Choosing to start a relationship with a girl you have a crush on is a big decision to make. But this decision opens the door to a whole host of exciting possibilities. Since emotional investment is involved in all serious relationships, you'll want to choose your lover carefully. Luckily, with a little help from wikiHow, you can quickly find the right girl! See Step 1 to get started.
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Part 1 of 3: Looking for Positive Traits
Step 1. Most importantly, choose a girl that you want to continue with
This may seem normal, but a lot of people forget about it! Although almost all relationships will have difficult times, a romantic relationship should bring happiness to you and your partner. Your lover should be someone who can bring positive emotions into you. If the girl you're considering makes you want to be somewhere else, or often makes you tense and unhappy, you really need to reconsider. Ask yourself some of the questions below:
- Can I be myself around this person, or should I pretend to be nice?
- Do I enjoy talking to him?
- Do we seem to be enjoying our time together?
Step 2. Choose a lover who respects himself
We all know there is a saying that goes: "You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself". Follow this advice-choose a girl who loves herself and has a healthy image. Girls like this are more likely to have stable emotions and have reasonable and realistic priorities that fit the relationship.
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How do you know if a girl loves herself? Typically, a self-respecting person will possess some (or all) of the following qualities:
- Good hygienic habits
- Confidence in your own abilities
- Calm and unpretentious attitude
- The ability to find humor in oneself without degrading oneself
Step 3. Prioritize emotional attraction, but don't ignore physical attraction
If you feel there is no emotional connection with your boyfriend, his beauty won't really matter-your relationship will definitely be boring. It's better to choose a lover based on emotional attraction, rather than physical. Ask yourself: “Would I still be in a relationship with this girl if she had a rash on her face?” If so, you may be attracted to him deeper than his skin!
Even so, it never hurts to appreciate the beauty of your lover. So, if you have an emotional connection with someone physically that you're attracted to, all the better! Physical attraction is one of the most important ingredients in a healthy relationship-but not the most important
Step 4. Choose a girl with a good sense of humor
Laughter is a part of almost all good relationships! Laughing together is a great way to quickly form an emotional bond with someone. So the more you can laugh together with your loved one, the better. Try to choose a lover who can make you laugh out loud and not forced, as well as a little bit of normal pranks.
One thing to consider is that certain types of people enjoy certain types of comedy. For example, if you enjoy sexually suggestive humor, but the girl you have a crush on tends to be innocent, you're bound to be awkward joking around with her. But that doesn't mean two people with different senses of humor can't learn to respect each other's tastes, just that you have to pay attention to this
Step 5. Choose a girl who is independent and confident when talking about her interests
Girls, like men, should have their own interests and priorities in addition to their partners. Choose a girl who shows that she chooses to live a rich and fulfilling life regardless of whether you started the relationship trying to fulfill her life goals. Girls like this offer a rewarding dating experience-after all, it's very easy to be attracted to interesting people.
Plus, someone who has his or her own interests will be able to teach you a lot that you've never learned
Step 6. Choose a girl who wants the same thing from the relationship you are both in
This is a common recipe (which many avoid) for making a relationship fall apart. Before you start dating (or right after you start dating), it's best to talk about what both parties want out of this relationship. Remember that certain relationships that work well can be undermined by differences in the priorities of both parties. Below are some things to consider with your potential lover:
- Relationship exclusivity – will you both commit to each other, or is your relationship just a casual relationship with the possibility of cheating on you?
- Future goals – do both parties have plans that will disrupt the relationship (for example, moving to another city for school or work, sabbatical, etc.)?
- Other commitments that will affect the relationship – do both parties have beliefs or values that will limit your relationship (eg, religion, household rules, etc.)?
Part 2 of 3: Avoiding Negative Traits
Step 1. Avoid girls who don't want to commit
If you're looking for a dedicated girl, don't spend time with someone who isn't interested in a committed relationship. A romantic relationship with a girl like this will be fun at first, but it will break your heart when she becomes attracted to another guy. If your potential lover seems reluctant to agree to a loyal relationship or completely rejects the possibility of commitment, find another girl.
The exception to this rule is, of course, if you and your partner don't want to commit, you can have a casual, uncommitted relationship. Still, do this with caution – can you really and really stand the sight of your lover with another man?
Step 2. Avoid materialistic girls
Some girls, like men, don't have good priorities when it comes to the relative importance of people and things. In general, a good boyfriend won't be able to see you broke while trying to please him. While gifts, fruits of love, and fancy dates are common in every relationship, they shouldn't be prerequisites for dating someone. If the girl you have a crush on seems more interested in the things she'll get as a result of being in love than actually being a good boyfriend, forget about dating her.
- Try asking yourself "would this person still love me if I couldn't ask him out?" and “can we enjoy being together without spending money?” If you cannot answer “yes” to any of these questions, the relationship with this person may have a material rather than emotional foundation.
- When talking about your partner's material desires, the difference between what is natural and what is not should be obvious. Of course, on special occasions, such as birthdays, holidays, relationship anniversaries, etc., you should celebrate.
Step 3. Avoid girls who don't want to express themselves
The old adage “communication is key” is often repeated for good reason. When talking about your girlfriend, choose a boyfriend who wants to be open and honest with you, especially when there are issues that could be affecting him or your relationship. While having a boyfriend who always looks happy even though he's actually sad seems very desirable, this type of girl you should usually avoid, because negative emotions that are masked and peaked can build up into serious problems for your relationship.
Step 4. Avoid girls who don't value you
This is very important. Romance is a reciprocal relationship. So, it is very important to treat your loved one with respect and affection, and vice versa. If the girl you want to date doesn't appear to want to make the same "investment" of time and emotional energy as you do in her, dating her may not be a good thing.
Remember, the love relationship must be balanced between you and your lover. A romantic relationship should be an opportunity for you to make your life better with someone you love and respect, not just to make your partner happy
Part 3 of 3: Assessing Fit
Step 1. Get to know his friends
You can get to know a person from the people he or she is involved with. Everyone's personality and opinions are determined by their environment, so ask the girl's friends to find out about her personality. It's a good idea to get to know a potential girlfriend's girlfriends better - they can not only help you figure out if the girl is right for you or not, but if you befriend them and let them know you have a crush on her friend, they can increase your chances of dating her..
Also consider the fact that even if you know the girl isn't like her friends, you'll be spending time with these people if you date her
Step 2. Try to figure out what makes him laugh
As explained above, a good sense of humor is a huge plus for potential lovers, but what one person finds funny is not what another person finds funny. A mismatched sense of humor can lead to awkwardness-for example, if someone finds something funny, but someone else finds it insulting, feelings of hurt can arise. Try to find out if the girl has the same sense of humor as you or not-ideally, you should both be able to laugh at each other comfortably.
Try to test that sense of humor by going for a walk with this girl (without the pressure and romantic context) and telling a joke. If you get a good response, you can move on to a more risky joke, but avoid humor about race or controversial topics until you two are dating
Step 3. Look for common interests
The cliche that says “a couple who plays together will always be together” does have some truth in it. If you and your potential partner like some things in common, it will be easier for both of you to find things to do together, like more fun dates, happier weekends, and less boredom in love. Luckily, it's not that hard to figure out what a person does most of the time, as this is a common “small talk” topic. Just ask directly!
It's not that two people with different interests can't be together. In fact, one of the advantages of dating someone is to try new things-things your boyfriend likes and you haven't tried
Step 4. Assess the maturity level
Some people, even though they are the same age, will have different levels of maturity. This will be seen clearly at a young age, when one year can change a teenager's life drastically. If you are looking for a boyfriend, choose a girl who is about the same level of maturity as you. In general, mature-minded people are more open to “serious” long-term relationships, while immature people are more likely to have casual and light-hearted relationships. Both compatible parties will expect very different things from a relationship if they are at different levels of maturity, so consider whether or not the girl is compatible with you in this regard.
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Ask yourself:
- "Does this girl seem to be planning more (or less often) planning for the future than I am?"
- “Does this girl have a different opinion than me on how “seriously” she envisions an ideal relationship?”
- "Does this girl's future plans show a different level of maturity to mine?"
Step 5. Consider the girl's (and your) relationship history
This is very important. While it is possible for a person to change his dating habits over time, we cannot predict the future-we can only analyze the past. If the girl has a history of relationship problems, there is a high chance (though not certain) that these problems will arise in your relationship. For example, if the girl has a history of "boring quickly" with her boyfriend and is able to move on with life quickly, this is something that really needs to be considered before starting a relationship. It's important to consider future love problems before choosing a lover (of course, without being accusatory or cynical about this girl who can't control her past).
