
- Ask, "Is there anything you didn't tell me?" And listen to the answer.
- Watch his reaction. Is he showing signs of lying? Did he avert his eyes? Uncomfortably changing positions, sweating, or overly defensive?
- If he insists that he is not married, then you have to determine if he is lying. Do you have a hard time trusting other people, or is he suspicious? If you still feel something is not right, then you should immediately end your relationship with him. If he does answer that he is married, don't spend any more time with him. You can get angry and ask questions, but leave him as soon as possible -- he doesn't deserve you.
Step 2. Visit the civil registry office to view the marriage certificate
Go to the registry office in the city where the wedding was. This record can be used to find out if he is still married, or his previous marriage history. These records are publicly viewable, you can usually view a copy for free or for a small administration fee. You can also usually find out if he has registered for marriage in the past.
- You need his full name to look up his data in the civil registry. If her name is widely used like Sri Mariati, you will also need her middle name.
- In some cities, you also have to know the exact location of the wedding, and only look for it there.
- Note that not all marriage registrations and marriage certificates are publicly available. Some cities have policies to keep this information confidential. Each city and place has different policies on what information is publicly available and how it can be obtained, so understand your city's rules first.
- While you're there, check the divorce records. Just because you found his marriage records, doesn't mean they are still together.
- There are several ways you can do to find out someone's marital status. Consider the costs you will incur when making this decision.
Step 3. Take a peek at the stuff
If you sneak a peek at his stuff, then you run the risk of disrupting your relationship. But, if you think this is the best way to find out the truth, then go for it. There are several ways to research someone's stuff for what you want to know:
- Look at his wallet. Does he have a credit card with someone? or less obvious, does he have a certain service membership card with someone? That person may be his partner.
- Look at the phone. Is there a photo of him with his partner or child? If you've been to his office, are there any photos there?
- Notice his name in the letter. Does anyone else live in the house? Are their last names the same? While it's possible that he was a sibling or his parents, this is a reason to dig a little deeper.
- Check the garage for two cars there. Again, this car could be another family member's car, so don't just jump to conclusions from this, even though it could be a clue. Are there signs of children in the house?
Step 4. Check the phone number
It is easy. Check online phone pages or the phone book for the name it registered. Do an online search by phone number. Was he recorded as living at home with someone else with the same last name, were they a couple, and definitely not his parents or siblings? If so, this may be a sign that he is married.
This information may be old information. He may have been divorced or separated after the list was made
Step 5. Be wary of sites that promise to provide marital status data
There are dozens of sites that promise to provide data on someone's marital status if you type in your name, place of residence, and credit card information. Be careful of websites like this, as they may be scams.
Step 6. Hire the services of a private detective
If you really want to know, consider hiring a private detective to investigate. Keep in mind the costs may be high, so if you're just looking for a "yes, he's married" or "no, he's not married" answer, then this may not be the way to go. On the other hand, if there are a lot of important signs and you like them more and more, then maybe the fees of a private investigator are just what you need. Get the opinion of a private investigator before you decide to do this.
Private detectives may be especially helpful when you suspect polygamy or an unfinished divorce
Tips
What do your friends think? It can be useful to ask your friends what they think about whether someone is married or not. Of course this isn't definitive, but it can give you an idea of what other people think
Warning
- Be careful. If someone is married and is lying to you, defending yourself and covering it up is a natural response. If he shies away and accuses you of not trusting him, there may be a problem he's hiding. Innocent people usually don't respond too harshly to trust issues.
- If he or she has been married in another country, you will need to know where and when they previously lived, and then look up their marriage records according to the regulations there. You may need the help of a translator if you don't understand the language.
- Asking someone doesn't always lead to an actual answer. Paying attention to the various signs and relating them to one another may be helpful if you suspect he is lying about his marital status.
