Many of us are easy to judge others without realizing this habit. You may feel comfortable assuming that you know everything, for example you know how everyone should look, think, and behave. However, keep in mind that being judgmental can be a barrier when it comes to getting to know new friends or doing new things. The good news is, you can break this habit by changing your mindset, broadening your horizons, and having an open mind.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Changing Your Mindset
Step 1. Get in the habit of positive thinking
Negative thought patterns will trigger judgmental thoughts. Instead of looking at the negative side, try to understand the positive in any situation. Challenge negative thoughts when you realize you are thinking negatively and then try to turn them into positive thoughts.
- Even if you're trying to be a positive person, stay realistic. You don't need to ignore negative things while going about your daily life because all you have to do is control your mind so you don't focus on only negative things.
- It's normal to experience disappointment. Forgive yourself when you feel sad and think negatively.
- Many aspects of life will improve if you are able to be positive!
Step 2. Separate a person's actions from his personality
Occasionally, you may see other people doing very bad things, such as stealing money or breaking the line. Even if his actions were wrong, don't judge others based on just one action he did. Maybe he has positive qualities that you didn't know about.
Consider the possibility that the action is caused by a condition you don't know about. For example, maybe he stole money because he hasn't eaten in 2 days
Step 3. Recognize when you start to judge
Break the habit of judging others by identifying what you are thinking about the other person and when these thoughts occur. Once you realize you're criticizing someone, ask yourself how this thought can benefit you and that person. After that, give praise instead of criticizing.
For example, you may find yourself thinking, "That woman needs to lose weight." Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself why you interfere in other people's private affairs and then saying something fun you see, for example, "Your smile is so adorable!"
Step 4. Try to understand the other person's perspective
Everyone is a unique person with different talents, skills, personalities, and life experiences. In addition, they are shaped by the upbringing pattern they received, the treatment they received, and the living conditions of each. When you want to get to know someone, imagine that you are in a similar situation. Even if you don't make the same decisions, accept the fact that he has the right to make his own decisions.
For example, a person you consider to be very spoiled may have been raised by unsupportive parents. Another example, people who you think are not educated enough may prefer to make money to support their families
Step 5. Look for common ground with other people
When you realize that you're being tempted to judge someone from a different background, look for similarities between the two of you, not differences. Everyone has something in common because we are all human! This will enable you to think positively about other people, instead of negative judgmental thoughts.
In a relaxed manner, discuss several topics until you find a topic that is interesting and can be discussed together. This makes you aware of the similarities between the two of you and not focus on the differences
Step 6. Be grateful for what you have
Appreciate the good things in your life, especially the people who have helped you so that you can achieve what you are today. Be grateful that you have friends, family, good health, opportunities, relationships, and be grateful for the life experiences you grew up with. Accept the fact that everyone has the goodness you have. So you're being unfair if you judge others for living a different life.
Breathe deeply if you are tempted to say negative things about other people. Instead, wish him a happy life
Step 7. Show compassion to others
Being compassionate is the opposite of being judgmental. Instead of judging and thinking bad things about the other person, show empathy for him and try to imagine what he is thinking or feeling. Letting go of negative thoughts about other people and wishing them the best is not easy, but this change is possible. Think of ways to help the other person by giving them what they need, instead of expecting bad things to happen to them.
Compassion is an important aspect of achieving happiness. If you want to be a compassionate person, cultivate positive emotions towards others and yourself
Method 2 of 3: Expanding Insights
Step 1. Cultivate curiosity
Curiosity is a great tool for overcoming judgmental attitudes. If you're used to thinking judgmental things about others, cultivate curiosity about something you don't understand. Try to find other aspects, instead of just focusing on what you think is wrong or different.
For example, you might notice someone interrupting the line while ordering lunch. Instead of treating him as rude, consider whether he's in a hurry because he has an appointment or he's sick
Step 2. Leave your comfort zone
Try to find new experiences that are different from what you are used to. At first, this may seem daunting, but it can also be a lot of fun! Invite some friends to do new things with you. Do the following ways to leave your comfort zone:
- Use a different means of transportation to get to work.
- Cook new recipes you've never tasted.
- Watch foreign language films.
- Visit places of worship that are different from your beliefs.
- Do things that trigger fear or discomfort, such as standing on the roof of a tall building, climbing a mountain, or eating raw fish.
Step 3. Join different communities
Open up your horizons by setting aside time to hang out with people from different backgrounds. Make friends with people of different races, cultures, religions, interests, castes, opinions, hobbies, occupations, or other aspects. Togetherness colored by different backgrounds and perspectives helps you understand the various ideas conveyed by anyone.
- You don't have to make friends all over the world, but try to get to know people from vastly different backgrounds so you can develop yourself through this experience.
- You'll understand other people better and have a broader perspective if you make friends with people who don't seem like you have anything in common.
- If your friend invites you, let them know that you'd like to accept the invitation, for example, "It's great to hear that your family came from Japan to live here. I'm very interested in learning about Japanese culture. If I may, I'd like to get to know your family."
Step 4. Attend events you are not interested in
Challenge yourself by attending and participating in activities that you have long considered boring, low quality, or useless. Use this opportunity to learn new things! In this activity, you will meet people from different backgrounds, understand different perspectives, and engage in insightful activities.
- For example, attend a poetry reading, take a salsa dance class, or join a political safari.
- Open up a conversation with the people who were there and get acquainted. If you want to judge them, imagine how you would feel if you were judged, especially because you were being a stranger to them.
Step 5. Travel as often as possible
Travel is beneficial to broaden your horizons and see the lives of other people around the world. If funds are limited, you can travel out of town or have a weekend in another province. Take this opportunity to understand that you are free to choose how to live your life and no one can determine what is the right word or action.
- When traveling, stay in hostels to save money.
- Plan a trip at least once a year so you can leave your comfort zone and interact with people from different backgrounds.
- Enjoy the ride from the seat. Read a book about traveling to faraway places while imagining you are there. Then, watch a film made in that location.
Step 6. Spend a full day with your family and friends
This step gives you new insight after seeing other families live their daily lives in a different way. Even though many of the activities are the same, there is still something different and this is natural!
Ask a friend if you can attend a special event, such as a cultural activity or religious ceremony. Don't push if he doesn't agree
Step 7. Learn something from everyone you meet
Everyone you meet is valuable in your life because they come with experiences you can learn from. Ask yourself what they taught you, perhaps new knowledge, skills, or understanding of yourself.
- For example, someone from a different culture is able to share knowledge about their daily habits. Similarly, when you meet someone with artistic talent, they can help you learn new skills.
- Do selfless kindness and share the knowledge you have. Be the first to open up and share.
Step 8. Ask as many questions as possible
This will allow you to better understand the other person and their point of view. In addition, you will have the opportunity to understand the different backgrounds, cultures and ways of life of other people.
- If you want to get to know someone for who they are, try to understand their background and perspective. For example, you could ask if he has brothers or sisters, his country/region, his education, his job, or his favorite weekend activities.
- Don't force him to answer questions. Maybe he'll open up if you show an interest in his life experiences.
Method 3 of 3: Have an Open Mind
Step 1. Quit the addiction to be a person who is always right
Everyone has their own ideas about how to live life and often, these ideas clash. Whether you behave as an educated educated person or not, your beliefs determine your perspective. This also applies to other people. So, accept reality if they don't agree with you.
- If you get into an argument, remember that the other person may have a valid opinion.
- Explain your perspective without wanting to change the other person's point of view.
- Remember that situations often get complicated and it is impossible to determine what is "right" and "wrong" because there are always things that are not understood.
Step 2. Determine your opinion
Ignore the gossip and negative information you hear about other people, cultures, etc. Challenge assumptions before making decisions about a person or group of people. Don't be swayed by misinformation.
- Remember that someone spreads gossip or negative opinions with a specific motive. For example, a person may tell his friend bad about being jealous or share his concern about a foreign concept because he is afraid.
- If you've been gossiped about, ask yourself would you like to be judged based on gossip?
Step 3. Don't judge others based on their appearance
While it's true that a person's clothes reflect who they are, don't assume you can tell everything about a person by their appearance. Remember that everyone is different and has a different lifestyle.
- For example, don't assume someone is incapable of working professionally because they are covered in tattoos and piercings.
- Before traveling, pay attention to how you look in the mirror. What do other people think of you based on your appearance? How to determine whether their opinion is right or wrong?
Step 4. Stop labeling other people
Instead of revealing the truth about a person, labels limit your perspective. Try to understand each person as an individual. Don't jump to conclusions about other people based on their appearance or community. Make sure you have the correct complete information about the person.
Don't label other people lazy, weird, stupid, etc
Step 5. Don't judge others
Give the other person a chance to tell you who he really is, instead of assuming you know everything. Don't give the impression that you are easy to judge others because you only know very little information. Your perception will change when you get to know him more closely.
- Accept other people as they are.
- Is it fair for someone to judge you after talking to you for 5 minutes? How much did he know about you in such a short time?
Step 6. Give the other person a second chance
Don't make negative assumptions about other people even if they are negative towards you. Maybe you have wronged him too. Don't jump to conclusions about other people and control negative thoughts.
Maybe he was upset when you met him. It's the same with shy people who seem introverted or arrogant
Step 7. Don't gossip about other people
Gossip breeds resentment and makes people judge someone without knowing the truth. Also, if you're a known gossiper, your friends will come to you to talk about other people, but they won't believe you.
If you start saying negative things about someone, try to stop them by saying positive things. Instead of saying, "Did you know Ani dated Jason last night?" you'd better say, "Ani is a talented painter. Have you seen her paintings?" Imagine how nice it would be if you spread the good news
Tips
Remember that everyone is different. This makes life more enjoyable
Warning
- Focus on your own life. Don't dictate to others.
- Judgmental attitude of others makes his feelings hurt. You will also be hurt.
