Most people see anger as a negative emotion, but actually anger is one of many normal human feelings. Uncontrolled anger can have negative consequences for interpersonal relationships and a person's quality of life. However, if controlled and directed positively, anger can increase your productivity.
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Part 1 of 2: Embracing Anger
Step 1. Allow yourself to feel angry
Some people are taught that emotions that are considered disrespectful or good should be suppressed, whereas anger is a normal and healthy emotion with important biological and evolutionary functions. This emotion prepares you for a "fight or flight" response to something perceived as enemy or danger. Accept that anger is a normal part of life and allow yourself to experience it, as long as it doesn't get to you.
Step 2. Realize that anger is also physiological
Anger is not only a psychological emotion, but also a physiological one that involves chemical reactions in the brain. The chemical processes that occur when you are angry have this order:
- The amygdala, the center of emotional processing, sends danger signals to the hypothalamus.
- The hypothalamus sends epinephrine from the autonomic nervous system to the adrenal glands via sympathetic nervous system pathways. The gland then pumps epinephrine (adrenaline) throughout the body.
- Adrenaline pushes the body to be ready to face threats so that the heart rate increases and the senses become sharper.
Step 3. Seek help if your anger is difficult to control
It's normal to be angry, but being angry all the time or feeling that you have to always fight back or suppress your own anger is not normal. You need to seek help managing your anger if you frequently experience any of these symptoms or signs:
- Desire to commit violence in everyday situations
- Anger while driving
- Excessive negative thoughts or attitudes
- Feeling as if other people don't understand you
- The occurrence of domestic violence
- Habit of throwing plates or other items when angry
- Swearing, shouting, or hitting to get something
- Blaming others for making you angry
- Rude behavior at work
Part 2 of 2: Directing Anger Appropriately
Step 1. Use anger to drive change
Most people want a change in life. However, emotions such as fear or satisfaction often prevent these changes from occurring. Anger is a powerful emotion that can overpower any other emotion so if it is directed towards a change in your life, you can be on the right path. Try to replace the anger that initially motivated you to act with another emotion, such as excitement or enthusiasm.
For example, you may have a job you hate and don't have significant career progression. If your boss says or does something that makes you very angry, that emotion may be strong enough to push you to work harder to find a new job or to return to education to meet the requirements of a new career path
Step 2. Do something exhausting
Physical exercise is the right medium to reduce acute and persistent anger. Feeling anger can also encourage you to exercise because of the adrenaline rush. One of the most productive ways to direct anger is to vent it through physical activity. You can exercise and practice for better emotional health.
Exercise doesn't have to be done in a gym. You can exercise by mowing the grass or tidying up the weed-infested lawn. If you want, you can also jog or run outdoors on your own
Step 3. Clean the house
Direct the anger by cleaning the house. You can vent your anger while creating a neater and more pleasant living environment for yourself, especially if the cleaning is exhausting. Here are some tips that combine cleaning with a little physical exercise:
- Brush the grout on the floor
- Dry the carpet outside the house and pound it to clean it from dirt and dust
- Clean every room using a vacuum cleaner, including stairs (if applicable)
- Use a vacuum cleaner nozzle or hose to clean sofas and chairs with upholstery
- Thoroughly brush the tub
- Remove all clothes from the closet and put back the clothes that you still want. After that, donate clothes that are rarely worn (or unwanted)
Step 4. Use anger as a substitute emotion
Often, anger is an emotion that comes with other emotions, such as hurt, sadness, grief, depression, or fear. If you are emotionally vulnerable, allow yourself to feel angry as a defense mechanism. You can manage and express your anger more than other, more painful emotions.
- This approach is not a healthy option in the long term, but it is quite effective in temporary situations (eg when you are losing a family member or going through stressful times).
- You will also need to see a therapist who can help you deal with difficult emotions.
Step 5. Prove someone wrong
When you feel angry with someone because they don't believe you can do something, the best thing you can do is prove them wrong. Instead of holding on to anger at him, put your energy into showing what you're capable of.
For example, let's say you're told by a family member or school counselor that you won't be graduating from university. Instead of feeling angry, use the energy from the anger you feel to study overnight and prove that you can complete your education through hard work
Step 6. Drive change in society with anger
Usually, we see anger as a personal emotion that comes up on a daily basis. However, anger can also become a broader cultural experience and drive major changes in society.
For example, the civil rights movement and the women's suffrage movement are driven by anger over injustice
Step 7. Turn anger into strength
Many politicians and businesspeople rely on anger to appear more powerful, both positively and negatively. Several studies have shown that people who express anger (rather than sadness or guilt) gain more respect and are viewed by others as more powerful.
- There is a fine line between appearing powerful and being seen as stubborn and shunned by others. If you don't show a lot of anger when you enter into a business deal, people will feel that you are passionate and committed to your work. However, if you throw a tantrum and blow up in a business meeting, people won't want to work with you again in the future.
- For example, to show a little “anger” or power in a business agreement, you need to be firm on your position/decision and not back down or hesitate. On the other hand, you're actually throwing a tantrum if you hit the table, throw files, or leave the room when someone doesn't agree with your decision.
