Some people look good at talking, they can make funny stories and jokes seem like nothing. But if you are a quiet person, or the type of person who is closed, you will find it difficult to talk. However you are, you can not only learn to be good at speaking, but you can also learn to strengthen your words so that you become someone who is good at speaking. Learn to start a conversation, whether it's just one of your friends, in a group, or at school.
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Part 1 of 4: Starting a Conversation
Step 1. Start a conversation that you and your friend know about
The thing that makes it difficult for us to start a conversation is the fear of approaching someone, opening your mouth, and in the end you don't know what to say. Fortunately, there are a few easy ways you can always choose a topic that you and your friends can comfortably talk about.
- Know the situation. If you are in class with someone, you can start a conversation by talking about your class. If you are at a party, talk about the party. You don't need to start a conversation with a complicated sentence. Sentences like, “What do you think about this neighborhood?” even a good sentence to start a conversation.
- Never approach someone you don't know very well and start the conversation with a stupid joke. Don't ask "rough" questions, but if you ask how much a polar bear weighs, you won't have a chance to have a conversation with the person.
Step 2. Remember that you have to use a good “SHAPES”
“SHAPES” is an acronym commonly used in some conversational exercises that can help you remember a good topic to start a conversation with, whether you're having a conversation with someone you already know, or with someone you just met. To start a conversation, you can ask or talk about: family, work, recreation, and motivation.
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Family
- "How has your mother been lately?" or "Are your parents okay?"
- "How many sisters and brothers do you have?" or "Are you guys very close to each other?"
- "Tell me about your most enjoyable and most boring vacation with your family"
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Work
- "What's your occupation?" or "Do you like your new job?"
- "What's the hardest thing you've ever had at work?" or "What was the most interesting thing you did at work this week?"
- "What are the people you work with like?"
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Recreation
- "How was your vacation? Did you have fun?" or "What can be done there for fun?"
- "How long have you been doing it for?"
- "Do you have your own group to do it?"
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Motivation
- "What are you going to do after you finish school?" or "Do you think you'll be working long hours? What is your dream job?”
- "What do you want to do?"
Step 3. Ask questions that can be answered over and over again
You need to start a conversation by giving the other person a chance to talk, or respond to their conversation. This is what makes you good at speaking, not the ability to talk about yourself. Questions that can be answered on a regular basis can give the other person a chance to give you plenty of opportunity to respond, and you'll have plenty of topics to talk about.
- Questions that can be answered continuously can be used to continue answers that cannot be answered again. If someone who is quiet speaks up and says, "I'm fine" in response to your "How are you" questions, say "What did you do today?" and continue with, “How did you do that?” Get them to keep talking.
- Questions that can be answered continuously must be related to opinion. You cannot answer such a question simply by answering yes or no. Don't ask unanswered questions, like "What's your name?" or “Do you come here often?” These questions will not make your conversation long.
Step 4. Use the previous conversation
Sometimes you will find it much more difficult to talk to people you already know than to those you just met. If you already know the family of the person you're talking to, you're better off using the previous conversation to continue the question you want to ask:
- "What are you doing today?" or "What have you been doing since I last saw you?"
- "How was your project at school? Did you finish it well?"
- "Your vacation photos on Facebook are very interesting. Was your vacation fun?"
Step 5. Practice your listening and speaking skills
If you want to become better at speaking, you need to practice being a good listener and not just waiting for your turn to speak.
- Make eye contact with the person you are talking to, and use body language. Nod when you agree with what he's talking about, and focus on the conversation. Continue with words like, “Oh, wow. Then what happen?" or “How did it end?”
- Really listen and respond to what the person has to say. Train yourself to interpret what he is saying by saying “What I heard was…” and “I think what you said was…”
- Don't be good at talking by interrupting their conversation, or responding to what they have to say by talking about yourself all the time. Listen and respond.
Step 6. Read the other person's body language
Some people don't want to talk, and the situation won't get any better if you force them. Pay attention to people who display closed body language, as well as those who end your conversation. It's better to focus your speaking skills on other people.
- Closed body language is usually like looking over your head around the room as if they were looking for an exit. Crossing your arms is usually a sign of closed body language, leaning your shoulders against you, or even away from you.
- Open body language is usually sitting in front of you, making eye contact, and listening to the other person.
Step 7. Smile
There are many conversations that are not in the form of words. People usually prefer to talk to people who are happy, open, and seem friendly. You can make an effort to engage other people in conversation if you use body language that is open and smiling.
You don't have to look like a grinning idiot, you just have to look happy wherever you are, even if you feel uncomfortable. Don't frown and put on a sad face. Lift your eyebrows and hold your chin. Smile
Part 2 of 4: One-on-One Conversation
Step 1. Look for the door to open the conversation
Someone who is good at talking must be easy to do, even when it comes to talking to closed people. You can learn to find doors to open other topics, look for things that you have a personal connection with, because that can help you find something to talk about. This is tantamount to “art”, but there are some tips for developing it.
- Ask about their history in a particular subject. If the person mentions that they enjoy running, ask how long they have been in running, if they like it, where they usually run, and other related questions.
- Ask their opinion on a particular subject. If the person says he worked at Burger King when he was in high school, ask what the job was like. Ask his opinion.
- Always continue the question. There's nothing wrong with continuing someone else's short answer by saying, "Why is it like that?" or how?" Smile so you don't look like you're stalking him, but you're just genuinely curious.
Step 2. Don't be afraid to go deeper
People love to talk about him, so don't be afraid to ask for their opinion and do a little research into his thinking. Some people may be quiet and difficult to talk to, but there are still many people who are willing to give their opinion to people who are curious about them.
You can always go back and forth and if necessary you can say, "Sorry, I didn't mean to stalk you, I was just curious."
Step 3. Get out what's on your mind
Don't sit still when you think about the other person's question, start rephrasing what the person said and allow yourself to start talking. If you are generally a shy person, you will probably keep thinking about what you are going to say before you say it.
Many people are afraid of sounding stupid or afraid to say things that are not “true”, but usually doing so will make the conversation unnatural. If you want to become better at speaking, practice responding even if you're still unsure of what to say
Step 4. Don't be afraid to change the topic
If the subject you're talking about is over, then awkwardness ensues. If you don't want to say anything more about the subject, don't be afraid to talk about something else, even if it doesn't connect with the subject you were talking about earlier.
- If you're drinking and talking about football with your friends, and the conversation about football ends, hold the drink and say, "How did it taste?" Talk about the drink while thinking about another subject.
- Talk about what you want to talk about and what you know a lot about. The things you know very well will be of great interest to other people, at least to those who are worth talking to.
Step 5. Get up-to-date information
If you're running out of subjects to talk about, it's a good idea to talk about the latest happenings or breaking news, so you can talk about something that other people want to hear.
- You don't need to know a lot of topics to talk about. Say something like, “What does this have to do with the new council controversy? I don't know the specifics. Do you know?"
- You shouldn't look like you're the only one who knows everything. Don't assume the person you're talking to doesn't know anything about the topic, even if it's unclear, or very specific, you should keep your head down.
Part 3 of 4: Contributing to the Group Conversation
Step 1. Speak loudly
If you're not very good at speaking when you're talking to just one person, speaking in large groups may be an even bigger challenge. But if you want your voice to be heard, one of the most important things to learn is to speak loudly so that your voice can be heard easily.
- Many people are quiet and introverted. Larger groups usually prefer people who are open and loud-speaking, which means that you have to adapt your voice to the group.
- Try this: Take over the conversation by raising your voice to match theirs, but then lowering your voice back to normal when people hear you, so you don't have to fake your voice. Get their attention on you, not the other way around.
Step 2. Don't wait for silence
Sometimes group conversations feel like a game of Frogger: You see a big road that's very jammed, and try to find an opener that never comes. The secret of the game is that you just have to dive. Silence is not expected, so you are better off interrupting someone than waiting for silence to come before speaking.
Don't try to interrupt people by starting to talk when it's not your time to talk, but use exclamatory words before they're done, for example, “So…” or “Wait a minute…” or even “I want to say something”, then wait for them to finish speaking.. You need to take over the conversation without interrupting it
Step 3. Let them know that you want to talk through body language
If you want to say something, look at the speaker, lean forward a little, and use body language that shows that you are interested in the conversation, and want to say something. Someone may give you a turn by asking for your input if you look like you want to talk.
Give another option. In a group, a conversation gets boring quickly if everyone is just saying the same thing, so you'll need to play Devil's Advocate if the conversation starts to get boring. If you don't agree with your group's opinion, try to voice your disagreement quietly
Step 4. Give another option
In a group, a conversation gets boring quickly if everyone is just saying the same thing, so you'll need to play Devil's Advocate if the conversation starts to get boring. If you don't agree with your group's opinion, try to voice your disagreement quietly.
- Be sure to soften your disagreement a little by saying, “I see it a little differently, but…” or “Good point, but I don't seem to agree.”
- You don't have to follow an opinion that disagrees with you. If you don't agree, voice your opinion. A conversation is not a cult that will punish those who disagree.
Step 5. Start a one-sided conversation if necessary
Some people find it difficult to socialize in large groups and prefer to talk to only one person. There's nothing wrong with them. Recent personality research suggests that many people can only socialize in one or two groups, based on whether they can contribute in large groups or one-on-one. This group is a dyad and a trinity.
Try to find comfort in large groups. If you want to talk to someone, but you're in a group of three or more, take that person to the side of the room and talk. Then, talk to other people in your group one at a time to make you more comfortable. You won't come across as rude if you give everyone time
Part 4 of 4: Talking at School
Step 1. Leave a comment
Talking in class is a different ball game, and what appears awkward or unusual during informal conversation is usually very appropriate and even expected in class. For example, in group discussions, you are very welcome to write or even provide comments that you may want to convey in class.
In general, you may find it difficult to remember points you have thought about while reading in English class, or math questions you had while doing your homework, so write down any points or questions you have and take them to class. There's nothing wrong with writing for school
Step 2. Ask
The best way to contribute to class is by asking. Whenever you don't understand something, or feel unclear about an issue or topic being discussed, raise your hand and ask. Usually if one person doesn't understand, then there may be five or more people who both don't understand but don't dare raise their hands. Be brave.
Ask questions that only benefit your group. You shouldn't raise your hand to ask, "Why did I get a B?"
Step 3. Agree with other students' comments
If you're having a discussion and trying to say something, there's always a good chance to support or agree with another student's comment that will make you look like you're saying something.
Wait for someone to say something nice, then say, “I agree” and describe the words in your own words. Easy comment points
Step 4. Describe in your own words
Get in the habit of saying something that's already been said and translate to your version of what's been said, add a little bit and then start commenting. This is an excellent way to contribute to class without having to have anything to say. Of course it would be better if you add a little of your comments.
- If someone says, “I think this book is about family dynamics and the bad things they hide”, make your translation and comment, saying “I agree. I think you can see the patriarchal system in the father-son relationship in this novel, especially in the collapse of the title characters."
- Additional points if you give specific points. Find a quote, or problem in your book that describes something another student said.
Step 5. Make at least one contribution per class
You don't have to be the most articulate person in your class, you just need to be articulate enough to make your presence known. That means you need to make one contribution in each class. It will also make the teacher pick you if the whole class is just silent. Make a comment, leave your comment, then sit back and listen.
Suggestion
- Do something that makes you feel better. Dress neatly, apply make-up, brush your teeth, and chew gum. Spray perfume or whatever makes you more confident!
- Be yourself and stay friendly and happy.
- Don't plan what you want to say. Don't write down what you want to say, and don't worry about every word you want to say, or you'll end up saying nothing.
- Just let what you say flow, keep it natural. Talk to those around you about current events. Use your free speech.
Attention
- Do not talking to someone who looks unfriendly just to prove that you are good at talking; they can be friendly and they can be unfriendly.
- Quiet and introverted people should try to change themselves based on these suggestions.
- If you're a closed person and happy to be yourself – don't try to change yourself too much. Just do what suits you.
