Shyness can make it difficult for you to enjoy life. If you are shy, you may feel isolated or limited. However, you can overcome the shyness. Some people are born shy, but this condition should not be used as an excuse to limit life. By overcoming your shyness, you may be able to become more courageous.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Understanding Your Pattern
Step 1. Know the pattern of your shyness
Everyone has a different sense of shame, and you may be able to feel shy in a variety of ways. Knowing your shame patterns can help you focus your efforts on dealing with it. If you are not a psychiatrist, contact a psychiatrist to see if the following characteristics are appropriate for your situation:
- Shame that is followed by anxiety includes not only anxiety in social circles, but also includes social phobia. However, this condition can be treated by a licensed therapist or psychiatrist.
- Introverts are also often cited as a cause of shyness. Shyness caused by being introverted is very common, and is experienced by at least 50 percent of people. Introversion is an attitude of self, which can be balanced by developing the ability to be extroverted.
Step 2. Keep a diary
Write down the shame you face, and your efforts to overcome it. Write down your feelings in as much detail as possible. After that, you can read your diary to find out the most common shyness patterns.
- If possible, keep a diary every day, and make the activity a part of your daily routine. To reinforce your intention to keep a diary, reward yourself every time you finish writing a note.
- Be honest with yourself. If you try to rationalize what you're saying, you'll generally be able to find the true meaning of what you're trying to convey. Therefore, try to keep the diary as clear as possible.
- Pay attention to your feelings. "Mark" feelings as you feel them to control them.
Step 3. Beware of the habit of shutting down
Your habits can affect the amount of interaction you have with other people. Staying at home instead of traveling will reduce your chances of socializing, and if you're at home a lot, you'll get used to being alone.
Stay away from cell phones. Leave your phone at home when you travel, or keep it out of your reach until you forget it. This way, you will be more likely to interact with other people
Method 2 of 3: Removing Restrictions
Step 1. Change your mindset
Know that no one else thinks about you as much as yourself. Realizing that other people won't find fault with you will be very liberating for you. Other people will not find fault with you because they are thinking of themselves and their own faults. With that in mind, you will be able to feel more comfortable with yourself.
Step 2. Look for situations that require social interaction
The best way to get rid of shyness is to find situations where you can interact with other people. Get out of your comfort zone, and go places that require you to interact socially.
- Take part in weekly club activities. Find the activity on the internet or a community activity center. By spending time with your fellow students, you will generally be able to find topics to talk about.
- Take up a hobby like self-defense or group sports. Physical activity together doesn't really require social interaction, but there are interactions that you must do. Use the hobby to improve your social skills without overdoing it.
Step 3. Set goals that are challenging but achievable
Don't expect to be able to spread charm overnight. Enjoy small victories in the face of shyness, and start socializing slowly. As you become more comfortable socializing, find new challenges.
- Start by greeting strangers, or saying "Hi, that's a nice dress" to people you don't know. Decide what you want to try, and practice in front of a mirror, a trusted person, family member, or therapist. These exercises will make you more relaxed when you actually do the thing of choice.
- Invite someone out for a date or dinner. If you can't say it in person, send the invitation in a note or message.
Step 4. Repeat what you like
The more often you do certain things, the smoother you will be at doing them. Therefore, you need patience. If you like parties or events with friends, try to do it again. If that seems too difficult, think of something fun and easier, like drinking coffee together or ice skating. Make sure you choose activities that are fun.
Step 5. Find reasons to communicate with other people
Go out in public, and challenge yourself to ask strangers for help or information. To do so, you may have to get creative. Find the topic or question you want to ask on the spot.
- Ask people at the supermarket what they think about certain foods.
- Ask strangers for directions, even if you know where you're going.
- Ask someone to help carry your things, even if you can carry them yourself.
Method 3 of 3: Gradually Overcome Shyness
Step 1. Create a reward system
Recalling success is an important step in strengthening the habit. For example, reward yourself after you successfully invite someone to chat, or successfully converse with a stranger.
Step 2. Ask a friend for help
Sometimes socializing can be difficult, and a friend or family member who is more sociable can be a great help. Ask them to encourage you, and find ways to reduce your shyness.
Step 3. Find an activity you can comfortably do to start socializing
Imagine yourself doing all of these activities, and practice different interactions with people you trust. Start with simple interactions, such as greeting people you know, then start greeting strangers. After you say hello, you can discuss the weather, compliment the person, or ask the time. Use body language to reflect openness, then see where the conversation will lead.
Step 4. Find a professional to share with
In certain circumstances, you may need to see a professional. There are several types of professionals you can turn to for help, and in some cases, you may need more than one professional.
- A therapist can help you see relationship patterns. Cognitive therapy has been shown to help with shyness.
- Relationship counselors specialize in helping people express themselves in relationships.
