Conflict with a partner is common in domestic life. Even though you and your partner love each other, disagreements are hard to avoid. Fighting every now and then doesn't mean the marriage is in trouble because a lasting relationship is greatly influenced by how you both compromise when you disagree. The good news is that anyone can learn how to effectively resolve conflict. Solve problems with your partner by communicating openly, being polite when fighting, and applying various tips to keep the two of you from fighting.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Communicating Well
Step 1. Find the right time to discuss
Talk to your partner when you are both relaxed and able to focus. Don't bring up the problem if you, your partner, or both of you are busy, tired, or hungry.
For example, if your new partner arrives home after work, let him or her take a break before discussing issues that are weighing on his mind
Step 2. Sit facing each other
Before discussing, sit quietly, instead of pacing around the room. Make eye contact when talking to your partner.
Making eye contact is a way of showing your partner that you hear and care about what they are saying. In addition, eye contact makes the two of you closer
Step 3. Discuss the causes of the conflict
Tell your partner what's weighing on your mind calmly and clearly, instead of rambling on. Try to figure out what's causing the problem if the two of you are fighting over a trivial issue.
For example, say to your partner, "I hope you will clean up the kitchen every time you finish cooking. If you leave it messy, I feel like you are underestimating my efforts to keep the kitchen clean."
Step 4. Don't designate a partner
Make sure you don't blame your partner because he or she will feel offended and the discussion will turn into a big fight. Instead, express what is weighing on your mind and feeling.
- Avoid saying "always" or "never" when discussing with your partner.
- For example, you could say, "I feel ignored when you work late without telling me," instead of "You never tell me when you want to work overtime."
Step 5. Listen actively to what he is saying
Make sure you listen to the explanation with an open mind. Pay attention to his body language and words and then paraphrase so that you understand what he is saying.
For example, if he says, "Sometimes I want to have some privacy," repeat the sentence in your own words, for example, "You mean, do you feel comfortable relaxing alone?"
Step 6. Try to compromise
Invite your partner to discuss to find the best solution for both of you. If an agreement is not reached, apply the solutions that each wants in turn.
- For example, if he prefers to machine wash the dishes, but you're used to washing the dishes by hand, alternate one method once a week.
- By compromising, he gets what he wants, but other times, your desires are fulfilled.
Method 2 of 3: Respect Your Spouse During a Fight
Step 1. Control your emotions
When fighting, don't raise your voice, swear, or speak in a sarcastic tone. Discussion will be hampered and useless if you are rude to your partner. If emotions start to run high, calm yourself down by saying goodbye before continuing the conversation.
If you're so angry that you can't have a rational discussion, it's a good idea to take a break somewhere else and take some deep breaths or take a leisurely walk in the park to cool off
Step 2. Focus the discussion on the issue being discussed
Don't talk about things that have nothing to do with you or spark a grudge. Let past events belong to the past. If you have forgiven your partner, don't bring up their mistakes as a weapon during a fight.
For example, if you're arguing about a schedule for washing dishes, don't discuss differences of opinion when choosing a school for your child
Step 3. Don't mock your partner
Make sure you maintain good manners when fighting with your partner. Avoid words that are mocking or demeaning to others. If you're so upset that you want to speak harshly, it's a good idea to say goodbye to calm down.
- For example, if your husband makes a rash decision, don't call him "stupid" or "stupid." Even if you think he deserves it, communication will be hampered, making the conflict even more difficult to resolve.
- Ask him to explain his perspective so you can understand the reasons behind his decision. Then, calmly discuss the issues that sparked the conflict and the opinions of both parties.
Step 4. Don't jump to conclusions
Give your partner a chance to talk. Don't tell him to shut up or think badly. Understand what he's saying before responding.
- For example, ask for an explanation when he says he wants to be alone, instead of assuming that he wants a divorce. Maybe he just wanted to be given the freedom to think calmly.
- Tell your partner if something is weighing on your mind. Do not be busy thinking about his actions or words that are not necessarily wrong.
Method 3 of 3: Preventing Conflict
Step 1. Don't criticize your partner for trivial things
Distinguish between issues that need to be discussed and minor issues that can be ignored. If the behavior is annoying, but doesn't harm anyone, consider whether or not you should complain about it.
For example, if your husband is used to moving the sofa cushions to another place every time he comes home from work, don't question his actions. Returning the pillow to its original place is much easier than fighting
Step 2. Appreciate your partner
Focus on the good in your partner and don't hesitate to compliment them sincerely once in a while. Say thank you when he does something nice for you.
For example, say to him, "Yesterday I came home late from work, you have already prepared dinner. Thank you for the delicious food and I can rest right away."
Step 3. Forgive your partner if he or she is guilty
Everyone can make mistakes because nobody is perfect. This applies to you and your partner. If you object to someone bringing up something you've done wrong, don't worry if your partner sprains their tongue while talking to you.
Step 4. Enjoy quality time with your partner
Don't let the ark of the household make you forget the reason you married him. Set aside time to travel together, try new things, and have fun together. Choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as taking a leisurely walk in the park while breathing fresh air or doing the same hobby activity.
Step 5. Stay away from people who want to rule your home life
Ignore friends or family members who give you advice or influence you in a bad way. If someone is interfering in your household affairs, tell them politely and firmly that your marriage is a private matter.
Step 6. Don't try to be a winner in a fight
Choose a happy life, instead of being right. Even if you believe you are right, wanting to beat your partner makes the conflict worse. It's best if you give in if the fight is over something trivial or you're really at fault.
