Sometimes, the victory of love is achieved and two people can "live happily ever after". On the other hand, love failures can happen and at least one party gets hurt. If that person is you, you may feel like you'll never win love or be happy again. However, just because love failed, doesn't mean you can't be happy. If you can manage your emotions and provide for yourself, you can enjoy the single life and be happy again.
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Method 1 of 3: Processing Emotions
Step 1. Give yourself some time
It's natural to feel sad or awkward when you experience a love failure. Don't expect to get over your ex in a day or two. Be patient with yourself, and any process you feel about the end of your relationship. The only way you can follow to make yourself happy again is to give yourself time to fully recover and bounce back.
- Don't jump into a new relationship or try someone else to love. Take some time to get over your ex first.
- Give yourself time to process everything you're feeling. It doesn't matter if you want to think about love and failure.
- People may tell you to forget what happened. However, don't let anyone push you to forget and ignore the love failure that happened.
- If it's been a few months since the love failure occurred, you need to put in more effort to get up.
Step 2. Skip the denial period
At first, you may not want to believe that the relationship is over and the love has failed. However, don't get hung up on pretending that nothing has changed and your love remains the same as it used to be. In order to get up and feel happy again, you have to stop denying (to yourself and others) the failure of love that happened.
- Don't call your ex and act like things are still the same. It can actually make him feel upset or angry, and make it difficult for you to rise from sadness and return to happiness.
- Get rid of things that remind you of him. For example, if your phone's wallpaper is a photo with your ex, change the wallpaper.
- Don't lie to people if they ask about relationships. You don't have to go into details of the situation, but make sure you're honest.
- You could say, "Our relationship didn't work out, but I don't want to talk further about the relationship's failure." After that, change the chat topic.
Step 3. Accept that your relationship is over
You may want to admit the failure of love that occurred. However, if you feel that if there are some things you can change about yourself and you can convince your ex that the love will not fail, you can hope to get back into a relationship with him. Unfortunately, things like that don't usually happen. Instead of thinking that way, accept that your relationship is over so you can get up, go back to life as usual, and be happy.
- Stop thinking about ways to make your love work. Don't try to make her feel jealous or do anything dramatic to make her realize that she misses you.
- Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “It's over. This relationship is not working and I have to accept it.” Do this as often as needed.
- Send or return the ex's belongings as soon as possible. For example, don't keep her winter coat in hopes that you can reconnect with her when she needs it.
Step 4. Forgive your ex
It's natural to feel angry after accepting a love failure. You may want to blame someone for all the failures that occur. However, anger will only make you more depressed and actually bring negative things to life. In order to get up and feel happy, you need to let go of your anger and forgive whoever was involved.
- Write a letter to your ex apologizing if he did something that ended the relationship. However, you do not need to send the letter to him.
- Do physical activities to release negative energy. Boxing a bag, go for a run, swim a few laps, or do some yoga.
- Forgive yourself if the failure of love was caused by your fault. Sometimes, we make mistakes. You have to be able to forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and get back up to be happy again.
Method 2 of 3: Meeting Emotional Needs
Step 1. Increase your self-esteem
Don't see yourself as a failure or torture yourself because the relationship isn't going well. Just because love fails, doesn't mean you will always fail in a relationship. Remember that you are an amazing person and can find love again. To get back excited and confident, it's a good idea to try to increase your confidence and self-esteem.
- Make a list of positive things about yourself that make you a person worthy of love and who can love others.
- Tell yourself, “I am a person who deserves to be loved and can win the victory of love because of me…” Fill in the blanks with the things on the list.
- Each day, add one thing that makes you a great person to your list, and constantly remind yourself that you can feel happy again.
Step 2. Take advantage of the support system
You may want to shut down and be alone, but this is not the right choice and can't help you feel happy. Being around people who love you is a way to remind yourself that you are someone who deserves to be loved. Friends and family want to help because they care so it doesn't matter if you need to lean on them so you can recover and bounce back from grief.
- You can ask someone to accompany you. He didn't have to do or say anything; simply provide his presence as support for you.
- Talk about how you feel about your love failure, and how you feel about yourself.
- For example, you might say, “This love failure is making me feel bad. Sometimes, I feel confused, but other times, I feel optimistic.”
- Don't resist their attempts to entertain you. They just want to see you happy. Try to laugh and have fun with them.
- Ask them to remind you not to text, call, or obsess over your ex.
Step 3. Take good care of yourself
If you can't take care of yourself, it will be harder for you to be happy again after a love failure. You may feel lethargic from lack of sleep or tired from not getting enough sleep. Research shows that breakups can also weaken your heart, so make sure you take good care of yourself.
- Eat a balanced nutritious diet, get enough sleep, and engage in regular physical activity. In this way, you can maintain your physical and mental health.
- Take the time to do something different or try on a unique look. Try a new hairdo or wear a pretty outfit.
- Do something special for yourself, like buy the fishing gear you want or enjoy a spa day.
Step 4. Seek counselling
If you're having trouble completing your daily chores, eating, or sleeping, you may need to talk to a counselor. You should also see a counselor if you start or increase your consumption of alcohol and drugs. Counseling helps you fix a messy life pattern so you can be happy again, and is a way of loving yourself.
- Research shows that the chemical changes that occur in your body after a love failure can leave you feeling depressed and down.
- Sometimes, the therapist may prescribe antidepressants to help the body regulate the chemical changes that occur.
Step 5. Try troubleshooting techniques
Sometimes, you need a specific problem-solving method to deal with the emotions you feel as a result of a failed love. Using these techniques can reduce the stress you experience, as well as make you feel happier in the long run.
- Practice deep breathing techniques so that you can think more clearly and reduce the negative emotions you feel.
- Try meditation as a medium to calm your mind and heart. Each day, take some time to sit or lie down quietly and focus on your breath, a specific mantra, or the situation at hand.
Method 3 of 3: Enjoying the Single Life
Step 1. Try a new activity
One way to enjoy the single life is to do things that you can live alone. Think of a hobby or interest that you've always wanted to try, but didn't have time to because you were too busy with your relationship. Have fun trying these activities!
- You can try an activity or hobby that builds on your current talent, or learn a new skill.
- For example, painting, gardening, swimming, yoga, or writing poetry are fun activities you can do on your own.
- Take online courses in areas of interest or learn a foreign language. The progress you show will make you proud.
- Create a blog or video channel on a topic you know.
Step 2. Be social
You have the opportunity to spend time with friends and family that can make you feel happy. You'll also get to meet new people who can make great friends or perhaps a potential partner. Don't just work alone. Take advantage of life as single to socialize and meet people.
- Accept an invitation from family or friends to a specific event, such as a music recital or game. You can support loved ones and maybe meet new people.
- Volunteer for a specific organization or issue you support. You will feel proud and happy because you can help the community and meet people with similar interests.
- Manage small (or large) activities for friends and family, like dinner or game night. Ask guests to join in with others.
Step 3. Try dating
Just because you need to try dating, doesn't mean you should immediately find someone to love. It's okay if you occasionally run into other people, flirt, and spend some time with someone who catches your eye. This gives you the opportunity to determine what will make you happy in your next relationship. Plus, you'll get the chance to enjoy a lot of fun and excitement (or maybe a great story to share with friends).
- If you don't feel ready to go on a date right away, try throwing a small flirt at the person you like. Give a smile to the beautiful cashier at the convenience store. Throw in the compliments for the handsome employee who's setting up your new electronic device.
- Remember that being on a date doesn't mean you're in a relationship right away. Spend some time getting to know him better before deciding if you really want to be in a relationship with him.
Tips
- Over time, you can become happy easily so be patient with yourself and don't stop trying.
- It will be easier for you to feel happy while avoiding your ex for a while (if possible).
Warning
- If you want to hurt yourself or your ex, call the emergency hotline and talk to someone about how you feel.
- If a friend or family member suggests you to seek counselling, listen to their advice. Maybe they can see the negative effects of falling in love better than you can.
