If you've previously been in relationships with people who weren't so good, it's a priority to find someone who can be nice. You can just find someone nice and fall in love with them. However, remember that you can't just (or rather, force) someone to fall in love with you. There are several things you can do to find someone good to love, such as reviewing what you want from your partner, finding a good person in the right places, taking the process slowly, and asking questions to get to know him better.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Checking Yourself
Step 1. Get to know yourself
Before you look for someone who can meet your needs, you first need to know yourself. Take time to explore and get to know your values and review your emotional needs. Write them down so you can revisit them as you search for your potential mate.
- Find out what's most important to you-whether family, career, hobbies, friends, honesty, loyalty, or something else. Record the values and sort them by how important they are.
- Find out what you expect from your partner-whether understanding, a sense of humor, kindness, strength, or encouragement. Write down the things you would like to get from your potential partner and rank them according to how important they are.
Step 2. Think about what you want
Before you look for a good person to love, think about what you really want from him. Make a list that includes everything you want in a partner before you start your search for love.
For example, what kind of character do you want in your partner? Do you want someone who loves to read or who loves to cook? Is he close and close to his family, or has a good sense of humor? Or, should he treat you like a queen/king?
Step 3. Take care of yourself
While physical attraction isn't everything, it's important that you show and make your best impression in order to attract the attention of others. Self-care that is done can make you feel more confident because in general, self-confidence is an aspect that is considered very attractive. Before you go on a search for love, make sure you have (and are able to) take care of and meet your basic needs, such as eating, exercising, sleeping, and taking care of your appearance.
- Visit a hair salon or barber if you haven't had your hair done.
- Buy new clothes if your current clothes are old or worn.
- Try to stay healthy by eating a healthy diet and doing (at least) 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise each week.
- Make sure you have enough time to rest and relax each day.
Step 4. Demonstrate your responsibility to provide for yourself
Sometimes, you're so desperate to fall in love with someone that you're willing to take for granted whatever the other person shows you (including how that person treats you). A truly good person will respect the needs and limitations of others. Therefore, before you embark on a search for love, make a commitment to yourself that you will continue to respect your needs and wants.
Step 5. Stay away from people who are rude or aggressive
If you've previously dated or been in contact with someone who didn't treat you well, you need to stay away from people who might behave the same way. As you get to know your potential partner, pay attention to how that person treats you and others. Find out if he is being aggressive, rude, pushy, overly critical, controlling, or just plain rude. If he behaves like that, think about your decision before you date that person.
Look for positive traits or traits in the man/woman you want to date. Try to find someone who is friendly, polite, willing to support and encourage you, and, most of all, be nice to you
Part 2 of 4: Attracting the Attention of Good People
Step 1. Find a good person in the right places
To find a good person, you'll need to look elsewhere, other than the cafe or bar you live in (or at least the ones you usually go to). However, this doesn't mean that nice people don't like to visit bars. This is meant to make it easier for you to find someone who fits your desires and values because you are also looking elsewhere, not just in the same place. Try to find the person you want to fall in love with in a place where people usually hang out (especially people who fit the desired 'type' of partner).
For example, your chances of meeting nice people are greater if you visit a charity event, volunteer at a hospital, or the library. You can also ask a friend to set you up with someone nice, or introduce yourself to someone (who you like and think is nice) you usually see reading at the coffee shop near where you live (or who you usually go to)
Step 2. Show a little seduction
To signify your interest in someone, you need to show it through a little flirting. You can use facial expressions, body language, and comments to seduce someone. By using body language, eye contact, and seductive comments, you can show him that you're interested in him. In fact, research shows that the way you show interest when it comes to attracting your partner's attention is more effective than physical appearance.
Step 3. Pay attention to the 'signal' replies you send
When you're showing an interest in someone, find out if there are any signs that they might be interested in you too. See if he's always smiling, making eye contact, and standing facing you. Other positive signs to watch for are holding your hair, rearranging clothes, raising your eyebrows, or touching your arms.
- Another sign of attraction is a biological response that is often uncontrollable. For example, a person may blush (or blush) when tempted or provoked. Her lips were thicker and redder.
- If the person doesn't seem interested in you, don't waste time expecting them to. Find a good person for you to love again.
Step 4. Start a conversation
There are several ways to start a conversation with someone you just met (or someone you like). In English, conversation starters are known as "opening gambits", "pickup lines" or "ice breakers". However, make sure you don't sound scary or weird when you use these conversation starters. Keep in mind that in Indonesian culture, conversation starters are generally just greetings or small talk that doesn't directly indicate your intention to get to know the other person. Research shows there are several ways to use conversation starters:
- Frankly speaking. Opening sentences like these are very honest and make your point clear. For example, you could say “Hi. You're adorable, okay? Can I get to know you ?" Generally, men tend to like to receive such words. However, in Indonesian culture, you need to be careful because sentences like this are sometimes seen as gibberish and can make you sound terrible.
- Indirect speech. Opening sentences like these don't directly convey your meaning, but are considered friendly and polite. For example, you could try saying “This is my first time coming here. By the way, what drink can you recommend for me – is it a cappuccino or a latte?” Generally, women prefer to receive words like this.
- Funny / sassy remarks. Usually sentences like this are considered as gibberish. These opening lines can sound funny, cheesy, or even gross. For example, “Hi! You're a member of a girl band, huh? Instead of being a member of a girl band, it's better to be my girlfriend." Usually, both men and women prefer other types of opening sentences to sentences like this.
- Since you want to find a good person to love, research shows that you need to speak honest, friendly, and supportive sentences. This way, you are likely to be in a long-term relationship.
Part 3 of 4: Falling in Love
Step 1. Go through the process slowly
When you're first getting to know someone, it's important not to share too much (and not too soon) information about yourself. Often times some people share too much about themselves in the early stages of a relationship in order for them to appear honest and forthright. However, sharing too much information too quickly about yourself can overwhelm your partner. It can also lessen the mysterious side of you which is, in fact, an interesting part of when you're in love.
For example, try to avoid discussing topics such as ex-boyfriends, annoying bosses, or personal finances
Step 2. Get to know your crush
It's important that you know if you're a good match for the person (and if they really have a good personality). Ask open-ended questions to get to know him better and get a better picture of his personality. Early in the relationship, don't ask questions that are invasive or too personal. Bring up questions or topics that are light and fun to talk about. For example, some questions to ask on a first date include:
- Do you have roommates? If so, what is it like?
- What's your favorite book?
- Do you prefer dogs or cats, or both? What is the reason?
- What do you usually do in your free time?
Step 3. Show your confidence
Confidence and self-esteem are important factors when you are in love. People with little self-confidence or self-esteem may find it difficult to fall in love because they feel they are worthless. If you lack self-confidence, try to take some time to build your confidence first before you try to get into a relationship. Or, you can pretend to be confident until you actually feel confident.
For example, try to stand up straight, smile, and make eye contact with other people. This way, other people will get the impression that you are confident so that you will feel more confident, just by showing body language or expressions like that. A nice person will be very interested in finding someone confident to date. Meanwhile, people who are rude usually don't like things like that because you seem more difficult to control
Step 4. Keep time for yourself
Often people get so attached to a new relationship that they stop doing the activities that really matter to them. However, a lack of free time for yourself (as well as for your partner) can have a negative impact on both you and your relationship. Remember to still make time for yourself and your partner, regardless of how much you want to give up that personal time in order to have more time to spend with them.
Having time for yourself is not a problem for people who are nice. You just need to be careful if the person gets angry when you want some time to yourself. This may indicate that the person is not as good as you think
Step 5. Show him that you want to be able to see him anyway
It's important that you show him what you mean if you want to keep seeing him. If you enjoy spending time with him, let him know about it. You don't need to explain your long-term goals in the early stages of your relationship, but you still need to make it clear to her that you enjoyed spending time with her and would like to see her again.
Try saying, "I've really enjoyed the last few dates we've had and I'd like to be able to see you anyway, if you want."
Part 4 of 4: Deepening Relationships
Step 1. Ask more personal or in-depth questions
After you've been dating for a while, it's time for you to really get to know him. This means you need to understand what drives his behavior, his hopes and dreams, and the views and values he holds. Questions like that, especially those that involve an image of the future, can help him imagine who you will be in the future.
Social psychologist Arthur Aron developed a list of 36 open-ended questions that can help you have interesting and meaningful conversations with your partner. For example, try asking questions like "What do you think makes your day?" and “What are you most grateful for in life?” Good people are usually open to having these kinds of conversations
Step 2. Be an active listener
Active listening is a process that builds mutual understanding and trust, and it's key when you're in love. By developing your listening skills, you can show him that you are very interested in what he has to say. This is important to do so that he remains interested in you.
- Try to identify the emotions he is describing. For example, if he's telling you about a bad day he had and needed to get his emotions out, reflect on how you think he's feeling in your words, such as "You seem really upset."
- Ask follow-up questions. You can ask questions like “What do you think would happen if you …………..” or “What if you tried …………..?”
- Appreciate and accept the person. Even if you don't agree with what he's feeling or saying, still respect and accept his feelings. Feelings are not related to right or wrong; feelings emerge as they are. For example, you could say, "I understand why my words hurt your feelings, and I respect your decision to talk to me about it."
- Don't just ignore his words or feelings. While you may not find it unusual to immediately reassure your partner with words such as "You don't have to worry about that," a quick response like that shows that you're not listening to him, and not that you want to comfort and soothe him. So don't rush into responding to what he's saying and try to make a more meaningful comment.
Step 3. Try to communicate effectively
Clear and effective communication can build trust and interaction between the two of you. This can strengthen emotional bonds and help both of you fall in love. There are several techniques you can try:
- Ask questions. Don't assume that you know what's really going on. Ask questions to clarify what he needs, especially if you're not sure. For example, if he seems upset, ask him: “You seem very upset about this. Do you need to let your emotions out, or do you want me to help you find a solution? I can help you."
- Use the pronoun "I" in spoken sentences. This can prevent you from sounding like you're blaming or judging him so he doesn't get defensive. Sometimes you or your partner need to tell you something that has hurt your feelings or theirs. At times like this, using the pronoun "I" in a sentence can make communication more effective and polite. For example, if your partner is being so nice (or, too nice) that he keeps going wrong, try explaining to him how you feel about it: “When we went out to dinner together and you didn't tell the waitress that the food was ordered did not fit, I feel you are not trying to get my needs met. Can we talk about this to sort it out?”
- Don't be passive-aggressive. You may find it better to do "nice" things to show your anger, rather than having to express it directly. However, it is best if you express your feelings clearly, directly, and honestly. Passive-aggressiveness can destroy trust and make your partner hurt or angry. State your purpose and explain what you are saying. After all, you can still be nice while being honest.
Step 4. Win the hearts of his family and friends
It is likely that his family and friends have had a major influence on his life. By winning their hearts, you and your partner will fall in love even more.
Remember to be nice and friendly, but don't forget to be yourself. Don't show a different personality when dealing with friends and family, and when you're with them. Keep showing your true personality to everyone
Tips
- Keep in mind that you need to meet the right person in order to fall in love. You can't just fall in love with someone just because they look good.
- Try to be patient. Falling in love is a process that can happen sooner or later, depending on the situation you are in.
