Being a teenage girl is hard. You have to think about your grades in school, your social life, and all the changes you are going through on a daily basis. What makes it even more difficult is that you may have overprotective parents who have the absurd notion that they don't trust you to leave the house without their participation. The following steps are designed to help you deal with parents who may have a bit too strict rules.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Learn to Communicate More Effectively
Step 1. Practice expressing your thoughts before actually speaking them
There's no way to change a parent's mind if you don't at least try to explain your thoughts about it. If you believe that your parents are treating you unfairly, you should be prepared to express your thoughts.
- Before talking to them, write down exactly what topic you want to cover. Will your parents let you go to the dance with your friends? List the best reasons why they should allow this. Do you want to start dressing up? Prepare a detailed reason why you are ready to start dressing. If you don't have any reason, don't expect your parents to believe your request.
- Choose carefully the words you want to use to start the conversation. Don't start with accusations like, “Oh, Mama never lets me have fun! Mama needs to change, okay?" Instead, try saying, “Mom, I know you're worried about letting me go alone without you, but I want to go to the movies with friends on Friday night. What do you think I should do so I can learn to have a little freedom?” Approach the situation with humility and respect, and your parents will be more willing to listen to what you have to say.
Step 2. Plan a negotiation
It may sound strange to negotiate with your parents yourself, but you need to provide a little "incentive" so they can consider your thoughts.
- Is there anything you can “give” to the parents to get them to relax their rules? If they don't let you go to the movies with friends on Friday weekends, you can promise to clean the house on Saturdays if you're allowed to go. Think about a particular task that your parents don't like. Can you do the job for them? If so, you may be in a good negotiating position.
- Be prepared to negotiate your consequences if you fail to fulfill your agreed responsibilities. If your parents decide that you have to go home at 10pm, and you turn out to be home at 10:45pm, what consequences will you bear? If you wash all the dirty dishes for one week but stop on the third day, what are the consequences for you? Think about some of the possible consequences before you approach your parents with your offer. Show them that you are responsible for your actions.
- Offer a compromise. If you're not allowed to go to a movie starting at 9:30pm, you may be able to watch a movie at 6:30pm. If they won't let you go to a party at a friend's house, promise to text every 30 minutes. This might be annoying, but at least you get a chance to prove yourself.
- Be careful not to talk about it if the content of the negotiation isn't quite worth the effort. In the end, you're not really in control of this situation, and you should be subject to whatever your parents decide. You have no power in this situation, and you certainly don't want to come across as whining or overbearing.
- Choose words that can be communicated in an appropriate tone. Don't say, "Mom, I'll clean the house on Saturday morning, but you have to let me go to the movies on Friday night." Instead, you can say, “Mom, I want to go to the movies on Friday night. I know you don't like to clean the house, so if I clean the house on Saturday morning, can I go on Friday night?" If you offer to do something that will lighten the load on the parents, they will consider the incentives you offer.
Step 3. Stay calm and be patient
If you want to be treated like an adult, you must be able to communicate as an adult.
- Try to approach your parents in a calm and discreet manner. Approach them when they are relaxed (for example, perhaps after dinner) and politely tell them that you want to talk. After getting their attention, explain why you feel that the boundaries they are setting for you don't feel right.
- When your parents state their reasons for the restrictions they have imposed on you, remain calm and polite while defending your position. If you get angry or leave the room, this will give your parents the impression that you're not old enough to be free.
Step 4. Accept the fact that you may not be able to change their decision
Chances are, if your parents put strict limits on you, they won't quickly change their minds after just one talk. You should try to give them another reason in the future for them to consider.
- Remember, you don't have to win this argument to get your point across. At this point, all you need is that your parents are willing to think about what you're saying, and be grateful that you've managed to approach them with a good attitude, even if they don't agree.
- Be prepared if your parents react badly. You'll come across as questioning their parenting abilities, and they may be angry that you dared to protest against them. Especially if your parents refuse to budge, you should be able to handle the situation maturely and calmly. This way, you can impress them and cause them to wonder if they've been being too harsh on you.
Method 2 of 3: Earning the Trust of Parents
Step 1. Follow the rules
As a teenager, you used to like to try and break boundaries, but breaking your parents' rules will do the trick in convincing them that you're ready for “bigger” responsibilities.
- While your parents' rules may seem silly or too strict, they will continue to exist or become stricter if you don't follow them. If you can show that you respect the rules, they'll be more likely to believe that you're ready to be freed.
- Communicate to your parents that you understand they love you and only want the best for you. When your parents see that you appreciate their attention to you, they will be more inclined and willing to listen to your explanation of why you are ready to be given more responsibility. You could say, “I know Mommy and Daddy want to keep me going, but I wish we could think of a way to keep me safe while still being able to do some things with my friends. Can we talk about it?”
Step 2. Show respect and good manners, even if your parents' rules don't change
Don't be a grumpy and grumpy teenager.
- If you create a tense and angry atmosphere at home, your parents may not want to reward your behavior by changing their rules. Be a fun and understanding child, and parents will usually take your point of view into account.
- Don't try to undermine your parents and make their lives more stressful. They will pressure you, and you will lose respect for them even more at home.
- If you feel frustrated and angry every now and then, that's normal. If so, try to express yourself in a calm and kind manner instead of rolling your eyes or simply walking out of the room. Don't make harsh comments about their "stupid" or "unfair" rules or how you wish them to be as fun parents as friends.
Step 3. Be patient
Don't give up the first time your parents refuse to change their rules. Instead, set yourself up to prove to them that you can take on more responsibility by following their rules and continuing to present your arguments wisely and carefully.
- Make it clear that you still hope your parents can loosen their rules. When your parents don't allow you to do something you think you should, reassure them that you will follow all their rules because you respect them. But also remind them that you still believe that you are capable of being given more freedom and that you will continue to work towards earning their trust. In the meantime, don't keep complaining about their overprotective behavior. You should also be careful how you express your feelings.
- Instead, make plans to talk about this topic again a few weeks later. Mark the date on your calendar, and keep an eye on the days that have passed since the last time you had a serious discussion with your parents. As you progress in respecting and following their rules, you will have a good record that can show that you deserve more freedom.
- As always, prepare a strategy on how to approach your parents. For example, instead of saying, “I have been a good child by following my parents' rules. Now it's time for Papa and Mama to change this rule for me.” You should say something like, “Can we talk? I've tried my best to respect parental rules, but I still feel like wanting to be able to have a little extra freedom. Is there anything else I need to do to earn my parents more trust?”
Step 4. Don't keep secrets
Remember, your parents' biggest fear is that you're in a dangerous situation and they can't protect you. You certainly don't want them to believe that you will abuse their trust if they do what you want.
- If you have a secret that is hidden from your parents, they will assume that you are hiding your true motivation from them. If you give your parents the impression that you have a secret life that you don't want your parents to know about, it will only make them more anxious about what you will do when you are away from them. You need to make an effort to keep communicating honestly.
- However, it is not wrong to keep some things private. It's okay to keep some of your personal thoughts to yourself, but don't give the impression that your life will be different when you're with them and away from them.
Step 5. Don't lie
If you say you're going to the mall after school, don't go to a friend's house without an explanation. If you say you're going to a friend's house to study together before a test, don't use that time to watch television or play games at another friend's house.
- If your parents can't believe what you say, they won't believe that you will keep any other promises. It's hard to argue that you deserve more responsibility if you have a hard time following their rules.
- Be honest with them. Even though you may mess up and do something to upset them, they will be happy if you admit you were wrong. If you lie and cover it up, they will think that you will do it again in the future.
Method 3 of 3: Changing the Way You Think About Situations
Step 1. Talk to a trusted friend or adult
Emotions in adolescence are usually quite high, and you may not understand your situation accurately. While it may be difficult to consider, this limitation could be because your parents actually treated you fairly and properly but with caution.
Do you have a trusted adult in your family, such as an Aunt, Uncle, Grandpa, or Grandma with whom you can discuss this situation? Have you thought about discussing it with the supervising teacher at your school for advice? If you don't want to talk about it with any adults because you're afraid they'll tell your parents about it and you agree that the rules really should work for you, this may be a sign that your parents are actually being fair
Step 2. Keep a diary and write down how you feel about parental rules
You'll feel better after writing down your thoughts without the fear of being challenged or pressured by anyone, and you can reread them to see how well you're following your parents' rules and being mature.
The diary will be a written archive of how the negotiations between you and your parents went. If you follow their lead and act as they wish, you will be able to show them that you can be trusted. This will provide evidence in your argument and help you prove that they can trust you with a little extra freedom
Step 3. Think about the rules from your parents' point of view
Consider why the rule was created and what parents think the rule will achieve.
- If you have a teenage girl, would you allow her to go to a party at a friend's house without the presence of an adult? Would you allow your 14 year old girl to date without adult supervision? Your parents used to be your age, and maybe they lied and they don't want this to happen again in your life.
- If you can't understand the reason for the rule, ask your parents to explain it. For example, you might say, "I know that Mom and Dad want to protect me, but I wonder why you think that letting me go to the movies on Friday nights would put me at risk?" They may have reasons that you can't tell you or that you haven't considered, and you may be able to ease their concerns.
- For example, if you want to watch a movie with your friends but your parents are worried that someone might harm you, you might say, “I understand Mom and Dad's fears, but I'm going out with friends my age, and we'll be there. in public together all the time. If anyone harms us, we will seek help and leave that place.”
- Remember that your parents have reasons for their rules. While their rules may seem unreasonable, your parents made them because they wanted to protect you, and they wanted to protect you because they love you. You will thank them later on.
Step 4. Don't forget that this situation is only temporary
You will become independent later in life, and you will be free to make your own rules. Even though your parents may place unreasonable limits on your behavior, remember that one day you will become an adult. If you have no choice and have to suffer through this period of life, you can use this time as an opportunity to learn discipline and patience.
Tips
- If your parents accept your offer to do work in lieu of their rule, be prepared to do it responsibly. If you do it half-heartedly, your parents won't take you seriously again in the future.
- Don't forget to show your gratitude if your parents decide to change their rules for you. Be sure to thank them for considering your point of view and reassure them that you won't let them down. Once you've been allowed to do something that was previously forbidden, make sure that you let your parents know that you're grateful for the opportunity to do something they actually struggled to give. If they feel you are honest with them and learn to take care of yourself, they will loosen the other rules as well.
- Learn to recognize the signs of torture. If your parents used physical or verbal abuse to discipline you, you don't have to live in a dangerous environment. Learn the definition of torture, and seek outside help if needed (in the US, you can call emergency services at
- If you feel hopeless or anxious for a long time, ask your parents to take you to see a counselor. Your parents should be willing to help if you need it. Make this request to your parents and they will usually reconsider their overly strict rules.
