Fear is something that everyone experiences, especially when it comes to new challenges. Failure is the most common and dangerous fear, and it is difficult for people to overcome. However, failure is usually the first step to success: highly successful people, such as Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling, and billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson, have been vocal about how often they've failed and how all of those failures shaped their success. Avoiding feelings of fear is a difficult thing to do; however, you can pay close attention to it, then use it to shape future success. Keep reading to learn how to get past your fears and set yourself up for goals.
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Part 1 of 4: Redefining Failure
Step 1. Understand failure as a learning experience
When people master a skill or project, failure is a necessary part of the learning process. Learning requires exploration and creativity, and both offer opportunities to find out which strategies are not working, and which are effective. We cannot explore the depths of knowledge unless we try to put it into practice. Accepting failure as a learning experience will also enable you to view it as a reward, not a punishment or sign of weakness.
Keep in mind that many other people have been in the same situation. Take Myshkin Ingawale, for example. He was an Indian inventor who had to try out 32 prototypes of his technology, before finding one that finally worked. He could have given up and considered himself a failure after all these trials, but he chose to stay focused by learning from his mistakes and improving himself in the future. Now, his findings have reduced the maternal mortality rate in rural India by as much as 50%
Step 2. Re-evaluate your approach
Usually, when results do not meet expectations, we are tempted to think of it as a failure. This kind of thinking is unhealthy. It will only encourage you to judge everything in absolute terms, instead of analyzing it in a clear way. However, if we view results simply as more or less effective, with the aim of improving ourselves, we will be able to always make positive changes.
- Studies show that successful people usually encounter fewer obstacles than those who fail. The key here is the interpretation of these barriers. Don't let everything convince you that success is impossible.
- Achieving ideal results does take time and hard work. Success is a process. Don't let all the failures keep you from continuing the process.
- Don't run away from the process, but embrace it. Understand that this process will only lead to better results.
- Remember that you cannot control or predict everything. See unexpected variations or fluctuations for what they are; i.e. external elements that you cannot control. Consider only those things that are within your arrangement.
- Make sure your goals are realistic and reasonable.
Step 3. Take each step slowly
Running into new things without personal preparation can make things worse. You must overcome your fear of failure at your own pace, without stepping out of your comfort zone too far at once.
- Try to find small, acceptable steps that you can take and take to reach your goals.
- Think of long-term or large-scale goals that you can meet by taking these small steps.
Step 4. Be kind to yourself
Don't underestimate your fear, because it's there for a reason. Take advantage of this fear and treat yourself with sympathy and understanding. The more you learn why you have fear and what causes it, the more you will be able to make better use of it.
- Write down your fears in detail. Don't be afraid to explore why and what you're afraid of.
- Accept that this fear is a part of you. Accepting fear can help to restore self-control.
Step 5. Take notes
Learning from the past is critical to developing a better future for yourself. Take note of all the strategies that worked, those that didn't, and why. Plan future actions based on what you've learned from past actions.
- Improving future plans by noting what worked and what didn't will help ease the fear of failure.
- Learn to appreciate failure. Failure is as informative and valuable as success.
- Experiencing failure will allow you to learn from what didn't work, so you can avoid it later on. You will still encounter challenges, obstacles, and setbacks, but this time you are better prepared to overcome them with the knowledge you have accumulated.
Part 2 of 4: Harnessing the Fear of Failure
Step 1. Analyze your fear of failure in more depth
Often, this fear of failure is general about what we really fear. If we look further, we may find other fears to be the cause. All of these feelings can be managed and exploited once you identify them.
- The fear of failure itself is usually only a broad understanding of the real issue.
- We may fear failure, but failure is usually closely linked to other ideas, such as a sense of worth or self-image.
- There is some evidence that sometimes fear of failure is related to shame.
- More specific examples of failure might include losing the sense of security from a risky investment, or being humiliated by a coworker.
Step 2. Avoid personalizing and generalizing failures
It's easy to see something you consider a failure and entrust it to yourself. You may also perceive a failure as a failure in your entire life as well as yourself. You may think, "I'm a loser" or "I'm completely useless here" because your efforts are not bringing the expected results. Although it happens often, know that these kinds of thoughts are useless and untrue.
Check the script in your mind about this incident. We often allow the mind to wander through useless predictable texts. For example, if you're trying to find something and your 17th try fails, a script like this might come to mind: “Ah, I'll never get it right. I failed. I'm a loser." In fact, the facts are simply that your efforts have not been successful. These facts do not define who you are as a human being, or about the possibility of future success. Separate facts from your script
Step 3. Reject perfectionism
Some people believe that this attitude equates to healthy ambition or quality standards, however, perfectionism can actually lead to failure. Adherents of this ideology are usually obsessed with the fear of failure. They often classify anything that does not meet their high standards as “failures”. This can then result in things like procrastination, as worry results in imperfect work, so you'll never get it done. Set healthy ambitious standards for yourself and admit that sometimes your work won't live up to them.
- Studies show that perfectionist professors produce fewer studies and papers than their adaptable and open-minded colleagues.
- Perfectionism can also make you more likely to suffer from mental health conditions, such as depression and eating disorders.
Step 4. Stay positive
It's easy to focus on past failures and let them prevent your future success. Instead of dwelling on the past bad things, try to analyze what worked and what you can learn from it.
- Even if your main goal is not achieved, you can still be considered a success if you learn from the experience.
- Focusing only on the negative aspects will make the situation look completely negative.
- By focusing on success and the positive aspects, you will learn what works and be better prepared for the future.
Step 5. Keep developing yourself
If you're afraid of failing at a new task, or worried that you'll fail at something you're used to, constantly update your skills to help with it. By practicing your skills and demonstrating that you are competent in the areas you focus on, you can increase your self-confidence. Acknowledge what you are good at, in addition to other areas that still need to be developed.
- Also equip your existing abilities. Make sure you keep yourself updated with all the best practices that might benefit your personal expertise.
- Learn new things. In this way, your abilities will become richer, and you will also be better prepared to deal with a wider variety of situations that may arise on the way to achieving your goals.
Step 6. Take action
The only failure is when you never try. Taking the first step is usually the most difficult; but at the same time the most important thing. It's normal to feel scared and uncomfortable when trying something new. You can take several steps to help deal with these feelings.
- Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. Everyone experiences times when they don't feel comfortable or are afraid of challenges. This even happens to billionaire businessmen who are already successful. Acknowledge that fear is natural and reasonable. Stop trying to fight or suppress it. Instead of acting like that, keep trying even if you feel scared.
- Break big goals into smaller goals. Setting small achievable goals like this will make the bigger goals seem less intimidating.
- This strategy will also provide new information and enable you to adjust your actions in an effort to achieve success in the future.
Step 7. Expose yourself to fear
By doing so, you will learn that fear is not as dangerous as it seems. This technique is known as exposure therapy and can be used to minimize the effects of fear in life. This type of practice will give you the experience of overcoming your fear or discomfort, and will enable you to work through it to achieve success.
- Find a new hobby or activity that you haven't mastered yet. Start practicing and welcome the failures you meet. Understand that all of this will only increase your success in the future.
- For example, start playing a new instrument. You will fail when you try to do this, and this is normal. All of these failures will provide many opportunities for you to get used to dealing with them. In addition, you will also realize that failure is not total or completely crippling. Just because you've failed the first hundred times when you try to play Moonlight Sonata doesn't mean you'll never get the hang of it.
- You can also try asking strangers about simple things, or asking for a discount when buying something. Your goal here is to fail, so that you can view it as success and get rid of the effect that fear has on your own behavior.
Part 3 of 4: Overcoming Panic Due to Fear
Step 1. Realize that you are panicking
Sometimes, the fear of failure can trigger a response similar to the panic or anxiety caused by other fears. The first step to dealing with this is to be aware of the symptoms. Look for the following signs:
- An increased or irregular heartbeat.
- Difficulty breathing or a feeling of tightness in the throat.
- A tingling sensation, shaking, or sweating.
- Feeling floating, dizzy, or as if you are about to pass out.
Step 2. Take a deep breath
When a panic attack occurs, you will likely breathe short and fast, so that the panic state persists. Control this breathing and inhale slowly and deeply to help restore a normal rhythm.
- Inhale slowly for five seconds through your nose. Use the diaphragm, not the chest, to pull it in. As air enters, the part of the body that expands should be the stomach, not the chest.
- Exhale at the same speed through your nose. Make sure you're completely exhaling all the air in your lungs while focusing on counting to five.
- Repeat this breathing cycle until you start to calm down.
Step 3. Relax the muscles of the body
Your body is likely to be very tense when a panic attack occurs. This tension will only exacerbate feelings of anxiety. Try to relax your muscles by contracting, holding, then relaxing them.
- You can do them all at once on all the muscles of your body for a quick and thorough relaxation technique.
- To be more relaxed, start by tightening the leg muscles. Hold for a few seconds then relax. Continue toward the upper body. Tense and relax your lower calves, thighs, stomach, back, chest, shoulders, arms, neck, and face.
Part 4 of 4: Defeating Negative Thinking
Step 1. Try the STOPPing method
This method is a shorthand term to help you avoid responding to sudden fears. Do the following when fear of failure strikes:
- Stop (stop) what you are doing. Whatever it is, stop and take a break. Take time to think before reacting.
- Take a deep breath (inhale deeply). Take a few moments to rinse the body through a few deep breaths. This way, oxygen will return to the brain and you are able to make clearer decisions.
- Oobserve (observe) what is going on. Ask yourself. What are you thinking now? What do you feel? What "script" is playing in your head right now? Are you considering all the facts? Do you consider opinions more? What do you focus on?
- Pull back (keep your distance) to get perspective. Try to imagine the situation from the perspective of a neutral observer. What would he see in that situation? Is there any other way to solve it? How big is the situation in the wider context? Will the situation still matter 6 days or 6 months from now?
- Proceed (continue) based on personal principles. Continue to work based on what you know and have determined. Practice the steps that are most in line with your values and life goals.
Step 2. Confront negative self-talk
We are often our own worst critics. Maybe all the feedback we give ourselves is always unkind, for example, "I'm not smart enough" or "I'll never get through this" or "I don't even have to try." When you become aware of these thoughts, confront them. These ideas are useless, and not even true.
- Think about how you will entertain a friend. Imagine having a friend or loved one in a similar situation. Maybe your best friend is afraid to leave her job to pursue her dream of becoming a musician. What will you tell him? Will you immediately imagine failure, or will you always find ways to support it? Behave in the same way you normally show love and trust for loved ones.
- Think about whether you are generalizing. Do you reflect on a specific incident and generalize to your entire life experience? For example, if your science project doesn't work, do you then take it as a benchmark against all aspects of life and say something like, "I'm a total idiot"?
Step 3. Avoid exaggerating the situation
In doing so, you'll be trapped in assuming that the worst that can happen, will happen. You also allow fear to make your mind spin uncontrollably, thus crossing the boundaries of logic. You can challenge this kind of thinking by relaxing and asking yourself for proof of your assumptions.
- For example, you may be worried about changing college majors. You want to learn something you love but are challenging, so you are afraid of failure. From here, your mind may be exaggerating: “If I fail here, I will fail at the university level too. I'll never find a job. I will live in my parents' house for the rest of my life and eat ramen. I will never date or marry or have children.” The examples here may be extreme, but they are still useful in illustrating how fear can make your mind run wild.
- Try to see your thoughts in several perspectives. For example, if you're afraid to change majors because you're afraid you'll fail, consider: what's the worst thing that could happen, and how likely is it? In this case, it may be that you are not good at organic chemistry (or any subject you are interested in) and did not pass some of the classes. This is not a disaster. You can do many things to overcome these failures, for example by hiring the services of a tutor, studying more diligently, and discussing with professors.
- The more likely situation is that you have a hard time studying at first, but will then grow up and finish university level happy that you have pursued the right passion.
Step 4. Realize that you are usually your own worst critic
The fear of failure may stem from the belief that other people are always stalking your steps. You may assume that all small failures will be noticed and gossiped about. However, the truth is that most people are too busy taking care of their own issues and worry that they don't have enough time or energy to try to highlight every little thing you do.
- Look for evidence that contradicts your assumptions. For example, you may be worried about going to a party for fear of saying something silly or unfunny. This fear of failure can prevent you from enjoying social interactions with other people. However, consider past experiences as well as other tools to help with this.
- For example, you can think about whether a friend or person you know has failed in the context of a social situation. Of course you can find people like this. What mistakes did he make to make it count as a failure? Most likely not.
- The next time you run into failure and fear being judged, remind yourself: “Everyone makes mistakes. I have every right to fail or look silly. This will not make me a failure in life.”
- If you come across people who are often harsh or critically judgmental, realize that the problem lies with them, not you.
Tips
- Thinking through an entire project at once can be overwhelming. Think in small steps that make sense to achieve.
- If you learn from experience, you are still successful.
- Treat yourself kindly. Everyone has experienced fear.
