It is true that letting go of the man you love is a very difficult thing to do, especially if you really think he is your soul mate. You may feel hurt, sad, and confused when your relationship foundered, even though it was up to you to decide. If you want to let the guy go, the most important thing to do is to give yourself some time and don't be in a rush to end your sadness. After that, you have to focus on the things you love and grow into an independent person so you can get back to who you were before you knew it.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Disconnecting
Step 1. Stick to your decision
It's important to stick to your decision after your relationship has ended, whether you broke it off or not. If you gave up the guy you love because he let you down, you have to cling to the fact that your relationship is over. If you tell him that you want to end the relationship, it is very important to tell him as firmly as possible, so he will not hesitate to decide that the relationship is over.
Step 2. Get your emotions out
Don't be shy if you're feeling sad and are trying to let go of any sadness, anger, confusion, or bitterness in your heart. Cry as hard as you want, either alone at home or when talking to friends. Write down your feelings. Convince yourself that you will need to be alone for a few days. Do whatever you can to vent those feelings, so you can begin to accept and deal with them. The longer you hold on to your feelings, the harder it is for you to let go of the man you love.
- Nothing is too stupid or too silly. If you want to watch a romantic comedy and burst into tears, watch Habibie & Ainun and cry. If you want to sing “The Most Beautiful Ex” from your heart, nothing can stop you.
- This is the time to deal with the breakdown in your relationship, and you can express your feelings at any cost. It's okay if you can't cry. If you're better at punching pillows, go ahead. Nothing will stop you.
Step 3. Give it time
Don't expect you to be running around with friends, having fun with a drink in your hand, or enjoying the weekend after breaking up with your boyfriend. It may take you months, or even longer, until you're ready to have fun again, and you shouldn't pressure yourself into going "okay" right away. While it's a good idea to stop being sad after a few days and spend time outside with other people, you shouldn't feel like you're forcing yourself to pretend you're happy too soon.
- Every woman has her own timeline. The pain you feel will deepen your way of dealing with problems, as well as your seriousness in living a relationship. Don't feel like you have to be "okay" after a week of breaking up just because your friends are expecting it.
- Don't force yourself to socialize if you don't want to. There's nothing worse than going to a party when you want to cry all night. However, you should try to find time to hang out with your close friends so you don't feel too lonely.
Step 4. Disconnect all contacts if you can
One of the best ways to let go of the man you love is to stop talking to him, stop looking at him, and stop hearing his voice. If you have the opportunity to cut off all contact with the guy, you should try to do so as soon as possible. Delete her number from your phone, stay away from social media, and don't go out for coffee with her until you're really ready to think of her as a friend. If he keeps calling you, explain that you don't want him.
- If you know you're going to see him in some place like school or work, you don't have to completely ignore him if it makes things awkward, but you don't need to feel like you have to make small talk with him either.
- Even if you feel desperate to see or hear his voice, remember that doing so will only make things worse.
Step 5. Think about the pain you would feel if you were to reconcile with him
Even if you feel anxious to spend time or even to reconcile with him, you should remind yourself of the pain you are feeling. Think about how he ruined your feelings, think about the nights filled with tears, or all the meaningless fights that made you very angry. It's easy to remember the happy times, but you have to focus on the sad times if you want to let go of your ex.
- Whenever you're tempted to call or find out what he's up to, think of yourself when your relationship was going through a rough patch. Remember all the pain you felt, and remember how much it would hurt if you had to go through it again.
- Of course, you don't have to make a habit of remembering the bad experience every day, if it makes you feel worse. However, if you feel you are still attached to your ex, this may be the best thing to do.
Step 6. Don't get frustrated with yourself for not being able to get over it quickly
You may feel angry, sad, confused, and annoyed with yourself because you are still thinking about your ex. You must be wondering “Why am I here? Why can't I forget him? however, you should avoid this kind of thinking. There's no point in getting angry with yourself for how you feel and you should allow time to take over. There's nothing wrong with having deep feelings for someone, and feeling angry will only make it worse.
- Of course, by making an effort to let go of the man you love, this process will be passed quickly rather than you sitting in your room. However, remember that your heart needs time to heal.
- Instead of feeling disappointed in yourself because you're still feeling sad, be proud that you're being honest with your feelings, instead of denying them.
Part 2 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Get rid of anything that reminds you of the guy
This part won't be easy, but you have to do it right if you want to move on in life. It's time to collect all the things that remind you of the guy in your bedroom and even in your house, then throw them all away. Those items could be a teddy bear he gave you at a carnival, his T-shirt that you often wear to sleep, or even the necklace he gave you on your relationship anniversary. If you have something that is very valuable to you, it's best to keep it for a very long time if you can't get rid of it.
- This process can be painful, and it's best to ask a trusted friend for help as you go through it. Just remember that this is like removing a bandage: the sooner you do it, the sooner the pain will go away.
- If your room is filled with things that remind you of your ex, you won't be able to move on quickly because you still have reason to think about it in your subconscious.
Step 2. Avoid ex-boyfriends on social media
In this day and age, social media may be a way to find out how your ex is doing after your relationship ended. You may be telling yourself that you're no longer in touch with her, even though you're still looking at her Twitter account or checking her Facebook photos for evidence that she has a new boyfriend. In fact, it will only increase your pain. Make sure you're no longer friends, following, or related on social media, so you won't be stuck looking at photos of your ex all day instead of moving on.
Don't be afraid that he will feel sad because you are no longer friends with him or don't want to be in touch on social media anymore. This action is done to make you feel better, not about him
Step 3. Be a volunteer
Take your mind off the problems at hand and divert your energies to positive activities like helping your community. You will do good, go outside, and learn from people who need your help. You'll build confidence and feel better about yourself once you know you're needed, and you can make a difference. Being part of a volunteer community can also make you feel more connected and less lonely after you break up.
Of course, you shouldn't volunteer just because you want to get over your ex, but because you want to be a part of something bigger
Step 4. Stop worshiping your ex
You may keep thinking that he is your soul mate, that he is the most perfect man on the planet, and that you will never meet another man who compares to him. But if he's really that great, maybe you're still with him, right? Instead of continuing to adore him, you need to remember that your ex-girlfriend is only human, and she has flaws--perhaps even more flaws than the strengths you adore.
- The sooner you accept that your ex isn't perfect, the sooner you'll move on with your life and meet other men.
- Once you get over the idea that your ex is always right, you'll get a more realistic view of your relationship.
Step 5. Be happy by being single
Before you start dating again, you need to be truly happy when you're alone. This may sound impossible, especially if you feel like all your friends have boyfriends and you want more than a warm hug at the end of the day. But if you really want to give up the guy you love and get ready to find a new love, you have to make sure you're happy when you're alone first.
- It will take some time to accept and be happy with your status as a single person. Once you develop your personality and you can love yourself without a lover, you will immediately feel happy being single.
- Spending more time with your single female friends can help you, as long as they don't push you into dating too soon. If you spend all day with your friends who are married and in a relationship, you will feel sad that you don't have a partner.
- If you want to be able to move on with life, you have to be able to have fun alone. You can't depend on other people to make you feel like you used to be.
Step 6. Don't rush into dating again
You may feel that the only cure for getting over your ex is to find a new boyfriend as soon as possible, but this is far from the truth. You'll be better able to get over your ex if you find peace on your own, rather than relying on a new guy to make you happy. If you start dating right away as an outlet, you won't have time to fully heal, and you'll prolong the pain.
- Rushing into a date isn't just forbidden to you, it's also unfair to the guy who approaches you. He may really love you even though you are only using him to fill the void.
- Plus, if you're trying to find someone new to get over your ex, you'll end up missing your ex, because the guy who just came into your life isn't worth it.
Step 7. Focus on self-improvement
If you want to move on in life, you have to improve yourself as a person in order to reach your potential. Stop thinking about past relationships or future relationships, and focus on being a good person. Once you've found a meaningful routine for your life, you'll feel that you've given up the man you love without thinking about it--because you're too busy thinking about yourself.
- Think about the three flaws you would like to point out and make a plan to address them. At the same time, try to accept the things you can't change about yourself.
- Make a list of things you want to do but haven't had time to try, and set a personal deadline to cross them off the list.
Part 3 of 3: Spending More Time Alone
Step 1. Find a new hobby
One of the things you can do to give up the man you love is to try to find a new hobby. This hobby can mean anything you want to try but never have the courage, time, or principles to do it. It could be that you want to learn to bake, sing, take a yoga class, or even try writing a novel that you've been dying to finish in the last 5 years. Whatever you choose, the important thing is that you do what you can to do well.
- Maintaining a hobby requires discipline, and you should set a schedule that can be used as a reference so that you can progress. This will not make you look to the past and will occupy your mind from the shadows of your ex-boyfriend.
- You could also try doing an old hobby from your childhood or something you haven't done in years, like drawing or playing tennis.
Step 2. Do something you've never done with your ex
There are some activities you've always wanted to do with your ex, but he or she never wanted to or the two of you never came to terms with them. If you've always wanted to try climbing a mountain, take a friend with you. If you want to visit a city in another country, plan a trip with your girlfriend, or maybe go there alone.
- Doing something that doesn't remind you of your ex can make you feel more independent and grow into a better person.
- If there's something your ex-boyfriend hates, like going to the movies or eating sushi, enjoy it now when nothing is holding you back.
Step 3. Spend more time with friends and family
If you want to let go of the man you love, spend time with those closest to you, Opening up to friends and family members about your pain can make you feel more loved and less lonely. They may give you advice, or they will just give you their shoulder to cry on, and you will feel comforted by their love and warmth.
- Don't feel compelled to hang out with other people now. Getting the love you need and deserve is more important than being alone.
- While you don't have to fill your schedule with social activities and it's important to have some alone time, make sure you have time to hang out with friends or family members at least once or twice a week so you don't feel lonely.
Step 4. Meet new people
That doesn't mean you have to start a dating profile or just ask for the phone number of the handsome guy you noticed across from the gym. What this means is that you should try to enjoy your company and socialize more. Invite an acquaintance over for coffee and see if you can move on to a friendship or not. Hang out with the cool girls in your yoga class after your " vinyasa " session. Be more social and it will be easier for you to let go of your ex.
You can also rely on old friends. If you lose touch with an old friend, call him and ask him what he's doing. If a childhood friend of yours has just moved into your neighborhood, invite them to lunch together
Step 5. Write a journal
Another way to spend more time alone is to keep a journal. Journaling can give you some alone time and one with your thoughts and feelings. Spend 15 minutes each day writing down your thoughts or narrating what happened that day so you can have more control over your life and thoughts. You can even reread what you wrote each Sunday to really understand the thoughts that were on your mind during the week.
You can also open up about how you felt when you broke up with your loved one, and feel comfortable expressing your feelings in a book that won't judge you. This can help you forget your feelings quickly, and you'll also feel closer to yourself
Step 6. Stay busy
While you don't have to fill your social activity calendar for a full 365 days to let go of an ex, you should make an effort to fill your time with things you enjoy if you can. Make time to do yoga, meet friends, read a favorite book, and even start a home improvement project, in addition to making time for work and study. Take time to release the pressure, but make sure you always have a plan so you don't end up moping around.
- Staying busy will take your mind off the pain and will also direct your focus to other things. However, diversion is not the only way to let an ex-lover go.
- If you really need some alone time, don't feel compelled to socialize. Knowing your boundaries is important.
Step 7. Exercise
Exercising will help you feel happier and healthier. Don't spend all your time in your room feeling sorry for yourself and then you eat ice cream – even though ice cream is great for healing a broken heart! Make sure you get at least 30 minutes of exercise every day and that you keep your body active and your limbs moving.
- If you do something you love, like yoga or running, you'll feel much better when it's time to exercise; exercise will not feel like a chore.
- Exercising outdoors can also make you feel less isolated because you will be surrounded by lots of people and sunshine.
Step 8. Spend time doing what you love
If you want to let go of the man you love, focus more attention on yourself than ever before. Give yourself the freedom and “permission” to spend time doing the things that really matter to you. Maybe you stopped reading a lot of books because of spending time with your loved one; When else is a good time to start a reading club other than now? Maybe your favorite thing is being out in the wild; what's stopping you from camping for a week with your girlfriends?
The most important thing is that you remember to take care of yourself and make yourself happy. If you focus on that, other good will follow. If you are busy with your friends and family, and spend time doing what you love, you will be able to let go of the man you love with ease
Tips
- Go out with your friends if you enjoy hanging out, meeting new people, and making new friends.
- Get your hair cut, do a hair spa, massage, etc. to pamper yourself.
- Take a vacation.
- Do whatever you can't do because of that guy.
- Chat with someone who inspires you (people you know).
- Read a good book. For example, by Andrea Hirata, Pramoedya Ananta Toer, and others.
- Ask friends and family to stop talking about the guy or tell him what he's posting for a while.
Warning
- Place yourself around positive thinking people, not people who will say, "I told you anyway".
- Get away from the guy's friends for a while.
- Don't answer questions like "why did you break up? In fact, you guys really get along” if the question hurts your heart. If you feel comfortable, answer the question.
