Everyone longs for love. In addition, everyone also wants to feel the experience of loving and being loved. Although some people think love is something that is felt naturally and without coercion, the nature of love itself is difficult to define with certainty. If you want to truly love someone, you must first understand the true nature of love and how to define it. Even though people think the feeling of love is very important, you'd be surprised how many people ignore the true meaning of love.
Part 1 of 3: Feeling Love
Step 1. Consider whether that person deserves your love or not
Love requires significant emotional involvement. We don't always get to choose who we love, but there's nothing wrong with researching your relationship with that person and thinking about how loving them can affect you. This step may sound like a warning, but it is actually a positive step towards loving someone. If feelings of love are getting you into trouble, considering them logically can be a positive way to move forward.
Refusing to be realistic about your feelings can be a sign that what you're feeling is just an obsession. So, beware
Step 2. Be prepared for the possibility of being hurt
Love is not always tinged with beauty, there is a potential risk that those feelings may turn against you. This fear can evoke a defense mechanism because we want to protect ourselves from the possibility of loving someone. However, if you want to love someone fully, you have to work through these doubts and realize that despite all the risks involved, love is worth fighting for.
Conversation with yourself can be a way to get past this fear. Whenever you have doubts, don't be afraid to tell yourself out loud: "Love is worth the risk of being hurt." Living in fear is itself a form of suffering. If you can train yourself to let go of that fear, you'll feel much better in the long run
Step 3. Feel love like something you are addicted to
You may have heard of a metaphor that compares love to drugs, but if you look at the chemical reactions that occur in the brain, the metaphor can be justified. When you love someone, you become addicted to their presence. If you focus on the good things about someone, you will grow inside of you a greater desire to see them again.
- The love you're addicted to will manifest in a deep longing for that person when you're not with them.
- Don't always be around other people in a possessive and unhealthy way.
Step 4. Celebrate the success of loved ones without envy
Sometimes hearing news about a friend who has achieved great success can cause envy. That feeling is understandable, especially if you feel dissatisfied with your current life situation. This is also often the case when it comes to love. If you truly love someone, you will be happy with their happiness, and will not let jealousy affect them.
Step 5. Love yourself
While how you feel about yourself may not have anything to do with how you view someone you love, it's undeniable that if you don't feel secure and confident in yourself, you won't be able to give yourself completely to someone. Loving yourself means realizing the good qualities in yourself, and acknowledging that those qualities define who you are as a person. The experience of loving yourself is nothing compared to loving someone else, but it is a strong step in the right direction.
Part 2 of 3: Expressing Love Through Action
Step 1. Express love in words
You could say showing love through the expression of words is the most tangible way. You can start with a simple sentence like "I love you" or a longer, more complex statement about all the things you admire in the person you love. This applies to love in friendship or love in a romantic sense.
Often times, saying "I love you" can say more than any other statement because we put so much emphasis on these three words
Step 2. Take advantage of physical touch
Touch can be used to bring about a variety of positive effects. Although the benefits will be felt in a romantic relationship, feelings of love can be expressed in all types of love. Depending on the type of relationship you have with someone you love, physical affection occurs naturally and can be reciprocal. Physical touch feels good, and helps to evoke feelings of comfort between the two of you.
- Kisses and intimate hugs are best used to show romantic love.
- A handshake or hug can indicate platonic love.
Step 3. Get in the habit of giving gifts
Giving gifts can be a powerful way to express love to someone. It is undeniable that words can always be relied on to express love, but gifts are concrete evidence of your affection. An important aspect to note is the genuine feeling behind the gift. The type of gift you want to give depends on the kind of love you want to express:
- Flowers are most often chosen as romantic gifts for lovers.
- Less symbolic gifts, such as concert tickets, can be given to friends or family.
Step 4. Spend some quality time with him
Give him your full attention while you are together. Try to get rid of anything that could distract you from it. Avoid using cell phones or electronic devices to make her feel special.
- Try to listen actively as he talks by keeping your eyes on him and processing his speech. Don't cut him off.
- Play games together or go on a date where you've never been before for fun.
Step 5. Provide assistance
Sometimes, cleaning and tidying the house can show you care and love for him. Even if you're not used to it, try to make time to do things she doesn't like. He will certainly appreciate it.
For example, if he's very busy and doesn't have time to do the dishes, consider helping him do it
Step 6. Try to keep your feelings of love lasting
When a person first begins to love another person, he or she rarely thinks about the long-term effects. It may seem amazing to love someone at first, but the greatest rewards come from the perseverance and hard work of both parties. After successfully having a strong relationship, do not be complacent. Your work doesn't stop there. Whether you have to repeat the same steps or find new ways, making love last is very important. If love is seen as something short-lived, you will not be able to feel the power of love as it should.
Every now and then, prioritize his needs over yours to maintain love
Part 3 of 3: Understanding Love
Step 1. Define what love is
First of all, it is important to find the answer based on the generally agreed definition of love. Love can flexibly be described as a very strong feeling of affection for something or someone. Please keep in mind that everyone's answers will vary. Most likely you have your own definition of love. Try to put your own definition of love into words.
- Love is something you feel, so focusing on art and music can allow you to experience someone's interpretation of love firsthand. The Beatles' songs could be an option worth considering for this purpose. However, every era and style of music has always had a song about love.
- Writers and philosophers have given many different interpretations of love. If in doubt with your own definition, it never hurts to read their opinion as a reference.
Step 2. Consider the different types of love
You can find love in the positive feelings that usually accompany all kinds of human relationships. Think of all the types of bonding that can occur when you relate to other people. Most bonds have the potential to cultivate a certain kind of love. The love you feel for your parents or children is different from the love you feel for your lover. It is first important to consider these different types of love, and how they should be felt. Although the categories can be endless, the ancient Greek philosophers classified love into four general categories:
- Eros symbolizes romantic love. You could say this is the type of love that first crosses the mind of everyone when the term love is thrown.
- Storge symbolizes love for family and relatives.
- Philia became a symbol of friendly love, also known as “platonic love”.
- Agape is the Greek term for “divine love” which relates to spiritual things.
- Love can also be used to describe affection for an object or concept. For example, a person may love his car, or his country.
Step 3. Distinguish between love and obsession
It's easy to think of casual attraction as true love. However, often this attraction is just an obsession that does not last long. Confusion of obsession as love can confuse the value of love from the term love itself because obsession often creates confusion between love and mere physical attraction.
We often hear about love at first sight, but actually true love develops gradually
Step 4. Be realistic about love
When talking about love, actually love is idealistic. But that doesn't mean love can't be a part of real life, it's just that you have to be realistic about defining what you think is love. Love can feel magical, but don't think love is a fairy tale or something perfect. You can love someone and keep fighting with them or dislike some things about them. In the end, loving someone means valuing the positive qualities in them instead of focusing on the negative qualities. Many people are tempted to idealize the idea of love, but in real life almost everyone has the opportunity to feel love.
Being realistic should not be confused with boredom or cynicism. Pessimism can confuse our objectivity in judging love. Just because love isn't always embellished with flowers, doesn't mean it shouldn't be shown as it really is. Accept the good as well as the bad
Step 5. Ask yourself if you've ever been in love before
How do you know for sure that you've been in love before? Love basically has no real form so there is no one sure way to know. Instead, use your own personal definition of love and see if it fits every relationship (romantic or not) you've been in. It might help if you group every love you feel, whether it's into platonic, romantic, familial and so on. If you know for sure that you've been in love before, loving someone should be easier.
- If you're not sure if you've ever loved someone before, it's possible that your definition of love is too idealistic and perfect.
- On the other hand, if you believe that you've never loved someone before, the process of learning to love will require you to focus your attention on detecting new feelings that you've never felt before, or at least being aware of positive emotions that are stronger than what you're used to.