Do you still feel low on yourself, even though you've read all the articles and watched TV shows on the topic of self-confidence? Is this almost always a problem and seems impossible to solve? You are not the first person to feel trapped because of a lack of confidence. The good news is, you can feel more confident by focusing on developing your talents and potential.
Method 1 of 3: Boost Confidence
Step 1. Recognize your strengths
Feedback is usually given for poor performance. Therefore, we tend to think about negative things more often than positive things. Instead of increasing weaknesses, direct your energy towards developing your natural talents.
- After recognizing your strengths, use them to achieve success because every success will foster self-confidence.
- For example, if you were born with a talent for drawing or painting, spend your free time practicing and improving on those skills. When there is an opportunity to show off your skills, for example in a wall magazine or a school event, you already know that you are capable so you feel more confident.
Step 2. Change your words
Learn to change the inner chatter that says "I'm not good enough" or "I can't do it." Challenge each time a negative statement appears about yourself.
- For example, in response to an inner chatter that says "I'm not good enough," think of anything that can prove to yourself that you're good and successful at something.
- When negative words appear about yourself, turn those statements into positive things about yourself.
Step 3. Define a goal that you are capable of achieving
Being well prepared to achieve your goals makes you feel more confident. Set goals that you want to achieve in every aspect of life, at school, work, playing basketball, singing, writing, etc. Each time your goals are achieved, you automatically get effective feedback to define and achieve new goals. Start with small, easy-to-reach goals and work your way up gradually so that your goals get bigger and wider as your confidence increases. In order to increase your self-confidence, set goals according to the following criteria:
- Sspecific (specific)
- Measy (measurable)
- Actionable (can be done)
- Rrealistic (realistic)
- Time-bound (have a deadline)
- Exciting (fun)
- Recorded (documented)
Step 4. Be kind to others
If you can be anything, be a good person. You don't have to put in effort or skill to be a pleasant person to those around you, but your actions will have invaluable benefits. Some supporting evidence shows that being kind makes us live longer, be more successful at work, reduce stress, and be happier.
- You can show kindness in casual ways or those that require effort, for example: opening doors for others, smiling at someone you meet, greeting someone you pass by, sharing humor or food stories with someone you don't pay much attention to in your social life.
- In addition, showing kindness in the community by volunteering can build self-confidence. Donate to orphans, donate blood if your health allows, read books to the elderly in nursing homes.
Step 5. Wear clothes that make you appreciate yourself more
The clothes you're wearing may make you look in the mirror frowning or feel good about yourself. Whatever you wear, remember that clothes can affect your self-confidence. Therefore, choose clothes that are in harmony with the self-image you want to show.
- Researchers have proven that clothing advertisements are often given such emotional significance that you want to wear a certain tie to graduation or buy a certain dress for a beautiful first date. Over time, you will try to have these items in order to experience the same emotional impact.
- A study has shown that people who wear superman shirts think they are more likable and superior to people who don't wear superman shirts. They also feel stronger because they wear shirts with the image of the heroic figure.
Method 2 of 3: Overcoming Low Self-esteem in Certain Situations
Step 1. Don't decline the invitation
People with low self-esteem tend to stay away from other people. Fear of rejection or of embarrassing ourselves makes us miss out on social opportunities. Unfortunately, this method can give the wrong impression because people will think you don't want to be friends or don't like them. Sooner or later, you will not be invited again.
- Instead of turning down invitations to parties or social gatherings, start saying "yes." Even if you can't fulfill all the invitations, try to come as much as possible.
- Saying "yes" to the host sends a signal that you want to be in a relationship with them.
- In addition, you will be more confident if you socialize often. Even if you feel shy or awkward at first, challenge yourself to keep up with the invitation.
Step 2. Visualize your success
Visualization is a powerful tool used by top athletes and other successful people. Before facing a stressful situation, such as being in a crowd at a party without knowing anyone but the host or giving a presentation in front of a large crowd, imagine that you can do it well. Visualize yourself walking into a party room confidently and greeting a group of people you meet. Imagine that you deliver a presentation smoothly and answer questions with ease. Imagine you win a basketball game, manage to make a touchdown, or score a goal.
The human brain does not have the ability to distinguish between what is real and what is imagined. So, by imagining you walking into a party room and having a conversation with a new person, this sequence of actions will be recorded in your brain. When you're in a real situation, it's like you've been there before and everything is easier
Step 3. Show that you like making friends
Low self-esteem usually arises from caring too much about yourself. The tendency to want to take care of yourself all the time only exacerbates negative feelings. Instead of focusing on yourself, focus your attention on others. Engage in conversation and try to get to know the other person as best you can. He'll appreciate your good intentions so you don't have to worry too much about yourself anymore.
Step 4. Observe the behavior of other people who are good at socializing
People who are good at communicating will be easily recognized. They are able to listen so intently that you feel confident that you are the most likable person possible. On the other hand, he can carry on a conversation while acting.
- When socializing, pay attention to how they communicate. Did they just sit back and observe the situation before starting a conversation? What body language do they show? What is the ratio between listening and speaking?
- Don't change because you want to imitate other people, but you can use the methods used by people who are good at socializing.
Step 5. Learn how to deal with rejection
Rejection is a part of everyday life that is hard to avoid. People who seem sociable have also been rejected. There are several ways to deal with the disappointment of being rejected, such as because you haven't been hired, your love was rejected, or you weren't accepted into the organization.
- Be realistic. You can keep trying, even if you have little chance of getting a job, getting a promotion, or achieving something else. However, be prepared to accept reality if you have to experience rejection.
- Increase your chances by applying for multiple jobs at once. If your opportunities are limited, prepare several scenarios to increase your chances of success. Don't focus on just one thing, but have a backup plan in place. This will keep you confident if you get rejected.
- Don't be offended by being rejected. If you ask someone out or apply for a job, rejection doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. This rejection is not necessarily because of you. Remember that everyone has different preferences and you may not be the right person. Failure brings you closer to the opportunities you desire.
Method 3 of 3: Understanding the Meaning of Confidence
Step 1. Know the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem
While the two concepts have much in common (and many people have trouble with these two), there are fundamental differences. Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities. For example: You feel very confident because you are good at math, but lack confidence when it comes to sports. On the other hand, self-esteem shows how you see yourself, how you feel about yourself, and whether you like yourself. Self-confidence focuses on abilities, while self-esteem focuses on self-acceptance and self-respect.
- Do you feel confident in your abilities? Do you believe that you are worthy of respect for yourself and others?
- The answer to that question determines whether you feel less confident or less self-respecting. While the two are slightly different, you can use the same methods to increase confidence in your abilities, make you feel lovable, and able to love yourself.
Step 2. Recognize that it's normal to feel less confident
Self-confidence is formed from the results of an evaluation of your own abilities so that it is situational. Thus, the level of confidence depends on the context or ability in question. Maybe you are very good at math, but not very good at science. Maybe you are very good at singing, but not very good at dancing. Everyone has flaws, so sometimes we will feel less confident.
Problems will arise if you let your lack of confidence control you. This habit generally begins in childhood. As a child, many people at that time had not yet honed their abilities. Due to lack of support or not getting credit for excellence in other areas, they will view themselves as less good people. This makes them feel inferior and feel unworthy of respect
Step 3. Write down your strengths
Maybe you disagree with the opinion that it's normal to have a lack of confidence due to certain abilities. If so, do the following exercise. Prepare paper and pen. Think of a time when you felt highly accomplished. Remember again when you felt very proud. Write down all the qualities or abilities associated with the moment so you can identify what your good is.
- If you can't remember the moment or are having trouble getting rid of your inner critic in order to complete this exercise, ask 5-10 people close to you, such as family members, friends, and coworkers for help. Ask them to tell you when you were at your best.
- Find patterns in their answers. Do some words or traits keep appearing in different stories? Use the feedback they provide to find out your strengths and come up with a plan to increase your confidence.
Step 4. Reflect on your childhood
The harshest inner criticism usually comes from childhood. Teachers, parents, school bullies, or babysitters are the people who form your first impressions of yourself. If you're feeling low in self-confidence, it may be because of words you've heard that have stuck with you for years.