The great thing about criticism is that, while it hurts, it's actually an important component of making yourself better. Accepting and turning criticism into something positive is a skill. If you're not very good at taking criticism, you might want to learn it. Not only will this help in improving your ability to interact with other people, but it will also help improve yourself and help make you feel better when things go wrong.
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Part 1 of 3: Controlling Emotions
Step 1. Stay calm
The first thing you should do is stay calm. Don't panic, don't scream, and don't respond. Listening to criticism is like standing in the middle of a wave. You can try and try to fight it, but that will only make your situation more difficult and possibly hurt you. Let the criticism "flow" through you quietly. Just listen to the criticism; they don't mean to hurt. Anger won't solve anything, but staying calm will make you feel better.
Take a slow breath. Focusing on your breath can help you in situations like this
Step 2. Give yourself time to cool off
Before responding and even before thinking about the criticism you've received, give yourself time to cool off. Let your feelings settle down first. When we are too emotional about doing something, we can be rude or make bad decisions. You definitely want your mind to be clear before tackling a problem.
For example, try walking or playing with your pet for a few minutes to refocus your mind
Step 3. Distinguish criticism
Accepting criticism is healthy, but you also need to differentiate between criticism. Don't see criticism as personal or offensive to others. Don't see criticism as a reproach on you and something to do with yourself. Remember that you are not measured by all the actions you take. You can make mistakes but still be very good at other things (even for something that has failed).
- For example, if someone criticizes a painting you make, it doesn't mean they're saying you're a terrible painter. Even if you have a flaw in one painting, or even failed completely at a painting, you can still be a great painter.
- Try not to see yourself as perfect or even try to achieve that perfection. Nothing is perfect. When you try to be perfect, you will only plan to fail yourself.
Step 4. Think about skills that could help
When someone criticizes something you do, it's easy to feel useless, incompetent, or simply displeased. However, those feelings won't help you or anyone else. Instead of doing that, it's better to focus on improving yourself while dealing with problems. Everyone has great abilities, talents, and strengths that can help them deal with problems. Think about the great things you could do that could help in this situation.
For example, you may miss so many assignments that your teacher calls you, but you are very good at organization. If you can come up with a new method so that you can get more time to do the task or (at least) help you to still be able to complete this task with the time you have, then you have found a solution to this problem
Step 5. Be proud of yourself
If you're proud of yourself, confident, and know you're doing good, you'll be more receptive to criticism. When you don't really like something you're doing, you're more likely to feel offended when you receive criticism.
Part 2 of 3: Responding to Criticism
Step 1. Listen to what is being said to you
When someone criticizes you, listen first. Don't let various defense thoughts/answers fill your mind. Do not be angry. Just listen. If you get too defensive, you may miss out on a very important piece of advice.
Even if the advice or criticism is not good, you should still listen to it. At least, if the person criticizing is in front of you. If they just give you paper notes, "listen" calmly
Step 2. Respond when you are ready
Wait until you are calm and able to give an appropriate response before answering, if you can. Sometimes criticism needs to be responded to immediately, but sometimes you have to wait for it first. If you wait until you can answer maturely, you will get better results.
Say something like, "I understand what you're talking about. Please let me think and I'll see what I can do. Can I text you tomorrow morning for advice?"
Step 3. Apologize for your mistake, if necessary
If criticism comes because you made a mistake or hurt someone, apologize immediately for what happened. Apologizing is very different from guilt, so don't feel like you're being forced to change or admit that what you did was wrong when you apologized.
Most of the time, all you need to say is something like, "I'm really sorry. I didn't want that to happen
Step 4. Admit when they are right
When you are ready to respond to criticism, start by acknowledging the part of the criticism that is true. The critic will feel better hearing this, then let them know that you're really going to rethink what they're saying.
Of course, they could be wrong. Their advice or criticism may be very bad. If so, look for the true aspect of their words. You can say "I can't handle this the way I should," or simply thank them for their advice
Step 5. Tell me how you plan to make changes/improvements
Tell them your way of implementing their advice or of dealing with the problem they are criticizing. This will reassure them that you have the will to solve the problem. Accepting criticism by acknowledging and responding to it will make you more mature. When you communicate the problem and take action to fix it, people will be more able to "forgive" you in the future.
You could say something like, "Next time, I'll see you before I speak to the client and to make sure we agree on the course of action we're going to take."
Step 6. Ask for their advice
If they haven't recommended a better way to solve the problem, ask them how they would have done/done things differently. If they've already given advice, you can still ask for more advice. You'll learn how to make improvements by asking for advice and also making the adviser happier and kinder to you.
However, if someone is very ignorant of what they are saying, they may not be the best person to turn to for advice. If so, you better ask for advice from the experts
Step 7. Communicate the need to be patient
Lastly, ask them to be patient. Change, especially if it's a big change, will take time. Asking them to be patient will not only give you more peace of mind and have time to work things out, but it will also put the adviser at ease. When you communicate that you need time to make repairs, this will let the adviser know if you really plan to fix the problem seriously.
Part 3 of 3: Using Criticism to Make Improvements
Step 1. See this criticism as an opportunity
The healthiest way to handle criticism is to see it as an opportunity to look back, evaluate your actions, and find ways to improve them. Criticism is a good thing and can help get you to the top of the "game." When you look at criticism from this point of view, you will easily accept things. Not only will you be able to do it, but you may even want to.
Even if there are errors in the critique, it can still help you find loopholes for improvement. When someone feels that the work you are doing has errors, it may actually be something that went wrong, not the fault that the person said it was
Step 2. Distinguish between useful and useless advice
When making improvements, you need to understand what kind of criticism needs to be heard. Usually, if there are people who just complain without giving advice, just ignore them. You also don't have to worry about criticism for something you can't fix/do. Some people just criticize to make them feel better, you have to be able to understand this.
- If critics don't give advice at all, you know they don't give constructive criticism. For example, something like "That was really bad, the colors were bad and the presentation was messed up." Ask if they have any suggestions for improving it. If they are still being unpleasant and unhelpful, just ignore them and don't take it to heart.
- Criticism is better when there is a negative side, but there is also a positive side, and the critic also makes suggestions for improvement. For example, "I don't really like a lot of red, but I like the blue shadows in the mountains." They give constructive criticism, it would be nice to note/remember their words. Maybe this advice will come in handy next time.
Step 3. Think about and jot down some conclusions
Consider the advice you just got. Did they say what they thought you should try to fix? Try and think of a few different ways to get the same result. This will allow you to find the best way out of several available options. Also think if there are other lessons you can learn from their words.
It is recommended that you write down what they say, word for word, immediately after receiving the suggestion. This is done so that later you don't forget and in the end you will only remember the bad/sick feelings from the criticism given
Step 4. Make a plan
Once you've determined which parts of the suggestions are good, you'll need to make a plan to figure out how to implement the changes you're about to make. Planning, especially plans that you have written, will make it easier for you to implement and make improvements. You'll also be more likely to (actually) implement the action.
Take advice from a wikiHow article and break the plan down into steps. What will it take to make this change happen? This will make you more confident in making changes
Step 5. Never give up on getting better
Be consistent when trying to improve yourself. Criticism often takes you down a path that is far different from what you are used to or what you believe to be right. That is, it takes a struggle to make improvements in the future. Realize a bad start when you try to change a habit. This means that you may agree with what the other person is saying, but you are still sticking to the old habits. Don't find it impossible to change habits or think too much about failure. You are now learning, if you stay diligent and consistent, you will get success.
