Trust is an important aspect of building and maintaining meaningful relationships. Trusting someone can mean telling someone an important secret or knowing that someone will be there on time to fulfill a promise. The amount of trust can vary, but the thing is, you must be able to trust others.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Building Trust
Step 1. Trust others
Sometimes it's hard to make time for other people, but it's easier to build a relationship based on trust if you take the first step. Start doing small things, for example by sharing personal experiences, telling small problems, or asking someone to meet. If this person is being rude or evasive, find someone else. However, if someone is kind or sympathetic to you, take this opportunity to start a relationship of trust by sharing stories or accepting invitations to meet.
Step 2. Build trust over time
Trust is not a light that can be turned on or off all the time, but needs to be developed over the course of a relationship. Start trusting others through the little things, for example by keeping appointments on time or helping deliver goods. After that, you can trust the other person by telling a big secret.
Don't judge someone at the first meeting
Step 3. Build trust in others little by little
You must trust others in order to share your secrets, fears, and anxieties. You will find it easier to share your feelings with someone the more you trust them. Build trust in the other person little by little while watching how he responds to you before committing to complete trust. Ask yourself the following questions when sharing your experience with someone:
- Is he interested in what I have to say? Trust can grow through caring for one another.
- Does he want to talk about himself too? Trust can be formed through a give and take attitude that will provide a sense of comfort for both parties who are sharing.
- Is he belittling, looking down on, or indifferent to my anxieties and problems? Trust requires mutual respect.
Step 4. Adjust the amount of trust you give to certain people
The "size" of trust cannot be measured by certain benchmarks. There are people you trust quite a bit, such as a coworker or new acquaintance, but there are people you really trust. Instead of forming two groups, “trustworthy” and “untrustworthy”, look at trust as a spectrum.
Step 5. Observe a person's actions and behavior, not their words
Promises are easy to say, but hard to keep. Watch a person's actions to determine if he can be trusted, not just based on his words. If you ask someone for help, don't judge them until they are done. You can objectively determine whether someone is worthy of your trust by observing their actions, not their words. In addition, you can also build trust based on facts.
Step 6. Be trustworthy in return
In order to trust others, you must be trustworthy yourself. If you keep breaking promises, divulging other people's secrets, or showing up late, other people will do the same to you. Think about the needs of others too. Provide help, guidance, and listen to what they have to say so you can build a relationship of trust.
- Don't tell someone else's secrets unless they need help. For example, your friend who is depressed tells you that he or she is suicidal, but you should tell a counselor or mental health professional about this, even if they ask you to keep it a secret.
- Keep the promise and do not cancel the plans that you have set with other people.
- Be honest, even in difficult situations.
Step 7. Remember that no one is perfect
Unfortunately, there are always people who make mistakes, such as forgetting to meet appointments, divulging other people's secrets, or being selfish. Over time, everyone will fail if you always hope that they should be worthy of trust. Trusting someone can mean looking at someone's faults from a wiser perspective.
People who keep making the same mistakes or don't want to apologize for causing trouble are people who don't deserve to be trusted
Step 8. Believe in yourself
Listen to your heart telling you that someone is worthy of trust. In addition to making it easier to trust others, believing in yourself makes it easier for you to forgive those who broke your trust. Realizing that you are a calm and happy person sets you up for the risks that may arise from trusting others.
Part 2 of 3: Finding People Worth Trusting
Step 1. Know that trustworthy people are always reliable and come on time
Someone you can trust will certainly value your time and opinion. He also does not put his own interests first. People who show up late to meet, date, or hang out with you are showing that they can't be trusted.
Apply this principle wisely because everyone can be late from time to time. The issue that I want to emphasize here is more on people who are always late or cancel their appointments
Step 2. Know that trustworthy people will do what they say
Often, there is a big difference between a person's words and actions, but people who are worthy of trust will do what they say. Trusting someone means knowing that he will do what he has promised. A person is said to be trustworthy because:
- Fulfill a promise.
- Complete work, chores at home, or deliver goods according to commitments.
- Implement the plans made together.
Step 3. Recognize that trustworthy people don't like to lie
Liars are the most difficult people to deal with in everyday life because you never know what they are thinking. A person who is caught lying, even if it is only a small lie, is definitely not worthy of trust. Pay attention to people who are overreacting or lying to cover things up because these kinds of habits make them untrustworthy.
- Liars usually appear restless, avoid eye contact, and often change details when telling stories.
- This includes “covering the truth” by hiding information from you so as not to cause tension or anger.
Step 4. Know that trustworthy people will trust you too
Friends you trust will usually trust you too. They understand that trust is reciprocal and you have to be willing to share stories if you want others to tell you. A person who trusts you shows that he values your friendship and opinion so he will try to maintain a good relationship with you.
Step 5. Pay attention to the way people talk about other people
Someone who is always telling you other people's secrets, for example, "Benny actually forbids me to tell you this, but…" will probably do the same with yours. The way a person acts in front of you shows his behavior when he is not with you. If you think that other people shouldn't believe him, you probably shouldn't believe him either.
Part 3 of 3: Restoring Trust After Experiencing Trauma
Step 1. Recognize that it's normal to experience a crisis of trust after experiencing trauma
After experiencing adversity, many people become defensive and find it difficult to trust others. This is a survival instinct because trusting others tends to create a vulnerability to suffering later on. Therefore, refusing to trust others can protect you from pain. Don't beat yourself up for having a crisis of trust. Try to accept the suffering you are going through and leave the past behind.
Step 2. Remember that one person's actions do not reflect everyone's actions
In this world, there are always negative, evil, and untrustworthy people. However, there are also many good and trustworthy people. So don't let a bad experience with someone keep you from trusting others again. Remind yourself that there are still good people around you.
Step 3. Don't judge other people
When we feel hurt, angry, or disappointed, we usually get emotional and make the situation worse. Before deciding that you no longer want to trust anyone, ask some rational questions:
- What facts do I know about this incident?
- What guesses or assumptions do I make about this person?
- How do I respond to this problem? Am I worthy of trust?
Step 4. Recognize that people remember betrayals more easily than positive interactions
Based on research conducted by Cornell University, our brains are already formed so that it is easier to remember betrayals than good memories, even if only minor betrayals. Try to remember positive interactions you've had with someone while building trust. This will become a pleasant memory that you can recall quickly.
Step 5. Find a sincere and deep apology
Everyone can make mistakes, including people you think you can trust. The most important thing after an argument or incident is how someone responds. A quick or brief apology usually shows that the person is not truly sorry for what they did. Usually, he just wants you not to be angry. A sincere apology is made without you asking when someone looks at you and apologizes. This is the first step to restoring trust again.
Apologize for your mistake at the right time
Step 6. Adjust your expectations
Someone you don't trust anymore isn't someone you can't trust. Instead of going back from scratch, try to trust someone starting with small things that are easier to do. You don't have to trust a friend who divulges your secrets to someone else, but that doesn't mean you no longer see, work with, or chat with them.
Step 7. Recognize that you may no longer have full trust in the person who hurt you
Unfortunately, while you can rebuild trust in someone, the wounds are sometimes too deep to forgive. Don't feel guilty if you have to cut ties with someone who has proven to be untrustworthy. Don't let this person hurt or hurt you again.
Step 8. Make an appointment to consult with a counselor if there are still major problems that bother you
Severe trauma usually has a long-lasting impact on the brain. Therefore, consider whether you need to see a mental health professional because you still can't trust other people. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a symptom of an inability to trust others. In addition to seeing a therapist, you can join a support group in your area.
Remember that you are not alone with this problem. There are others who are struggling with trauma just like you
Tips
- Be patient and stay optimistic that people will do the same to you.
- People can be rude or even mean, but don't forget that they can be good people too.
- Trusting someone is always risky, but it's worth it.
