Friendship is one of the most important and rewarding relationships in your life. Unlike family, which you don't get to choose from, you can make friends with all kinds of people and all kinds of interests. In addition to friendship, a good friend will give you validation and a sense of belonging. They also offer support during difficult times, increase your confidence, and influence your lifestyle. Learn how to make and keep good friends by keeping yourself open to meeting new people.
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Part 1 of 3: Meeting New People
Step 1. Ask yourself what a best friend means
The answer to this question will vary from person to person, and there is no right or wrong choice. It's all based on your personal choice. Some people crave friendship with people who have the same situation or difficulties. Others want friends who share your core values. Generally, there are four elements that usually unite people and form close friendships.
- Shared interests: hobbies, activities, passions, etc.
- History: past and same circumstances
- The same values: the ideal way of life
- Equality: balance between give and take
- Decide what combination of elements is most important to you. By doing so, you can learn what places or situations can help make new friendships. For example, if you have an interest in history and are experiencing social anxiety, you can relate well to someone in your support group who has had this condition in the past.
Step 2. Explore new interests
If you sign up for something and everyone is learning something new together, the pressure to show off will be less. Learning a new skill, whether writing poetry or golf, may seem difficult. However, learning with others will help form new relationships.
Step 3. Be more active
Take your dog for a walk. Play Frisbee or kick ball with your kids. Run around the house complex. Join a gym and participate in a group fitness class. Getting regular physical activity is a good way to improve your physical health and make new friends.
For example, if you take your dog for a walk to the park, let your dog determine the direction. If he is attracted to another dog, you can use this attraction to build a relationship with the dog's owner. Ask if the person's dog is friendly, what he likes to do for fun, or the weirdest thing he's ever eaten. Come to think of it, you already know at least one common attraction with this person. You both love animals
Step 4. Participate in community service
Of course, one of the biggest impacts of volunteering is that it can benefit your local community. By only spending an hour each week, you can help make your area a better place to live. Volunteering also has its tradeoffs. When you give, you will also receive. It helps strengthen your connection to society, connects you with others through the same activities, and can deepen existing relationships.
Step 5. Join in spiritual activities
Understanding your purpose and role in the world or with a higher power will make you feel less alone. Also, getting in touch with your spiritual side can lead you to new friendships. Visit a church or mosque, a place of worship, a place of rest, or a meditation or yoga class that conforms to the principles you believe in.
- Start a conversation with someone you see often about their spiritual beliefs and continue the conversation.
- Invite members of a spiritual or religious group to join a reading club that focuses on spiritualism and self-improvement.
Step 6. Take advantage of interaction wherever you go
Sometimes, friends will find each other by accident. You may meet a potential good friend at the pet store or while waiting in line at a cafe. Open your eyes to all the possibilities for new relationships that lie before you every day.
Step 7. Accept the invitation to visit
If you're a shy person, you may often turn down invitations to social events because you're afraid you'll embarrass yourself or not know anyone there. However, constantly refusing will make other people stop asking you. Start saying "yes" to every invitation and maybe you can make some new friends.
- If you see someone at work or in class and believe that you two can get along, take them out for coffee or ice cream. Or, when someone asks you to do something, reciprocate by asking them another time.
- Even an online invitation to make friends can lead you to a lasting relationship. Opening up to virtual friendships can be just as rewarding as face-to-face relationships. Plus, if your virtual friend lives in the same area as you, you can always plan to meet up and switch online friendships to real-world friendships, if you're ready. Just use good judgment when sharing personal information.
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating Friendship Potential
Step 1. Think about your feelings for the person
If you want to have a close relationship with that person, don't worry too much about external characteristics, such as how the person looks and how much money they have. Instead, dig deep and watch for signs of a healthy relationship internally. Ask yourself the following questions when making new friends:
- Do I feel safe around this person?
- Can I be myself around him, or should I pretend when we're together?
- Does this person treat me with respect?
- Does he support my ideas and goals?
- Can I trust this person?
- Is this person very critical of me?
- Is this person belittling my kindness?
Step 2. Consider the habits of your new friend
Good friends will forbid you to follow an unhealthy lifestyle, such as drinking excessive alcohol. However, this also applies to the opposite. Friends can influence our choices and even lead us to bad habits.
- In a study at the University of Liverpool, when a friend ordered an alcoholic drink, 80% of the time the other friend also ordered. Friends will also compensate for how many drinks other friends consume without him knowing.
- If your friend has unhealthy habits or is negatively affecting your life, you may need to reassess the friendship. While drinking won't have much effect on new friendships, drug addiction or criminal activity will be a sign that you should stay away from the relationship.
Step 3. Determine if the other person is committed to the friendship
Deepening and maintaining a relationship requires ongoing attention. Therefore, a successful friendship must demonstrate a give-and-take attitude of time, care, and effort.
- Giving and receiving in a friendship may not always be equal. For example, your friend may be very worried about her parents' divorce and need more support in the meantime.
- However, if the friendship is always one-sided, and you are always giving or acting outside of your desires or values, this is not a friendship worth continuing.
Part 3 of 3: Keeping Friends
Step 1. Call your friend or invite him to hang out regularly
A good way to deepen a relationship with someone is to stay in touch. Show your interest in your friend's life by calling, visiting, or asking how he's doing throughout the week, especially during the first months of the friendship.
- While you should make an effort to spend time with friends, realize that not every relationship ends the same. With a few friends, you'll get used to meeting every Thursday night. With other friends, such as friends who live far away, you may only see each other once every two months. Find a balance for each of your friendships.
- Take the time to let your friend know that you are thinking about him and interested in his life.
Step 2. Listen
There are few qualities that are just as important as being a good listener in a friendship, even in all relationships. Generally, when someone is feeling sad or stressed, the first person they will turn to is their best friend. Make it a habit to be an active listener so your friends will know they can count on you for support without negative judgment. Show that you're listening by:
- feel comfortable with silence
- focuses on the person, makes eye contact, shows open body language (e.g. uncrossed arms and legs)
- provide justification (for example, "I understand this is a difficult topic for you…")
- signaling for the person to continue talking (e.g. “Oh, yeah…” or “hmm”)
- restate the message in your own words (for example, “If I heard correctly, you said…”)
- reflects what feelings you understand (for example, “you seem really angry”)
- using “I” statements (for example, “I know you are sad, but you should consider …”)
- don't give advice unless asked
Step 3. Share
A clear sign of a close relationship is feeling that you can share your feelings with that person. Talking to a friend about something that makes you nervous, or excited, can help you regulate your feelings, see the other side of an issue, and even reduce tension. Talking to an empathetic and emotionally understanding friend can add to the bond the two of you have.
- If you're not comfortable opening up, start small. Tell the friend something more personal that you've never shared, such as a unique career aspiration, and gauge their reaction. If your friend asks questions, seems interested, doesn't judge you, and shares personal information with you too, you can continue to share more intimate details about yourself.
- Only do this if you feel 100% comfortable with the person and believe that he or she is loyal.
Step 4. Respect boundaries
Healthy and lasting relationships exist within boundaries. Even though your friend may be the closest person to you, you should still respect their boundaries, and vice versa. Setting boundaries makes it clear what everyone is comfortable with. Cultivate your friendship by taking a closer look at what boundaries your best friend is showing and respect them.
Examples of boundaries in friendship include respecting the other person's privacy, not sharing confidential information, not expecting to be your friend's only friend, being able to participate in hobbies and activities you enjoy, and knowing what your friend likes and dislikes
Step 5. Be a positive influence
Look on the bright side of every situation. Show gratitude and appreciation for your friendship. Look for healthy ways to deal with stress. Comfort your friend when he or she is feeling down. Becoming a more positive person can have a tremendous impact on your friendships so that your friends can become more positive too.
