People who like to be condescending are really annoying. No one likes to be treated as inferior to others. You can deal with condescending people with a little patience and good communication techniques. This applies in two types of situations where you have to deal with them: personal life and work environment.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Dealing with a Condescending Spouse or Friend
Step 1. Stay calm
When communicating with a condescending person, try not to get emotional, as this can make the situation worse. Before responding, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath. Say to yourself, "I'm trying to work things out, but I have to try to stay calm and polite."
Step 2. Be honest
If someone says something demeaning, even if it's unintentional, don't be afraid to speak up. Say that you feel humiliated and that the behavior is unwarranted. Honesty is very important if you want to deal with this situation. Otherwise, he won't notice that his attitude is condescending to you.
Step 3. Pay attention to your tone of voice
Condescending attitude is largely determined by the tone of voice. In other words, it's not the words that matter, but the way they're said. Be careful not to return a condescending person with a more condescending attitude. This means that you should avoid sarcasm, grumbling, raising your voice, etc.
Step 4. Practice non-defensive communication
To deal with a difficult person, you must choose your words very carefully. Avoid using defensive words because that can only make him feel right and ruin his chances of finding a solution. However, you can still turn defensive statements into more constructive words. Example:
- If someone says something condescending to you, like, "If I were you, I'd have a career and move on with my life."
- You may be prompted to respond with things like, “You're wrong! Don't mind my life."
- Instead, try saying something more productive, like, “I see why you think that. Let me explain that the situation is more complicated…”
Step 5. Decide what type of relationship you have with that person
If you're dealing with someone who has a habit of using derogatory words, think again about your relationship with them. Try to find out why you find his words condescending by considering the type of relationship you are in. With that knowledge, you will be able to communicate more effectively.
For example, if you feel indebted to him, the pressure can make you feel humiliated. Clear all debts or talk about your feelings openly
Step 6. Recognize emotional threats
Sometimes, people are condescending to manipulate others into doing things for them. For example, if your friend or partner says things that belittle you, they may actually be afraid of losing you. Condescending comments are meant to make you feel inferior so that you rely on them. If you recognize such behavior, raise the issue calmly and openly with your friend/partner.
Step 7. Nod and smile if other responses don't work
Sometimes, the easiest and most calm way to deal with a condescending person is to just ignore them. If you can handle a demeaning comment long enough for you to walk away, just smile and hold it in, then avoid him going forward.
Step 8. Seek professional help, if necessary
If a derogatory comment causes serious damage to your relationship, don't be afraid to ask for help. Family and marriage counselors have the expertise to help mediate between two people experiencing relationship problems.
Method 2 of 2: Dealing with Coworkers or Bosses who Like to Condescend
Step 1. Recognize condescending behavior when you see it
Very obvious signs of condescension include yelling, screaming, and making disparaging comments. However, in the workplace, condescending takes on a more subtle form, such as talking behind the back of others or insulting in the form of a joke. If you recognize such behavior, bring it up. You can also avoid this by creating a work environment that doesn't encourage gossip, mocking your peers, etc.
Step 2. Ignore and forget
If someone makes a derogatory comment but it's not part of the usual pattern of behavior, choose the most effective and efficient way to just forget about it. Everyone can say stupid things once in a while, have a bad day, or criticize others without any bad intentions. If the condescending comment is unusual, try to forgive and forget about it.
Step 3. Turn condescension into action
At times, you can deflect other people's condescending attitudes. If a coworker is superior or knows better than you, talk about it in a way that turns it into productivity. Try words like the following:
- "Can you help me understand it?"
- "What do you think we should do?"
- “Perhaps you are the best person for this task.”
Step 4. Seek support
If you are dealing with a coworker whose condescending attitude is chronic, talk to your supervisor about the behavior problem. Try to have evidence, such as a derogatory email that you keep. If the condescending person at work is the supervisor himself, your situation is more complicated. However, you can still seek support from some of your colleagues who are in a similar situation.
Step 5. Ask for a face-to-face discussion
To deal with a condescending coworker or supervisor in an effective and efficient manner, request a private meeting to discuss the matter. If you don't want to mention the subject matter you want to discuss, say that you want to talk about something neutral, like "communication strategies at work."
You can also ask your supervisor to attend and act as a mediator
Step 6. Speak
If your condescending attitude affects your ability to work, you must defend yourself. Respond frankly but without anger. Try words like, "I really appreciate your input, I know you have a lot of experience in this field. But, you know, sometimes it's hard to ask you questions because I feel like you don't respect me if I don't know something."
Step 7. Don't fight back the same way
If your coworker responds increasingly condescendingly, resist the urge to retaliate. Take some time to catch your breath, calm down, and assess the situation before moving on.
Step 8. Avoid judgmental body language
Nonverbal communication is very important, especially when you are trying to resolve a conflict. When discussing this issue, pay attention to your body language as you pay attention to your words. Avoid postures like the following:
- Pointing
- Rolling eyes
- Crossing arms
- Closer to the face
- Stand while he sits
Step 9. Try to see things from the perspective of your co-workers
Sometimes people are condescending without realizing it. Try to look at the problem outside of your situation and feelings, then understand his point of view.
- Ask him to explain what he thought or felt when he said something you found condescending.
- Say it politely, like, "How about you share your point of view?"
Step 10. Provide corrective reviews
After discussion, you can ask your supervisor to issue a report providing suggestions for dealing with and avoiding demeaning behavior. The report can be directed solely to individuals involved in the conflict or serve as a guide to avoiding derogatory language and comments shared with everyone in the workplace.
