Any form of rejection, whether it's love, career, friendship, book submission, or whatever, isn't something that should affect your happiness. Rejection is unpleasant and sometimes feels unexpected. However, rejection shouldn't take away the happiness in your life. The reality of life is that rejection will become a part of life itself. There are times when a job application, a date, or the idea of making a change will be rejected by someone, somewhere. Accepting rejection as a part of life and acknowledging that the most important thing is finding a way to get up and try again is healthy behavior.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Overcoming the Consequences of Rejection
Step 1. Go through disappointing times
You will feel disappointed because of a rejection, for example because your script was rejected, your idea was rejected at work, or rejected by a potential romantic lover. You have every right to be disappointed about that. In fact, giving yourself a chance to feel disappointed is a healthy behavior.
Just make sure you don't overdo it and spend a few days at home lamenting your disappointment. This will only make you feel worse in the long run
Tip:
Take a few moments to feel the rejection. For example: if you can take time off work, do it. Or if you're planning on going out for a night, it's better not to do it and stay home while watching a movie. Go for a walk after receiving a disappointing rejection letter, or indulge in some chocolate cake.
Step 2. Talk to a trusted friend
Now is not the time for you to be free to scream the pain of rejection from the roof of the house. This will only show people (your potential book publisher, the girl you like, or your boss) that you're a whiny, overbearing, and incapable person of life's difficulties. So find a trusted friend or family member or two and talk to them about your problem.
- The friend you need is someone who can tell you the truth. They can help pinpoint what went wrong (sometimes there are things you can't change and you just have to let them go). They can also make sure that you are living up to your disappointing moments properly so that you don't sink into disappointment.
- Avoid social media to voice your disappointment. The internet will never forget that and when you try to land a new job, your prospective employer will probably check the internet and see that you don't handle rejection well. No matter how much disappointment or anger you feel, don't do it.
- Don't complain too much. Again, you shouldn't get caught up in rejection. If you are engrossed in rejection, you will seek excuses (or feel depressed). Don't start talking about rejection every time you talk to a friend. If you feel like you're going too far, ask them "Am I overthinking this rejection?" If they say yes, you should change immediately.
Step 3. Accept the rejection quickly
The sooner you accept rejection and try to rise above it, the easier it will be for you to get through it. It also means that you won't let future rejection destroy you.
For example: if you can't get the job you really want, let the disappointments happen, then ignore them. This is the time to start looking for another job or learn what you might be able to change for the future. It's good to remember that when one thing doesn't work, something else usually will work in an unexpected way
Step 4. Don't take the rejection personally
Remember, the rejection has nothing to do with you as a person. Getting rejected is a part of life and not a personal attack. Whatever excuses the publishers give, the girl you like, your boss, is not like that.
- Rejection is basically not your fault. Other people (or other people) reject something that doesn't suit them. They refused the request, not yourself.
- Remember, they can't reject you as a person because they don't know you. Even if you've dated someone a few times, that doesn't mean they know everything about you and then reject you as a person. He rejects a situation that does not suit him. Appreciate it.
- For example: You ask a girl you really like and she says "no". Does that mean you are worthless? Does this mean no one wants to date you? Of course not. He just isn't interested in requests (for various reasons; he might be in a relationship, he's not interested in dating, etc.).
Step 5. Do another activity
You need to let go of the mind of a rejection after going through a period of disappointment. Don't go back to doing something you've just been rejected, because you're still thinking about the rejection. You need a little space and time to deal with rejection.
- For example: let's say you submitted a novel manuscript to a publisher and got rejected. After experiencing a bit of disappointment, get up and come up with a different story or take the time to try writing a different form of writing (writing poetry or short stories).
- Doing something fun can be a great way to take your mind off rejection and help you focus on something else. Go dancing, buy a new book you really want, take a weekend getaway and go to the beach with friends.
- You can't let rejection bring your life to a standstill, because you'll get many forms of rejection in life (just like everyone else). By getting up and moving on with life and doing other things, you don't let rejection control your life.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with Long-Term Rejection
Step 1. Look at rejection in a different way
Keeping in mind that rejection is not about you as a person, then it's time to look at rejection in a different way. People who feel "rejected" tend to view rejection as something worse than people who view rejection as something that focuses on the situation itself, not themselves.
- For example: If you ask someone out on a date and he says no, instead of saying "he turned me down," say "he doesn't want to." This way you don't see rejection as something bad about you personally (after all, he's not turning you down, he's saying no to your offer).
- Some more in-depth examples of other ways of looking at rejection include: Instead of thinking about a friend who rejected you, think "your friendship has split." Instead of thinking “they rejected my job application”, think “I didn't manage to get the job”. Instead of thinking "they rejected me", it's better to think "we have different priorities".
Step 2. Know when to stop
When something doesn't work, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up, but it's important to know when it's time to give up and get up. Not often giving up actually means rising from the problem, but trying again with a different view.
- For example, if you ask someone out and they say no, then not giving up means not giving up on finding love. Move away from the person (don't chase him so he can give you a chance), but don't give up on asking other people out.
- Another example: if your manuscript was rejected by a publisher, it would be best to stop and reflect on what did not meet the publisher's criteria, but you should continue to try to send your manuscript to other publishers and agents.
- Always remember, You don't always deserve a "yes" answer. Since it can't make your existence rejected, don't look away from it and blame someone for the rejection.
Tip:
One of the best things to do is to think “this doesn't work” rejection, as this will take the guilt away from them and you.
Step 3. Don't let rejection control your future
Rejection, as has been said before, is a part of life. Trying to avoid it or overthinking it will make you unhappy. You have to be able to accept that things don't work out the way you want them to and that's okay! Just because one thing doesn't work doesn't mean you failed or nothing will work.
- Each rejection case is unique. Even if a guy says no to a date, that doesn't mean every guy you're attracted to will say no. Now, if you start to believe that you will always be rejected, then you will be rejected! You have set yourself up for failure all the time.
- Push yourself forward. Thinking too much about past rejections will make you immerse yourself in the past and not enjoy the present. For example: if you keep thinking about being rejected for work, you will have a hard time submitting applications and pursuing opportunities.
Step 4. Use resistance to improve yourself
Sometimes rejection can be an important call to wake up and help you improve your life. The publisher may have rejected your manuscript because you still need to work on writing better (it may not be publishable yet, but that doesn't mean your manuscript can never be published!).
- If you can, ask the person who turned you down on why he or she isn't interested. For example: Maybe your application doesn't meet the requirements. Instead of being angry and thinking that no one will hire you, ask the person who turned you down what you can do to improve yourself. The person may not provide input for you, but if they do, they may be able to provide valuable insight into your future endeavors.
- When it comes to romantic relationships, you might wonder why he isn't interested in dating you, but the answer might be something as simple as "I don't think the same as you." There's nothing you can do to change your mind. The lesson to be learned is how to deal with how to handle that disinterest and how to stay positive about the romantic relationships in life (even if the relationship isn't with that person).
Step 5. Stop thinking about it
This is the time to let the rejection pass. You've given yourself time to feel the disappointment, you've spoken to a trusted friend, you've learned from the rejection, and now make that rejection a thing of the past. The more you think about it, the more you will feel that it will never work.
Notes:
If you find that you simply can't afford to ignore rejection, you need to seek professional help. Sometimes mindsets like “I'm not good enough,” and so on, will take root in the soul and each rejection will only reinforce those thoughts. An appropriate professional can help you deal with rejection.
Part 3 of 3: Rejecting an Offer
Step 1. Remember, you can say “no”
This can be very difficult for many people, especially women, but you don't have to say "yes" to something you don't want to do. Of course there are caveats to heed; when the flight attendant says “sit”, you have to obey.
- If someone asks you out and you don't want to go out with them, you can honestly say that you're not interested.
- If your friend really wants to go on vacation and you don't want to go or can't, then this rejection won't ruin her life if you say no!
Step 2. Be honest
One of the best ways to give rejection is to be as candid as possible. No need to be careful with that. Being honest is not the same as being cruel even though some people think it is. There's no way to turn down someone's offer (it could be anything: a date, a book submission, or a job application) without causing pain.
- For example: someone asks you out and you are not interested. Say "I'm really flattered, but I don't feel the same way you do." If he doesn't get what you mean, say it louder with a firm statement, “I'm not and will never be. If you don't want to leave me, it's going to make it even harder for me to be attracted."
- From the second example above, when your friend takes you on vacation, just say, “Thanks for caring about me! I really can't go on vacation, even on weekends."
- The answer “maybe another time” means that you are not blocking the possibility of future happiness, but being frank that you don't want to leave without saying “maybe” and stuff like that.
Step 3. Give specific reasons
When you're not explaining to someone, this can help show the person whose offer you're turning down that you're firm in your choice of why you're not interested. If there are things related to progress, (such as a book manuscript or job application) you can say that these things can be improved.
- For a romantic relationship, just say that you are not interested and you do not feel attracted to him. If he urges you to give other reasons, tell him that attraction and love are things you have no control over and that he needs to accept that you are not.
- If you turn down someone's poem for your magazine (and you have the time), explain why it doesn't fit (eg because of the structure of the poem, repetition of words, etc.). You don't have to say the poem is terrible, but you can say it needs to be corrected before it's published.
Step 4. Do it fast
By refusing as quickly as possible, you don't have to allow emotions to escalate and worsen. If you use an old image, it's like removing a bandage. In the shortest possible time, explain to them that the offer (a trip with a friend, a date with someone, someone's book script, etc.) is not appealing to you.
Tip:
The sooner you do this, the sooner the people you reject will be able to overcome it and use this resistance to improve themselves.
Tips
- Find a way to escape rejection. Some people stick to their beliefs, while others take hot baths and meditate. Find ways to clear your mind, deal with bad feelings, and restore your balance.
- If someone rejects your love, it doesn't mean you should feel sorry for yourself or feel sad. It only means that he doesn't feel any attraction. And you can't change that feeling.
- Just because someone says no to whatever you're trying to do to get them to say yes doesn't mean they don't see the good in you. So instead of focusing on the rejection, focus on the positive things in yourself.
- Most achievement and acceptance has to do with hard work. Sometimes we are not willing to admit that we still have a lot of work to do before we can be as successful as we hope to be. Be enthusiastic about your opportunity but also be realistic that there is still learning and experience needed. Find a way out instead of fixating on rejection.
- Seek professional help if you continue to feel depressed after receiving a rejection. Don't turn to alcohol or drugs, even if they seem to help you temporarily. In the long run, these two can be a very destructive force.
Warning
- If you're taking rejection too personally, consider talking to a counselor or therapist. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems, you may not have the energy needed to cope with life's ongoing stresses and may need additional help. There is no need to be ashamed or afraid. Everyone sometimes needs to get sympathy from others.
- People won't always be able to pay attention to you when you ask for input. That is life. Sometimes they are too busy. At other times they find it difficult to explain something so as not to sound too critical or personal. Sometimes, they really can't be bothered. Again, don't take it too personal. See if you can find someone else you can trust, have time to work through the issues that happened to you, and try to make improvements for the future.
