Many people want to talk less and listen more to get information, get to know other people better, and express themselves well. For that, start observing when and how long you talk and then try to change that habit by developing listening skills. When someone is talking, show that you are paying attention by making eye contact, smiling, and occasionally nodding your head so that the ability to talk less is beneficial for both parties.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Shorten Talk Time
Step 1. Talk only about the things that matter
Before speaking, ask yourself if the issue you want to discuss is really important. Don't speak if you are not contributing anything to the conversation.
People who speak carefully are usually more listened to. Someone who always gives opinions or tells trivial things will be shunned. If you like to talk, observe whether the information you convey is useful to the other person
Step 2. Don't talk just to fill in the blanks
Sometimes, someone speaks because he wants to break the silence. When in a professional environment such as in the office or at school, many people talk because the silence makes them feel uncomfortable, but this is a common condition. Don't talk unnecessarily.
- For example: You don't have to make small talk if you meet a coworker when you get into the elevator. Respect his privacy if he seems reluctant to interact.
- In this condition, you just smile and don't talk to him.
Step 3. Think before you speak
If you talk too much, the words may just come out before you have time to think about it. Learning to speak less means learning to consider the words to be spoken. Before speaking, think about what you are going to say. This way, you'll be able to keep certain things to yourself so you can talk less.
Many people accidentally pass on personal information because they talk too much. If you want to discuss a confidential issue, especially a very personal one, don't go ahead. Any information can be shared later, but news that has already spread can never be turned back into something personal
Step 4. Watch how long you talk
To talk less, try to estimate how long you've been talking. Usually, the listener's attention will be distracted if someone speaks for about 20 seconds. So turn your attention to the listener to see if he's still watching you talk.
- Observe her body language. Listeners who feel bored will usually look restless, often check their cellphones, or look elsewhere. After talking for 20 seconds, get to the point of the conversation in the next 20 seconds and then give the other person the same opportunity.
- As a guide, speak for a maximum of 40 seconds when it's your turn to speak. If it is longer, the listener will feel annoyed or bored.
Step 5. Determine if you are speaking out of anxieties
Many people talk too much because they have social anxiety disorder. If you experience this, deal with it in another way.
- When you want to continue talking, observe how you are feeling and ask yourself if you are feeling anxious.
- If so, deal with the anxiety by silently counting to 10 or taking deep breaths. Before socializing, remind yourself to stay relaxed and smile. Know that nervousness is normal.
- If your main problem is social anxiety, talk to a therapist to fix it.
Step 6. Don't try to impress other people by talking
There are people who talk a lot to impress listeners, especially at work. If you talk a lot, ask yourself if you're doing it to get attention.
- If you talk a lot to impress others, remember that listeners are more impressed by the quality of the conversation, not the quantity.
- Instead of over-talking about yourself, contribute to the conversation by discussing useful topics.
Method 2 of 3: Listening More
Step 1. Focus on the person speaking
During a conversation, don't look at your phone or look around the room. Don't think about other things, for example: what you want to do after work or what you want to eat tonight. Focus only on the person speaking so that you can focus on what they are saying and listen well.
See the interlocutor as often as possible. If you start thinking about other things, remind yourself to focus on the conversation at hand and return to listening
Step 2. Make eye contact
Show that you pay attention to the other person by making eye contact. Look into his eyes when he talks because eye contact is a signal that you are paying attention and want to interact. You may appear rude or ignore the person you are talking to if you often look elsewhere.
- Electronic devices such as cell phones will attract attention, especially if they often ring or ring when a message comes in. Keep your cell phone in your bag or pocket when talking to someone so you don't be tempted to look elsewhere.
- Eye contact is also a clue to the interlocutor whether you are bored. If he doesn't make eye contact when you talk, you may be talking too much. Don't monopolize the conversation. Give other people a chance to talk.
Step 3. Think about what the other person said
Listening is not passive. When other people talk, listen to what they say without judging. Even if you don't agree, wait for your turn to speak. However, don't worry about how you'll respond while he's talking.
- This method helps you understand the topic being discussed. Try to imagine what he is saying.
- While listening, repeat the important words and phrases he says.
Step 4. Clarify what the other person said
In the end, it will be your turn to speak while communicating with someone. Before speaking, make sure you understand what he's saying. Paraphrase with your own sentences what he said and ask if something is not clear. Do not repeat his words word for word. Make up your own sentences to show that you understand what he is saying. Remember that active listening allows you to pay close attention to the person speaking and shows that you are listening. Don't think of it as a way to interrupt a conversation or demand that your opinion be accepted.
- For example: You could say, "You said you were stressed about a party at the office."
- Then, ask questions, such as: “If I may ask, what stresses you out?”
- Show empathy and don't judge when you listen to the person speaking. Respect and understand his opinion without ignoring your own.
Method 3 of 3: Avoiding Mistakes
Step 1. Tell me about yourself only when necessary
Don't interpret speaking less as not being assertive and being introverted. Speak up if there are important issues or helpful opinions. Talking less can mean being able to say useful things at the right time.
- For example: a person who is facing a serious problem in his personal life may share it with others if he needs support.
- Speak up if you want to share a helpful opinion. For example: talk to your boss or co-workers if you want to provide work-related input.
Step 2. Do not make excessive eye contact
Eye contact is often associated with confidence and caring, so it plays an important role when communicating. However, it will feel excessive if you keep staring at the person you are talking to because you will come across as untrustworthy. Eye contact should be made for 7-10 seconds and then look elsewhere for a moment.
In certain cultures, such as in Asia, eye contact is considered disrespectful or disrespectful to others. Before interacting with people who have different cultural backgrounds, first learn etiquette and social procedures related to eye contact
Step 3. Open your mind while listening
Everyone has their own opinion and views about what is considered right and reasonable. When you listen attentively to another person talking, you may disagree with them, but don't judge. If you start judging other people, remind yourself to stay focused on what they are saying. You can analyze the information at a later time. When listening, focus on the person speaking and don't judge.
