Admit it, every friendship will have its ups and downs that are hard to predict. If you feel neglected by one or more of your friends, try to identify the situation to understand the problems that may be occurring in your friendship. Sometimes problems that occur can be solved, but not infrequently someone must be willing to say goodbye to people who were once "friends". If your friend continues to be rude or treats you badly, chances are that your friendship situation has changed. After that, do what feels right to you, either repair the relationship or leave it and make new friends.
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Part 1 of 2: Evaluating Friendship
Step 1. Determine how you feel about him and the friendship
Feel like someone is getting tired of being friends with you? Maybe it happened because you were the first to be lazy to be friends with him! Try asking some of the questions below to identify them:
- Are you not working hard enough to maintain the friendship? For example, do you rarely contact him or ask him to meet?
- Do you feel bored when you are with him?
- Do you secretly hope the plans that were made with him are canceled?
Step 2. Think of the reasons behind your friend's distant behavior
If someone feels reluctant to continue their friendship with you, they are more likely to start isolating or ignoring you in various ways. For example, you may notice that he is slowly withdrawing himself from your life. Although the communication is still established, it is most likely just small talk because on the other hand, he no longer wants to bother asking you to do activities together.
- For example, he may still want to hang out with you at school, but always ignore you on weekends.
- Before concluding that your friend is starting to withdraw, try to think about whether you've been doing the things that are expected of him all along. If you never invite him to do activities together, is it very natural, isn't it, if he also does the same thing?
Step 3. Identify the problems that have recently colored your friendship
Sometimes, conflict can transform into distance. For example, if you have an argument with one or more of your friends, chances are they will pull away from you to clear their heads. In fact, taking distance is a natural thing if there is a disagreement. However, if time has passed and your friendship isn't improving, or if they claim to be fine but no longer want to communicate with you, then there's a bigger problem you need to be aware of.
- Sometimes, understanding the broader context can help you to understand the reasons behind someone's distant behavior.
- If your relationship is deteriorating because of a problem, try taking the first steps to fix it. For example, don't hesitate to apologize after an argument with him.
Step 4. Beware of making excuses
In fact, making up excuses is a way to hide someone's true heart. For example, you may still be interacting intensely with that person right now. But when it comes to having fun, he will always make up excuses for you not to take part. If the reasons are piling up day by day, it's most likely his way of showing his reluctance to continue being friends with you.
If his reasons sound absurd, it may be his way of keeping his distance from you
Step 5. Be aware of the urge to always ask for his approval
If you're constantly asking for his approval or affirmation, it's only natural that your friend will get fed up at some point. Do you often ask, "We're friends, right?" or "You're going to take me to the party, right?" Even if you want to feel accepted and included, there's no need to constantly seek such endorsement.
- If you notice that you have this behavior, take a moment to think back. Be careful, those worries can really come true if you don't get them out of your mind right away!
- Don't stay by his side all the time. Take time to do meaningful activities independently instead of always having someone else validate your insecurities.
Step 6. Understand the behavior that can be categorized as bullying
Some people may treat you well today, but behave completely differently the next day. If the person is constantly booing you, stealing your property, or gossiping about you behind your back, understand that this is not the behavior of a friend at all. Instead, this behavior would be more appropriate to call it bullying!
Other bullying behaviors include gossiping about you, spreading untrue rumors about you, or intentionally embarrassing you
Step 7. Identify the presence or absence of hurtful words
Chances are, he's cracked jokes that hurt you or is constantly putting you down. For example, if you complain about the joke, he may accuse you of being overly sensitive or of not being able to joke around. Remember, a good friend will not scorn or hurt you! If you accept this treatment, chances are that he is trying to alienate you.
- Even if you laugh along, you're more likely to feel unhappy or less confident after the joke.
- If he says something that hurts you, try saying, “You didn't say anything funny. In fact, I find it very rude and hurtful." If he continues to do so after that, then he's not really a good friend to you.
- Trust me, you don't deserve to be treated like that just to be accepted into the community.
Part 2 of 2: Dealing With A Distant Friend
Step 1. Be realistic
Don't pretend to turn a blind eye to the current situation and still consider him a good friend after he ignores you or continues to show he doesn't care. As difficult as it may be, accept the fact that your friendship has changed and that the people you used to be so close to aren't as good as you thought. Remember, don't hang out with negative people just because you "want to be accepted" in the community.
If he's constantly being rude to you, don't feel like he needs him or should win him back. If you're not being treated well, it's best to accept the fact that your friendship is over and focus on making new friends
Step 2. Talk to your friends
The most mature way to deal with this kind of situation is to communicate the situation honestly. In other words, ask the reason behind the behavior and share how you felt when you received the treatment. Chances are, he doesn't even notice that his behavior seems unfriendly to you. Alternatively, he may be acting differently because he's sick or having personal problems, so he's unconsciously unable to think straight and venting his discomfort on you.
- Use "I" speech and don't get defensive or try to blame him. For example, you might say, “I feel hurt when you ignore it like this. What's the problem, anyway?"
- Don't blame him, criticize him, or get defensive.
Step 3. Soak up constructive criticism and suggestions
Remember, not all criticism is meant to offend or hurt you. In other words, your friend may be able to provide useful criticism to improve your quality in the future. If the critique is honest and not accompanied by negative intentions, try to dive into his perspective. For example, if he often admits he doesn't want to eat with you because your chewing sound is too loud, try not to take it personally. Instead, try to improve yourself by lowering the volume of chewing and/or chewing with pursed lips.
If the critique comes with negative intentions or sounds offensive to you, don't hesitate to ignore it
Step 4. Invite your friends over to your house to do fun activities together
If the two of you are feeling distant, try inviting him over to your house so you can both have fun together. For example, you could take him to sleep over, watch a movie all night, or play an interesting game. Believe me, the pleasant atmosphere is effective in improving your friendship in an instant, you know! However, understand that this method doesn't work for people who constantly treat you badly.
If you keep getting rejected by him, don't hesitate to confront him or even move on without him
Step 5. Improve your friendship skills
Social skills and friendships are two very important things to maintain the relationship you have today. Therefore, try to identify the qualities that must be in your friend, then work to have them too. Then find people who can treat you the way you want them to, and try to treat them the same way.
For example, try to be a friend who is considerate, reliable, and a good listener. Then, find new friends who also have similar qualities
Step 6. Move on and make new friends
After realizing that your old friendship is over, you will likely want to make new, better friends. The process of making new friends is actually not only fun, but will also provide opportunities for you to learn and grow in a better direction. While it may take you some time to recuperate and make new friends, rest assured that sooner or later, your wish will come true. Most importantly, open yourself up to socializing and building relationships with people who really want to be your friends and care about you.
If you don't know where to make new friends, try engaging in interesting activities both inside and outside of school, such as joining a sports team, trying a new hobby, or volunteering
Step 7. Choose a positive social environment to attract the right people
Remember, you'll only be able to meet positive people if you spend time in a positive environment, such as a charity organization, after-school extracurricular activity, or a recreational group. Hang out with people whose characteristics match your life values, such as honesty and kindness.
- Try browsing the meetup.com site to join a local organization or club.
- If you're still in school, try joining an extracurricular organization or group that aligns with your interests, or that benefits the local community.
