There are many reasons why people stay in unhappy marriages. If you are one of them, you may feel like you can't be happy. However, you can find your own way to be happy, even in unpleasant situations, by adopting habits that lead to happiness, and you can also work on improving your marriage so that you can be happy as husband and wife.
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Method 1 of 3: Learn to be Happy
Step 1. Find ways to be grateful
Gratitude isn't always easy, especially in the midst of a bad relationship. Nonetheless, gratitude can help you deal with an unhappy relationship and make you happier.
- Set aside time each day to find what you are grateful for. Try writing a few things you are grateful for each day in a journal. You can also use posts on social media. Usually, even when the situation is bad, you can find something to be grateful for.
- For example, you may not like how your partner treats you, but you may be grateful that you have financial stability at this time. Or, perhaps you are grateful that your spouse remains a good parent to your children.
Step 2. Do an immersive activity
Immersion moments are when you are completely absorbed in whatever you are doing. If you're an artist, writer, or even a runner, you probably understand. It's a moment when the world around you crumbles, but you still absorb or enjoy what you're doing. Studies show that the more you experience immersive moments, the happier you feel in general.
Choose an activity that's a little challenging, but still familiar so you can get lost in it. For example, if you like painting landscapes, try painting a new object like a portrait of a person or a fruit basket
Step 3. Stop arguing over the same issue
This means that if you are always arguing about the same thing, now is the time to put the topic aside. You have to decide that you are not going to discuss it because you can't fight or try to find a compromise that is acceptable to both parties.
For example, if you tend to fight over political issues, you may want to define politics as a topic to avoid. Or, if you often argue about what movie to watch on the weekend, you may need to take turns choosing movies
Step 4. Develop your personal interests
If your marriage isn't going the way you wanted it to, it may be time for you to find satisfaction outside of marriage and not in the form of infidelity. Having hobbies and interests will help you stay independent and happy and connected to the outside world. In fact, it's also a good idea to develop personal interests if you have a happy marriage.
Consider exploring an interest in the library, joining a local hobby club or cooking class, or attending a nearby college
Step 5. Try volunteer work
Having the feeling that you matter and have good social relationships with other people is a great way to feel happy. Since volunteer work can give you meaning in life and also allow you to interact with like-minded people, it will help you feel happier.
Try finding an organization you like, such as an animal shelter or soup kitchen, and volunteering. You can even ask your partner if he or she would like to volunteer with you and it might become a bonding activity between the two of you
Step 6. Live a social life
Many studies show that relationships are the key to happiness. If your primary relationship is unhappy, you may not know how to turn the situation around. However, partners are not the only means of socializing. You can have a pleasant relationship with friends, as well as other family members.
- Try eating out with friends once a week or going out and shopping with your siblings or cousins.
- If you don't have many friends, try to meet more people who share your interests. For example, you could join a bowling league, art class, or knitting club.
Method 2 of 3: Trying to Fix Your Marriage
Step 1. Take time to be together
Making time for each other is one way to commit. Say you're going to spend a certain amount of time each week with your partner, and stick to that. Time together is also an opportunity to get to know each other again.
Step 2. Remember what you like about him
In the early days of a relationship, maybe half the reason you're attracted to him is that he's so different. For example, maybe you used to be happy because he was impulsive and liked spontaneity. Now, maybe you hate that attribute. The key is to remember the reasons why you liked the attribute in the past and try to enjoy it again.
For example, maybe you get annoyed when he wants to leave everything and go to the mountains. On the other hand, it makes your life less boring. Try to find a balance and enjoy what you can enjoy
Step 3. Talk about the strengths and difficulties of your relationship
It's important to acknowledge what's going well in a relationship and what's a problem. You may need to list strengths and difficulties together. Make sure you include things you don't talk about for fear it will only end in an argument.
- Try to choose a time when both of you are calm and focused on talking about these strengths and difficulties. Don't talk at the end of a long day or when you're stressed.
- Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. In other words, try to talk about how you feel and what you think is wrong without blaming the other person. For example, "I'm sad when we don't have enough time together" is better than " You're never home.” The second statement will put the couple on the defensive while the first will help open the discussion.
- Take time to talk and listen. That means you can't just state what you think is wrong. You should also devote time to actively listening to what your partner has to say. Show that you pay attention by summarizing what he has said by asking questions that are relevant to the conversation.
Step 4. Find a solution
After discovering what problems exist in a marriage, you must then look for solutions. Perhaps you can leverage some aspects of your strengths to help develop solutions to problems in your relationship.
To compromise, you have to talk about your wants and needs so you can both decide what is most important to each other. In other words, to compromise, you have to be willing to let him win when his needs must be met in preparation for later conflicts with your wishes. The same goes for couples
Step 5. Consider counselling
Sometimes, you need professional help to get past the problem. Marriage counselors can help you fix problems more than you'd expect, and in fact, about half of married couples who use marriage counselors say that counselors help them fix all major problems in their marriage.
Method 3 of 3: Considering Alternatives
Step 1. Try a legal separation
A legal separation gives you time to get away from a partner you may need to work things out. This separation is different from divorce because you are still in a married relationship. The benefit of separating in this way is that it gives you a legal way to seek custody and child support while living separately, as well as how to divide property. However, if the problem is resolved, you can return to a normal marriage relationship.
Step 2. Know when divorce is a better option
While divorce is a huge life change, staying in an unhealthy marriage can take a toll on self-esteem and mental health. Some studies show that it's better to leave a bad relationship and work on improving your mental health than to stick with it.
Understand that an unhappy marriage can lead to depression. One study involving data from 5,000 adults showed that the most important relationship quality was a good predictor of the development of depression. This means that if one of your closest relationships is bad, including your relationship with your husband or wife, it puts you at risk for depression
Step 3. Consider the reasons for the divorce
You may be aware that there are good reasons for a divorce. If you're not happy in your marriage, you'll probably feel happier once you let go.
- You may consider divorce if your spouse is having an affair. While some couples can overcome infidelity, others never recover. If you feel like you can't forgive your partner for what they did even after months or years, you may want to consider divorce.
- You two are becoming more and more different. Sometimes, when you are fully grown, the two of you choose different directions. If you and your partner can't agree on things anymore because they're too different, you may want to get a divorce.
- Spouses suck at finances and won't change. Everyone must have made the wrong choice in financial matters. However, if your partner is so bad at causing tension in the marriage or breaking the family, you need to get out of the marriage, especially if you've raised concerns but your partner won't change.
- Think children. Many unhappy married couples stay together for the sake of their children. Divorce is difficult for children, but unhappy marriages are also difficult for them. Your child knows that both of you are unhappy, and if you keep fighting, you're still stressing them out.
