While some people think that liking two men at once means twice as much fun, in reality this means your heart is split in two and won't feel whole until you make a decision. If you need to choose between two guys, you can start thinking about how each of these guys will cradle you and how to trust your instincts when the time comes. If you want to know how to choose between two guys without hurting yourself, follow these steps.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Part One: Picking One Guy
Step 1. Consider the positive qualities of each man
The next time you're around one of them, try to involve him and think about why you like him so much. While you can't always pinpoint the complex feelings that make you like someone, it's important to gather as much information as possible to make important decisions. Ask yourself the following questions as you talk to each guy:
- Does he make you laugh? Does he have a sense of humor? We are all attracted to people who make us laugh. Men with a good sense of humor make us happy and see the world in a different way. If he tickles you, does it feel weird or do you like it? No man is allowed to touch in places that tickle you unless you're prepared for it. Arm circles around the waist, holding hands, or even cuddling are fine, but if you're at a point where he's about to kiss you and you're about to kiss him back, make sure you're ready to get there. When he kisses you, make sure you know how to kiss. You certainly do not want the atmosphere to be awkward. The man you will choose must be able to restrain himself.
- Does he seem curious about other people? Is he interested in things outside of himself? A man who is only interested in himself can be boring. You certainly want a man who has hobbies, friends, and a good outlook on life.
- Is he connected to his emotional side? Is he sensitive to other people? Many men have an emotional side; the problem is they don't want other people to see that side. A man who doesn't mind other people seeing his emotions is a man who is both confident and mature.
- Does he flirt with respect? Basically, the crux of the question is: does he seem to like you more than your physical appearance or appearance? Are the compliments he gives you more than just your physique?
- Is he not in a hurry in a relationship? Men who are not in a hurry like to enjoy everything. They want to have the pleasure of spending time with you to the last drop. A man in a hurry often moves on to the next woman sooner than you need to say "disappointed."
Step 2. Consider how each guy affects how you feel
It's as important as what you like about each of these guys. The first guy might be better in theory and might have all the qualities you're looking for, but the second guy might be able to make your heart flutter just by texting you. So once you have the chance to be with one of them, think not only about why you like him, but ask yourself if he makes you feel confident, happy, infatuated, and a better person. Here are some things to consider:
- How do you feel when you are with him? Does he make you feel as though he's only interested in you, or does he seem to enjoy flirting with other girls all the time and you're just another girl on his long list?
- Does he bring out the best in you, or does he mind if you're "mediocre"?
- Does it challenge you and make you want to be a better person?
- Does he compliment you in a meaningful, non-coercive way?
- Does it make you blush, laugh, and get drunk like a child?
- Does he treat you like a woman and make you feel special?
Step 3. Also consider the negative qualities of the man
While you may only think about the good qualities they have and how they turn your stomach upside down, you also need to consider the negative aspects of their personality or lifestyle to make it clearer. If you are serious about making this decision, you need to weigh the pros and cons of dealing with each guy. Here are things you need to think about to make a decision:
- Does the man have a lot of burdens? Does he have a complicated past and a lot of emotional problems to deal with? It's true that you're having fun with him right now, but is his emotional baggage something you're willing to shoulder in the long run?
- Is he commanding and manipulative? Does he always get what he wants, or is he unable to admit when he is wrong? These are serious signs that he may be a little selfish, and signs that you may be getting into more trouble than you expected.
- Has he lied to you? You want a man you can trust, a man who isn't afraid to be honest with you, no matter how painful the honesty may be. A guy who likes to gossip and spread rumors is likely to not care about other people, which means staying away from him.
- Is he constantly in trouble, whether at school, with his parents, or with the authorities? Bad guys do have a certain sexiness in them, but chances are that if they're constantly distracted by their mischief, they won't have time to spend with you.
- Does he still tell his ex-lover? If he still does it, talks about it here and there, or keeps talking about it, this is a bad sign. It's not that he's a bad guy, it's just that he probably still loves his ex-girlfriend.
Step 4. Consider how each guy feels about you. If both men adore you very much, you are faced with a difficult task. While you shouldn't choose a guy who likes you more just because he's a safer choice, you need to consider how important you are to them, and what it means to each guy if you stop seeing them. If he just shrugs and goes straight to the next girl, he's not the guy for you. If you think one guy likes you a lot more than the other guy, this should play an important role in your decision.
- You don't have to ask directly. You can predict how a person feels about you by the way he looks at you, from how often he wants to spend time with you, and by how often he talks about a future with you.
- Of course, if you're just looking to have some fun with a short summer courtship or want to have a few months of dating experience, you don't really need to care much about whether one of the guys sees you as a potential long-term partner.
Step 5. Ask the opinion of friends you trust
Your friends are there for a reason: they offer a shoulder to lean on, model good behavior, and give you advice when you need it. Listen to their advice, but don't take it raw. You are the one who makes the decision in the end. Remember that you're not asking them to help you choose the "better" guy, or the guy they'd choose, but that you want them to help you decide what's best for you.
- Don't ask, "Which do you prefer?" Ask, "Which do you think is better for me?" These questions will prevent you from getting advice on who your friend is going to date and will lead to who you should date.
- Be open to their advice! Once you've decided who you want to date, you don't need to ask your friends for their opinion. If you ask for their input, be prepared to comply.
Step 6. Consider their similarities and differences by making a list
This will help you see what you really want in the first place. How do you feel when you are with each man? Make a list of what you want and what you don't want in a man. Make a pro/con chart of the advantages and disadvantages of each. See if this pro/con chart aligns with your list. Here are some questions you can ask:
- Which man would treat me better?
- Which man will be by my side through the bad times?
- Which man is more compatible with me?
- Which man's face do I always want to see at the end of the day?
- Which man would get along better with my friends and family?
- I can not live without which man?
Step 7. Trust your instincts
We can't choose love. We are born a certain way, and eventually we develop likes and dislikes. Don't think too much. Trust what your instincts tell you about these two men and follow them. Throw a coin in the air. Tell yourself that if the coin lands on the eagle symbol, you should choose Man A, and if it lands on the image, you should choose Man B. While the coin is soaring in the air, in which direction do you expect it to land? That's your answer.
- If you know that one guy isn't good for you, but you're still attracted to him (and don't really like the other guy), distance yourself from the two. Not being in touch at all isn't a bad thing. In reality, being alone is better than being hurt.
- Learn from your mistakes. If you dated a certain guy before and your relationship ended badly, don't make the same mistake again with another guy. Even if you feel attracted to him, what's the point of being in the same relationship all over again if it leaves you heartbroken and sad?
Step 8. Don't rush
Don't feel as though you need to make a decision right away. Your decision can be thought out in advance. Hopefully, during this time, one of the guys will do something good or bad that will make your decision easier. As long as you haven't committed to any of the guys and as long as you don't feel like you're being unfaithful to one guy because of spending time with another guy, then you need to put off making a decision.
However, don't drag it out too long. If you pick on one guy, but he knows that you've been spending a lot of time with other guys over the last few months, he could feel hurt or lied to
Method 2 of 2: Part Two: After You Choose
Step 1. Set a heart for the man you have chosen
Once you make a decision, stick to it. This doesn't mean you have to say to the guy of your choice, "Hey, I chose you and not him!" This statement will not make the man feel special. This commitment is something you do through your actions and from your heart. Work on building a stable and healthy relationship with the guy you choose – and only with the guy you choose.
- Get ready to start dating and hanging out with only the guys you choose. Enjoy the benefits of being with someone without wondering what the guy you didn't choose is doing.
- If you feel empty or incomplete without the other guy, it means you either made the wrong decision or you don't really love the guy you chose. You just love the chase.
- Be nice to the guy you didn't like, but don't overdo it until you spend time with him or do something alone. If you're too friendly to him, he'll think he still has a chance. Plus, it can make the guy you choose feel unnecessarily jealous.
Step 2. Be prepared to face the consequences of your decision
Realize that choosing between two men will affect your relationship with both. This is a double-edged sword in relationships: chances are you'll break the heart of one of the guys, and miss out on a relationship with him. If the guy you didn't choose doesn't know about the first guy, you don't have to make a big deal out of it or give him the real reason why you ended your "relationship." While you should be happy that you've made your decision, know that the ocean you're on is still a little choppy.
- Realize that you can turn both men against each other. What if the two were friends? If you choose one and the other likes you too, they may end up being friends. If you want to avoid a situation like this, date someone else.
- Be prepared to lose the man you didn't choose. He may not want to be "just friends" after spending a lot of time together romantically or flirting with each other. However, this is probably for the best.
Step 3. Accept your decision
Life is yours to live, and you deserve to live it your own way – and try to hurt others as little as possible. While you may feel guilty about the decision, you and the two men will be better off moving on with your life once you can accept the truth about your feelings. Be proud of yourself for making a mature decision and not taking the two men astray for too long.
- Don't be afraid to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.
- Don't expect everyone to like you. If you make a big decision like this, it will hurt other people's feelings.
Tips
- Remember, no matter what advice other people give you, only you can decide which guy is right for you.
- If you can't decide and are the kind of person who thinks, "Then how would it feel if I chose something else?" try to forget both. By trying to choose, you are only making the situation more difficult for yourself and this can make them angry.
- If you start to get annoyed and depressed by the question, "Who do you choose?" or "When are you going to vote? Hurry up," pick a completely different person. There are many men to choose from out there.
