Everyone loves compliments, but giving compliments is easier said than done. You have to get the tone right, otherwise the person receiving your kind words may perceive it the wrong way. The key? Say something you honestly believe is the truth, and offer the compliment in a sincere tone of voice. Your true warmth will not go unnoticed, and maybe you will make someone happy.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Tell the Truth
Step 1. Find something about that person that you really like
It's easy enough to take the first thing you notice in someone and compliment it. You can say "I like your shirt" or "Your hair is great" to everyone, but a kind compliment goes deeper. Take a moment and think about what you really admire about the person before you say anything. Compliments are more appreciated when it's clear you mean what you say.
On the other hand, never give someone a false compliment. For example, if your friend walks into the room wearing new boots that you find tacky, don't compliment them. Maybe he'll believe you, maybe he won't, but if you get into the habit of giving compliments you don't really mean, you won't sound sincere, and in the end your words won't mean much to other people
Step 2. Compliment someone's point of pride
A compliment will feel even more special when it's clear you've noticed something that really matters to the person you're talking to. For example, if your mother-in-law spends a lot of time tending her beautiful flower garden, you can compliment her taste for color. Complimenting someone on what they do really well is a surefire way to bring a smile to their face every time.
Step 3. Say something that is not obvious
Another tactic when it comes to giving sincere compliments is to choose something that most people don't notice, something that shows that you really care about that person. Praise for something that isn't obvious is what people will remember and cherish for the rest of their lives.
- For example, you could tell your little sister that you noticed how hard she is trying in art this semester, and that you think she has a talent for photography.
- Or you could tell a guy you have a crush on that you admire the kindness he shows in everyone he talks to, even small children. Maybe he's used to getting compliments on his muscular physique, so your compliments will really stand out.
Step 4. Don't compliment everyone in exactly the same way
If you say "I like your shirt" or something like that to most of the people you meet, the end result is that the person you're complimenting won't feel too special. Complimenting others about their positive attributes is more meaningful. If you find yourself giving a lot of the same shallow compliments, next time take a break and think a little longer before speaking. Try to have something sincere to say, or say nothing at all.
Step 5. Focus on accomplishments more than physical traits
It's always nice to receive compliments like "You're so beautiful" or "I love your shoes," but the best compliments are those that point to a person's amazing accomplishments or personal qualities. Complimenting others about something they are working on is more meaningful than praising something that has nothing to do with their efforts, such as eye color.
If you're looking for fun compliments to give your crush, she might respond better to "I think your English essay is brilliant" than "Your lips are sexy" or "You have a really nice chin."
Step 6. Compliment generously, but not excessively
There is a limit to how many compliments one person wants to hear. Dousing someone with compliments will make each compliment seem less meaningful. If you praise a little less often, your words will resonate more.
- Also spread your compliments among more than one person. If you compliment the same person every time, he or she may feel that you are a little obsessed.
- Praise only when there is something you think is really worth saying. Don't praise just because you want to say something or try to sound like a nice person. It's not about looking good, it's about making someone feel special.
Part 2 of 3: Expressing Yourself Sincerely
Step 1. Express your compliment warmly
When it comes to complimenting someone, delivery is everything. There is no one perfect way to convey a compliment. The important thing is to sound serious about what you're saying, so your compliment won't be taken the wrong way. Since there are certain kinds of abominations involving false compliments, you need to make sure that the person you're complimenting knows that you're serious.
- Make sure the person can hear you clearly, so it doesn't sound like you're mumbling something.
- Read the situation and don't compliment someone if that could be interpreted as an insincere compliment. For example, if your new classmate walks in wearing a brightly colored skirt, and everyone is staring, you may not want to draw attention to her in front of a crowd of people who may not like the skirt as much as you do.
Step 2. Smile, but don't laugh
It's always a good idea to give a compliment with a smile, although you can convey it with a serious, earnest expression. However, if you laugh when you compliment someone, they may not know if you're serious. You can come across as joking, which can spoil the overall effect. Try not to laugh when complimenting someone unless the quality you value has something to do with the person's humor.
Step 3. Make eye contact
This is an easy way to show that you mean what you say. Making eye contact is a form of nonverbal communication that helps people understand each other better. If you look down or look the other way, you will appear less sincere than when you make eye contact when you speak.
Step 4. Pay attention to the tone of your voice
Do your best to say what you mean, and not in a strange tone that could be misunderstood. The best compliments leave no room for misunderstanding. The recipient knows that you mean it, and he or she leaves the conversation feeling good. It sounds simple enough, but it's common for compliments to carry hidden meanings. As an example:
- If you sound a little sarcastic, the person may think you're making fun of them.
- It's also possible that you sound envious of the person you're complimenting. Make sure you don't appear angry or spiteful.
Part 3 of 3: Knowing What to Avoid
Step 1. Avoid insulting compliments
This is probably the worst kind of “compliment” there is. A derogatory compliment is a compliment that sounds great at first, but then the true meaning of the statement strikes. This is a passive-aggressive way of hurting someone's feelings. It's possible that you give insulting compliments without realizing it.
- For example, you might say something like, “Wow, I really like your hair today. What is the difference?" By saying this, you're implying that you don't really like that person's hair the other day.
- Or maybe you say, "You're great at baseball, for a girl." Adding an attribute at the end of a compliment turns it into an insult.
Step 2. Don't mistake a shout or exclamation for a compliment
Shouting “compliments” to someone on the street is actually very insulting. The point of a compliment is to make someone feel good, and shouting physical traits tends to have the opposite effect.
Even if some people say they enjoy being shouted at like that, but not everyone likes it – at all. If you really want to make someone feel good, even a complete stranger, don't shout something casually. The same rule applies to complimenting strangers and people you know: you have to find something genuine to say and deliver the compliment with respect
Step 3. Avoid derogatory comments
Maybe you already know what it is, and maybe you'll never tell anyone else. Even if you really like someone and want to ask them out – actually, especially if you want to ask someone out – don't try to compliment sexual body parts. It is rude, and in certain circumstances comments of this type may be construed as sexual harassment. Give only polite compliments!
