Having a boyfriend who is considerate and doesn't hesitate to show his affection is the dream of most women. But what if his attention is transformed into a form of obsession that actually shackles you? A possessive boyfriend will usually (unwittingly) deprive you of your freedom of expression and opinion, and will often make you feel guilty for having another life outside of your relationship. He will not hesitate to forbid you from seeing your friends, co-workers, or even your own family; simply put, he's trying to control your life as much as possible. Possessiveness is prone to appear in someone who has difficulty appreciating himself. Ironically, this difficulty can be easily transmitted to his life partner. If your boyfriend starts exhibiting possessive behavior, find a way to deal with it immediately. Remember, this kind of nature and behavior will only get worse if it is not stopped immediately. Read on for this article to find out clever ways to deal with a possessive boyfriend.
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Method 1 of 2: Repairing a Relationship with a Possessive Boyfriend
Step 1. Describe your feelings
Your boyfriend may not even notice that his behavior has been making you uncomfortable. Maybe you are his first girlfriend. Maybe his last girlfriend had the opposite personality to yours. It's also possible that he has a past trauma that made him (knowingly or not) 'hold' you tighter than he should. State your needs and wants clearly; this is the first step that needs to be taken to improve your relationship,
- Start by saying something like, “You always call me multiple times when I'm with my girl friends. I feel like you don't trust me” or “You often suddenly shut me out after I go out with my male friends. I really feel uncomfortable about it.”
- Be specific when his possessive behavior occurs: “You remember the time we watched a football game and you silenced me the whole game? You did it because I was traveling with my old friends, right? I was really pissed off at the time.”
- Avoid labeling your boyfriend. For example, instead of directly accusing him of being "possessive," it's best to first explain what kind of behavior makes you feel uncomfortable and (often) tortured. Labeling it with certain predicates can trigger a fight; Express your feelings calmly and politely.
Step 2. Describe the behavior that you think is unacceptable
Invite your girlfriend to talk one-on-one; be honest about what kind of behavior you cannot tolerate. Some behaviors you may find difficult to tolerate:
- Forbid you to travel with your friends (especially those of the opposite sex) for no apparent reason.
- Regulates the way you dress, or scoffs if he sees you wearing something he deems 'inappropriate'.
- Constantly calling or texting when you're not nearby.
- Invading your private realm; check the contents of your cell phone or email constantly.
- Request an explanation of your every move throughout the day.
- Makes you feel guilty when you have to change your dating plans (even if the change is justified).
- Give ultimatums or threats if you are deemed not to make time for them.
Step 3. Describe your needs
Your boyfriend is not a psychic who is able to understand your heart and all your needs. Therefore, always communicate whatever you want; The high frequency of communication is expected to help reduce possessive behavior.
- Explain that you also have a personal life. Let them know that while you are together is fun, you also need to spend time with friends and family. Having another life outside your love life is one sign of a healthy relationship. Encourage your boyfriend to do the same.
- Convey that you want (and deserve) to be trusted. Just as you trust him, he also has to learn to trust you more. Trust is the key to a healthy relationship.
- Negotiate some rules in your relationship. For example, both parties should be allowed to spend time with friends of the opposite sex occasionally; however, both parties must promise to really maintain honesty and loyalty to their partner.
Step 4. Discuss the commitments of each party
Oftentimes, possessiveness is rooted in low self-esteem and high insecurity within a person. If your boyfriend's possessive behavior is still tolerable, try reminding him that there's nothing to worry about; You are committed to your relationship and will not betray it.
Verbal affirmations are the most powerful way to convince your boyfriend. Convey your commitment through simple sentences such as, “I only love you”; surely your boyfriend's worries will be slightly reduced
Step 5. Involve him in your activities with friends or coworkers
Usually, possessiveness is rooted in excessive jealousy and fear of losing loved ones. Inviting your boyfriend to go on activities with your friends, coworkers, or family, is likely to help restore his 'trust' in your personal life.
In some cases, it's also worth trying to get your boyfriend to meet your male friends. Her possessive nature may stem from her jealousy and suspicion of your male friends. Instead of pulling away from them, try getting your boyfriend to hang out with them. Show him that their existence will not threaten your relationship
Step 6. Let time heal your relationship
After conveying what you are feeling, it will usually be difficult to control your emotions and that of your boyfriend. Take this moment to take a break and reflect on what has been discussed. Come back whenever you are ready to build a much better relationship and make both parties happy.
- Remember, it takes time to process. Don't expect your boyfriend to change in an instant. It's not just the fight, it's the fight with you. Therefore, you must also be willing to help change him into a better person.
- Don't be afraid to reprimand him if his possessive behavior reappears. Don't let him think you're okay with this behavior. Firmly state what behaviors make you feel uncomfortable and underappreciated.
- Compliment your boyfriend if he treats you well and tempers his possessiveness. This will encourage him to do the same again in the future.
Step 7. Be realistic about your relationship
Ask yourself this: is it true that my relationship can still and deserves to be repaired? If your boyfriend wants to change his character, wants to respect your feelings and needs more, and wants to listen to you more, there's nothing wrong with giving him a second chance. However, if he already makes you feel depressed, scared, anxious, or restless all the time, leave him; You don't deserve to give a second chance to such a person.
No matter how much you want him to change, the only person who can change your girlfriend is herself. If he truly loves you, he will work hard to change his character and behavior for a better future in the relationship
Method 2 of 2: Breaking Free from Unhealthy Relationships
Step 1. Get ready to break up with your possessive boyfriend
If your boyfriend's possessive behavior is getting worse, it's worth remembering that you (maybe) just can't change it-at least you'll need some expert help to do it. Most likely, his desire to always control you is part of his personality. Stop tolerating it; You deserve to be associated with other people who can treat you better.
Plan what you want to say. Remember, your opinion is also important to be heard. Don't let him make you feel guilty again for ending the relationship with him. Remember, you have very strong reasons to decide; stick to that reason
Step 2. Break up with your boyfriend
Breaking off ties with loved ones is not easy, especially for those who have been trapped in unhealthy relationships.
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Choose the right time and place. Many people say that it's unwise to cut ties over the phone or e-mail. But keep in mind, a possessive boyfriend will tend to respond to your decision with too emotional; Worst case scenario, he might end up hurting you once it's decided. Consider the worst possible possibilities before deciding.
Breaking up with a boyfriend in a crowded and crowded location is the safest option to avoid the bad possibilities that may occur
- Convey your desire to break up with your friends, coworkers, or family. Ask them (or someone else you trust) to help you get through it and move on with your life after.
- 'Forcing' him to listen to you. You should be able to say whatever you want to say without being interrupted. As long as you speak politely and in a controlled manner, he should listen to you very well.
- After saying what needs to be said, leave him immediately. Avoid any form of communication with him for a while; give yourself time to heal.
Step 3. Be prepared for possible retaliation
If your boyfriend was very possessive while you were still in a relationship, it's possible that he will show the same attitude again after the breakup. Prepare yourself to address all the possibilities that exist.
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Be wary of your partner's attempts to make you feel guilty and break it off. Usually he would say something like, “Do you remember the time we watched the sun rise while walking on the beach?”. Not infrequently, he will actually make serious threats that make it difficult for you to move (such as threatening to end his life). Remember, he's trying to manipulate your emotions! Never fall for his deception.
If your ex-boyfriend starts threatening to hurt you, himself, or even those around you, talk to other people about the threat right away. If the situation gets dangerous, don't hesitate to call the police
- Be firm in your stance. Whatever your boyfriend's reaction may be, remember that this is the best way to free yourself from the shackles of an unhealthy relationship.
Step 4. Ask for support from those closest to you
You will get the best support from the closest people such as friends and family. Their presence is needed to convince you that this decision is the best way. They also won't hesitate to remind you of your ex's bad behavior whenever you feel guilty.
Rebuild relationships with those you had 'left'; this will help you move on with your unhealthy post-relationship life
Step 5. If necessary, seek professional help
Breaking free from a possessive relationship is a challenge in itself; on the one hand you are fed up, but on the other hand you are afraid of being lonely. Remember, that fear is no reason to stay by the side of the person who is constantly in control of your life. A professional counselor or therapist can help dispel negative feelings that often arise, as well as help you deal with the pain of ending a relationship.
Talking to the right people about your relationship can help convince you that your boyfriend's behavior is unacceptable
Step 6. Let time heal you
Ending a relationship-whatever the reason-is not easy. There's no need to rush into starting a new relationship; let time heal you. Here are some things you need to do before deciding to move into a new relationship:
- Reflect on the ups and downs of your recent relationship. It is very important for you to understand that there is always a rainbow after the rain; the time you spend in the relationship will not be wasted. Instead, you've been given the opportunity to learn what kind of partner is BAD for you.
- Learn to catch the symptoms of possessiveness in a person. In the future, this kind of ability will help you to avoid being stuck in a similar situation again.
- Remember to always love yourself. Your previously successful relationship destroyed your self-esteem, confidence, even your ability to love yourself? Don't worry, you always have a chance to fix it. Restore your confidence and happiness by spending time with friends, doing new things, or going to places you've never been before.
- Live the next relationship with full caution. You certainly do not want to repeat bad experiences in the past, right? Therefore, learn from your previous relationships. Use your bad experiences as a foundation to build new, stronger, healthier, happier relationships with the right people.
