When one of the partners has an affair, then choosing between continuing the old relationship or continuing the affair will be a difficult thing to do. In most cases, ending a relationship is a complicated process that requires a lot of emotional strength and caring. You can learn how to end an affair and start the diversion process with the right guidance, whether you or your cheating partner.
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Part 1 of 3: End Your Affair
Step 1. Assess both relationships discreetly
If you are also dating someone else, then you may feel confused and sad. It seems that the trust of your partner has been broken, but on the other hand you also have to consider the feelings of the other party. Every relationship is different, and you should be able to evaluate both relationships separately before planning an action.
- Consider whether you should tell your partner or mistress first. It's usually best if you tell your partner in advance. Does your mistress already know that you are in a committed relationship? If you promise to divorce for the sake of a new partner, or commit to both, then you need to be more careful in handling your infidelity. However, if you want to maintain a relationship with your regular partner, then you must cut off all ties with your mistress. Trying to "just be friends" will be very dangerous and an obstacle to the healing of your primary relationship.
- In any case, should you get all the parties together and try to strike a deal? This situation had to be avoided though if either of them wanted to do so.
Step 2. Decide if you want to stay with your old partner
If you are planning to end your relationship with your mistress, you should also determine whether you want to stay with your old partner, and how you will handle the affair together. You have to remember that only about 10% of infidelity relationships can continue until marriage and usually this marriage will not last long.
- If you want to stay together, you have to decide how much to tell your partner about your infidelity. If you feel very guilty and think that confessing will reduce the guilt, then make the confession as soon as possible. If you are sure that this will not happen again, consider not sharing your affair with your partner.
- Why do you feel the need for a new relationship? Is this just a momentary lapse of commitment, or are you feeling dissatisfied with your relationship? Would you feel happier by breaking your relationship permanently? The decision to continue the relationship or not depends not only on your partner.
Step 3. End your cheating relationship the same way you would end a regular relationship
Just because an extramarital affair may be different from a regular relationship, this doesn't mean that you don't owe him honor. If you decide to end it, do so respectfully, honestly and directly.
If your mistress finds out that you're in another relationship, she'll be very upset about being "not chosen," even if you don't see her in this way. If you want to end your relationship with your mistress, discuss in terms of what is keeping this relationship from working, not about your relationship or marriage
Step 4. Do not leave the door open
Don't look for an easy way to get out of a relationship by leaving the door open and hoping to get back together again. Don't try or suggest that you "may come back" if your relationship isn't going well or you'll see what happens next. If a relationship has ended and deserves to be ended, then end it forever.
If you ended a relationship just because you were caught cheating, think about the health of your relationship. If you commit the affair without feeling guilty, it may be best for you to end both relationships
Step 5. Do a venereal disease check
If you have sex with two different people at the same time, you should get tested for venereal disease immediately. Check for the safety of you and your partner.
If you are not practicing a safe sex life in an affair, then you should tell your partner. Even if you don't have symptoms of a venereal disease, you may have passed it on to your partner. You should tell your partner for their safety
Step 6. Delete photos and online correspondence
Even if you're about to confess, make sure your partner doesn't find any nasty photos, emails, or conversations between you and your boyfriend on other social networks. Things like this will be an obstacle for you to improve your relationship.
Part 2 of 3: Talk to Your Partner
Step 1. Decide if you should admit your infidelity
While much of the relationship literature recommends admitting all infidelity, others feel that the decision depends on your partner's circumstances, your commitment to your partner, and a variety of other unique factors and the relationship itself.
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If you're fighting for your relationship, acknowledgment will help build the foundation of your commitment, rebuild the trust you had before, or end your relationship. After all, you will move on from a troubled relationship.
Stop an Affair Step 7 - Your confession will be very painful for your regular partner if your relationship has been fine and you have an affair because of certain situations. If you have decided not to do it again, end the affair, choose the safe path, and commit to your partner.
- If you are married, most people agree to tell your partner and try to improve the relationship together, but there are many factors to consider in this decision.
Step 2. Make a simple confession
You don't have to come up with excuses if you're planning on making a confession. Just say, "There's no easy way to talk about this, but I want you to know that I'm having an affair. All this is over, I feel very guilty and want to rebuild our relationship like it used to be if you are willing to accept me back."
Do not exaggerate. You don't have to explain everything in a confession of infidelity. Your partner doesn't want to know what you're doing with other people, but you should tell him or her to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases
Step 3. Discuss your relationship and not your infidelity
What matters in an affair is not what you have done with the other person, but what made you cheat. If you want to move on with your relationship, the most important thing is to discuss your real relationship, not the side relationship that has occurred. Focus on the future.
- In general, your partner will be very angry and hurt, but he will also be curious about your partner. Have a conversation that focuses on your own relationship, not on past relationships. If this is not possible, then end both relationships.
- Don't make excuses for your actions. You don't have to come up with false excuses and string together reasons why you're doing it. Respect your partner by telling the truth so you can find a way to move on in this relationship.
Step 4. Pay attention to and avoid things that can trigger your partner to reminisce about your affair
For example, avoid passing by a restaurant where you've had dinner with your cheating partner. These things can cause your partner to feel the pain of your affair again, and make him or her feel very sad or angry. If your affair has occurred at home, consider taking symbolic steps like removing or changing the bed or dining table you shared with your cheating partner.
Step 5. Give your partner time to think
It's hard to know how we should react when someone tells you that you have been betrayed. You have to give your partner some space, don't force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to, give him time to think.
- If you live with your partner, find another place to stay for a few days. Give your partner time to think quietly. Or conversely, if your partner might want to leave, then let him or her go.
- Don't force the problem. If your partner doesn't want to talk about it, then you can't force it. Sometimes we need a lot of time to know what we really feel.
Step 6. Consider couples therapy
In general, couples who have experienced infidelity will tell others about the situation. Couples therapy is a great way to get a fresh perspective on relationship dynamics, especially if you're in a long-term relationship that's getting worse. If you want to save this relationship, seek help.
Step 7. Avoid ultimatums
The road to healing will take a bit of a process, but making an ultimatum is a quick way to make the relationship manipulative and unhealthy. Just because you've been having an affair doesn't mean you have to agree to a series of complicated ultimatums to make your partner happy.
Some couples think that giving a betrayed person a “free card” for cheating on them once is a quick fix. However, this will usually make matters worse and now you will be dealing with two injured people. This method will not be able to repair the relationship
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Your Spouse's Cheating
Step 1. Behave in a way that makes you proud
If you find out that your partner is cheating on you, stay calm and take a deep breath. Raising the problem, creating new problems and panicking will not make the situation any better. When all has started to subside, you still have to face various problems. Try to give yourself time even if you are feeling depressed and sick to find out the truth.
Avoid the Jerry Springer scenario. You don't have to use hidden cameras or public humiliation to deal with your partner's mistress. You are not on television. Keep your dignity
Step 2. Talk to your partner calmly
If you suspect that your partner is cheating on you and want to confirm it, or if you are certain and want them to end it and stay focused on your relationship, then you should deal with him in a calm manner. Your partner is more likely to tell the truth if you are calm.
If you start yelling, your partner will probably come up with another lie to calm you down and divert the conversation as quickly as possible. If you want to know the truth, do it calmly
Step 3. Decide if you want to end the relationship
It is very difficult to rebuild trust in an affair and sometimes all the effort you put in will not be worth it. Determine if you are willing to re-commit to the relationship and try to heal when the affair is over.
If your partner doesn't want to end the affair or is hesitant, then you should end it
Step 4. Give yourself time
Your initial instincts may come as a surprise. You may experience anger, depression, and all kinds of emotions all at once. You may even feel liberated when you end a struggling relationship. Whatever you're going through, try to give yourself time to process it all. Ask your partner to leave if you two live together, or give yourself a little time to rethink the relationship. Don't make hasty decisions.
Tips
- Forgiveness is an important part of forgetting the past after an affair, be it for you or your partner. In both cases, you must forgive yourself and your partner. Don't blame each other in fixing the real cause behind the affair.
- In the case of extramarital affairs, the marriage consultant can restore both partners after the affair ends. Those who are not married can visit a couples consultant for the same purpose.
