No one said raising girls was easy -- especially not raising teenage girls. The funny, talkative preteen you once knew and loved may have turned into a monster full of complicated emotions, wanting to distance himself and constantly challenging your authority. But don't worry--many parents have successfully raised healthy, independent teenage girls and can share their experiences. If you give your teenage daughter a reasonable amount of love, understanding, and discipline, then your relationship will grow stronger and more fulfilling. If you want to know how to raise a teenage girl, see Step 1 to get started.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Make Him Feel Loved and Understood
Step 1. Give him space
Oftentimes, your teenage daughter will want to spend less and less time with you. Don't be upset about this, it's natural and not your personal fault in most cases. Your daughter wants more freedom and subconsciously wants to prove her maturity to those around her. He might close the door instead of leaving it open like he used to, or he might have a private phone conversation in a hidden corner of the house. The most important thing is not to threaten his privacy or try to barge in suddenly, otherwise he will withdraw from you even more.
- While you may really want to know what's going on in your child's life, say things like, "What did you talk to your friend about?" or "What are you doing alone in your room for hours?" will actually make it more distant from you. If he wants to say something to you, he will say it.
- If he bursts into the house, or just looks really sad and runs into his room, you can say something like, "I know you're sad right now and probably don't want to talk about it. But if you want to talk about it later, I'm always here. for you." This will reassure your daughter without pressuring her to talk when she's not ready.
Step 2. There for him
When your daughter is down, ask what happened. If he doesn't want to tell you, that's okay, but be a shoulder to cry on. Prepare good advice to help him. Let him know that your door is always open, and remind him that you too were a teenager and that you survived. Sometimes she may not want to talk and just needs a shoulder to cry on. Be there for him too, without forcing him to tell you what happened.
- When your daughter is feeling down, eat ice cream and watch TV with her. Be by his side as an entertaining parent and friend.
- If he needs support for something at school, be there for him, whether it's you watching his tennis game or his debate tournament.
Step 3. Tell him how much you appreciate and love him
This sounds really embarrassing, and he may act like he doesn't like it, but you never know what's going on inside of him. It could be the only thing that keeps your daughter excited. Let him know how special he is to you and list all the good qualities he has. While you shouldn't do this too often or he will feel depressed, you should tell him this often enough so that he knows it's true.
Many teenage girls feel very insecure, and you need to make your daughter feel better about herself. Don't criticize her appearance, tell her to lose weight, or try to force her to hang out with popular kids. If your daughter feels that her own mother or father is not happy with the way she is, then she will feel that her self-esteem is decreasing
Step 4. Let her express herself through fashion, but put boundaries
He may want to use something you don't agree with. Or, he may want some clothes that are extraordinarily expensive. Keep your personal morals in mind here, and try to reason with them. Social pressure will come along and you don't want to make your daughter completely ostracized by her friends.
Be reasonable. If you make him dress like a puritan, he's more likely to change into something more seductive when he leaves the house. However, if you feel that her friends are really wearing overly seductive clothes, you can talk to her about why you don't think it's a good idea to dress like that
Step 5. Get to know your daughter's friends
While you don't have to act like you're so cool that you're good friends with all of your daughter's friends, you should get to know them a little. Invite them to dinner. Let your daughter do sleepovers at a friend's house or just invite her friends over to watch a movie together or something. Ask them about their lives without being overly intrusive or curious. Plus, meeting your daughter's friends and getting to know them will make you worry less about what your daughter does when traveling with them. You will feel more secure knowing that he is with the right people.
If you don't like one of your daughter's friends, don't criticize that friend in front of your daughter unless you think that friend is a really bad influence. Because it will only make your daughter want to hang out with that person even more
Step 6. Help your daughter maintain a healthy body image
The weirdest comments from one of his friends, one of his enemies, or even from you, can trigger his sensitive emotions. Try to watch for signs of depression, bulimia, or anorexia, as these can be very dangerous. Many teenage girls develop poor body image as well as eating disorders, and it's important that you make sure your daughter eats three healthy meals a day and also feels good about eating, rather than punishing yourself for eating.
Never tell your daughter that she should lose a few pounds. This is the worst way to make her feel satisfied with her body, unless your daughter is obese and her weight seriously threatens her health
Part 2 of 3: Preparing for Difficult Situations
Step 1. Safety first
You don't want to be too controlling, but at the same time, you still want to keep your daughter safe. Save some money to buy a cell phone for your daughter, or ask her to help you save so you can buy a cell phone for her. If he already has a cell phone, he can have it with him around the clock for those times when you need to call him. Talk about contingencies with him. For example, say something like If you can't find any of your sober friends to drive you home from a party, I'll pick you up. I don't care if it's four in the morning -- I'd rather pick you up than you in the car together. drunk driver
- Of course your daughter will complain a little if you're obsessed with keeping her safe, but it's better than not caring and letting her get into dangerous situations.
- Since teenagers spend more time online than anything else, it is important to promote cyber security. Talk to your child about not talking to anyone he doesn't know online, and about not meeting anyone he meets online at all unless he has good reason to trust this person.
Step 2. Let him date
Your daughter will reach the age where she has male friends, or maybe even female friends. You have to accept, whatever you think. Strict and fair rules apply here too. You have to be there for him during the relationship. Even if you don't want to interfere or be overly curious, you should be involved and know what he's doing and where he's going.
- While it may hurt you to see your daughter dating someone who might hurt or take advantage of her, you should help her become a good character judge instead of telling her that you think her boyfriend is a useless loser. If you try to prevent your daughter from dating a certain person, she will only want to be with that person even more.
- Face it: it's unrealistic to keep your daughter from dating someone she likes. This isn't the Stone Age now, and the fact is, there are limits to what you can do to stop your daughter from dating. You can't lock her in a room like a princess locked up in a castle tower. One day, he'll either go to college or just move out of the house, and he'll be free to date whoever he wants.
- What's more, you don't want your daughter to hate you for not letting her date. If you don't let him do what all his friends do, which is perfectly normal at his age, he'll be fierce towards you.
Step 3. Talk about sex
You should get into the habit of mentioning sex, even though she'll shudder and feel embarrassed (and even if you feel that way too!) Don't be nervous about mentioning safe sex and pregnancy around her, just to get the message across to her mind. However, don't talk about sex when he's with friends. Don't be too old-fashioned with your principles, as this will only increase your daughter's risk of rebelling.
- It's much better to talk about safe sex with him than to let him end up in a dangerous situation. Emphasize the importance of only having sex when she's ready, and don't let a man persuade her to have more sex than your daughter wants.
- Of course, everyone would feel better if their teenage daughter was a virgin. But the average age for losing your virginity is around 16, so it's better to talk about the importance of practicing safe sex and even considering taking the contraceptive pill than preaching about abstinence.
Step 4. Get ready for her period
At some point she will start having periods, and you will need to have pads and tampons ready for her. As with sex, don't be afraid to talk about your period before she starts having it. You don't want him to panic because of his ignorance. Talk to her about pain and cravings to eat during menstruation, and give her access to books and websites that will provide her with more information. Many girls start menstruating in their preteens, so you should be prepared for this even before they reach their teens, especially if she is growing rapidly.
Step 5. Know how to handle mood swings
Yelling at him when he's really emotional will only make things worse. Let his emotions subside on their own because he can't do anything about it. Just like a woman going through menopause, your daughter will go through many changes with her emotions, and it's important that you be patient and understand that she may not be the jolly little girl you once knew. Know that things will get better and that your daughter doesn't always feel this emotional.
- Be patient with him and let him know that he won't always feel that way. But at the same time, don't stress too much about the fact that she's gone through a lot of hormonal changes, or she'll say "It's not the hormones!" and would defend himself, insisting that he felt this way simply because things weren't going well for him.
- Remember that while it's important to resolve conflicts with your daughter, it's also important to choose what to argue about. If you fight and argue with him over all the trivial things, especially when he's upset, you'll foster an aggressive relationship and he won't come to you when he's in trouble because he thinks you'll only be fighting with him.
Step 6. Talk about smoking, drugs, and alcohol
You may have personal views about smoking and using drugs, but put your child's health first when making rules on these issues. Talk to your daughter about the dangers of drugs and smoking, and let her know that she should avoid underage drinking as much as possible, because people her age can act very irresponsibly with alcohol. Realistically, however, many people drink before the age of 18 and 21 and it's better to talk about drinking safely than to completely forbid them to drink.
- Make sure your daughter knows her limits when it comes to drinking alcohol. Talk about how she shouldn't drink more than one drink of alcohol every hour, how she should stay away from any mixed drinks at parties, and that she should avoid drinking fast or she will quickly feel unwell.
- You don't want your daughter to avoid alcohol and not know anything about it until she goes to college and starts drinking as much as she wants. He must have definite knowledge of what his limits are before he starts drinking with strangers.
- Also talk to him about being careful when drinking around men and about being careful never to ever leave his drink unattended.
- You don't have to pretend like you're a saint when you're his age. If you had a bad experience with drugs or alcohol at your daughter's age and learned a lesson from it, you can share some of those experiences with her (tactfully, of course).
Part 3 of 3: Being a Good Discipline Enforcer
Step 1. Don't try too hard to be a "cool" parent
Sure, you want your daughter to like you, but that shouldn't compromise your judgment of her safety. You can try to be cool, while being firm with him at the same time. If one night he comes to you asking for permission to go to a party, this can come as a surprise to you. Whatever you do, don't say no to him right away; ask for details about who is hosting it, when and where the party is. Find a valid and reasonable answer to his request, even if he is not allowed to leave. This step can be applied in a variety of situations.
Of course everyone wants their children to think they are cool parents. But that shouldn't reduce your expectations of your daughter. In the end, when your daughter is all grown up, it doesn't really matter if she thinks you were a cool parent when she was sixteen. The most important thing is that you raise it properly
Step 2. Be more than just an enforcer
It's important to give punishment, but it's also important to befriend your daughter as much as you can. Of course, while all parents want to be their own daughter's best friend, this is not always possible. You can't be a hundred percent friend of your teen, because your main role is that of the parent. This doesn't mean you can't have fun conversations with him or spend the night doing fun activities together. Make sure your daughter sees you as more than just an authority figure, but also as someone she can turn to when she's in trouble or just to share fun experiences.
Of course, this is a balance that is easily swayed. If your daughter is the type to say "My mom is my best friend," she probably won't listen to you when you tell her she can't go to a party until she's done her homework
Step 3. Set the rules
It is important to have some ground rules for your daughter, such as a curfew. No matter how much you hear the phrase "None of my friends have a curfew," it's likely not true. Girls need boundaries, and keeping them outside at night can be dangerous. You might even consider setting a "turn off the lights" time, even if you don't call it "sleep time." Teenagers who are in their infancy also need their sleep time. Teens won't grow up well or get proper school grades if they don't get enough rest time.
- However, don't get too hung up on this timing rule. Give some flexibility when it comes to timing, and this way your daughter will respect you more.
- Make sure your daughter really understands these rules, so she won't argue when these rules are applied.
- While a little flexibility is required, being consistent is also important. You must not be fragile or erratic in your rules, otherwise your daughter will never know what you want or expect.
- If you have a partner, then it is important to agree on the rules with your partner. You don't want to be known as a strict parent or a tolerant parent; your daughter should see you and your partner as people who share the same views on how she should be raised.
Step 4. Establish rules on how to check on your daughter
While you don't want to call or text him too often when he's out with friends or out on dates, you should explain how often you want him to report. If he knows you're going to call him if he doesn't text you every three hours, he'll be more likely to report back more often. Find a balance between knowing where your daughter is and not being too controlling.
Step 5. Consider giving your daughter an allowance
Not all parents give pocket money to their daughters, but if you do, then you should carefully consider the amount of allowance. How much money do you give your child? Think about what the money will be spent on--often, parents buy clothes their child needs, and the child buys clothes they really want but don't need. Be wise with the money.
- You should also instill a work ethic in your daughter. Your daughter can do a part-time job or a summer job to earn her own money. He must not continue to think that all his money will come from his parents.
- Some parents give their children some money to do household chores, but this is not necessarily suitable for everyone. You may want your daughter to feel that doing housework is part of her duty as a child, and she shouldn't be getting paid to do the dishes or help out at home.
Step 6. Motivate your daughter with rewards, not threats
Adolescents respond better to rewards than to threats. So when you want your daughter to clean up her bedroom, say something like "If you clean yours, you can go on Saturday." Say this instead of "If you don't clean your room, I won't let you go on Saturday." Both mean the same. However, the first sentence will be much more effective. Word order is everything.
You want your child to see you as someone who gives him the opportunity to do things, not as someone who prevents him from doing what he wants
Step 7. Be a good role model
This doesn't mean you have to try to be absolutely perfect. After all, we are all only human. However, if you want your daughter to respect and listen to you, then you have to exhibit the behavior that you wish you could see in her. You shouldn't yell at him often if you tell him never to raise his voice. Don't be mean, spiteful or mean to others if you expect your daughter to treat everyone with respect. If you don't want your girl to be a gossip, don't gossip about your friends in front of her. If you want him to be kind to others, then model this behavior for him.
If you make a mistake, apologizing is better than pretending like nothing happened. Let your daughter see that you are only human and feel sorry for what you have done, and in return, she will most likely apologize when she makes a mistake too
Tips
- Listen to what he has to say, so he will have confidence in you and pour out his feelings for you.
- Buy him gifts from time to time, but don't spoil him.
- Invite friends over to dinner or to a movie together.
- Respect his privacy. Don't read his diary unless you're really worried about him.
- Don't start a fight
- Don't differentiate between rules for yourself and your child.
- Give your daughter a little leeway.
- Be an example to your daughter.
- Try to buy yourself a teen girl magazine to gain knowledge about your daughter's generation.
Warning
- Do not let you not believe it.
- Don't let him do anything dangerous.
- Never let an issue get to the point where he 'hates' you.
