Many of the decisions you make, consciously or unconsciously, will affect your inner sense of security. For some, this feeling of security alone means having a stable and enjoyable job, with a good income. For others, feeling secure may be something that involves emotional security, such as developing trust in a relationship, or feeling good about yourself. Learning how to make conscious choices can help you to create a more positive and secure life for yourself, both professionally and personally.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Developing Emotional Security
Step 1. Practice self-awareness
This thinking is the practice of observing thoughts and feelings to develop an active awareness of oneself and one's surroundings in the present. Research shows that mindful thinking can help you feel more secure about yourself and your relationships with others, so you'll end up feeling more fulfilled as time goes on.
- Try to breathe consciously. Inhale slowly while counting to five, hold your breath for five seconds, and exhale slowly for another five seconds.
- Focus on the situation in the present.
- Whenever your mind begins to wander, return its focus to your sense of body and the sensory information around you.
- Developing conscious thinking takes practice and patience. Make an effort to work every day, and over time, you will feel happier, safer, and more at peace.
Step 2. Try to build relationships with other people
Seeking emotional support from people you love and trust can produce an enormous sense of security. Try to reconcile with the friend you fought with to restore the relationship, or practice asking for help/advice from those closest to you so you can feel like a community again.
- Connecting with friends and bringing back long-forgotten friendships can help you remember that there are people out there who love and care about you.
- Having heart-to-heart conversations with others close to you can also help strengthen relationships with them. Be sure to emphasize that you also love and support your friend/spouse/family member, then ask them to reassure you of the same.
Step 3. Meet your emotional needs
Everyone has emotional needs that we must strive to fulfill in romantic relationships, friendships, and families. Each type of bond offers a different level of comfort, security, and acceptance. If you feel emotionally insecure, it may be because one or more of the primary relationships in your life are not meeting your emotional needs.
- Be honest in looking at all the relationships in life. Do you feel unloved or cared for in those relationships? Do you feel safe with the people around you, or is it the other way around and always feel a little insecure?
- If you think one of the relationships in your life is the cause of your insecurity, try talking to a friend/partner/family member that triggered it. Determine what he could do differently, and have an honest but mature conversation about your needs and how to meet them.
Step 4. Learn to trust others
Many people feel emotionally insecure because they lack trust. This may be due to a past relationship or friendship that ended badly, or it could just be a very strong fear of being forgotten. Whatever your reasons, know that you can't go through life without trusting other people. Just because something went wrong once (or even more), doesn't mean all your relationships and friendships will end the same way.
- Ask yourself if your distrust of others stems from distrust of yourself. Many people subconsciously project their fears and negative emotions onto other people. Maybe you don't trust your partner because you are full of doubts yourself?
- Usually, the essence of distrust of others is a lack of confidence in oneself to be able to make wise decisions. If you want to be friends or date someone, decide beforehand whether you're willing to take the risk of hurting yourself. Believe in yourself and rest assured that you will know what to do if something bad happens.
Method 2 of 3: Have a sense of security in yourself
Step 1. Stop comparing yourself to others
One of the most damaging things to self-worth is comparing yourself to others, such as comparing your physical (looking at your body shape to compare with actors, actresses, or models), intellectual, creativity, and career.
- Find your own style and identify what makes you beautiful just the way you are. You are a unique and amazing person. Comparing your life, body, or career with others will only make you disrespect yourself.
- Remember that in the end, you are responsible for your own happiness. Personal satisfaction and love must come from within. Be kind to yourself and try to respect it for who you are today, not what you want to be in the future.
Step 2. Identify and adjust negative core beliefs
Everyone has core beliefs that define feeling self-conscious in the larger context of this world. Many of these core beliefs develop at an early age, but some will emerge (or may change) in the later stages of life. Negative core beliefs are built on negative life experiences, biased/unreasonable expectations, and poor self-evaluations.
- Ask if life experiences have led you to believe that something is "wrong" in you, then ask questions about what you consider "normal."
- Can you draw a connection between a particular person, place, or event with all the negative beliefs you hold about yourself? If so, why do you think that belief is an absolute truth based only on someone's opinion or a bad incident?
- Ask yourself the honest question, "Am I going to tell other people what I think about myself, about their body, career, or lifestyle choices?". If not, why should you tell yourself that too?
- Check for evidence of negative self-confidence. What is the basis, and have they ever produced anything positive?
- Create new opportunities to welcome safe, healthy, and positive experiences that you've never had before. Approach the situations you've been avoiding (as long as they're safe) and see the challenges to the finish line instead of ignoring your aspirations.
- Do good things for yourself that are safe, fun, and make you grateful for who you are.
- Try to be more assertive with the people in your life. Don't just rule, but make sure your voice and opinions/thoughts are heard.
Step 3. Recognize and celebrate your strengths
In your hectic day-to-day life, you may forget how talented, strong, and attractive you are as a human being. If you suffer from low self-esteem, you may have a harder time remembering your strengths. Take a few minutes each day to practice self-awareness of personal strengths, and try keeping a diary to see how your sense of self-worth changes as you spend more time being grateful for yourself.
- Make a list of your strengths. Then, make another list of your accomplishments. After that, make a third list, which lists the qualities/characteristics you admire in other people, which are also present in yourself (on all levels). Read these lists regularly, and try to write a new one every few weeks. Save your old lists and compare them after a few months to see if anything has changed.
- Ask a close friend, family member, or partner to make a list of your best qualities. Ask them to write down why they care about you, what makes you unique as you are, and what you are capable of doing better than anyone else. Keep this list and carry it with you wherever you go at all times (for example in your purse or small bag). Read it whenever you feel negative about yourself.
Step 4. Take good care of yourself
If you feel insecure about yourself, it may be because you haven't taken enough time to care for yourself. Everyone has physical and emotional needs. If these needs are not met, we will tend to feel bad. Take good care of yourself every day. You will feel significantly more comfortable.
- Take a little time each day to take care of personal hygiene. Make sure you brush your teeth and floss, shower or bathe, style your hair, shave, and trim your nails every day.
- Eat a healthy balanced diet. Make sure you get enough vitamins and nutrients, and avoid nutrient-dense foods.
- Exercise more often. Find ways to get a little exercise each day, for example by walking or riding a bicycle instead of driving a car. Also, try doing cardio three times each week.
- Wear clothes that make you feel positive about your own body. Whether you feel more comfortable wearing a slim fit or vice versa (loose and bulky), choose the type that makes you most relaxed and confident. Try to wear this type of clothing as often as possible.
- Make sure you get enough sleep. Most adults need between seven and nine hours of sleep (depending on age).
Step 5. Develop SMART objectives
A good way to feel more secure and confident is to achieve goals. Many people feel bad when they can't reach their goals, but instead of blaming yourself, reconsider whether your goals are achievable or at least measurable. Experts tend to agree that SMART goals (Specific - specific, Measurable, Achievable - reasonable, Results-focused - results-oriented, and Time-bound - time-bound) can help you set meaningful goals to meet sense of usefulness and self-fulfillment.
- Be specific – be clear and simple in determining exactly what you want to do.
- Measurable – create goals that have measurement metrics. The only way to know progress towards your goals is if you have a way to measure them.
- It makes sense – the goals you set should be a little challenging, but in the end they are also something you can realistically achieve.
- Results oriented – the way you measure progress should be based on results, not just the activities you do. Don't measure progress just by trying to reach your goals. Measure progress by how much you've accomplished along the way to your final goal. Count "small" victories as you struggle.
- Time bound – provide a realistic timeframe. Don't expect results overnight, but give yourself a year to put in the effort. Set a realistic deadline for completion and maintain the self-discipline to meet the deadline.
Step 6. Forgive yourself and others
You must have hurt someone during your life on earth, and vice versa. These things may be accidental, but many people have a hard time forgetting them. However, constantly regretting is also useless. Things that have already happened cannot be undone. You will only suffer and feel worse about yourself and others.
- Remember that mistakes offer opportunities for growth. You may have hurt or been hurt by other people, but the most important thing is to learn from those mistakes, as well as from those who have hurt your feelings.
- Instead of remembering things you regret, admit that you would have done them differently in the present. The present is the only time to change yourself, because the past can no longer be adjusted and the future has not yet arrived.
- Focus on the present moment on how you can be the best version of yourself. Find a way to make that version a reality.
Step 7. Find things you are grateful for
Take some time each day to reflect on the people and circumstances that have made your life the way it is today. Of course, not everyone or everything will always be good, but chances are you have certainly experienced some amazing events in your life. You may also have met loving people who inspire you. Try to remember that you wouldn't be who you are today if other people didn't show their love, and if you weren't born the same way.
- There is no perfect life in this world. In fact, many people continue to struggle their entire lives. No matter how difficult your life is, try to remember that there are others who have had worse luck. They may admire your life.
- Be grateful for the people who have shown you love and taught you how to love. Think about how sad and lonely life would be if other people didn't show you their love, at least at some point in life.
- Try to appreciate the little things in life. Watch the sun rise or set each day, and be grateful for the fact that you can live to live another day – many people are not given second chances today.
Method 3 of 3: Feeling Financially Secure
Step 1. Decide what you want to achieve
What does financial security mean to you? If it's just getting rich, your dream may be unrealistic. However, if it means being able to pay off debt, save for your child's college or retirement, this means that your ultimate goal is realistic and workable.
- Having a clear idea of why you're saving and what you want to save can help keep you motivated and self-disciplined.
- Once you have clear financial goals, talk to a financial planner to help you figure out how to invest or save money.
Step 2. Check your current situation
If you want to feel financially secure, first evaluate your current financial situation to determine if anything needs to change. Start by analyzing it, including your savings and expenses.
- Record income and savings (if any).
- Record daily, weekly and monthly expenses. Carry a small notebook in your pocket or bag and write down all expenses. This includes the things you buy, the bills you pay, and the date/time those expenses occurred. You should also take note of how you feel when you buy something.
- Check your spending patterns. Do you tend to buy things for yourself when you're feeling down or stressed? Are there purchases you made on an impulsive basis even though you didn't really need them, or could you actually find the same item for a cheaper price elsewhere?
- Make sure you don't spend more than you earn. If this happens, you will be in debt. Recovering finances will be difficult under these circumstances.
- Find ways to reduce expenses. You don't have to limit everything that makes you happy, but make sure you set limits for yourself. Don't shop every time you want to. Don't buy useless things you don't need.
Step 3. Reduce expenses
Some types of expenses, such as rent, electricity and water, as well as monthly expenses, are unavoidable. However, even with these core expenses, you can actually find ways to spend less money by shopping smartly and avoiding unnecessary expenses.
- Every time you shop, bring a shopping list and stick to it.
- Whenever possible, buy items that are on discount, generic/unbranded, or in bulk. You can save a lot of money but get the same product – for only part of the price.
- Try buying used items if possible.
- Compare prices before buying. If you see ads, both online and in newspapers, chances are you can find the same product at a lower cost elsewhere.
- Prepare dishes at home. Avoid eating out as often as possible. Bring lunch and a thermos of coffee to the office every day. That way, you can save a lot of money and use it for other expenses or savings.
- Look for free or low-cost entertainment. You can find lots of free or cheap movies online (through legal streaming services), or visit the library and borrow free books, CDs, and movies.
- Adjust the room temperature control during the day and when you are not at home, as well as when you sleep. Try turning on the heater or air conditioner only when you are at home and awake. However, if you have a pet, keep in mind that it needs a comfortable temperature during the day and night, even when you're not home.
- Don't buy things in installments or use a credit card. Save until you can buy what you want. This is important to avoid stress and debt.
Step 4. Increase revenue
If you work part time, try to find a second part time or full time job. Even if you're already running, you can still do odd jobs to earn a little extra cash. And if your current bill-to-income ratio is barely, the extra work can be used to finance savings!
- Look for the employment column section in newspapers or job search websites.
- Look for side jobs that are easy and won't interfere with your work schedule. You may be able to find openings to walk the dog, as a babysitter, or even freelance.
Step 5. Create a savings account
Know that it is normal to take time to save. Saving money requires careful planning and hard work for most people, but it can have a huge impact on their sense of financial security. A good way to start saving is to open a savings account. You can start small, for example by setting aside IDR 200,000 every month or every payday. Over time, this number will increase until it becomes quite large.
- Many financial institutions provide an automatic transfer feature so that part of your payment will be automatically deposited into a savings account.
- Some banks offer a "Keep the Change" / Rounding / Save Change (or similar) program. In a program like this, debit/check account purchases are rounded up to the nearest amount and the remainder is credited to your savings account. This is a quick and easy way to increase your savings without even realizing it.
- Try not to touch a savings account except in an emergency. If you can hold off on buying an item after you receive your next payment, do so and leave your savings account untouched.
Tips
- Never allow other people to make you feel inferior.
- If you sometimes feel like life is too heavy for you, don't just keep those feelings inside – let them out. Write it down on paper, talk to a friend, or visit a trained counselor.
- Get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly. Self-care is the first step to feeling better and safer in life.
- Look for positive role models and try to emulate someone you admire the most in the whole world. But don't betray who you are – look for ways to incorporate these positive aspects into your personality.
- Remember that hard times will keep coming and going, but this will all pass eventually. Have fun with people who care about you and realize that things will soon get better.
Warning
- If your insecurities start to take over and get out of control, seek help. Talk to a therapist about ways to manage stress and work towards a healthier sense of security.
- Having a negative self-image can be very bad.
